Crying, Whimpering and a Whole Lot a Dung
by Dragon-Tooth
Summary: Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, Naraku and Miroku are teleported to the future by an old hidden well. Can they seriously survive the modern world, find their way back home & still hang onto their sanity? Probably not! Staring Bob, Lucky and Sessy's stocker! COMEDY!
1. Oh Crap

_**Crying, Whimpering and a Whole Lot of Shit**_

**Chapter One: Oh Crap**

HEY everyone... this is my fanfic that is purely humor. I'm writing it with help from my idiotic brother (who knows nothing about Inuyasha) and some of my friends that add in suggestions.

OK... I'm pretty sure this will be rated "E" for Everyone. Although there is a** SWEARING WARNING **due to Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Naraku being present in this fic. In fact, the proper name of this story is "Crying, Whimpering and a Whole Lot of Shit" like it shows above. But it the whole story got removed and I got a suspension from FF due to that damn swearing rule... personally... I don't consider "Shit" a swear word.

I'm not sure if it will be funny right off the bat... just wait until all four get to the future... then it was start to make you laugh... hopefully!

**Disclaimer: **Why do I have to put this thing up? EVERYONE ought to know that I don't own it... hell, if I DID own Inuyasha... Sesshomaru, Miroku, Naraku and Inuyasha would walk around without shirts ALL the time!

* * *

"Hanyou! Give it back or suffer the consequences!" 

"What ya gonna do? Squirt your acid at me with that finger of yours? Ooo! So scary!"

"That's not a bad idea..."

"AHH! Hey! Ya almost burned my arm off, you damn bastard!"

"Almost? My aim must be slipping."

The two raced through the forest, Sesshomaru on the chase of Inuyasha who had his prized item... his fur "scarf" (for lack of a better word). The Lord still didn't understand how the hanyou had possibly snuck up on him close enough to snatch it... but still, Inuyasha had stolen his fur... and Sesshomaru was going to get it back!

**((Author's Note: I know a lot of you guys say that it's his tail... but just go with me on this. It makes things more amusing:D))**

Both raced on, showing no signs of fatigue. But it was when they dashed into a clearing that they ran into, literally, problems.

A lone monk sat cross legged in the middle of a clearing, making a "house of bark" like he had seen Kagome make a "House of Cards" when they were stuck inside due to a rainstorm. He was just about to place the last strap of bark on his work when the preoccupied Inuyasha collided into him and Sesshomaru collided into the hanyou. Needless to say, Miroku's masterpiece was completely destroyed... and the three of them landed in a gigantic heap of arms and legs on the ground... with poor, poor Miroku on the bottom.

Though hurt, he did manage to splurge out a small sentence, "You wrecked my house!"

Inuyasha smirked and picked a piece of bark out of his hair, "Quite a delicate house you're building there, Monk."

Sesshomaru snarled darkly, his eyes narrowed to his half-brother that was lying on his legs, "I don't care for any of this! Hanyou, give me back my fur or I'll remove YOUR hair!"

The half-breed was about to reply, but he was interrupted by the rather loud SNAP sound of wood. Then the ground beneath the them gave way, sending all three yelling figures hurtling down into a very deep, dark well.

A dark figure watched from the sidelines, eyes narrowed.

* * *

The sounds of yelling, shouting and cursing grew louder and louder as they neared the end of the time-wormhole. Then, in a giant splash of muddy-brown liquid, three figure erupted out of their "transportation unit" and flew upwards... and upwards, and upwards, and upwards. Until... 

CLANG!!

"OWWWWWWWW!"

Miroku's head smashed into the manhole cover. But, in doing so, he cleared the path for the rest of the air-born figures and they all flew a bit further into the air before landing on the concrete sidewalk with a wet SPLAT!

Sesshomaru, Inuyasha and Miroku lay motionless on the sidewalk, to their own bad luck they weren't unconscious... for the "well" they had erupted from was hidden deep underground in a sewer. Another piece of bad news being that they were covered in filth... from head to toe. In fact, their only piece of good luck was that the lack of usage of the well flung them out of the stinky, shit covered place with such force that it flung them onto the sidewalk instead of on the road.

The people on the street eyed the shit-covered figures from afar. Anyone who caught sight of them landed up crossing the street due to the smell. One person replaced the manhole cover back into its place on his way over... why? I have no idea.

Sesshomaru was the first of re-gain his senses... much to his own misfortune. He gritted his teeth in agony as he flew onto his feet, "What is that vile stench?"

Miroku and Inuyasha jumped up as well and the hanyou cringed, for never had he smelt much a strong, reeking odor.

Then they realized, that the smell that was putting them in such pain, was coming from them.

Sesshomaru made no verbal objections, his face showed all of them (a rarity)... then he noticed the brown and yellow stains all over his fur (that he had grabbed away from Inuyasha during their falling episode)... and he looked horrified.

Taking it off his shoulder he shoved it in Inuyasha's face, "These stains won't come out!"

The brother pushed it away from him in disgust, "Get that thing away from me!"

Miroku groaned, "Oh, god! This is just awful! Awful! It smells like, well, shit! This is just... oh my god! I just ca–!"

His rambling was cut short when he received two hard glares from the demons with him. They both looked in pain... and dizzy.

"How do you think WE feel, pathetic human?" Sesshomaru snarled... at a telephone booth... apparently his sense of smell was far greater then Inuyasha's and it was making him... confused.

And, for once, Inuyasha wasn't jealous at the moment that his brother was out doing him in that particular way. Slugging up the Lord of the West, Inuyasha wacked the back of his brother's head with a stiff hand.

"Get a grip, ya bastard! You're yelling at some kinda box!"

"We haf tu go bak dow da hol and bak upp da well!" Miroku yelled at the two, holding his nose as hard as he could. He knew Kagome was from the future, and so quickly came to the conclusion that that is where they managed to get to. Exactly how this happened, he hadn't a clue.

Inuyasha, who also began to hold his nose, snarled, "Be mi guesssst! But, 'n case ye havn't oticed, you're a monk, it wurks for ya... but hesa Lord 'n I'm me! " He released his nose to scream the last part, "WE CAN'T BE SEEN WALKING AROUND COVERED IN SHIT!"

Sesshomaru, who was currently leaning against the phone booth, grunted, "Uh... I'm seeing two of everything... this is all your fault, you stupid, idiotic hanyou!"

"Shut up, Sesshomaru, just shut the hell up!" Inuyasha yelled, then he turned to Miroku, "Lets go, Monk, there's bound to be a hot-spring around here somewhere!"

"What about him?" Miroku asked, also letting go of his nose so he could speak proper.

"Leave him... he's too stubborn to follow us anyway... not too mention that I'd prefer a future without him... or a past... or... whatever!"

"Do you really think it is wise to leave such an... irritable Lord by himself in, what I presume to be, a different era? I mean, he can be as mood-swinging and revenge-seeking as you are."

Inuyasha sighed, and looked back at his older half-brother who, at this point, sat on the ground... senses just overcome by stink, "Bastard... he has always gotten in my way."

Walking back up and crouching down next to the Lord, Inuyasha flung one of Sesshomaru's arms around his shoulder, ordered Miroku to the other side, and, with much difficulty, got to their feet again. Very slowly and not with lack of complaining, they began to haul the half-passed-out Lord down the street.

"Now remember," Inuyasha began, "The well is located underneath the sign that reads: 'STARBUCKS.'"

* * *

Naraku frowned as he bent down to gaze into the depths of the well. Now that it was caved in, you could see that it had been covered up by logs, sticks and dirt, some of which still littered the sides of the opening where the Dark One stood. 

He smirked, for it has been a while sense he had heard any noise from inside the well. ((Perhaps they are dead? No. They are demons, a fall like that wouldn't kill them... unless there are pointy rocks at the bottom of the hole...)) He smiled, ((Hehehe... pointy... pointy sword... shiny sword... Oooo shiny...))

He shook his head as though to clear his thoughts.

((The human for sure must be dead...)) He smiled again, ((Hehe... human meat...yummy! Hm... I wonder if Monk tastes different from normal people...?)) He mentally slapped himself, ((I forgot to take my medication again! Dammit! No wonder I can't concentrate!))

He sighed, ((Oh, well... so much for that.)) Pushing that aside, he resumed his train of thought, or tried to anyway, ((But even if they are just knocked out... knocked... knocked over... knocked over, knocked off... knocked off, pissed off... Kagura is going to try to kill me again tonight... stupid bitch...)) He snarled to frustration, ((Oh, to hell with it! I'll just cover it up again and then place a barrier over it! Barrier... barrier, purple... purple, shiny... Ooo shiny! Shiny swords!))

"I like pointy things." He said with a small smile, "Did I just say that out loud? Am I saying this out loud? Great, now I'm asking myself questions. Well, they're rhetorical questions so I guess it doesn't count... oh, this is perfect! Now I'm TALKING to myself! Talk... talk, walk... walk, run... run, fly... I wish I could fly..."

Despite his obvious problems without his meds, Naraku began hauling wood and dirt over to the hole and covering it up. It almost looked just like it had before when he was pretty much done, he only had one more corner to do then he could place his barrier.

The demon smirked, "With them out of my way... the world is as good as mine! Good... good, great... great, huge... huge, dog... huge, white dog... damn you, Sesshomaru!"

He sighed in frustrated at his mental difficulties and stepped forward to cover up the last corner... when his foot slipped on some mud and he slid down the opening. Screaming, he fell down the well like the others had, only he bounced off the stone walls all the way down.

"Oo! OW! Uh! Son of a! Ack! OW! Dammit it! Ooo! Son of a!"

* * *

Sorry bout the short chappie, the first one is just to get all four in the modern era... hope it wasn't too boring to read. Anyway, if you got through this chapter you are in the clear, cause this is the least funny chapter that I am going to have (hopefully), so it should be uphill from here on in. 

Yeah, I don't know WHY I had it that Naraku is on some kinds medication to help him concentrate. It just kinda got thrown in there with the rest of it.

So, please **R&R** and tell me what you think!


	2. Anger and Entertainment

**Chapter Two - Anger and Entertainment**

OK, chapter two! I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here! I just lost 3 games of chess in a row! I'm about to kill someone!... where is that no-good brother of mine?

Like I said, I have no clue what is going to happen... simply put, I put words together to make a story then I add stuff to make it funny... help me.

_Disclaimer: _I don't own Inuyasha... actually, I don't own anything except some month old cheese that I found behind the fridge (sniff) X.X (faints)

* * *

Due to the fact that the well had already past three forms through, it no longer held it's force to send the new form straight out of the sewer. Instead, it sent him through gently, with only enough force to send the Dark Lord into a face-plant in the brown-colored liquid.

Splashing, coughing, and cursing, Naraku scrambled onto his feet and desperately tried to whip off some "cling-ons" with the back of his hand. He looked around the darkened sewer, confused, his three tails twitching nervously behind him.

((Where the devil am I?)) He wondered, ((last thing I remember is falling down that well... is this the bottom on the well? Why would it be so... ill-scented?))

Waving his hand half-mindedly to get a bug away from him, he glanced upward, where the sky should have been. Instead, hard layers on concrete surrounded him, except for a small opening with light streaming down through small holes.

He smirked ((Yes, that's it. I fell down the well - god only knows where those three fools are - and up that way is the forest. It must be...))

Looking around, he spotted a ladder and began to climb. He lumbered all the way to the top but stopped to tap on the cover above him with his knuckles.

TING, TING, TING!

"Hm..." He frowned, "This isn't wood or ground... It's some kind of stone. Stone... stone, rock... rock, lock... lock, hair... when I kill Sesshomaru and take over his mansion, I will finally know the secret of how he keeps his hair so clean and shiny!" He proclaimed before slapping himself mentally.

Poking his finger up through one of the holes, he frowned, ((This is far heavier then any stone I have known at this size.))

Pushing his finger farther upward, he began to pad around the small surface in search for... something. He stopped and frowned as he heard a distant rumbling. As he kept a watchful eye all around him for attacks, the noise grew louder and louder and louder.

The next thing he felt, when the rumble had turned into a roar, was a shearing pain as his finger bent over backward. With a yelp of pain he pulled his finger out of the hole and, unfortunately, forgot to hold onto the ladder with the opposite hand. Arms flailing, he fell straight back down to the bottom of the sewer (or well, as he thinks it is) with a huge SPLASH!

Pushing himself into a sitting position he glared blankly at his finger. For one thing, it bent the wrong way and was at an unnatural 90 degree angle with the back of his hand... the other thing was that it was as thin as piece of paper. He liked neither of these two facts.

First he poked at it, then he tried to replace the finger into its rightful position only to have it limply fall back to its unnatural position. With a snarl, he glared up at the manhole cover (or rock as he thinks it is) that concealed his attackers.

((How dare they attack me! I am a LORD! Besides, what did I ever do to them?)) A small voice in the back of his head answered, ))You mean, besides burning down their villages, killing their parents, enslave their children, and turning lovers against each other?(( His face twisted into a scowl, ((Shut up... I don't need your smart-ass remarks! Smart... smart, dumb... dumb dog... why in the name of hell haven't I been able to kill Inuyasha yet?))

"Get a grip, man!" He yelled at himself, "It is time for revenge in the name of my pointing finger! I mean, it had a million uses! Mean... mean, nice... nice, rice... rice, food... I'm hungry."

Now taking to ignoring his own rambling, he darted up the ladder and, this time, he didn't hesitate to simply push aside the manhole cover when he heard the rumbling. Instead, he stuck his head out of the hole in the ground to face his enemy head on. And that he did.

When a horn blasted, he whipped around to be faced by what he presumed to be a screaming, rolling, big, red demon! He didn't even have time to yell, before the "demon" bashed straight into his head. Remarkably, he was far enough in the hole that he simply fell back in the sewer again with another SPLASH!

Lying on his back in agony, he gazed up at the light above him. ((That barrier,)) He thought, ((is heavily guarded by very hard demons.)) He concluded, rubbing his cheek, ((It is far to dangerous for... my own health to try that again.))

Pushing himself onto his feet again he gazed down the long winding tunnel and groaned, "This place is awfully damp..."

With a sigh, he grumpily began his way down the tunnels. After a few moments, his anger rose out of him in one lethal question:

"WHAT THE FUCK STINKS?"

* * *

Inuyasha and Miroku slumped along the streets carrying the dead-weight of a very heavy Lord on their shoulders. The pathway in front of them was relatively clear, for every single person with half a brain cell decided to cross onto the other side of the street on the first sight - or smell - of them.

The two conscious ones tried to ignore the gawking whispers and pointing of fingers. This was easy enough for Miroku... but for Inuyasha, with his high sense of hearing, he found it impossible to ignore the people's remarks and this made him very... irritated.

Finally, Miroku broke the awkward silence of their tiny group, "This is very degrading." He muttered.

Inuyasha, who had done his best to subdue his rage, exploded. Letting go of his half-brother to let the Lord fall face-first on the ground, he turned harshly towards his companion.

"Degrading? DEGRADING? NO! I thought this was just brilliant! I figured this is the most fun I have EVER had! Dragging my good-for-nothing, bastard of a brother down the street, covered in shit, with a perverted monk is JUST what I wanted to do today! Not to mention this asshole's pointy armor is digging into my side! You say this is DEGRADING? Well, I'm just having the best time of my life right now, so screw you, monk! SCREW YOU!"

It was at this point, when Miroku decided it was best to remain wisely quiet and allow his 'friend' to let out his frustration, that a group (3-4) of Gr. 8 wise-ass boys decided that this was their opportunity to prove how buff they were.

Rolling up on their bikes, the leader spoke to Inuyasha's turned back.

"Well I didn't know the circus was in town! What did you guys do? Go for a refreshing swim in the SEWER?"

Whipping around, the hanyou roared in the boys faces. Eyes flickering red, fangs bared and showing off his ever-so-sharp claws. It really was a sight to make the bravest knight turn and flee.

The group turned as pale as a sheet and took off peddling down the street as fast as their bikes would allow them.

His bloodbeast satisfied with their fleeing forms, Inuyasha regained his usual senses and, with not so much as a glance to Miroku, he lifted Sesshomaru off of the ground... partly anyway.

"WELL? Are you going to just STAND there with you thumb up your ass or are you going to help?"

Snapping out of his daydreaming state, Miroku hastily picked up his portion of the Western Lord. Continuing on their way down the street they found themselves crossing over a fair size bridge. Once again dropping his half of the Western Lord, Inuyasha went over to the railing and peered over the side of the bridge. Miroku, still holding on to one arm, stayed standing by the Lord's side with a tired expression coving his dirty face.

Miroku let loose a long sigh of annoyance, "Now we gotta pick him up again! I don't care how skinny he is, he weighs a bloody ton!"

Inuyasha smirked, ignoring the monk's ranting, "This is perfect. Hey! Pervert! Come over here for a second!"

"This better be good." Miroku muttered, dropped the arm and climbed over the Lord's passed out form. Coming up next to Inuyasha, the monk looked over the ledge of the bridge, "What ya looking at?"

"Use your eyes."

"Water."

"Wow! Nothing gets by you, huh?"

"Well, what do you see?"

"Well, right now, I'm looking at an idiot!" Inuyasha yelled back with a small smirk.

"Why am I an idiot?"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Inuyasha cried in frustration, "**We** are **dirty**, **water** will make us **clean**... understand?"

"OH! I get it!" He stared down at the water, "But it's awfully far down."

"We've all fallen from higher."

"It doesn't look very deep."

"We've all fallen from higher and landed on rocks. We'll be FINE."

"Yeah... I guess so." Miroku muttered, still obviously concerned.

By this time, many people were watching these odd people with a peak amount of interest... while still staying up wind of them, of course.

"Eh, Don't worry... we'll test it first." Inuyasha assured.

"With what? A rock?"

"Are you kidding? A rock won't tell us shit!" Inuyasha glanced around and spotted his brother's body still lying where he had dumped it... only to smirk sadistically. "What we need is something... heavy... something human like... something with pointy armor, a stuck-up personality and carries around a big fur all the time."

"Well, where are we going to find someone like that!"

Grabbing the monk's head, Inuyasha pulled him into a head lock and began pounding on the top of his head. All the while yelling:

"Are you awake, Monk? HELLO! Anybody home?"

Stopping only because his ears picked up on some rather strange comments and a laugh or two for the crowd, Inuyasha glanced up and scanned over the small group of people with an innocent look in his eyes. With a weary smile, he punched the monk one last time before releasing his grip and putting his back to everyone. Muttering only a small sentence:

"Stupid people."

Gathering himself together again, Miroku picked his golden staff off the ground, calmly walked up behind the hanyou, wound up as far as he could, and smashed the head of his staff into Inuyasha's head with a loud WHACK!

Spinning around, Inuyasha growled in the monk's emotionless face, "Fine! We're even! But we're still using the bastard!"

"Are you sure that's a wise idea? What if he awakens?"

"He can't prove nothing. Grab an arm."

Hauling the Lord's weight onto their shoulders again, Inuyasha and Miroku awkwardly staggered to the edge of the bridge. Stumbling and tripping under the weight, they managed to get quite close to the railing... only to lose their hold on the Lord. Falling downward, Sesshomaru WOULD have done another face-plant if his chin had not caught on the concrete railing, therefore holding up the weight of his own body in a very awkward and painful-looking position.

Inuyasha jumped forward, "Quick! Get him up!"

Grabbing onto his legs, Inuyasha and Miroku shimmied Sesshomaru's body over the railing so that, from the view of the on-lookers, they could only see the Lord's ass and legs sticking up in the air.

Panting under the work of doing this, Miroku managed a smirk, "Do you know what would be funny? If he woke up about now."

"Oh, sure! If you call getting your head smashed in having fun!" Inuyasha growled, lowing his voice to mutter the last part, "Stupid monks." Looking over the edge one last time, Inuyasha turned back to Miroku "OK. We'll drop him on three."

"What do you mean? Do you mean: one, two, three and then drop him? Or do you mean: One, two and drop him on the count of three?"

"What? No! If we drop him like: One, two, three then let go we would be dropping him on FOUR! I said THREE!"

"So, you're saying that we go: one, two THEN drop him or do we go one, two, say three, then, as we say three, we drop him?"

"WHAT? No! It's one, two, uh... one, two... oh, to hell with it!" And, with that, Inuyasha let go of his side of the Lord and the body fell... almost taking the preoccupied Miroku with it.

Regaining his footing, Miroku joined Inuyasha for a moment's pause as they watched Sesshomaru hurtle down to the water below. Meeting the water/ground/rock, Sesshomaru landed, face down, with more of a THUD then a SPLASH.

Peering down at the form in silence for a moment, it was Miroku who broke the silence, "Told you it was shallow."

"Eh... I know."

They watched the bubbles come up the side of the Lord's mouth as a duck calmly swam by, before Miroku, once again, spoke up. "Shouldn't we jump over now?"

"You can... I'm taking the ladder."

"LADDER?" Turning his head, Miroku saw the ladder that Inuyasha spoke of leading down beside a support for the bridge.

With a shrug, Miroku followed Inuyasha down the ladder, leaving a stunned-faced audience behind them.

* * *

Naraku slumped along the dark passages of the sewer, he had been walking for some time now... and has gotten quite bored with the whole affair. I mean, how long can someone stumble around in a damp, dark, smelly sewer and still keep themselves amused?

"Oh look! Another rat! That would make 463!"

...Well, at least he's amused.

But clearly, this writer has no clue what to do with this character at this point in time. So, we will return to the other three. We thank you for your cooperation in this writer's block.

* * *

Climbing off the ladder, Inuyasha and Miroku stepped out into the 'river' and up to Sesshomaru... who was still practically drowning. Apparently, the water was VERY shallow and didn't even make it up to their ankles... lots of rocks though. But it was still enough to drown in by far.

Miroku walked up and pulled on Sesshomaru's hair to lift his head out of what water there was.

"He's still alive!" He yelled happily.

"Oh goody... I was so worried..." Inuyasha muttered as he splashed water on himself a good 5 meters away.

Just then, a loud whinnying noise erupted into the air.

Inuyasha growled, "What the Hell do you want now, monk?"

"I didn't say anything." Miroku replied somewhat confused, dropping Sesshomaru's head again as he rose to his feet.

Inuyasha rose to his feet as well, "Then what the hell is whinnying?"

"Are you implying that whine?"

"I'm not implying anything! I'm just telling the truth!" Inuyasha yelled back.

All of a sudden, the water began to gain speed... almost to the point of whipping Miroku off his feet. Then, around the corner of the small stream, a huge wall of water raged toward them that had been released from a power-dam upstream.

Inuyasha turned pale, "Oh... this is good..."

Miroku shrank back, "I don't like this place..."

Unfortunately for them, those were the only sentences they had the time to say before the wave of water swallowed them up. As it drove them away, Miroku was left to fend for himself while Inuyasha held onto his unconscious brother's hair for dear life. The water hurtled them downstream for what, to them, seemed to be forever before the water shallowed out and they were all left, lying on their backs of the once-again shallow (and very rocky) river.

Inuyasha flopped around panic-stricken on the riverbed, desperately pulling at some unknown thing that had wrapped itself around his body and head. Throwing himself to his feet he pulled and struggled against his bindings until he finally freed himself of the mysterious object...

"What the fuck?"

Staring blankly at the soaked, shit-stained, yellow spotted, dirt covered, fur scarf, he smirked ((At least no one else saw that... that could have been a bit embarrassing without a solid excuse.))

Of course, Sesshomaru took this chance to finally awaken from his nap.

Pulling himself into a sitting position, Sesshomaru numbly shook his head. In what was almost a reflex action, he brought his hand up to stroke his scarf... only to touch the air. Eyes suddenly widening, Sesshomaru bounded onto his feet, ignoring the fact he was wet, and glared around the area for his fur. His eyes narrowed when he found it in the hands of his brother.

Stomping up to Inuyasha, Sesshomaru snarled darkly, "How dare you steal my fur! I'll tear you limp from limp you vial beast! I'll be doing the world a favor by fixing your demise!"

"Listen here, scarf-boy, I don't want your fur! I don't like your fur! I just like annoying you!" Whipping the fur into a spiral, Inuyasha quickly towel-snapped the soaked fur in Sesshomaru's eyes before plastering the fashion statement to the Lord's face.

Pulling the fur off of himself, Sesshomaru growled as he took in the condition of his prized possession, "You ruined it! I'll kill you!"

Whipping out his sword with his right hand and picking up Inuyasha by the collar of his shirt with his left, Sesshomaru pointed the sword at the hanyou throat. Eyes wide, Inuyasha grabbed two locks of silky smooth hair (one in each hand), braced his feet on his brother's chest and pulled back... all the while, the tip of the Toukijin at his throat. Although attempting not to shriek at each harsh pull of his lovely hair, Sesshomaru refused to lower his weapon.

Just as Sesshomaru was about to draw forward his sword in attack, a monk's head poked up between but behind the brothers' arguing forms.

"Wow! I was out for a second there! What I miss?"

From the awkward position of their battle, Sesshomaru glared at the monk... Inuyasha didn't care much for Miroku's sudden appearance, but was more amused by the result of his newly-discovered form of battling.

"How dare you interfere with my battle, lowly human." Sesshomaru growled.

"Lowly? I'm religious!" Was Miroku's two cents that he added in to defend himself... failing miserably.

Sesshomaru growled, "First I shall kill the hanyou, then I shall kill you for your meddling."

Miroku gulped, "I don't think you want to do that."

"And why not?"

Doing his best I-know-everything voice, he began counting out the reasons on his fingers, "Because we're at least 500 years in the future than what we're used to, because we don't know the rules of this time period, because Inuyasha has been in this time zone before, and because Inuyasha would know things about this place that we wouldn't. Is that enough reasoning for you?" He gulped again as an angered glare pierced into him and retreated a step in responce, "With all due respect of course."

"You don't honestly expect me to believe such lies."

"But you were awake and talking to us - I mean - Inuyasha when we came out of the well. You must have seen our surroundings...?"

"When I am speaking to this embarrassment I sometimes find myself not paying attention to the world around me."

Inuyasha smirked, "Considering the things we did to you while you were passed out... I'll except that with good humor."

The only thing that comment got Inuyasha was being power slammed to the ground by an angry Lord.

"I'll spare your flimsy life for now, hanyou," Flinging his fur over his shoulder, Sesshomaru glared at the monk, "But I'll see it when I believe it concerning this different era matter. I'll give you five minutes to prove this to me... if you can not... both of you will be melted down by the mighty power of acid."

Grumpily getting back to his feet, Inuyasha scowled, "Yeah, yeah... same old, same old in other words, right?"

"Very much so, yes."

"Then let's go... I want to get out of here and back to our time anyway." Deciding against following the stream back due to the fear of another wall of water, Inuyasha took the lead as he walked into the density of the surrounding forest around them.

"Cheer up, Inuyasha," Miroku smiled as he came up beside his friend, "At least we're clean, and we don't have to haul Sesshomaru around anymore."

"You did what?" Rose an angered voice from the figure following behind them.

"Well," Miroku shrugged uneasily, "It was either that or leave you covered in shit in the middle of the street."

Sesshomaru shifted his glare to Inuyasha's back, "That doesn't seem to be the actions I know you for, little brother."

"Yeah well... as far as you're concerned, I didn't have a choice in the matter... alright?" Inuyasha growled without even turning around.

"Fair enough."

It didn't take long before Inuyasha and Miroku began arguing over who knew which way the well was, never once stopping while they argued while being followed by a confused Sesshomaru. He let the others lead, giving him time to come to terms with his situation while gently padded his tender face with his fingers.

"...Where did all these scraps and bruises come from?"

* * *

Naraku marched through the sewer, avoiding any floating logs while still keeping an eye out for his primary entertainment..

"Oh, look! Rat number 999! One more and I'll have a solid thousand!"

* * *

OK... this was a longer chapter... hopefully it was funny! I like the part with Naraku counting the rats to amuse himself... I think that part turned out great! Don't you?

Many thanks to the following reviewers:

**kogaandkagomeforever -** thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked chapter one! And keep it up with your stories! With a plot, that story of yours might turn into something! Keep working on yours, reading this and telling others to read this... OK? C ya!

**Please R&R!**


	3. Bob and Lucky

**Chapter Three - Bob and Lucky**

HELLO! Thanks again to **Kogaandkagomeforever** for reviewing... I'll try to make it shorter this time... hehe...

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha... meh.

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Finally emerging from the forest after about a hour (Sesshomaru forgot he didn't know how to tell time so missed his fine minute deadline), the three of them were greeted by a concrete ledge and a very busy highway. The darkness of night surrounded them as they, for the first time, stopped to figure out where the hell they were.

"I TOLD YOU TO FOLLOW THE NORTH STAR, YOU STUPID MONK!" Inuyasha exploded.

Miroku pouted, "It's cloudy! There is no North Star! Besides, we are not even in the North! How could we follow the North Star?"

"You don't need to be in the North to follow the North Star, idiot!"

"Of course you do! Why else would it be called 'North Star'?"

"Because it is always in the direction of NORTH!"

"Oh... that makes sense." The monk replied with a smile as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Oh, you stupid-!"

"This is fascinating." A small mutter cut off the other two's bickering.

Inuyasha and Miroku turned to see Sesshomaru leaning over the stone ledge, watching the cars travel by with great amusement. His long hair blowing in the night breeze, he carefully examined each vehicle as it went by.

"Tell me, little brother, what are these demons called?"

Inuyasha went a bit pale, "They're uh... whatzits... yeah, whatzits! Those things are called whatzits!" Each time he said it, he seemed to convince himself a bit more.

"Whatzits? Hm..." Sesshomaru frowned, he had never heard of such a demon before.

Inuyasha smirked, "Ya know, at the speed that those things travel at... they actually see the world slower than we do. You could stand in front of them and they wouldn't hit you at all... just go right around."

Sesshomaru cocked a brow, "Really? Lets test out that theory." Grabbing hold of Inuyasha's shirt in a firm fist, the Western Lord then flung the hanyou into the middle of the highway.

Eyes wide, Inuyasha jumped to his feet... only to get hit smack-on by a small, red 'whatzit' and tumble over the top of the roof of the 'demon' to land in a painful heap behind it. A screeching sound whistled through the air and the 'demon' skidded to a stop. The side of it flung open and a man in his late 20s to early 30s jumped out in a blue suit.

Sesshomaru smirked, "That was quite good."

Miroku jumped over the concrete barrier and, being VERY careful to dodge the rolling demons, scampered across the highway. By this time, Inuyasha had risen onto his feet and was trying to assure the human that he was fine as politely as he could.

"**GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, SCUM-BAG!"**

Like I said... 'as politely as he could'... we're talking INUYASHA here, people!

The man looked like he was going to have a heart-attack any second, "A-are you sure you're alright? Maybe I should take you to the hospital..."

Miroku grinned, waving his hands about in front of him, "Don't worry, he's alright... he's had worse."

The man frowned, "...How?"

Sesshomaru, who had simply jumped over the passing cars, joined the group. "Tell me," He began, "What did you do to make the whatzit angry enough to eat you?"

The man's eyebrows shot up, "Uh... what?"

Inuyasha, interrupting the conversation, growled, "thanks for trying to kill me AGAIN, ya bastard!"

"Well, did you honestly think I would be dumb enough to test out your theory on myself? Obviously if I were to stand in front of the demon it would become angry with me blocking its path and therefore would take my offensive behavior as a challenge. On another note, I'm not in the right mood to kill something for sport today."

Dumbfounded, the human struggled to keep ahead of this conversation, "...Kill someone for sport? And how could he have worse then being run over?"

"Oh! Nevermind him, he's just had one of those shity days" Miroku said with a little grin, then, not being able to resist, he turned to Sesshomaru and tested his luck, "So, how's the head?" Then both him and Inuyasha burst out laughing.

"You'll have no head, monk!" Sesshomaru growled, whipping out his Toukijin in a flash of gleaming steel.

With a small "meep" Miroku retreated behind Inuyasha.

Next thing Sesshomaru knew, his sword was whipped out of his hand and into the hands of the human man, "Wow! You guys must be part of that knew comedy theater that's coming out sometime about four great warriors who got transported to the future by mistake and had to survive the modern day world while trying to find their way home! I wanted to go see that the moment I saw it on commercials!"

Sesshomaru snarled, snatching his sword back from the man, "Don't touch my sword, you pathetic human!"

"Wow! He's so convincing! So life-like! You guys REALLY get into your parts!"

"Just who the Hell do you think you are?" Sesshomaru barked, ignoring the man's strange questions.

"Forgive me, my name is Bob. And you are?"

Deciding to take the lead with this one, the hanyou spoke for everyone, "I'm Inuyasha... and this is my friend Miroku and my bastard of a half-brother, Sesshomaru"

The Lord snarled as he plucked a leaf out of his hair, "That's LORD Sesshomaru to the likes of you!"

Inuyasha growled, "You know where you can stuff your damn 'Lord' shit!" He lowered his voice, "Stupid bastard."

"You're really pushing me, hanyou!"

"Well, when push comes to shove... I'll kick your ass over the country side!"

"You will beat on me? That's comical."

"Fuck you!"

"No, thank you."

"WHAT?"

Meanwhile, Miroku chatted with Bob.

"So, where are you three heading?" Bob asked.

"Back into the village, I suppose."

"Village? Oh! You must mean the city."

"City? Uh... sure, that's what I meant."

Bob smiled, "Well, if your interested, I could give you a lift... it's the least I can do for running over your friend. Besides, it would give me the chance to hear more about of your upcoming play."

"What is this 'play' you keep speaking of, human?" Sesshomaru asked, momentarily losing interest in the argument with his sibling.

Bob chuckled, "Boy, when you guys get a character in a play, it seems like you almost BECOME that character! HA! I bet you even think you ARE a great warrior!" He smiled widely and slapped Sesshomaru on the back.

Sesshomaru growled, "Don't touch me, human, or you shall suffer my sword!"

The only answer the Western Lord got was that of Bob's laughter.

Frowning, Sesshomaru turned to the other two slightly worried, "My threats have no effect on this human."

"Well, of course, he thinks your just fooling around!" He paused, rubbing his chin, "Wait... that didn't come out right..."

Trying to stifle his laughter, Bob smiled warmly, "So, how about that ride?" he smirked inwardly, ((Besides, my car has been blocking traffic for the past ten minutes now.))

Giving a brief glance to his companions, Inuyasha smirked "Sure, that would be-"

Sesshomaru growled, "There is no way I am traveling in that thing with the likes of you, hanyou."

Inuyasha's smirk grew, "That can be arranged."

"And I'm NOT walking."

"Of course not, _brother_. I wouldn't even _dream_ of such a thing"

Sesshomaru quirked a brow, he wasn't sure he liked the sound of that.

* * *

Naraku had spent the entire day in the sewer now, and he had yet to run dry on things to talk about with himself... like just a few moments ago he ended the two hour long conversation about clouds.

But he had yet to find the #1000 rat. Other rats had tried to fool him and scamper around to claim to be the thousandths rat... but he wouldn't be fooled. One rat tried to bribe him with a clunk of rotting cheese... he wouldn't be bribed either. He was going to find the thousandth rat.

As a matter of fact, he had all about forgotten about getting out of the sewer and was now WAY more interested in finding that oh-so-special rat.

That's when he saw it. It was really small. But it was number 1000. Diving for it, he scooped it up in his hands and smiled.

"Finally! You're number one thou-" His eyes narrowed dangerously, "-stupid mouse." He then chucked the small critter at the concrete wall and continued on his way down the sewer.

He was just about to give up on ever finding The One, when he turned yet another corner to see small splashing up ahead. He ran up as fast as his shit-soaked clothes would allow and bent down in front of the splashing water. Reaching out his hand, he grabbed hold of a slippery, scrawny tail.

He held it out in front of him, "You're a bit small... and skinny.. and most likely diseased as well... but you... are my lucky one thousand!" He smiled, "Yes, yes! That's what I'll call you! For now on, you're Lucky, my pet rat!"

The rat made a hissing noise and bit onto Naraku's finger. With a yelp, Naraku slammed both hand and rat into the wall, for his finger was still tender from being bent over backwards. Then he bent down, and picked the rat up again.

"You're not getting away that easily, Lucky!"

The rat made a sound that could have past as a groan as Naraku went on his way again, gently stroking his newly-claimed pet rat.

* * *

OK! That's it for this chapter! What ya think? I decided to let Naraku have a pet for the time being... maybe now he can focus on more important things... like finding his way out of the sewer!Suggestions are welcome if you have a funny idea you want us to use, only you have to promise not to take offence if we don't use it! 

Thanks to** Kagomeandkogaforever** once again for reviewing!

C ya! Please R&R!


	4. The Whatzit

**Chapter Four: The Whatzit**

Hello again! Sorry about the late entry, school gets in the way of everything, but yeah! 3 chapters up so far (not counting this one) and 3 reviews! I feel happy now! So, how about I shut up and lets get on with the story? Sounds good? GOOD! I like that idea too:D

Reviews:

**Guy The Destroyer **- Hello! Yes, I know, there is a lot of swearing but these guys have been through a lot in one day. I bet if you exploded out of a sewer and had to drag your unconscious brother around with you in a strange time with people giving you dirty looks (no pun intended) you'd be swearing too! Thanks for reviewing though:D

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha... but I can put them in my stories anyway, post it on FF and those blood-sucking lawyers can't touch me! MAH HAHAHAHAHA!

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Bob's car zoomed down the highway, going 100m/h at least. Sesshomaru was as good as his word, he refused to get into the small, rolling demon with his brother, so they found an alternative. It was Inuyasha's original idea to stuff his brother in what the human referred to as a 'trunk,' but everyone else wisely set that idea in storage. That was when Miroku came up with the idea of Sesshomaru simply sitting on the back or 'roof' of the demon, this proved easier for Sesshomaru then Bob had expected and so they beetled down the highway with Sesshomaru sitting cross-legged on the roof.

Before taking his place in the driver's seat, Bob made one last comment, "I'm sure there are laws against this."

Sesshomaru looked quite pissed actually. He had his arms crossed firmly in front of his chest with that 'the next thing that talks to me is going to die' look plastered over his face. His hair flew widely behind him and he made sure to keep a firm grip on his fur at all times for that was blowing behind him too. Now and then a bug would fly into the Lord's face and he would once again flick the squashed insect off of his pale, otherwise-flawless skin.

Down inside the 'whatzit,' things were quite different then above. Bob just wouldn't shut up, asking stupid questions like "so, when is it coming out?" and "who's directing it?" To these questions, Inuyasha, who sat shot-gun, kept an almost constant rhythm of shrugging his shoulders, and Miroku, who sat in the back seat, just kept the biggest smile he could muster on his face and very quickly nodded his head up and down constantly.

With Bob's insane amount of questions and the others' random body gestures, it made a very uncomfortable ride. Not to mention the growing dismal odor rising off of the monk and hanyou who still carried the smell of shit with them. This stench quickly filled the small space in the car and caught the attention of the driver.

Bob, trying to be polite, didn't mention one word about the smell, but slowly turned his head to Inuyasha, then he turned right around to look at Miroku who sat staring out the window thoughtfully. When the monk noticed the man staring at him, he whipped around, smiled and gave about 50 quick nods. Bob, eyes watering at this point, whipped around in his seat and quickly rolled down his power windows.

In a flash of red, Inuyasha flew to the back seat... stopping only when he collided with Miroku's form and therefore landing up sitting on the monk's lap. Bob jumped a bit at the sudden movement but was otherwise on good behaviour.

"What the hell was that?" Inuyasha screamed.

"You know..." Miroku started off calmly, "...There are plenty of other seats back here, why did you have to sit on ME? Besides... your knee is digging in my... in my... just get off!"

As Inuyasha cautiously climbed back into his front seat, Bob smiled. "Oh... terribly sorry old chaps, but the smell in here is getting rather raw and-"

Bob's apologize was cut short by the whining of the power windows going up and down and up and down as Inuyasha discovered his window's buttons, a huge smile on his face.

"This is amazing... I control of force field!" He muttered, completely amazed. Turning his head to the side to glance behind him, he was about to tell Miroku of his discovery when he accidently pushed the button and his ear got caught in the window. The result was Inuyasha saying something that sounding like: "Mir-AHH!"

To that Miroku smirked, "Never called that one before."

Panicking, Inuyasha tossed his head around, yanking on his ear again and again. By the time Bob got the main-controls to roll down the window, Inuyasha had made his ear twice its original length. Seeing this, Inuyasha gasped in horror... but Miroku laughed.

"You see, Inuyasha, if you do the same with the other one you'll look even more like a dog. Then we can get you a collar and a name-tag and I can take you for walks and--"

"–Watch yourself, monk, or your ears will be longer!"

Using newly-found caution, Inuyasha rolled down the window the rest of the way and stuck his head out, looking up at his brother (being very careful to keep his damaged ear out of view).

"So, how's it going?"

While Inuyasha had his head out, Bob turned to Miroku.

"Are those ears real?" He asked with a slightly British accent.

To this, Miroku fell back onto his old strategy, smiled and nodded his head. Bob eyed the monk for while before he turned back around and resumed his driving, deep in his own thoughts.

Back on top of the car, Sesshomaru muttered something under his breath, to which Inuyasha was sure was an insult.

Growling, Inuyasha looked to the skies, "Oh... looks like it's going to rain..." He mocked with a devilish smirk, then he brought his head back inside the rolling demon.

It only drizzled at first and this gave Bob time to roll up the windows (much to his own dismay) before the clouds opened up and a complete downpour rained down on Sesshomaru and the whatzit.

When Bob flicked on the switch for the windshield wipers, and Inuyasha saw a pair of black sticks floating towards him, he jumped out of his skin and, once again, retreated to the back of the car. However, this time, he grabbed hold of Miroku's robe and threw Miroku, face first, into the front windshield.

"HOLLY HELL!" Bob cursed as the whatzit momentarily lost control and swerved all across the road, cutting off another car which blared its horn in its own driver's anger. There was a slight banged on the roof from a surprised Sesshomaru, but Bob ignored that as he yelled to the other driver, "LEARN TO DRIVE!"

Inuyasha, ignoring Bob, growled "I'm staying back here, you go up there! Things keep attacking me!"

Suddenly, that other car slammed on the gas and whizzed past them with horn still honking repeatedly in anger. The thunderous sound of crashing and banging sounded from above the roof of Bob's car along with some profound language that can't be written in this story without raising the rating to "R" Some people are just so sensitive. Putting it lightly, it was about a smaller whatzit passing their bigger whatzit and killing stuff with his sword.

"What the hell is he doing up there?" Bob snapped angrily.

Inuyasha smirked from the back, "Don't worry, I'll take care of him." Clenching his fist, the hanyou began to bang on the roof yelling at the top of his lungs, "Hey! Jack-ass! Settle down up there!"

Bob groaned, "I don't think that is going to help any!"

As the other whatzit continued to pull away from them (with the driver's bird raised out the window), Sesshomaru decided he needed to get closer and so jumped down onto the hood of their whatzit. Scaring the life out of Bob in doing so.

Pointing his finger at the other car, Sesshomaru glared back at Bob yelling, "FASTER!"

With clenched teeth, Bob slammed on the horn. Sesshomaru, taking it that his ride was attacking him, power slammed his fist into the car's hood. Bob slammed on the brakes and hurriedly turned the wheel toward the side of the road, cutting off another car as a result. Taken by surprise by the sudden stop in movement, Sesshomaru was launched ahead a good 10 meters before he skidded along the gravel for another 10.

When the whatzit grounded to a halt, Bob practically leapt out of the car while Miroku sat alarmingly stiff and Inuyasha fought between two urges: the first to laugh, the second to vomit.

When Bob finally reached Sesshomaru, the Lord was already up and grumpily emptying gravel out from of his robes.

Sesshomaru growled as the human approached him, "What is wrong with you, human? We almost had him!"

"Me? What about YOU? You're the stupid bastard who jumped onto the hood!"

"Don't take that tone to me, human. Just be thankful I won't kill you for disobeying me!"

"Who the hell do you think you are? Look at this! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO THE HOOD!"

"And I'm supposed to care?"

"You'll care when I shove that fake sword of yours where the sun don't shine!"

Sesshomaru found himself taken a back, clearly this mortal must have some sort of high ranking in this time or he wouldn't dare speak like that to the Lord of the West.

"Now," Bob began through gritted teeth, turning to make sure he could be heard by the other two, "All three of you are going to start BEHAVING for the rest of the trip or so help me I'll turn this car right around and put you back right where I found you!" He stopped for a second, "Minus running Inuyasha over again"

Sesshomaru smirked lightly, "But that was the best part, human."

Bob glared at the Lord, "And you! You have been on my back ever sense we met! My name is not 'human,' it's BOB! BOB! Not human - BOB! I don't make fun of your name, Esomaru! Now, get back where you were this instant!"

Sesshomaru glared but said nothing more and retreated back his position on top of the car that, by this point, had become slippery with the rain. Bob also returned to the car. Getting back into the drivers seat, he noticed Miroku had moved to the back seat beside Inuyasha and the passenger seat was soaked.

Bob glared back at the two, "Why is the front seat wet?"

To this, Inuyasha shrugged once more, Miroku, on the other hand, went brilliant red and shrunk down in his seat. With a side glance to the monk, Inuyasha scooted in his seat as far away as he could from Miroku, a completely disgusted look to his face. With an overwhelmed look to his twitching eye, Bob turned back around in the driver's seat and, as he pulled back onto the road with his semi-smoking car, grumbled a small sentence:

"Glad this isn't my car..."

Sesshomaru growled from his place on top of the car. He was completely soaked, littered with gravel, embarrassed for letting a human push him around and still a bit stinky from the shit.

He sighed, "Could this day get any worse?"

Then, his sensitive ears picked up on a small statement from the driver...

"It seems the rain is turning to hail."

Down below, Inuyasha, Bob and the monk were protected from the hurtling chucks of ice, completely unaware of Sesshomaru's predicament. Then they suddenly became informed of the conditions:

"Ah! Oo! Ack! Geeze! Son of a! Ah crap! Oo! OW! That was my eye! Crap! Oo!"

The three listened to that for a while, then Bob sighed. "Do you think we should let him in?"

Inuyasha, who sat attentively listening to his brothers beating, smiled, "No, no... drive faster."

* * *

YAY! That was chapter four typed and posted! Did you like? Hm? I sure did! Let me tell you something, for the rest of my life, I will hold a mental picture of Sesshomaru sitting on top of a car, getting struck by ice, with Inuyasha inside the car saying "no, no... drive faster" THAT is what I call a classic!

OK, I'll try to get 5 posted by the end of this coming week, k? TTFN!

R&R!


	5. Speeding, Screaming and Sinking

**Chapter Five - Speeding, Screaming, and Sinking**

HELL-o! This is the fifth chappie up and ready! SORRY ABOUT THE LATE UPDATE! Writer's block is a bitch... it makes you just wanna kill something! HAHaha... Hmm... I uh... got to go... do... something... see ya! (JK)

Reviews:

**Inuyasha Luvers - **hehehe... Naraku is not evil because he is having problems with his meds! But aren't we all? And, to answer your question, yes, Sesshomaru was mad that a smaller whatzit was trying to pass their bigger and therefore more stronger whatzit... everyone has some major problems they need to tend to. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, talk to ya later:D

**Kogaandkagomeforever** - Thanks for reviewing again! It is nice to know that I have reader's that will review all the way through! It is really appreciated and helps me get back on board when I'm stuck in a writer's block:D

Disclaimers: I don't own anything... but my mum gave me a computer... I HAVE** POWER**!

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A few hours later, after having to drive slow due to the car's smoke-spewing engine, the group wound up in the city. The hail and rain had stopped, much to the disappointment of Inuyasha, and this gave Bob the opportunity he so desperately needed to roll down his window so he could breath in air for once instead of the smell of shit and smoke. I think it is safe to say that this has been a long day for all four people in, and on top of, the car.

The pitch black darkness of night was only lifted by the glow of many kinds of lights, most of which blinded Sesshomaru by being stuck in the front of other demons or stuck on top of long, grey, slender post things that were directed above the walkways for the people. Sesshomaru was amazed and frightened at the same time at all of the new sights and smells and kept his hand on his sword at all times. But each time he was tempted to bring out his mighty blade, Bob's threat echoed in his mind. It wasn't that he was afraid of the human, it was just that Sesshomaru needed him...for now anyway.

As Bob calmly drove down the road, Inuyasha and Miroku found themselves captivated by the bright lights and sounds of the city. Some of the loud noises from other whatzits hurt Inuyasha's and Sesshomaru's ears, even though few of the rolling demons were out at this hour. Each had their head out the back windows on either side of the car, each soaking in the marvels of the world around them.

Miroku brought his head back in the whatzit, "Wow... there are so many lights... candle makers must make a fortune around here!"

Bob glanced back at the monk using the review mirror, "Candle makers?"

On top of the car, Sesshomaru refused to acknowledge anything around him, that included the lower beings inside their whatzit and the gawking humans surrounding him. He had to endure such comments as "Who is she?" and "Look at the chick on the car!" and "Take it off, mama! Woo!" and lots of flashing lights (cameras). These things, needless to say, ate away at the Western Lord's patients. At first he only tapped his finger on the roof of the car as a sign of his irritated state, this act eventually made a dent in the roof. Inuyasha and Miroku watched this dent grow from the inside of the whatzit, a growing set of worry in each.

Inuyasha turned to Miroku, momentarily pulling his eyes away from the dent that was forming right in front of his face "We're switching sides."

"You don't really think I'm that stupid, do you?" Miroku asked as he pressed his form against his car door.

"Yes"

"Oh... well, I'm not."

But as more cameras flashed at this odd sight and the dent continued to grow, so did Sesshomaru's rage and soon all five of his clawed fingers tapped on the roof. As even more anger rose in the Lord's blood, the tapping turned into his nails digging into the steel beside him and that upgraded to a point where he began to tear a chuck of the roof off.

From inside the car, the three beings watched this with wide eyed expressions.

Inuyasha cleared his throat, "I think, my brother is nearing the end of his fuse."

"No, he's just sharpening his nails. He's fine." Miroku replied.

"Wanna bet?"

Just then a double-decker bus went by with each window filled with tourist snapping pictures of this odd person in ancient clothes on top of a car and Sesshomaru flipped out. The Lord leapt to his feet cursing and swearing at the passing bus before he unsheathed his sword and bounded off of the car's roof and onto the street.

For some unknown reason, Sesshomaru let out his rage on a lamp post first. He cut it down with one sweep of his sword then began yelling about how people must be blind for needing so many candles.

Silently in the back seat of the car, Inuyasha reached his hand out to Miroku. Sighing at his loss, the monk placed four silver coins in the dog-demon's hand.

Next Sesshomaru took out a post office mail box and sent it flying into a bank's window. Setting off the alarm.

This raised havoc in the car, with both Inuyasha and Miroku yelling that the "Screaming Water Demon is back for revenge!" When Bob asked what they were talking about, he was given a brief sum that the Screaming Water Demon unleashed a wall of water upon them before when they had stepped in "Sacred waters" and now it was back for revenge... again!

While this panic stricken explanation was being said, Sesshomaru had moved to the middle of the road and was yelling at the yellow line down its middle, "And what the fuck is this thing good for? Look at it! What does it do? Just stay there all straight? It's yellow! What kinda colour is that for ANYTHING? Wimpy! That's what! And–" his rambling was cut short with some sudden movements inside the whatzit.

Inuyasha quickly rolled down his back window and climbed out/on top of the car, bringing his mighty sword out, ready to teach that demon a lesson.

"Your water might drown me, demon!" Inuyasha yelled threateningly, "But I'll make sure you drown first!" Pausing for a moment, he rethought his remark over once before he shook his head and deciding that he would think of a better one later

While Inuyasha did that, Miroku sprung from the backseat onto Bob's lap and pushed down on all the paddles at his feet until one of them propelled them forward, this caused Inuyasha to momentarily lose his balance, but he was able to stay on top of the roof.

Inuyasha growled, "A little warning next time would be nice!"

On the street, Sesshomaru only had time to look up from his yelling rampage before he got plowed into by the car. His form was sent flying through the windshield with such force that the only thing that stopped him was his figure flying into the backseat of the car. Shifting himself into a more comfortable position, Sesshomaru gazed around the backseat and smirked.

"It's quite roomy back here."

Miroku harshly turned the corner and Sesshomaru flew from one side of the seat all the way to the other side, slamming into the door roughly.

"But some restraints would be nice."

Bob glared to the backseat, still trying to fight Miroku off of the stirring wheel to get back control of their vehicle which now swerved in and out of traffic, "You mean like a SEAT BELT?"

Just ignoring the human, Sesshomaru braced one hand on one side of the whatzit and one hand on the other side to stop him from banging around as much. But he had to admit that it beat getting pounded on by chunks of ice.

Miroku flew through another corner and Inuyasha could barely hold on, the only reason he did was because he planted his sword into the roof (making the blade gaze against Sesshomaru's front before becoming firmly stuck in the seat... right between the Western Lord's legs).

Sesshomaru gasped, "What in the Seven Circles of Hell!" He pounded on the roof with his fist as he shifted his legs into a less... vulnerable... position, "Watch what your doing up there!"

His reply was only met by Inuyasha's feet dangling wildly by the window and some muffled screams that sounded like, "God-damn monk! Can't drive worth shit!"

With an icy glare to the sword, Sesshomaru decided it was no long safe to be in the back seat of their whatzit. With a somewhat gracious leap, he jumped from the back and into the front passenger seat. His eyes grew wide as the "moistness" of the seat soaked into his robes.

The Lord growled, "Why is this seat wet?" Noticing the monk's face immediately change to a deep-red colour and that Miroku's lower robes looked a bit wet, Sesshomaru sighed, ((I think I was further off with the sword.))

The Lord tried to contain his rage, he really did, truly. Never in his life had he tried so hard to keep his anger in check. It didn't help though.

Grabbing onto the monk's robes, Sesshomaru hurled the human into the back seat of the car angrily. Miroku's head only JUST missed the tetsusaiga's sharp blade. Having let off some of his steam, Sesshomaru slumped back in his wet seat, almost wishing for death by this point.

With a sigh of happiness, Bob turned to the Lord, "Thank you."

Turning back to driving, all happiness in the human's face diminished as he saw the paved surface of the road end. Traveling at a fairly fast rate still, the car flew straight off the road, right into a large lake with a huge SPASH!

Inuyasha looked around him and saw they were sinking. Unsticking his sword from the roof, he abandoned his 'comrades' and graciously jumped from the whatzit and landed easily near the side of the road on the shore line. He stood there, just watching the car sink, resting his weight on his still-transformed tetsusaiga.

Miroku peered out the window as water began to splash against it, "Excellent thinking! This is the last thing the Screaming Water Demon would expect! I wish I would have thought of this!"

Mean while, Sesshomaru blankly watched as the water began to come up level with the bottom of the window, not saying one word. Bob, on the other hand, kept his angered eyes straight ahead as he crouched down in front of the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white as they rung the wheel tightly.

Miroku smiled, "So, what's your plan?"

With out one word, Bob pushed his door open, making the water pour in, and he swam out. Leaving the other two inside the now-rapidly sinking whatzit.

"Bob?" Miroku frowned as he watched Bob swim by the window, "Sesshomaru? Do you think this is part of his plan?"

When he got no reply, he glanced over to the front seat to see the passenger's door wide open and the Lord gone.

Miroku scratched his head "What? I'm supposed to stay here as bait? And then you guys attack when the demon comes for me?" He pondered that for a bit as the water reached waist level, "That should work... I think..." he looked around as the water level reached up to his chest, "I don't like this plan."

Sesshomaru slogged ashore, having passed Bob easily. The Lord was completely soaked from head to toe, his hair was plastered against his head and back and his clothes sagged with weight around his form. As Sesshomaru stepped up closer to Inuyasha, the young dog-demon couldn't help but explode in laugher. With an angered growl, Sesshomaru extended his claws forward as if to grab hold of the hanyou but he froze and his eyes dropped to his pants. Reaching down inside his lower robes, the Lord pulled out a two-foot-long fish.

Sesshomaru stared wide-eyed at the flopping thing held tightly in his grasp, "There was a fish in my pants."

To this, Inuyasha began rolling around on the sand laughing his head off, holding his sides for dear life. Sesshomaru growled, drew back the flopping fish and smashed it as hard as he could over the hanyou's head.

Rubbing his head, Inuyasha growled, "That was uncalled for."

By this point the Lord had flung the fish back out into the middle of the lake and Sesshomaru had turned his back to his younger sibling. Trying his best to ignore Inuyasha, the older brother checked out his robes and nearly gasped in horror by the condition of his fur.

You can pretty much sum up the fur at this point by a couple words: smell of shit and stained, soaked, glass shards, bits of ice, and small, caught fish trapped in the threads.

With a bit of moistness to his usually fierce eye, Sesshomaru began plucking the unwanted junk off of his fur. Half-glancing back to Inuyasha for a moment, the Lord saw the hanyou simply standing by the shoreline, watching the water where the car had sunk.

"Aren't you going in after the monk?" Sesshomaru questioned half-interested.

"Nope." Inuyasha replied simply, "He called me stupid and I hold grudges. I'm not stupid. All the stupid people are wet!"

Sesshomaru just growled and rung his fingers around his fur tightly, drawing out the water.

Bob, who had just reached the shore panting heavily, sighed, "Gee, thanks." He looked around, "Where's Miroku?"

Inuyasha smirked, "Hasn't come in yet... hell, I haven't SEEN him yet."

"You mean, he's still in the CAR?"

"Well... two out of three ain't bad."

"Didn't he get the memo that the damn thing was sinking?"

"He was never the smartest of monks."

Sesshomaru frowned, "'Memo'..." He turned to Bob, "And what's a 'car'?"

Bob chose to ignore that, "We should really go back in after him... ya know, before the guy DROWNS and all."

"Nah... he's fine." Inuyasha waved it off, "I'm sure I've seen the guy swim before." He stopped, "I think... I've seen him uh... I think I've seen uh..." He paused, "Huh."

The three of them just stood there at the water's edge, waiting for the monk to make his appearance. Inuyasha's ear twitched and he glanced to Sesshomaru who had also caught the muffled sound of gargled screams coming from below the water's surface.

About a minute later, Bob sighed. "Fine! I'll go get him!" He yelled.

"Good for you! You do that!" Inuyasha replied as he continued to watch the waterline.

"Maybe I will!"

"Fine, what's stopping you?"

"Nothing!"

"Then why are you still here?"

"Because... because he's your friend!"

"I never claimed that."

"You never denied it either!"

Just then, a head, along with two flailing arms and maybe a foot emerged slashing and gasping for air on the exact opposite side of the lake.

Bob's eyes almost doubled, "What the hell is he doing over there?"

Inuyasha shrugged, "Current?"

"CURRENT? It's a lake!"

"Oh... in that case I have no idea."

The three watched in silence as Miroku began to 'swim' ashore, and I hold that term loosely. When, in complete honesty, he seemed to resemble an Olympic swimmer going over a waterfall or somebody trying to swim in two directions at once with only a leg or an arm or a staff emerging out from the water now and again. Then he would disappear completely, then a foot would be seen, then nothing, then an arm, then nothing, then his staff... etc. Very rarely, his head would come up... but that was really rare.

"...He does seem to have a technique of his own." Sesshomaru commented as he watched two legs and a butt bob around in the water for a moment.

"Speaking of techniques," Bob began as he turned to the Lord, "I've never seen anyone doggie-paddle so fast in all my life!"

Sesshomaru couldn't reply to that comment for he was far too busy with one, and I quote, "Stupid, fucking crab," That wouldn't let go of his fur.

Many moments later, a soaked and exhausted monk slogged onto the shore. Sprawling himself out on the sand, Miroku gasped for air. "It's alright! I'm OK!" He gasped between coughing up water.

Sesshomaru growled as he finally won the battle between his fur and the crab, "Nobody cares." He stopped and glanced to his side to see a pile of his unwanted junk that must have been three feet tall. All of which came from his fur. With a sigh, Sesshomaru flipped his fur onto the other side and began the process over again. Starting by taking out the glass.

"Ow... damn it... son of a... ow... jeeze... stupid... ow..."

Bob cast a deadly glare at the some-what recovering monk before turning on his heel and stomping away from the three odd figures on the beach. Suddenly, the monk jumped to his feet, getting eye-to-eye with Inuyasha.

"Why the hell didn't you help me? I was half-drowning!"

"Everyone else saved themselves, why couldn't you? Who's stupid now, hm?" Then, with an up-turned nose, Inuyasha rushed to catch up with Bob. After a half glance around, Miroku took off in pursuit.

Sesshomaru quirked a brow at the human, "Do you not want to retrieve your whatzit from the depths of the water?"

"No! It wasn't mine anyways!"

With one final shrug, the Lord slung his now semi-clean fur over his shoulder and followed after the others.

* * *

Okay! That's it for now! So, what you think? Kinda long... but not too bad... only seven and a half pages long and there weren't a lot of paragraphs in there... talking mostly. So it worked out pretty good.

The reasoning behind why Miroku took so long to come up will be told later on.

Naraku is not in this chapter as you can already tell if you have read this far. He is going to be so pissed with me...

Naraku, "You better fear me, mortal. Lucky and Myself show up everyday to do this little play of yours and we haven't been in two chapters in a row! You left me down in the SEWER, you little twirp! I'll unleash my rat army on you!"

Me, "Fine... Everyone? Naraku is HERE! OK?" Turns back to Naraku, "Happy?"

"That will do... but can I a least get paid to do this?"

"No."

"WHAT? But this rat is eating me out of house and home! Kanna and him don't get along at all! He took her mirror and won't tell her where he put it! I mean, for a demon of nothingness she can get pretty pissed! Then Lucky went and ate Kagura's fan... but I have heard word that Lucky and Hakudoushi are making a pact to overthrow me! It won't work though, I'm onto them! I haven't slept in three whole days!" Nods excitedly.

Lucky, (rolls eyes.)

Me, "Uh... it shows."

"And the worst part of it is: my entire kingdom is complaining about me stinking! I thought you said the sewers were going to be fake!"

**R&R**


	6. Plan A

**Chapter Six - Plan A **

Hello peoples! Who here loves this story? I know I do! I laugh just writing the damn thing! I know the last chapter was a wee bit long, but this chapter should be shorter if everything goes as planned.

_Disclaimer: Yep! I have power! POWER! So I can do stuff like this ... oh shit ... the button's broken ... oh crap ... oh shit! My mum is going to FREAK! Oh shit! Maybe glue will help ... . . . . . . . . . . NO! Not good! Not good! NOT GOOD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

* * *

Four figures marched somewhat quietly along the beach. Bob was in the lead, followed by Inuyasha, then Miroku, then Sesshomaru took up the rear. Everyone was silent, except Bob, who was muttering under his breath with words that were so mangled that even Inuyasha could only catch a little bit here and there. Inuyasha's ears caught small sentences like: "Damn monks," and "Last time I pick up hitch-hikers," and "I think my wallet's in the car." 

Finally, Inuyasha broke the silence, "Where are we going?"

Bob whipped around, "**I'M** going to rent a hotel because **I **don't have a car and so **I** can't get home. Therefore, **I** have no where to sleep, so **I **have to get a hotel!"

Inuyasha paid no attention to the human's hinting, "Really...? Could you get us one too?"

Bob looked to the heavens, "WHY? Why me? I'm a good man! I do my job! I try to make the city a better place! I went to church... once! I don't deserve this! What have I done to deserve such punishment?"

Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Miroku followed their friend's gaze up to the stars... each trying to see who the hell Bob was talking to. Inuyasha caught sight of a small blinking light amongst the stars and he cranked his head back to follow it as it moved across the sky... until he followed it a bit too far and fell backwards on the sand.

Too preoccupied to notice Inuyasha falling over, Miroku mumbled a small sentence to Sesshomaru, "Any idea who he's talking to?"

"Well," the Lord began, glancing around at the many stars "Obviously it's another stupid human thing!"

"Oh...!" Miroku returned

Just happening to cast a side glance at the monk, Sesshomaru saw that Miroku was no longer staring at the stars but was now gazing at a piece of paper in his hand, a huge smile on his face.

"What is..." Sesshomaru snatched the paper, "...This?" The Lord examined the painting that he now held, not saying a word.

Miroku made a grab for the paper... but missed, "She would not like you looking at that!"

Sesshomaru smirked, "Than maybe the demon-slayer should not have given it to such a weak and confused individual."

"She doesn't even know I have it!" Miroku yelled in defense as he made another grab for it.

"I see."

Inuyasha popped in, "See what?" He easily snatched the paper away from Sesshomaru... and gave a long whistle as he examined the paper... but stopped short, "Hey! She never gave anything like this to me!" He yelled as he held Miroku an arms-length away, holding the monk's head in his palm.

"Nor I." Sesshomaru added as he picked out a piece of seaweed out of his fur.

The other two only looked at the Lord dumbfounded at the odd remark before Inuyasha's eyes fell back onto the painting in his hand. "And what is that?" The hanyou asked as he finally let go of Miroku's head to allow the monk to see where he was pointing.

Miroku snatched the paper and examined where Inuyasha had pointed, "Well, that's uh... what is that?"

The three had no time to figure that mystery out at the present time, for they had just noticed that Bob was just a wee-little speck way off in front of them... running.

Looking up from de-littering his fur, Sesshomaru caught sight of the speck, "Why is the human running so fast?"

Inuyasha shrugged, "Maybe he's trying to dry off."

Putting the picture away, Miroku smirked "Well... he is an odd fellow."

Then, without another word, all three figures began calmly walking down the beach after Bob.

* * *

Just finishing off a very... interesting, hour-long conversation of the Geographical Structure of Wood, Naraku and Lucky were now discussing another "interesting" topic: how do worms dig holes in the ground? 

"I say they use shovels." Naraku stated as he rounded the bend of another passage.

"Squeak, squeak, eak, qu, squeak." Which roughly translated into, "No, they use small drills."

"How could worms use drills? They have no arms!"

Translation of random squeaking: "If they don't have arms, than they wouldn't be able to use a shovel either!"

"They could wrap their bodies around the handle!"

"SQUEAK EAK! Squeak, sq, sq, eak, squeak" Translation: "YOU FUCKING IDIOT! They could do the same thing with a drill!"

"Oh, come on! You can't be serious!"

Translation: "No. I'm serious. You are a fucking idiot."

"I know that!" Naraku exclaimed, "I meant about drill thing!"

The rat just sighed, then asked, "Squeak, Squeak, sqeeeeak, eak, eak, squ?"

"That's a good question..." Naraku replied, scratching his chin, "Where does all the ground go?"

"Squeak, eak! squeak, eak, eak! (Sigh) Squ, squeak, eak, sq, eak, uea, squeak?" Translation: "Don't ask me! I asked you! (Sigh) Why do you want to know how they do it, anyway?"

"Well, I figured we might be able to do the same thing to get out of here."

"Squeak, squeak, squeak... squeak, eak, eak, squeak" Translation: "Actually, now that I think of it... I think they eat it."

Naraku looked down to the filth that covered the tunnel floor, "We'll find another way." He stated quickly.

Squeaking translation: "Besides, we want to go up, not down."

"Ya, I know that! We'll dig up, stupid!"

"Squ-EAK?" Translation: "Dig UP?"

"YES!"

"Squeak, eak, squeak, Squeaky-squeak! Eak, Squeak, EAAK! Squ, EAK! Squeak!" Translation: "You can't dig up, you blunderhead! You dig DOWN! Not UP! DOWN!"

"Shut up, you're giving me a headache." Naraku watched a passing 'log' float by in the dirty brown liquid, "Dump... dump, damp... damp, dark... dark, dungeon... I really got to clean that out sometime..."

* * *

After walking for about half an hour, our tiny troop found their friend fanned out on the cool sand gasping for air. His face was beat red and his clothes pretty much soaked with sweat. Apparently he had been running hard and fast... not much good it did him though. 

Ignoring his friend's condition, Inuyasha gave a half-wave and a smirk as he came strutting up with Miroku and Sesshomaru at either side of him, "Hey, Bob, what ya doing?"

Bob gazed tiredly at them, moving only his eyes to look around, "...So much... for plan A..." He said between gasps.

Sesshomaru cleared his throat, "I may not know, or care, what plan you are speaking of, human Bob, but what I do know is that Plan A never works, so you are further ahead to go straight to Plan B."

"Oh?" Bob muttered, sounding defeated, "And why is that, Saddestmaru?"

Ignoring that, the Lord began his explanation, "Because Plan A in always the quick fix. Something fast and simple that won't take up time and effort. Such plans never work out. You don't need to be someone like this Sesshomaru to figure that one out. Plans need to have keen strategies and be very well thought out to work."

"Thanks for the info." Bob muttered in a pissed off tone.

Inuyasha frowned as he stroked his chin thoughtfully, "But... if you skip Plan A, and go straight to Plan B, then wouldn't Plan B become Plan A? And then therefore you would go to Plan C instead?"

"No, Plan A still exist, you just skip it and go to Plan B. Plan C would stay where it was in its usual position so why would you skip Plans A and B to go to Plan C when all you have to do is go to Plan B?" Sesshomaru questioned his brother.

"But if you dismiss Plan A and use Plan B right away, then Plan B would become Plan A because you are using it first and then Plan C would become Plan B so you would actually be using Plan C, not Plan B."

Miroku joined in, "But if you used Plan C, and thereby skip Plan A and B, then Plan C would become Plan A."

"How would Plan C become Plan A?" Inuyasha asked, "It would be skipping the position as Plan B."

"Yes, I know that. It would skip the position of both Plans A and B because Plans A and B no longer exist."

"So really," Sesshomaru started "you would need to use Plan D to be actually using Plan B."

"No, because then Plan D would become Plan A." Inuyasha stated.

"So, we use Plan E... or would we use Plan F?"

"Isn't Plan F like suicide or something?" Bob asked in a zoned out kind of way.

"No, I think that would be Plan Z, actually." The monk corrected, dropping his head slightly, "A wise man once said 'when all other lights go out... take the cowards way out.' He said that, just before he was eaten by a tree."

Ignoring the little history lesson, Inuyasha frowned, "Suicide? What kind of Plan is that?" He asked.

Bob rolled his hands around gesturing weakly, "A Stay-Alive plan, that's what."

"Well, we do suicide missions all the time back home." Miroku pointed out wisely.

"True."

"Suicide sounds like a human sort of plan to me." Sesshomaru stated coldly.

That got the Lord the an even colder glare from the human, causing the Lord to clamp his jaw shut securely. Bob then rose to his feet, sighed, and began to slouch off again followed, of course, by his most dearest friends.

((Never a terrorist around when you need one.)) Bob thought as he glanced backwards to his companions who were still deep in conversation about their Plans, ((Oh well... could be worse.))

Little did he know... it soon was going to be MUCH worse. MAH HAHAHAHA!

* * *

"Ding-dong, the witch is dead, which old witch? The wicked Witch!" 

"For the last time, Miroku!" Inuyasha yelled, "Kikyou is not dead! She's just made up of bones and dirt! And she's not wicked either! She just tries to take me to Hell now and then!"

"Would you three shut up already?" Bob yelled.

"I didn't even say anything, human!" Sesshomaru yelled back.

"I don't care! Shut up!"

They had been walking through the streets for sometime now and had passed many buildings, whatzits and other strange things that Inuyasha had to make up names for:

"That is a DoDat. That is a Thingy. That is a Whatchamacallit. OH! That thing there with the red, green and yellow lights? That is a Whogiggy."

Eventually, Bob stopped in front of a tall building and went inside using the rotating door... with much difficulty the other three followed. Unfortunately they failed to see Bob go to the person at the desk to get a room and pay for the night, all they saw was Bob walking up the stairs. When the desk Clerk asked what the group was doing they answered "We're with him." And followed the human up the stairway to the fourth floor (apparently, Bob doesn't believe in using elevators). By the time Bob exited the stairwell, Miroku was about ready to kill over by the way he was breathing so heavily, but Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were fine.

The three of them waited behind Bob as he opened one of the doors in the hallway and stepped inside. But, before the others could follow him, the door was slammed in their faces and a muffled, "Good night!" Was heard from the opposite side of the door.

The three glanced to one another before both sets of eyes fell onto Inuyasha. Who, with quite a big sweat drop rolling down his face, tried the knob for the door next to Bob's door. It was locked, so Inuyasha simply gave the door a quick ram with his shoulder, quickly stating that "Some of these things have a trick to 'em," as the door flung open. Then he walked inside to find the room unused by anyone else at the present time so immediately began exploring their new room. Miroku soon followed Inuyasha into the room, but Sesshomaru, who was still hesitant to be with a hanyou and a human, tried the door next to Inuyasha's room. Finding it unlocked, he swung the door open and walked in.

A woman's scream was heard and Sesshomaru quickly retreated out of that room, ran into Inuyasha's room and slammed the door shut behind him. When Inuyasha and Miroku turned to him with puzzled expressions on their faces, the Lord spoke without being properly asked:

"In my hundreds of years of being alive I have seen many things... today was the day that I've seen too much."

* * *

OK! There we go! This chapter is a bit short but I think this is a good place to stop. So, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Miroku just broke into a hotel room... what craziness awaits? Who knows? (Smile) Actually, I do:D 

YAY! Naraku is not dead! This is the first time in 2 or 3 chapters Naraku was mentioned. When I realized that, I made sure to stick his in here somewhere. And yes, Naraku is still having problems with his meds, as you can tell in his 1 1/4 page mention. HA! The Geographical Structure of Wood! I came up with that one, not my brother, and, do you want to know something weird? My MUM came up with the "how does a worm make worm holes?" thing! Always the people you least expect to have a weird mind, huh? But my bro did contribute to this chapter, he came up with Naraku's ending comment of having to clean out the dungeon sometime. THIS STORY IS A FAMILY EFFORT! HAHA! I have a weird family... and I'm proud of it!

Really, this story is taking a lot longer then I figured to write, I figured by now I would be a lot further ahead then I really am... but I don't want to spoil anything so I'll shut up now. I'll get around to putting everything in... hopefully. Oh well, in the long run, it will make the story better! Right? ...Right?

R&R


	7. A Smashing Night

**Chapter Seven - A Smashing Night **

Yes! I am back again! With new weird things that can happen in this story and THREE more reviews in the bag! Uh huh! I'm good! You know you love me! Uh huh! Oh yeah!... ahem... I'll shut up now... kinda...

MANY HUGS TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE FOR REVIEWING!

**Kikyo Hater** - Kagome would be VERY upset if she couldn't find Inuyasha and Sango would be happy if the monk wasn't their to grab her ass. But I don't think I'll mention them in this story... I might... who knows. Another thing, you get an extra hug because you don't have to hate Kikyo, just pretend she's not there... like I do with Kagome! Anyway, thankies for the review!

**kogaandkagomeforever** - Thanks again for reviewing and following the story along. To answer your question about where do we come up with all this weird stuff: I have an over-active imagination, a lot of time to think and beer is far too expressive. Does that answer your question well enough:D

**Oddballj66 - **Thankies for the review. In answer to your question: They are in Japan, but just continue following the story and you will eventually learn that Bob's "accent" has a reasoning behind it. And don't worry, that is only the second stupidest question I have heard today! JK.

AS FOR THE REST OF YOU THAT HAVEN'T REVIEWED... STOP BEING MEAN AND REVIEW ME ALREADY! It would make me so happy... (sniff) THEN YOU COULD GET A HUG TOO:D

_Disclaimer: ...Mum found out about me breaking the keyboard... she grounded me for a week... I lost my power..._

* * *

Inuyasha and Miroku stared blankly at the Western Lord, who still had his back pressed firmly against the closed door behind him. The room was dark now due to the tightly shut door, the only light was a small nightlight off in the far corner of the room.

"You've seen too much?" Inuyasha questioned, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You don't want to know." Was Sesshomaru's reply.

Inuyasha just scoffed, turned on his heel and began to walk further into the room. However, when the hanyou suddenly stopped short at the smell of food, Miroku, who had been walking closely behind his friend, slammed into Inuyasha and was sent stumbling backwards, hands waving at either side of him. When his hand met the wall to keep him upright, he felt his hand push down a small leaver on the wall... then, as almost by magic, it became daytime in their room.

Sesshomaru jumped and wiped out his sword, ready for an attack while the Western Prince, Inuyasha, just looked around the now lite room.

Reclaiming his balance, the monk turned to the wall to see the small leaver that he had accidently pushed. Feeling experimental, Miroku carefully pushed the switch up and the lights went out again. He smiled and switched the leaver down and the lights went on, then he turned them off, and on, and off and on, all the while saying:

"Nighttime, Daytime, Nighttime, Daytime, Nighttime, Daytime, Nighttime, Daytime, Nighttime, Daytime, Nighttime, Daytime, Nighttime, Daytime..." only he began to do it so fast and so many times that it got to the point where when he said "daytime" the lights were off and when he said "nighttime" the lights were on.

Finally Inuyasha yelled, "Pick a time and stick to it!"

"Yes," Sesshomaru agreed as he looked around the room, "You will confuse the candles."

Miroku smiled, "Do you think I could get this to do an Evening Setting? I like sunsets."

"Don't be an idiot, MONK!"

With a sigh, he left the switch on Daytime and moved deeper into the room... only to stop to pick up a really odd and interesting object... a lamp. Miroku tossed and turned the lamp in his hands before he accidentally popped the lamp shade off of said object. He jumped slightly, but bent down and picked the blue lampshade up off of the floor. After going under some further "examinations" of the object, the monk gently and carefully placed the lampshade on top of his head.

Inuyasha sighed when the monk smiled at him, "You're an idiot."

"Oh..." Miroku's smile fell and he slowly took the cover off of his head.

"You're still an idiot."

"Oh! Well in that case..." Miroku put the lamp cover back on his head, "If I can't win either way... I might as well do what I want!"

Inuyasha sighed in defeat before he moved away from the other two in order to explore the room.

It was a very well organized room, not 5 Star but defiantly not shabby at all. It was one big room with a twin-size bed with pale blue covers, a couch, a couple chairs, a few side-tables, a dining table, a small closet for boots and coats, a small refrigerator and a small TV. Needless to say, many of these strange objects were unknown to our small group and none had any hope in hell of ever figuring out what the objects were. Anyway, the walls were painted a sophisticated whitey-creamy color and light blue curtains lined a single window that looked out onto the street below and another tall building across the street. The carpet was a slightly darker creamy color, and it covered the entire flooring. Then finally, if you looked to your left when you first walked inside the room, you would see a white color door that is the entrance to a very simple bathroom. And if you bothered to look at all the other rooms on this floor, they were exactly the same.

Miroku looked to Sesshomaru, a huge smile still plastered on his face.

The Lord, who was still a bit shaken up from his unspoken of encounter, stared at the monk, "WHAT?" He asked in a somewhat shaky tone.

The monk just continued to smile, then, without so much as a word, began to skip (literally) off to further explore this strange place, a lampshade bobbling around on his head and the rest of the lamp held tightly in his hand. Unfortunately, Miroku had yet to lean about cords and plugs and, as soon as he got to the max-length of the cord and it suddenly grew tight, his feet flew foreword while the rest of his body did not (making him gasp a kinda "Augha!" sound) and he fell with a BANG!

Inuyasha, who had moved further into the room, just looked at the fallen monk before he began to follow his nose (literally) to a medium size white box with sweet smells radiating out from the inside. Not seeing the handle, Inuyasha simply tore the entire door off and gently placed the cover on a nearby table before he began to route through the many goodies that covered the inside of the white box.

Sesshomaru stepped over the fallen form before he too ventured further into the room. Himself, he found the room rather boring, so he began to examine his soaked and stained clothing instead of examining the many 'interesting' and 'unique' items in the room.

Miroku, deciding that a higher being wanted the lamp to stay where it was, carefully placed the lamp off to one side before replacing the lampshade on his head and standing back up. Now looking for something else to do, he allowed himself to be drawn to another object that caught his eye... the bed. Lying down on its comfy surface, he accidently sat on the remote and turned it on to VIBRATE mode. At first he was startled, but eventually he lay there, looking completely dazed, with drool going down the side of his smiling face.

Inuyasha stopped from his rummaging through the white-box, picked up his armfuls of junk food, sat down on the couch (back facing Miroku) and began to munch down. Not saying a word to anyone, drowning out his depressed mood with food... and yet he is still so thin!

Sesshomaru, by this point, just continued on his little walk around in the room. Looking at this, swearing at that, the usual. But he came to an abrupt stop when his nose picked up on the blessed scent of water. He looked around the room, but he could see no small river or lake or hot-spring... but still knowing that water was there somewhere, he followed his senses to the bathroom.

Shutting the door behind him, Sesshomaru looked around the small room. He could sense water all around in here, but couldn't see any. He looked down into the toilet and saw the little pool inside of it, but he quickly decided that it wasn't enough to wash all of his clothes. He then turned to the sink, for he could smell water there as well. He looked at the faucet and frowned.

((The water appeals to be trapped in this odd metal tube.)) He thought with an even deeper frown.

First he tried hitting the metal hose with his fist, then he tried bending it up and down like a water pump, then he tried swearing at it for a while... as you might have guessed... none of theses strategies worked very well for him. Bending down, the Lord cranked his head under the faucet to see if the damn thing was clogged... which, of course, it wasn't. As Sesshomaru braced himself against the wall while he peered down the pipe, one hand slipped and hit the cold-water knob... sending water blasting out into the Lord's stunned face. Throwing himself backwards to hit the wall behind him, he smirked.

((Ha! I did it!)) His eyes darted to the door, ((I'm far more intelligent and cunning than those two, I don't need my idiotic brother's help in figuring out this era... I can do it myself! After all, I am a Lord... I have no weaknesses or faults... minus Rin.)) He frowned, watching the water whip out of the dented faucet, ((Now... how the hell do I turn this thing off?))

After a while, he figured that out too... well... actually... he just knotted the pipe until it didn't leak anymore. Anyway, he stripped off his robes and that was when he realized just how dirty he was underneath his clothes. Looking at the small sink in front of him, he decided that it was far too small for bathing. So he looked around the small room and that was when he noticed another feature with somewhat the same design but BIGGER and lower to the floor.

"AH HA!" he smirked, deciding that this was the devise he needed.

So, now that he had 'figured out' cold and hot water knobs... actually just bending them this way and that until they turned on. He hopped into the shower and fiddled with the knobs until he got the perfect temperature... or as perfect as it was going to get because the knobs finally broke off in his hands. He had just stopped cursing at the knobs when he saw bottles lining the edge of the tub.

Breaking off the top of one container, he smelt it and winced, ((ugh! What a strong smell... it's overwhelming... but it does have a nice smell of daisies in the spring time.)) he read the label on the bottle and his eye brows rose, ((Cleanses hair? Dandruff protection? Sheer Volume?)) He picked up another, "Oooo! Smooth and Silky!"

After that, all the other two could hear in the main room was:

"Oooo... Ahhh... Ohh... Oooo... Ahhh... YES! YES! YES!"

Inuyasha looked up from his eating and stared at the bathroom door, a look of pure uncertainty and sickness crossed over every feature on his face. He looked to Miroku.

"Apparently," Miroku began, "He found something in there he REALLY likes!"

After a long while, Sesshomaru emerged from out of the bathroom wearing only a hotel bathrobe (that he had actually found by accident). When Miroku went in to shower, he found the room covered in dirt and filth, with Sesshomaru's clothes spread out everywhere to dry and the closet, where the bathrobes had been, had a fist hole in the door. He quirked a brow and was about to shut the door when Sesshomaru burst into the room, gathered up his clothes and fur, then stomped out of the room muttering to himself about filthy humans and half-demons. Sighing a deep 'oh well' Miroku had his shower, only when he tried to rinse out the shampoo, the suds ran into his eyes.

Outside the bathroom, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were just discussing (more like yelling and telling each other off) about the proper way to keep hair. The two heard the banging and muffled screams of agony coming from the bathroom but just rose their voices. And when Miroku burst into the room butt-naked yelling, "It burns! It burns!" The two brothers continued on ignoring Miroku's yelling, just raising their voices higher.

"I say, wash it and then maybe use a natural herb to get the blood stains out... other then that, leave it be, that is how hair was always meant to be" Inuyasha stated firmly as he shoved a chunk of a King-Size Chocolate Bar into his mouth making him mumble a few words.

Sesshomaru smirked as he played with a lock of his hair, "And that is why your hair is ugly while mine is smooth and silky."

Just then, there was a rat-a-tat-tat on their door, it was so light that Sesshomaru and Inuyasha were the only ones to hear it... mind you at this point Miroku didn't really CARE about a rat-a-tat–tat on the door. He was far more concerned with facing blindness and never seeing another pretty girl again.

Knowing full well that he was the only one who had the knowledge to handle any kind of social affair at the present time, Inuyasha rose to his feet and walked over to the door.

The hanyou had forgotten about his bare-naked monk in the middle of the room and when he opened the door, the old woman got a full view of the hotel room. With Miroku stumbling about butt-naked and Sesshomaru sitting on the bed in a bathrobe. The woman looked around Inuyasha and gave a wave to Sesshomaru, a smile on her face. Said Lord immediately paled and darted into the bathroom in a flash of white, slamming the door behind him. Miroku blindly made his way back to the bathroom door and pounded on it with his fist.

"My robes! My robes! I sense someone staring! I want my robes!" Miroku called through the wooden door.

Sesshomaru quickly opened the door, chucked out Miroku's staff and slammed the door again.

Miroku, once he had finish fumbling around trying to catch his cane, frowned, "This doesn't nearly cover up my nakedness!"

The monk heard an angry growl from the other side of the door before the door swung open again and the Lord tossed the purple robes in Miroku's face before slamming the door once more. The monk, caught off guard by having his clothes plastered to his face, stumbled backward only to hit the sofa and, because of how he was practically running backwards, tumble over the back of the coach to hit the floor on the other side of said object with a THUMP! Completely whipping out a side table on his way down that held a stack of books and Sesshomaru's armor, sending it landing on top of himself with a CRASH! And a OWW!

Inuyasha turned back to the woman, swallowing the last of chocolate in his mouth, "Ya...? What?"

The woman smiled up at him, being kinda short. "Nevermind. I have seen enough to count as an apology for an entire night of ruckess!" The woman was about to move away but stopped, "Oh! And tell that man in the bathroom my door is unlocked."

Inuyasha quirked a brow, but agreed and the woman left. Closing the door, Inuyasha made his way to the bathroom, ignoring the rumblings of the monk who was saying stuff like: "It's alright! I'm OK! Nobody panic! That was deliberate, it was deliberate!"

Inuyasha tried the door for the bathroom but the knob came off in his hand. Rolling his eyes, he chucked the knob over his shoulder (which nailed Miroku right between the eyes) and pushed the door open to see his brother sitting on the toilet with his arms hugging himself and his eyes looking nervously disturbed.

Inuyasha smirked, "Brother, get up and get dressed. Your date is waiting in the next room over."

The High Lord responded with a twitching eye.

* * *

Naraku and Lucky trundled along in the sewers, the Dark Lord knew it was nighttime now just by how dark it was down in the stinky tunnel. Sunlight no longer seeped down into the sewer through the holes in the manhole cover, now the only light was the occasional moonlight ray that managed to hit the manhole cover just right so it splashed down into the sewer.

On top of the lack of light, Naraku was beginning to feel a bit homesick.

"I have never left my lands unguarded for so long..." Naraku stated as he stroked Lucky softly, "What if Inuyasha and his group of humans or Sesshomaru try to invade me? Kagura, Kanna and Hakudoushi don't know how to manage a small illusion-village without getting defeated! How will they ever manage an entire kingdom?"

Lucky, who was sleeping in Naraku's arms and was feeling rather content with the Dark Loud's stroking, didn't hear any word of this.

Naraku sighed and gave a small smirk, "I wish I had a nice, warm set of arms to curl up in." He frowned, "Warm... warm, war... war, warriors... damn those damn mutts! I don't know which one I would prefer dealing with: Sesshomaru or Inuyasha? One is a unemotional bastard that wants to cut my head off cause I betrayed him and the other is a hotheaded bastard that wants to cut my head off cause I killed his girlfriend! It's not like she's even dead anyway! She's still up and moving around... she is just made up of bones and dirt! Besides, it's not even like he DESERVED her anyway! I'm much better then he is! Then there's the wolf... I don't even know HOW to catagorize him! He is just IMPOSSIBLE!"

* * *

Bob slept soundly in his bedroom apartment. He had already showered and fell asleep to the nagging feeling at the back of his mind that he wasn't done seeing those three idiots yet. He felt deep within himself that those hitch-hikers were going to be hanging around for a while... and, even though he still had the faint hope that they were Hollywood movie stars doing a movie and not some wack-jobs that escaped an insane-asylum, it still wasn't a comforting thought.

He was sound asleep when the real crashing and banging and yelling began in the room beside him so he didn't hear it. But then there was one crash that he couldn't ignore...

Bob shot up in his bed when he heard a loud CRASH! A sudden splash of light flooded his room and something heavy landed on his bed, then bounce off to land on the floor beside the bed with a BANG!

He rapidly blinked his sleeping eyes, trying to focus, "Wh-what? What? What is going on? Where's that light coming from? Who's there?" He yelled.

A blackened form of a head popped up beside the bed "What do ya mean who is this? You don't remember me? After everything we've been through? You hit your head or something and lose your memory? I think Kagome called in amnesia." Bob could see the figure shift his position to sit next the bed... facing the opposite wall, "I had that once" He stated, deep in thought, "That was BAD." The figure's head lifted slightly, "Actually this could work to our advantage..." He turned to face Bob, "So, you don't remember anything, eh?"

Bob frowned, then his eyes widened, ((It's him! INUYASHA!)) He growled, "GET OUT!"

Inuyasha practically leapt across the bed and ran towards the light which Bob now saw to be a huge hole in the wall, the rough size of Inuyasha himself. Said dog-demon was about to leap through the hole, when he caught sight of the same white-box that they had in their own room. Quickly scurrying over, Inuyasha ripped the door off and placed it to one side before scooping everything in the small fridge into his arms... well, almost everything.

"An APPLE?" Inuyasha exclaimed, "Who the hell is going to eat this?"

A voice called from the other side of the wall, "Inuyasha! Over here! Toss it!"

With a shrug, said hanyou whipped the small fruit in the direction of the monk's voice... only to hear a PLOP!

"Inuyasha?" The voice called again, a bit whiny this time.

"What now, Miroku?"

"What is the thing called that has a big bowl on a stand with a puddle of water in it and a covered bucket on the back?"

Inuyasha, now starting to get really pissed with the monk and sometimes Sesshomaru asking what everything was, gave his answer, "It's a Makesyatalk!"

"Oh and what does it do?"

"It takes your crap so I don't have to!"

"GET OUT!" Bob yelled again.

With a side glance to the human still in his bed, Inuyasha scooped up the rest of the junk food and grabbed a single object off of the side table before he dashed to the hole in the wall. Shifting all of his junk food into one arm, Inuyasha smirked as he stared at the alarm clock in his hand.

"Hey, Sesshomaru," He began tauntingly, wanting to get even from having been thrown through a wall, "Think fast!" Then he chucked the clock as hard as he could and...

SMACK!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Miroku gasped as he rushed out of the bathroom, a wet apple in his hand "The Screaming Water Demon has Returned for a third time! RUN!"

SMASH!

RRRrrriinngg...

Sesshomaru scowled as he removed his fist away from the bits of springs and steel that once made up a clock, "Damn thing... why is everything in this era so damn LOUD?" He bellowed.

Bob groaned as he flopped back down in his bed, turning his back to the light that poured out from the huge hole in the wall. Pressing his pillow around his head to cover his ears, he looked out his open curtains to see the moon still high in the sky. He laid there for a while, but couldn't fall back asleep again.

His anger raising once more, Bob yelled, "You could at least shut off the damn light!"

There was silence in the other room, then a few steps were heard... followed by a small voice of a monk...

"Nighttime." Then the lights went off.

((This is going to be a LONG night...)) he sighed, ((I don't get paid enough for this.))

* * *

OK... technically this chapter is only 8 and a 1/4 pages long... so no complaining in the reviews! My normal chapter length is 6-8 pages long so this isn't too bad!

OK... once again I didn't get anywhere near where I wanted to go in this chapter... I wanted them to be eating breakfast at the end of this chapter! (Thinks about it) Actually, I figured all this would be done in Chapter 4! What a joke that was... oh well... hopefully everything will go as planed for the next chapter... even though I know it won't.

Anyway... on to live another day... don't forget to R&R


	8. Table Manners

**Chapter Eight: Table Manners**

Top of the morning to ya all! Quite a dandy of a good day isn't it now? (Slaps self) That is the last time I stay up late to watch Dr. Phil's Call-In Talk Show! On to business... nah! Hey, wanna see something scary? (Holds up picture of Naraku and Miroku playing checkers) I know, scary huh? I tell you, when you are completely wasted (or can't afford beer so spend hours staring at the computer screen)... stuff like this is quite scary I'll tell you what... last night... the next pic almost gave me a heart attack (holds up pick of Kagome) it still gives me the creeps... probably because I hate Kagome but still scary right?

...I... ...don't... ...like... ...Kagome... She beats up on poor Inuyasha too much! She says he's mean to her! But, for crying out loud, he's a fucking half-DEMON who's had a crappy life! Give him a break! She sits him and then wonders why he's not in love with her! Like holly shit! Is the girl a blonde at heart or something? (No offence to any blondes reading this)

THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE FOR REVIEWING!

**Ididntdoit:** thanks for the two reviews! I hope you continue reading this fic and reviewing in this and later chapters.

Anywho... now we shall get on with this story...

Disclaimer: I love PIZZA! OK that's not really a disclaimer... I don't own Inuyasha now THAT is a disclaimer!

* * *

The next morning, Bob awoke up about 4am to the sound of pounding rain. Hoping to use the sound of the rain to his own advantage, he quickly and quietly got redressed in the same blue suit with a white shirt that he had on yesterday and started toward the door. Curiosity getting to him, he poked his head through the hole in the wall just a second to see Inuyasha sleeping sitting-up on the dining table hugging his sword, Miroku asleep on the floor next to the bed, having been pushed off by a certain Lord, and Sesshomaru who was sleeping rather happily underneath the summer covers of the bed. 

Quickly deciding this was his time to exit, he quietly began his way to the door. He was just about half-way there, when he accidently bumped into a small table... he was only barely able to manage to keep the table upright AND keep the lamp from falling to the floor. He froze, waiting for the others in the other room to wake up. But from his view, all he could see was the monk bolt straight up into a seated position, eyes still closed, and say:

"Wha ya mean I can't take my shirt off...? I'm HOT!" Then he flopped back down on the floor like nothing had happened.

He then heard some mumbles from the other two like: "Shut the Hell up, monk..." and "Then take off your damn shirt... I don't give a crap..."

((That monk's got problems.)) He thought to himself with a frown.

Bob waited a while longer before he dared to move again. After he decided they were back asleep, he carefully made his way to the door. Opening it as little as possible so he could just squeeze out, he then quietly shut it behind him. Then he began to very slowly and very silently creep past their door, freezing and holding his breath the second he heard any sound from inside the hotel room.

He was so preoccupied with keeping an eye on the door and stretching his ears for any sounds coming from within, that he failed to notice an object in his path. When he reached the object, his feet got coiled up in it and he went tumbling to the floor with a huge CRASH! Bob shook his head dizzily and picked up the object that had tripped him... a huge bouquet of about a dozen beautiful, red roses... now very much crushed and squashed to the point where most of the petals now lay on the floor. That is when he saw a small tag attached to the red ribbon around the stems of the flowers that read: "To my silver-haired man, who has seen more of me then any other man. P.S. - my door is ALWAYS open to you!"

He didn't have any time to think about the strange message before the door flew open and three figures stared down at him. Two of them wearing hotel bathrobes and the monk wrapped tightly in a shower curtain.

Inuyasha smiled, "Good morning, Bob. Sleep well?"

Obviously pissed that he had been caught, he glared up at them all, "Here are your bloody roses." He hissed, holding the broken, no, demolished roses out to them.

"Uh... thanks." Inuyasha quirked a brow and took the flowers, he then read the note attached and passed them to his brother, "They're for you." He sighed, ((No one ever gave me Bloody Roses.))

Sesshomaru growled at Bob, "There are many women before I would sleep with a man." He stated coldly, then he also read the note, and sighed, "...And there are many more men before I would sleep with HER."

Bob sighed, ignoring Sesshomaru, "So much for plan B."

Miroku smiled down at him, "Don't you mean Plan C?"

"No... Plan A was running on the Beach and this was Plan B."

"No, that was Plan B."

"How do you figure that?"

"Because we skipped Plan A and went to Plan B on the beach so this here would then be Plan C... or would it be plan A?"

Inuyasha wacked the monk on the back of the head, "We decided this last night: it is impossible to skip Plan A without creating another Plan A!"

"JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Bob yelled as he jumped up from the floor, "I'm too tired to listen to anymore of this nonsense! Because of you three making such a ruckus, I hardly slept! What the hell were you doing in there anyway at 3am?" He yelled as he barged through them and entered the hotel room, only to stop dead in his tracks.

Inuyasha whispered to Miroku, "I guess he didn't sleep well."

The monk nodded knowingly.

Bob's eyes were wide as he scanned the room over. Holes the size of a fists littered the walls, plus the one BIG hole where Inuyasha had gone through. Furniture was knocked over and broken. Shampoo bottles with caps broken off were thrown randomly over the floor... their fillings making puddles all over the place. The fridge was dented up badly with it's door ripped off and candy rappers were scattered everywhere. Bits of chairs and tables were jabbed into the wall to use as clothes hangers for their wet clothes to dry on. The rain was pouring in a broken window. The small couch was now cut in half to form two chairs. The bathroom (which no longer had a handle on the door) was just slathered in mud with the water knobs broken off and the faucet twisted up into a tight knot.

Bob gasped, "What did you guys do in here? Have a WAR?"

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru cast each other a glance before deciding it was a good time to remain wisely quiet.

With one final glance around the room, Bob turned back to everyone, "We better get out of here before the house maid comes. I suggest we find somewhere ELSE to eat breakfast."

With a nod to the human, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Miroku went off to gather their clothes to get ready.

The monk lipped off, holding on to his back in pain, "Oh...! It feels like a slept on a porcupine-demon!" He looked down beside the bed to see Sesshomaru shoulder armor... laying exactly where he was woken up... his face paled, "...Ow..."

After leaving the hotel, our group was merrily marching along the sidewalk following Bob from behind, each of the group now smelling quite nice after they each had their showers. The rain had seized so it wasn't that bad outside for a morning walk, but Bob appeared to be deep in thought about something, so they chose to remain as quite as they possibly could for the moment.

Without a word, Bob suddenly turned off and walked into a little café and, of course, Sesshomaru, Inuyasha and Miroku followed. When he was picking out a table to sit at, Bob tried to take a two-seat only table, figuring being stuck with one was better then being stuck with three. However, there was none left so he was forced to sit in a four-seat table... to which the other three seats were filled up quickly. With Miroku sitting to his right, Inuyasha sitting on an angle and Sesshomaru sitting straight ahead.

Not wasting any time, Bob immediately called over the waitress and ordered a Carrot Muffin, a Black Coffee and a bottle of Asprin. The waitress was about to ask the others what they wanted when the entire conflict began.

It all began with Sesshomaru, he was examining his eating utensils when he noticed that his knife had a spot on it. Looking beside him, he observed that his lousy brother had a clean knife and so, figuring that the hanyou wouldn't even notice, the Lord made a quick grab for the utensil. Seeing this, Inuyasha picked up his fork and, just as Sesshomaru grabbed his knife, Inuyasha stabbed his fork into his brother's hand as hard as he could. With a growl, Sesshomaru released his hold on the knife and whipped his hand away to examine it.

Bob and the waitress gasped... but Miroku laughed and pointed in amusement.

Bob turned to him, "Are you a saddest or something, monk?"

"No, I'm a pacifist." Miroku shot a glance to Inuyasha, "You call that a stab? I could drive it in deeper!"

Inuyasha growled, "I'd like to see you try! Besides, I'm trying NOT to draw attention to us." He looked to the waitress, "Ma'am." The woman's eyes grew wide before she fainted with a CRASH to the floor... Bob only watched.

Sesshomaru, now examining his hand with the fork still stuck in it, shot a glare to his brother, "That was uncalled for, hanyou!" Then he picked up his own knife with his uninjured hand, "Now you shall die!"

Inuyasha picked up his own knife and well as his spoon, "You've been saying that for years, moon-boy."

Then their battle began, swiping at each other with spoons and knives and forks. They fought with all their might, sometimes losing their balance and falling to the floor only to pick themselves back up and sit back down on their chairs before resuming their battle. At one point Inuyasha had lost his knife and was down to his spoon... so he used his last utensil to wack Sesshomaru across the cheek. The Lord growled and lunged at the hanyou with his spoon and fork... and the battle raged on until both were down to spoon vs spoon. And even still... Sesshomaru hadn't removed the fork from his hand! They both got knuckled down, there arms intertwining with one another as each fought to put the other in a lock... even at times swapping spoons. As they once again had to break up to regain their balance and replace themselves on the chairs, in a move of pure quick thinking, Inuyasha swatted away Sesshomaru's spoon with one hand and clunked his spoon on the Lord's head with the other.

Sesshomaru remained strangely calm while he looked at his spoon, "This weapon is below me." He stated before throwing the spoon away. He then picked up a plate and smashed it over the top of the hanyou's head using enough force to both shatter the china plate and send Inuyasha crashing to the floor beside the table.

"THAT'S A FOUL! THAT'S A FOUL! FOUL! FOUL! FOUL! FOUL!" Miroku yelled, standing up on his chair and pointing a finger at Sesshomaru.

"GET DOWN!" Bob yelled as he kicked the chair out from underneath Miroku, sending the monk tumbling to the floor.

Miroku frowned up at Bob from his position on the floor, "You knocked me over!" He accused.

"NO BLOODY KIDDING! SHUT UP!" He whipped his head back to the other two, "THAT IS ENOUGH!" He yelled as loud as he could as he whipped out a shiny black thing with a hole at the end and pointed at Sesshomaru, "YOU! SESSMOOMOO! PUT THAT GUY DOWN OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT!"

By this point, Sesshomaru stood beside the table with a risen chair in one hand and the front of Inuyasha's shirt clasped firmly in the other... ready to beat the hanyou senseless. Falling back to his previous suspicions about the humans's power, he dropped Inuyasha, put the chair back down and took his seat. Then he began tapping on the table in annoyance with one finger... watching the fork in his hand wiggle with each tap.

A shaky hand of a dog-demon rose up and grabbed onto the table cloth in attempts to get up. Only when he pulled on it, everything on the table came off with the cloth and landed right on poor, poor Inuyasha. All they heard was a pained, "Stupid plates."

Miroku's eyes began to water, "I thought we were friends!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T SHUT UP!"

By this point Inuyasha had gotten himself back up... although he did look a tad rough... but he tried to not let it show as he sat there swaying back and forth on his now unstable chair.

Inuyasha glared at his brother, "Asshole."

Sesshomaru shifted his glare before he, without so much as a word, picked up his own fork and stabbed it into Inuyasha's shoulder.

Inuyasha flinched then looked down at his shoulder with a fork sticking out... then he looked at Sesshomaru's hand with its fork, "Fine... were even."

"SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!" Bob yelled, then froze, finally remembering the others in the restaurant who stared wide-eyed in fright at the four of them. Bob tried to put on a small smile, "They're um... they're Canadian."

Sesshomaru glared and pointed a spoon at Bob, "What did you call me, human?" He asked threateningly.

Bob glared for a moment before deciding not to respond, he then stood up and left the coffee shop. After a short moment, Inuyasha (who had removed the fork from his shoulder) Sesshomaru and Miroku followed him, with Sesshomaru trying to yank the fork out of his hand while he was walking along... to little avail.

This is when Bob put his Master Plan (Plan C) to get rid of these idiots into action. As they stood beside him, Bob waved over three taxis... he then told each of them to pick one and get in. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha fought over the first taxi of course but in the end it was Sesshomaru in the first car, Inuyasha in the second and Miroku in the third. Before setting all the taxis off, he gave each of the cabdrivers orders so that each car would go off in different directions and would keep on driving their single passenger around, nonstop, for two hours straight. As the last taxi was sent off carrying Miroku, Bob happily crossed the street and bought himself his muffin and his coffee. Deciding to save the muffin for a mid-morning snack, he didn't eat it right away... only nibbling on it now and then peckishly. Two and a half hours later, Bob was sure he had gotten rid of them... but just then he heard a familiar voice call his name. He turned to see the three of them walking up to him, all smiling... even Sesshomaru... which was kinda scary.

The monk's smile grew, "Hey, Bob!" He called, "That was a fun! Now, you get into that yellow whatzit and find us!"

Sesshomaru smiled as slapped Bob on the back (the fork still stuck in his hand), sending the poor man nearly crashing to the ground, "That was very amusing... I haven't had that much fun sense Inuyasha was born!"

Inuyasha, who had been laughing, stopped, "Oh, gee, thanks." Then he smirked, turning to face Bob again, "Actually, we would have found you sooner... but Sesshomaru still can't smell anything but crap... and he's a slow walker... really slow... and dim-witted too."

With growls and bared fangs, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru began another yelling match. Bored, Miroku found himself looking for something to entertain himself... then he spotted the muffin in Bob's hand.

"Flip you for that!" He said as he dug out a coin from his pocket, "Heads you win, tails I lose." He stopped, "Wait... heads I win, tails you win." Then he tossed the coin in the air.

"How do ya figure? It's my damn muffin!" Bob yelled in defense and annoyance as he snatched the coin out of midair. The coin felt heavy in his hand so he examined it and gasped, "Leaping Lizards of London! This thing is over 500 years old!"

"Lizards are leaping where?" Sesshomaru asked, confused, as he held Inuyasha in an arm lock.

Ignoring the Lord, Miroku frowned, "It's just a penny."

"It's worth a fortune is what it is!" Bob replied.

Sesshomaru frowned and looked down to his brother, "Is there a shortage of money in this era, Inuyasha?"

"Yeah..." The hanyou groaned as he tried to pull away, but couldn't, "...But I didn't think it was so bad that a guy thinks a penny is worth a frigging fortune!"

Thinking of a new strategy, Inuyasha shifted his weight and lifted his foot up off the ground. He then slammed his heel as hard as he could onto Sesshomaru's toes... the Lord had no option but to let go so he could hold onto his hurting foot.

Pissed off, the Lord showed his finger to his brother... with the hand that still had the fork in it.

Inuyasha smirked, "Ya want help removing that?"

Sesshomaru glared coldly... cold enough to freeze water. Letting go of his foot he grabbed hold of the fork's handle, "No." He yanked on it but it wouldn't budge... so he yanked again... nothing... and again... nothing... and again...

"Sesshomaru?"

"Stay out of this, hanyou!"

"Sesshomaru!"

"What?"

"Ya might wanna straighten the sharp thingys on that thing... you see there? They're bent over on the other side of your hand from hittin' the table... or you could leave them like that and tear an entire chuck out of your hand... your choice."

With an icy glare that could have frozen the previously frozen ice, Sesshomaru straightened the prongs or 'sharp thingys' and took the fork out of his hand. He then tossed it over his shoulder to hear someone shout a pained, "OWW!"

"Do you have any more coins like this?" Bob asked excitedly, ignoring the previous happenings.

Inuyasha frowned, "...Ya... why do you ask?"

"Why do I ask? Because I've never seen anything like this before! This coin is obviously an original but looks brand new!"

"Hey, tell ya what," Inuyasha began, "If you agree to be our guide and help us out... we'll let you keep that penny."

Bob pocketed the coin, "Really? You mean it? Sure! Why the hell not! I'll do that for ya!"

Miroku tugged on Bob's shirt, "Can I have that now?" He asked, pointing to the muffin.

"You can buy your own with that kinda money... wait... let me guess, that is the only kind of coins you own?"

The group nodded.

"Fine then." Bob smiled, "I'll take you in to an auction tomorrow... then we'll sell your old money to give ya lots of spendable money. I'll pay for your costs today... but once you get some real cash I want my money back. Alright?"

"We are going to sell money to get money?" Sesshomaru frowned, "What's the point in that?"

After that, Bob escorted them to a new hotel. It wasn't as expensive as the previous hotel but just to save time let us say it look pretty much the same as the first room. After asking the three to please keep the damage to a minimum this time around, Bob left, saying he would be back to see them in the morning.

It didn't take long for the three to decide that they could find their way back to the hotel no problem and since there was a fresh day still ahead of them they might as well take a look around the city. So that is exactly what they did.

They walked around for hours, keeping a watchful eye out for the "Starbucks" sign that marked the well. They were all getting very weird looks from people whom they happened to pass due to their odd appearances but they didn't seem to care much. Or if they did, they didn't let it show. But at least no one was crossing the street to avoid the stink anymore, nope, they seemed to have gotten that ordeal under control... somewhat. It was nearing supper time when Miroku's eyes suddenly went wide.

"I sense evil." He said, then he looked at both Inuyasha and Sesshomaru at either side of him, "Oh... right... nevermind."

It was only a few more minutes of walking before they heard a small, but familiar voice that stated:

"Why didn't I become a seamstress like my mommy wanted me to? It was a craft that ran in our family... she said I have the most beautiful and perfect hands for such a delicate craft."

There was some faint squeaking, which basically translated into complimenting about soft hands.

"Why thank you, the key is to use moisturizer every morning and night."

* * *

THERE! Chapter Eight up and posted. I know it is a bit long and the ending was kinda rushed but we HAD to get Naraku in here somewhere! Otherwise the story would get way too drawn out. So there we go... Naraku is going to get tangled up with the other three in the next chapter! HEHE! I can't wait! This is going to be FUN! 

HAHA! Another classic! Inuyasha and Sesshomaru fighting with eating utensils! And Inuyasha wacking Sesshomaru on the top of the head with his spoon! Then Sessy says "this weapon is below me" drops his spoon and smashes IY over the head with a plate. Too funny! XD

So... Bob is a pretty confusing character no? Trust me... all the weirdness about him will get explained... near the end. In the mean time... why don't you try to put together the clues and figure out what is up with him yourself? Yes, that's right, ever sense Bob came into this story there have been tiny hints here and there about him. Did you catch on to them yet?

YAY! Canada got an honorable mention! YAY! (Can you tell I'm Canadian, eh?)

Anywho, on to Chapter Nine... almost in double digits! Yay!

I finally have over 10 reviews! Yes! Now to pass the next marker... 15 reviews! You will help me get there, won't you? Please! **R&R**


	9. Out of the Sewer But Still in Deep Shit

**Chapter Nine: Out of the Sewer but Still in Deep Shit**

Greetings, fellow fanfictionators! One more chapter and we are in double digits! YAY!

THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLES FOR REVIEWING!

**Inu-Chan-Keh:** Thank you for reviewing! I hope you continue to follow the story along! And I want to get Naraku out of the dang sewer too! I'm completely out of ideas for what could happen to him down there! That is why I'll get him out... in this chapter. This is going to be fun... mah hahaha. Also, Plan E isn't suicide because Plan F is suicide. Plan E is the Funeral. LOL! Just ignore Miroku with his Plan Z... he's just a retard! ;-)

**Ididntdoit07:** I can't wait for the next chapter either! Omg! I'm not kidding! Omg! I don't know where to go from here! Omg! But once I figure that out, omg, you'll be the first to know (omg)... or second (omg)... or third (omg)... or whenever you get around to read chapter 10. Omg:D lmao. Jk

**Godisawsome:** thanks for reviewing. LOL! Thankies for the review! Hope you keep following it along! P.S. - I just wanted to tell you that the devil is NOT in this chapter... he is only briefly mentioned! OK:D

**Hearii: **Thanks for the review! And to answer your question of why I think Kikyou is better suited to Inuyasha then Kagome is as follows: First I added up how many times my dog had gotten into the trash this week, which is 49. Then I times that by how many times my cat has bit me today, which is 162. Then I divided that by 2, which is how many times I've fallen down the stairs in the last half-hour. I then took my result and subtracted how many lights I have on my X-Mas tress that are still working, which is 7. Then I divided that by how much money is in my bank account, which is $18.44. Then, finally, I wrote my answer on paper, translated it into words using the corresponding letter for each number... and the answer that I received directed the correct match for **HE** to be Kikyou! That is what **I **think.

_Disclaimer: THAT'S IT! For this chapter I DO own Inuyasha! Screw all this disclaimer crap! I own it! (IY: no, you don't!) Yes, I do! (IY: no, you don't!) Yes, I do, it's written right here that I own it and there's nothing you can do to make me say otherwise! (IY: oh yeah? WIND SCAR!) ...oh crap..._ O.O

* * *

Sesshomaru glared at a passing human man, slightly misjudging where the voice had come from, "I don't give a crap about your moisturizer!" He growled at the man, then he stalked off, leaving the confused human behind him.

"I don't think that he was the one who said that." Inuyasha commented.

"Of course he was!" Sesshomaru glared, "Who else could've said it?"

"Oh, I don't know... about one of these hundreds of different people on the street."

"Yes, well... he was in my way."

"He was beside you."

"In my personal area."

"He was on the other side of the sidewalk!"

"He is human. He should be on the other side of the walk-way for the whatzits."

"It's called a street." Inuyasha told him, actually getting one right for once.

Sesshomaru glared at being corrected, "That's a stupid name."

"I'm human!" Miroku smiled, "Should I then be on the other side of the... 'street'?"

"If I had it my way," Sesshomaru glared coldly, "You wouldn't have to worry about being on the other side of the street."

"Oh? Why is that?" Miroku asked, a huge smile on his face.

"Because you would be dead."

"Oh..." Miroku's smile fell, "...That's kind of a downer."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "Ya think?"

Miroku said nothing for a few minutes before changing the subject, "I really do sense evil around here."

"Alright already!" Sesshomaru growled, "I'm the meanest, toughest, son of a bitch ever to have walked on this Earth. I was guaranteed at go to hell at age 12! I kicked my step-mother and half-brother out in the world to fend for themselves without a hint of sympathy! I slaughter demons just because they are in my way! I step on my frog-demon servant just because he's there! I tried to kill Inuyasha over and over again! I used an illusion of my step-mother to get what I wanted from Inuyasha... which I failed to get anyway! I fart and burp without saying excuse me! I use foul-mouthed speech just to see others shake in fear! I spat on my father's grave! I crew with my mouth open! I use public toilets to pee on public seats! I hate humans! I hate half-demons! I hate my father! I've actually talked to the devil! He said I was one cold-hearted bastard and I smiled! I tripped a monk! I pranked a priestess! So, have I been Miss. Purity? No! Big deal! I wouldn't want it to be any other way!"

"MISS. Purity, eh?" Inuyasha smirked, "So that is what the red eyeliner thing is all about."

Sesshomaru glared dangerously, "EyeSHADOW!"

"Tripped a monk?" Miroku frowned, then his eyes widened as he pointed his finger accusingly at Sesshomaru, "THAT WAS **YOU**!"

* * *

**((Authors Note: For now on, Lucky will speak English to get rid of all that damn squeaking shit. Although Naraku is the only one who can understand him. The others just hear squeaking.))**

Down in the depths of the sewer, Naraku stood standing in filth that reached up to just below his knees with Lucky sitting contently on his shoulder. Both were peering up at the manhole cover above them thoughtfully. The Dark One was contemplating another escape attempt as it did appear to be day again and the tunnel he walked through didn't seem like it was ending anytime soon.

"What is your problem? Just use the ladder, go up and be rid of this world of shadow, muck and smell!" Lucky said as he shook his tiny fist.

"Muck?" Naraku stared at the rat for a moment, "There's no MUCK down here! It's all SHIT!"

"Well then... some 'Lord' you are! Spending all your time down in a sewer!"

"Sue-er? Do you mean this long hall of darkness and dismal odors?" He asked as he stretched out his arm in a dramatic kinda way, then his arm fell against his side, "Damn... outdone by a rat... outdone... outdone, outcast... outcast, outhouse... I wish I could find an outhouse! I really gotta go!"

Having had enough of Naraku's rumblings, Lucky harshly bit the Lord's ear. When he released his grip after the Lord had his little yelp, the rat asked, "Are we done?"

Naraku nodded, "Yes... but my ear hurts... hurt... hurt, bad... bad, good... good, bad... bad, good... bad, bad... oh, that's bad..."

Lucky grabbed Naraku's nose and turned the Lord's head toward's him, "CONCENTRATE PLEASE!"

"OK! I'm good!"

Naraku stopped, his eyes staring straight ahead as if caught into some dream world. He stayed like that for a bit... although Lucky knew it wouldn't last long.

As the Lord drew in a deep breath, the rat sighed, "Oh, no..."

* * *

Sesshomaru growled and wacked the monk on the back of the head.

* * *

After Lucky got Naraku back on track, both Lord and rat were once again staring up at the manhole cover.

"There is no way I am putting my health on the line again." Naraku stated firmly, "My finger will never recover from its assault from the rolling-demons! Look at it! Its all crooked and... thin."

"You're a chicken!" Lucky challenged, "You shouldn't even be able to CALL yourself a 'Lord'! Being afraid of some small, weak, rolling-demon!"

Naraku's eyes narrowed, "I am to a Lord!" He stopped and thought about it, "...And not a chicken! Have you ever seen a chicken with three alligator tails, a human body, spikes and that resembles me in all other ways?"

"I have, I am looking at it." Lucky stated, "But if insist that you aren't a chicken... prove it!"

Naraku shifted his glare from the rat on his shoulder to the manhole cover above him.

The rat snickered, "Well, good luck. I'll watch from afar."

"Oh, no, you don't!" Naraku sneered as he grabbed the rat and tucked it under his shirt, "We are doing this together or not at all! Or are you a chicken?"

* * *

"Just shut up, monk."

"But–"

"Enough!" Sesshomaru growled, "It was seven years ago! Get over it!"

"Will the two of you shut up!" Inuyasha yelled as he wacked the two of them on the back of their heads, "You're drawing attention to us!"

Sesshomaru growled and, grabbing Inuyasha's sleeve in a firm fist, he proceeded in throwing the hanyou into a passing bus' window with a loud CRASH. The large vehicle, now with a broken window, calmly came to a halt and a shadow moved around inside the bus. When Inuyasha stepped off, Sesshomaru's eyes doubled as he saw his brother holding his fur which the hanyou had unknowingly taken from him before he had gotten thrown.

Inuyasha tossed the fur over his shoulder. "Oh! Look at me! I'm Sesshomaru! I wear red eyeliner! Lalalalalalala..." He mocked in a girly voice as he strutted around the sidewalk with one hand on his hip and the other petting his fur.

With a growl, Sesshomaru made a lunged at him, an attack which Inuyasha dodged easily before he took off down the street with his brother's fur flying behind him. With words that cannot be spoken of here, Sesshomaru dashed after the half-demon.

Miroku then took off after the two demons, "Stop! You're drawing attention to us! We have to blend in!"

With Sesshomaru catching up quickly, Inuyasha did a quick turn around a corner only to skid to a stop. He was soon joined by Sesshomaru who didn't see his younger brother in time to avoid bumping into him and the two brothers only just managed to stay on their feet.

Miroku came up beside a blonde woman who was doing her morning run, "Will you bear my child?"

SLAP!

Miroku stumbled around the corner, still trying to recover from the force of the slap, when he slammed into the back of the Western Lord, sending all three of them in a pile-up on in the middle of the street.

Miroku, who was on top of the mess, smiled, "At least you didn't wreck my house this time... and I'm not on the bottom either!"

"Don't touch me, human!" Sesshomaru growled as he elbowed the monk in the nose. Turning his attention to his half-brother, the High Lord then snatched his fur away from Inuyasha who was lying painfully at the bottom of the pile, "I'll take that back! Now, I shall teach you a lesson you will never forg–" His eyes lifted to half of a figure sticking up in the middle of the road.

Everyone's eyes doubled.

Miroku frowned and pointed, "Hey, look! It's the bastard!"

"Yes, I know Sesshomaru is here!" Inuyasha groaned as he shoved his brother off of him, "What's Naraku doing here?"

The Dark Lord was out in the middle of the road, his top half anyway. He had somehow managed to get his spikes up through the manhole, but his tails appeared to be getting him stuck from coming up any further. Naraku wiggled about in the hole, but no matter what he tried... he was stuck.

A horn blasted and Naraku swung around in the hole to see a huge, blue rolling-demon coming straight for him. His hands frantically padded, slapped and grabbed for anything around the hole... there was, of course, nothing. Then, in an act of pure quick thinking, Naraku sucked in all of his spikes and tails and returned to his human form. No longer being kept up by anything, Naraku plummeted back down the hole just as the rolling-demon was about to hit him. It only missed his head by a cm or two.

When the traffic cleared off the road, Sesshomaru, Inuyasha and Miroku cautiously made their way to the manhole. They peered down and saw Naraku grumpily getting back onto his feet and yelling at some unknown being.

With a frown on his features, Miroku picked up a chunk of ashfault that had come loose from the road. He was about to throw it down into the hole when Inuyasha took it away from him.

"What do you think you're doing?" The hanyou yelled, "You're not strong enough!" Then he whipped the chunk down the manhole himself.

TOOKSH!

"OW!"

"Did you get him?" Miroku asked.

"I got him."

From down in the darkness, they heard Naraku's voice rise up, "Stupid damn rocks! This place is against me! First my finger, then my head and now rocks are attacking me! Like, what the hell?" The Lord glanced upwards to see the heads of both Inuyasha and Miroku staring down at him... laughing. Sesshomaru was just out of view.

Figuring that since they were there, in the rolling-demon's territory, it had to be safe, Naraku ran as fast as his soaked, shit-stained clothes would allow him to down the tunnel a bit further until he found another manhole. He then zipped up the ladder, jumped out of the manhole cover all the way (he could now sense he is in his human form) and landed a bit down the road from the group.

When Naraku saw Sesshomaru standing with the hanyou and the monk, he knew for a firm fact that he couldn't win in the kinda shape he was in. So, turning around, he was about to flee from his predicament when he heard a blast from a horn and, before he knew it, he was hit smack on by another rolling-demon. He shakily got back to his feet, only to get hit again, only this time he became airborn. He flew to the opposite side of the four-way intersection only to ricochet off the hood of a yellow demon and fly back into the path of a transport.

This routine was played out many more times, with horns blaring and many levels of yelling from Naraku saying, "BUBBLE, BUBBLE, BUBBLE, BUBBLE, BUBBLE!" But he couldn't get his 'bubble' or his barrier to work. Now and again he actually did succeed and the purple glow of his bubble would form around him but, without his meds to help him concentrate, his bubble would never stay up long enough to prevent him from getting nailed by another 'demon.'

When the traffic finally stopped, Naraku lay in the middle of the four-way with his bubble finally up around him... the twitching of his foot his only visible movement.

Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Miroku glanced at each other before making their way over. By the time they got there, Naraku had begun to regain consciousness and was laying there talking to himself.

Miroku, after Inuyasha had taken down the Dark Lord's barrier by poking it with an untransformed tetsusaiga, tapped Naraku on the shoulder with his sandaled foot "Is he dead?"

"No, no... yes, yes... no, no, yes, yes! Hehehehehehehe!"

They all stared down at the Lord in shock and disbelief... this was the guy who was causing so much trouble for each of them?

"Hehehehehehe... yes, no, no, yes... yes, yes, no! Hehehe... No, no, yes, yes... no, yes, yes, no! Hehehehe!"

The blaring of the horns from impatient drivers wanting to get going scared the three a bit, but, taking the hint, the two demons gave Miroku the task of hauling the Lord off of the street. The monk carried out this order with lots of complaining and whining but he did do it in the end and, following the other two, dragged the giddy body of the Dark Lord into the park which was right there by the corner.

It was nearing the end of the day so not many people were there... just the odd set of kids that gave the four of them really odd looks.

Dragging the Dark Lord to an isolated area, the three looked down at Naraku who, by this point, had his eyes half-way open and was at least making semi-complete sentences.

"My bubble... my bubble won't work... my bubble... my bubble's broken... I try, but it won't... so I can't, and it won't... it's broken... broken bad... OHHH! Broken bad... like my finger... it's all broken... oh! My, my! My bubbles broken..." Naraku, all of sudden, bolted straight up into a sitting position and stretched out his arms for a dramatic end, "OH! MY FINGER IS BROKEN AND ROCKS HATE MEEEEEEEEEE!" Then he went limp and his upper body fell forward... causing his head hit a large rock with a THUNK!

"That is quite a catchy tune he was singing." Miroku nodded in acknowledgment, "Although the end was a bit rough."

Sesshomaru growled as he took his hands off his ears, "Good. He's finally shut up. He was scaring away all the birds... not to mention I can't hear anything out of my left ear."

Inuyasha quirked a brow at the Dark Lord before using a finger to push against Naraku's forehead, sending him away from the rock and onto his back again.

The Dark One's eyes rolled open... crossed-eyed... but they're still open! But apart from the odd gurgling noises, he stayed pretty much quite.

Inuyasha unsheathed Tetsusaiga, which transformed immediately, and brought the red-blade above his head, "Man, he reeks! I have to kill him now, before I start seeing triple instead of double!" Inuyasha whipped his watering eyes, ((OK... if I aim for the one in the middle...))

Before Inuyasha could swing, Sesshomaru pushed the hanyou aside, "I will not have a half-breed stealing my kill."

"YOUR kill?"

"What are your planing to do?" Miroku asked to Western Lord, "Have him stuffed? Or use him as a rug?"

Inuyasha growled, ignoring the monk, "He ruined my entire life! What the hell did he do to you?"

"He did enough."

"Example?"

"He... he dishonored my name with his trickery."

"Big deal! He killed my girlfriend and had me pinned to a tree for 50 years!"

"He never really killed her... since she is still... moving about."

"She's the undead!"

"It's something that suits the girl well."

"HEY––!"

"Excuse me!" Miroku butted in, "But I feel you two are forgetting that he killed my father AND my grandfather, and is going to kill me with the wind-tunnel."

"NOBODY CARES!" The dog-brothers yelled together.

Miroku sighed, "I see only one way we can settle this." The monk held up a coin, "Coin flipping! It worked with Bob's muffin and it will work for this too!"

"He didn't give you his muffin." Inuyasha commented.

"No," Miroku smirked, "but he didn't seem to want it after we gave him that penny to be our guide."

"Yes," Sesshomaru agreed, "People, now a days, appear to work for a lot less then they do back home. ...Or perhaps it is merely a human thing."

After deciding to flip the damn coin, Inuyasha with tails and Sesshomaru with heads. Miroku tossed the coin in the air, caught it and revealed the deciding factor.

"God dammit!"

Sesshomaru smirked, "Sweet victory. Now, out of my way, Inuyasha." The Lord unsheathed Toukijin and stepped up to the Dark Lord, who was indeed starting to regain true consciousness again.

This was the end. The end to the Dark Lord's rein, the end to all of his trickery and the misery he brought onto anyone around him. This was the payback for his evil ways, the fear and pain he put into all their followers and friends... for Sango... for Kohaku... for Kouga... for Miroku... for Inuyasha... for Sesshomaru... for Rin... for Keade... for Kikyou... and for everyone else.

The Lord of the Western Lands, whipping the moisture from his watering-eyes, lifted his blade over his head and prepared himself to strike down his sworn enemy once and for all...

* * *

Oooo! Cliff-Hanger! Goody! Now you have to read on! Will Sesshomaru kill Naraku? Will Naraku come to his senses in time to save himself? Will Lucky save Naraku? Do I really know what I am doing? Probably not!

Now, read on my fellow fanfictionators! And don't forget to **R&R**!


	10. Now There is Five?

**Chapter Ten: Now There is Five?**

YAY! We are officially in the double-digits! We are actually getting somewhere here! Three cheers for me! Hip, hip... (crickets) HIP, HIP... (crickets) oh forget it... anyway... ALRIGHT! This story finally has 20 reviews! Awesome! Keep it up everyone! Let's see if we can get to 30!

Also, I'm not sure how funny this chapter is going to be because of Naraku suddenly being thrown into the mix. I don't know, it might be funny it might not be funny. But one thing I CAN guaranteed, is that once we get OVER this chapter... I have lots of funny ideas for the five of them (six if you count Lucky). Also, this will most likely be a **LONG CHAPTER! **

MANY HUGS TO THE FOLLOW PEOPLE FOR REVIEWING!

**Inu-chan-keh:** That you for reviewing... and so fast too! I'm glad you liked the chapter and I hope you keep following the story along!

**Ididntdoit07:** don't worry, you ain't a dits. My brother and I just thought your review was so funny that we couldn't RESIST making fun of it! LOL! Don't take it to heart! Cause we didn't mean it to be! Thankies for the review:D

**Jesse**: Thanks for the review. To answer your question: I don't have a bloody clue where we are going with this... we think as we go! But still funny right? LOL! Kagome, Sango and the rest might come in some other part in the story. But for now it is just going to be Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Miroku, Naraku, Bob and Lucky. OK?

**Hearii:** IF INUYASHA LANDS UP WITH KAGOME I'M GOING TO SCREAM! Seriously! Any girl who wears a skirt THAT short is A) just looking for trouble and B) doesn't deserve a guy like Inuyasha and his cute little ears! I don't care if it is her school uniform, if it was me I would have told the school that I'm not a tramp so I'm not wearing it! Also, did you DO the equation that I worked out for you? It actually does give a REAL answer, ya know. But thanks for the review anyway.

Disclaimer: (pops up all messy and dirty) sense I cheated death in the last chapter by actually surviving a Wind-Scar... I think I'm just going to say that I don't own it for now... and pass out... right here looks good... (faints)

* * *

Sesshomaru growled, "Now... DIE, NARAKU!"

"I like clouds." Naraku suddenly blurted out, causing Sesshomaru to hesitate, "Clouds are fluffy and pretty... like daisies... daisies are pretty... tulips can burn in Hell."

Sesshomaru glared down at the Dark lord... or one of them anyway... the stink of shit was getting to the Lord's keen senses and was making him see at least five different Naraku's lying on the ground.

"...My daisies won't grow... why won't my daisies grow?"

Sesshomaru stayed perfectly still with the blade still raised above his head, blinking at the Lord of the Dark Lands in utter confusement.

"TODAY!" Inuyasha yelled, "What ya waiting waiting? The sun to be at the proper alignment in the sky? The stars? The moon? Does it have to line up with your forehead or something?" He really did want to kill the bastard himself but he figured seeing him get killed would have to do. He muttered to himself, "Stupid coins."

With a sigh, Sesshomaru sheathed Toukijin in defeat, "My pride honors me to take down my enemies at their best... not when they are crying about their daisies."

Inuyasha growled and barged in front of his brother, "Than get out of my way, ya wimp!"

The hanyou drew back Tetsusaiga as far as he could and aimed for the center of the Middle-Naraku's head. However, just as he swung his blade, Lucky came stumbling out from underneath the Dark Lord's clothing, causing Inuyasha to freeze in mid-swing.

Inuyasha watched as the scrawny rat stumbled about, stop and then look up at him. The rat, at that point, tried to stand up on his hind legs only to wobble for a second and fall back onto its side.

"...That's so damn pathetic..." Inuyasha sighed as he sheathed Tetsusaiga, then he whipped his head to the other two, "Shut up!"

"INUYASHA!" Miroku yelled, bottom jaw lying on the ground, "But... how... why... when... who... huh?"

"Naraku is making more sense then you right now, monk, and he is hardly conscious!" Sesshomaru growled.

"I want PINK daisies! No, purple! Hehehehehe!"

"Would you shut up, you stupid idiot!" Inuyasha growled.

"...I'm no idiot..." Miroku muttered sadly.

"Not you, moron! Naraku!"

"OH! OK, then!" Miroku smiled.

Naraku, with his eyes closed, pointed at a random person around him, which turned out to be Sesshomaru, "I love you."

"What is it with this time? First the old lady and now this!" Sesshomaru growled.

"Maybe it's the huge fur... thing." Miroku suggested.

"Will you two get a grip?" Inuyasha asked, then he moved onto the subject at hand, "If we can't kill Naraku right now. What are we going to do with the asshole?" He asked as the rat stumbled by in front of him.

"Beats me." Miroku said as he watched the rat sway around for a second in front of him before he gently used his foot to direct the rat back towards Naraku's passed out form. But it got slightly off-track.

"Well, " Sesshomaru began at the rat groggily walked into his foot, "First thing we have to do is tie him up."

"Who?" Miroku asked, "The rat?"

"No... Naraku." Sesshomaru corrected.

"But we should tie it up too." Inuyasha added, "So it doesn't scamper off... just in case it's a detachment or something."

"Who?" The monk asked, "Naraku?"

"No... the rat."

"Yes, then we need to find something to transport it with." Sesshomaru said as he pushed the rat away with his foot, a concerned look on his usually hard face.

"Who?" Asked Miroku, "Naraku or the rat?"

"Both."

"Then we will take 'em to Bob." Inuyasha told them as he nudged the rat off towards his half-brother.

"Oh, I don't think HE would kill Naraku." Miroku commented.

"Not to kill 'em." Inuyasha explained, "I think I heard somewhere that you need permission to kill someone in this time or you will be punished... horribly."

"Yes..." Sesshomaru replied, pushing the rat back towards the hanyou, "...And I don't want to lose all my hair!"

"Love lots..." Naraku muttered, "...My daisies... daisies, pretty... pretty like Sesshomaru's hair... I want hair like that..."

"You will never learn the secret to my beautiful hair!" The Lord proclaimed.

"...Silly, Sessy..." The Lord rambled, whether he actually heard Sesshomaru or was just talking to himself, I don't know. "...Nothing will... stop me... from having pretty hair... pretty like daisies..."

Sesshomaru sighed, "He's a determined bastard, I'll give him that much."

"Ya know, we also have to find someway to wash this asshole." Inuyasha commented as he nudged the rat off towards the monk, "He stinks so damn bad... I can't bare it."

"Who? The rat?" Miroku asked.

"No... Naraku."

"Oh... I'd rather wash the rat."

Leaving Miroku with the duty of watching Naraku and making sure the rat doesn't wobble away, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru went off in search of supplies. Inuyasha was in charge of finding rope, which he found that rather easily.

It was tied to a branch of a tree on the other side of the park just waiting there for him, holding up a little boy who sat swinging in an old tire.

Inuyasha walked up to the boy, "Get lost, kid." He ordered as he cracked his knuckles.

With one small glance to the oddly-dressed figure, the kid dashed off.

Inuyasha then jumped up on the branch and used his ever-so-sharp claws to slice the rope. Falling out of the tree (he lost his footing) and landing on the ground with a CRASH! Inuyasha grumpily picked himself up off the ground and grabbed both the rope and tire for usage. He then left back in the direction he had come, rubbing his sore back... damn rocks.

Sesshomaru's job was to find the 'transportation' unit, which he did succeed in finding rather quickly. He found it not far from a duck pond. Just rolling by in front of him, being pulled by some little boy... a little, red wagon. He took the wagon away from the kid easily. When the boy began to cry, he told the child to "Grow up, life is tough, get used to it." Before turning around and going back from which he came, pulling the little wagon behind him.

When the two returned to where they had left the other three, they found the monk with his back to Naraku, facing a small 'pen' of sticks which held the groggy rat.

Miroku looked up to them, "'Bout time you guys got back! I think Naraku is going to wake up any moment now!"

The Lord and Prince shifted their stare to the Dark Lord... who had flipped himself over and was now lying face-down on the ground.

After a moment of hearing some gurgled sounds, Inuyasha asked, "Can he breathe?"

"What do I look like?" Miroku asked, "A doctor?"

"A doctor... that's a laugh. You hardly qualify as a monk!" Inuyasha placed his things on the ground, "Sesshomaru, did you get the... the thing we wanted you to get?"

Sesshomaru held up the little wagon, "And I see that you have your rope, thus I can no longer say that you have never accomplished anything... what is that thing tied onto the end?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Inuyasha smirked, then, getting Miroku to hold the Dark Lord sitting upright, he jammed the tire down on Naraku's shoulders, "Extra-strong restraints!"

The hanyou then used the rest of his rope to tie the Lord up snugly before dumping Naraku onto the little, red wagon. Not wanting the rat to run away either, Inuyasha used a small string from the rope to hog-tie the rat.

"I also found a source of water not far from here." Sesshomaru commented as the rat was placed in the wagon beside the Dark Lord.

"Great! Let's go!" Inuyasha smirked, "Miroku?"

"Yeah?"

"Bring Naraku and the rat."

"Why do I have to do it?"

Inuyasha gave a side glance to Sesshomaru before the Western Lord stepped forward briskly, a cold look upon his every feature. "Because you're small, you're weak, you're insignificant, and because you are a human who has yet to find a use and must learn to must do just that before I rid the world of your stupidity!"

Miroku picked the handle to the wagon and smiled wearily, "Where to?"

With Inuyasha and Sesshomaru once again leading the way, Miroku pulled the wagon all the way to a duck pond on the exact opposite side of the park. All the way the monk grumbled, "Not far from here... my ass!" Once they arrived, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were the ones who had to throw Naraku in the pond since Miroku was passed out in exhaustion. This task was made quick difficult for the two considering their sensitive noses, Naraku's stench, and their pains of not getting any crap on themselves again. Picking the Lord up by each of his arms, the Prince and Lord then heaved the passed out form into the pond mercilessly, simply allowing him to fall how and where he may. Inuyasha, claws pinching the scruff of Lucky's neck, then sat the rat down on a rock in the pond so that the rodent was in the water without having to worry about drowning.

After a moment of bubbles trailing up the side of Naraku's face as he lay face-down in the pond-water, Miroku was forced by Sesshomaru and Inuyasha to not let their kill drown. So, heaving a heavy sigh, the monk stepped into the knee-high water and wadded across to where Naraku lay. After some difficulty, Miroku got the Dark Lord propped up (using eight sticks to cover every direction which he could lean) in the middle of the pond with the rat on a rock right beside him. Just when the monk was about to get out of the pond, one stick snapped and Naraku plopped back down in the water, forcing Miroku to once again go prop him back up.

Figuring it might take a bit to get the idiot to become less pathetic, each warrior sat on a different bench on each side of the pond, waiting as patient as each of their impatient natures would allow.

Naraku's head swayed from side to side as he started to regain some of his lost consciousness, "I'm going to rule this pathetic world..." He muttered, causing Sesshomaru to unsheathe Toukijin in pure hope that his enemy wasn't pathetic anymore. However, the Dark Lord finished his sentence. "...So I can plant the world full of daisies... yellow... pink... blue... purple... green..."

The Western Lord sighed and sheathed his sword, "How much longer is this going to take?" He crackled his knuckles, "My patience is wearing thin." His eyes narrowed, ((Or thinner than usual.))

Miroku's head popped up from gathering all sorts of different items around him to try and make a House of Garbage. However, just looking at the two pieces he was trying in vain to prop against each other, you could see he was failing at utterly at his little task. "They make green daisies now?"

Inuyasha stopped from flicking pebbles at Naraku. He had already hit the Dark Lord twice on the forehead and once in the eye and, from his point system, that was a sweet 200 points. "I don't think so... they make blue ones?"

"If you three don't shut up about daisies you will all be BURIED under the daisies! And I won't care what colour they are!" Sesshomaru yelled pointing a threatening finger at them, "And that goes for the rat too!"

Miroku looked horrified, "But orange will clash with my purple robes!"

"Roses..." Naraku's head rolled to one side, "...Prickly damn things..."

Sesshomaru re-crossed his arms over his chest with what might have passed as a pout, "That's better."

It took about half an hour, but, finally, Naraku began to regain his true self. The first clue to this happening was the Dark Lord brushing all the many, many sticks away from himself drowsily and began supporting the weight of his own upper body. The second clue was that the Dark Lord began to wink... at Sesshomaru... (this was, unknown to the Western Lord, caused by the tiny pebble stuck in his eye.)

Sesshomaru watched Naraku wink at him for a moment or two, "I don't think this plan of ours to make him less pathetic is working."

"Why do you say that?" Miroku asked.

"He's... winking at me."

Inuyasha smirked as he lined up another pebble, "Do you want the monk and I to leave you two love-birds alone?"

But it was on the third step that Naraku actually began to start making sense.

When he first started to come to, his vision was pretty clouded... to the point where all he could see was the slightly blurry versions of himself, Lucky and the seemingly endless water around them.

When the Lord noticed that both himself and his lucky rat were tied up (him with a strange-smelling, strange-looking, black circle), his first reaction was to turn to Lucky who seemed to had come to his senses several minutes earlier.

"What happened?" The Dark Lord asked quietly and he fidgeted in his restraints, "Where are we?"

When Lucky answered, the other three only heard squeaking, while Naraku understood every word, "I don't know... something to do with screaming... yelling... and very hard... things."

"The last thing I remember is coming out of the sue-er, as you call it."

"It's sewer... say it right or don't say it at all. Geeze, how did you ever survive long enough to become an adult? You act like you were born and raised in out in the middle of nowhere with no clue about modern technology or concepts! It's annoying!"

Naraku frowned, "I was."

The rat looked up at him with an unbelieving stare, "What? You were annoying?"

"No, I was raised in the middle of nowhere with none of these odd sights, sounds and smells." He looked a bit worried, "...Where am I?"

"Hiroshima... I think."

Thinking the rat had sneezed, the Lord replied, "Bless you."

Lucky rolled his eyes, "Hiroshima, JAPAN! As in the city?"

"What's a city?"

"Okay, wise-guy, what year do you think this is?"

"I don't know... somewhere in the 1500s? Maybe a little later... Look! A duck! Duck... duck, luck... luck, bad luck... bad luck, trying to get a stranger to kill Kikyou only for him to realize she was protected by a hanyou and thereby nearly getting killed but surviving to then come back to find me and nearly kill me - though he thought he killed me - only for me to get thrown off a cliff into a river which brought me right into the hands of the priestess I wanted to kill and I recall getting horny and marketing my body as a host for demons in similar fashion as a prostitute only to then boil with rage and turn priestess against hanyou and setting off into time the ripples which expand to what is clearly my eternal damnation because the bad guy never seems to win and we always come with some pathetic sob story that makes us look pathetic and SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED ME!" His eyes turned frantic, "Lucky, something's in here with us! It wants to eat us! Perhaps it's a giant squid-demon or a cat-demon... no, cat-demons don't like water... or, maybe they do? I have never asked a cat-demon if they liked water... I must ask one the next time I see one. I would assume they don't because normal cats don't... well, except Mr. Whiskers... he was my cat before I became all demony and I ate him," Lucky gave him a suspicious look, "But he loved to play in water... do you like to play in water?"

Ignoring all this, the rat picked out the only part of all that which was remotely useful, "The feudal era, huh? Well... if you were seriously born and raised in feudal era... that means your about 500 years into the future... round-about guess, of course, but close enough."

Naraku's eyes doubled, "500 years? How is that possible? It doesn't feel like it has been that long..." His face turned as horrified as Miroku's had been earlier, "I'm OLD!"

"Come on! You're not serious, are you? Time travel is theoretically impossible and, to cross off another theory, NO ONE can LIVE that LONG! Even idiots know that! Lets come about this logically, shall we? OK, how long were you walking around in the sewer?" Lucky asked in a know-it-all kinda way.

"Well... obviously... a very long time."

"You' re hopeless." Lucky sighed.

"You'd be surprised with how many people have told my that."

"I doubt it."

After a moment of nothing being said, Naraku struggled to free his hands that were tied behind his back with his miasma, only to frown, "Something is wrong..." He muttered.

Lucky looked up to the Dark Lord looking ever bit bored, "What now?"

"My miasma... it's not... I can't... there must be something in the air..." He turned his head back to his faithful rat, "So, you really don't know where we are? Or how we got here?"

"Other than somewhere in Japan, no, I don't... but maybe they do." Lucky said as he nodded his head to the figures around them who still sat on the benches.

When Naraku looked and found his vision gave him that distance, he paled to see Inuyasha. When he turned again, he went even paler to see Sesshomaru. However, when he hesitantly turned a third time to see the monk, the Dark Lord's eyebrows rose before he looked to Lucky and shrugged in a not caring motion.

This action Miroku took personally as he jump to his feet, knocking over his House of Garbage that he had finally gotten the first level on, "I'll kill you, Naraku!" He then began to untie his wind-tunnel.

Sesshomaru, who was sitting on the exact opposite side of the monk, frowned, "This perhaps was not the ideal choice of seat."

When Miroku unleashed his wind-tunnel, he found it to be not as powerful as before, but it was... uh... 'sucking', nonetheless. However, Sesshomaru decided he was not ready for a trip into the black abyss of a monk's hand - like, really, where did all the demons GO? - and he stood swiftly before ripping his metal bench out of the concrete ground. In the similar fashion as what a child would toss a small ball, Sesshomaru threw his large weapon towards the monk with no thought put into how the human would deal with it. The bench flew upward, out of reach of the wind-tunnel, before coming down... right on top of the monk.

When the wind died down, Sesshomaru was in the same place only standing, Inuyasha had not moved from his position on his bench (well... he was sitting closer to the edge now), and Naraku was no longer in the middle of the pond but was now near the edge... with a group of ducks and one rat piled up behind him.

Sesshomaru growled as he tried to smooth out his now-poofy hair, "Foolish, human! Watch where you are aiming!"

Miroku made a small, "Uh huh," As he lay underneath the bench. Lucky for him it was on top of him with the seat part down... getting him trapped, unharmed, inside the metal bars of the bench.

"Hey, look!" Naraku smirked, "A monk in a cage!" Lucky squeaked something from behind Naraku, to which the Dark-Lord answered, "Actually, I found the BREEZE rather refreshing myself."

Miroku yelled from underneath the bench, "You do not know the power of the curse you have bestowed on my family!" The monk stopped and thought about it, "Wait... yes, you do... nevermind!"

Leaving the monk where he was for the moment, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru stepped up towards the Dark Lord who was now at the edge of the pond. Said evil demon paled slightly as they neared him, but tried not to let it show.

Nothing was said between the three of them, only the odd grumbling of the monk in the background was heard on top of the slightly dramatic breeze that made all three of the demons' hair blew widely before it died down.

"Naraku," Sesshomaru growled as he cracked his knuckles, "The winds of time have finally proclaimed your end."

"Wait!" Naraku yelled, "If you kill me now, my rat army will find you and avenge my death!"

Three sets of eyes fell onto Lucky, who, stilled tied up, was now floating on the back of a nearby duck.

"Lucky!" Naraku yelled "Get off of that thing! You don't know where its been!"

"Lucky?" Inuyasha questioned with a quirked brow.

Naraku growled, "Yes! His name is Lucky! You have a problem with that, dog-ears?"

"No," The hanyou stated with a hand coming to his temple, "I'm just finding that the more I get to know you, the more I wish I hadn't stole Sesshomaru's fur at the beginning of all this. Some people are just a lot easier to kill the less ya know about 'em."

"I see." Naraku nodded understandingly, "Also, I am interested in how your group came to be. There's Sesshomaru with the two kinds of things that he hates most in the world: half-demons and humans. Then you, Inuyasha, with your brother that you would rather disembowel then send a Birthday Gift. I can see the monk and you together... but the three of you together in a group is simply comical to me"

"That is not true, I have given him a birthday gift!" Inuyasha growled, "It was in a flaming bag, I left it on his doorstep!"

"Yes, hanyou... that was quite thoughtful of you by the way." Sesshomaru growled sarcastically, then he turned to Naraku to answer the Dark Lord's question, "It is purely a group formed by accident." He assured, "Now... prepare to die!"

Inuyasha glared to his brother, "Have you forgotten what I said about getting Bob's permission first? I thought you said didn't want to lose all your hair?"

"That was BEFORE he insulted me."

"What? He didn't insult you!"

"He said we were a group."

"That isn't an insult! You don't even know what a insult is, moon-boy!"

"I do so. It is any point in a conversation where my name and your name comes up in the same sentence."

Naraku shrugged, "Well, if you think killing me is worth losing all of that well managed hair of yours..."

The Lord thought about it for a second, "Where do you think Bob would be?" He asked quickly, playing with a lock of his hair.

Inuyasha shrugged, "I don't know, but we'll find him... then we'll kill Naraku."

"You can't! Fear my rat army! They will nibble on your toes and steal your cheese!"

After letting Miroku out from underneath the bench, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha grumpily picked up the still bound Naraku and dumped him in the little, red wagon. He was a bit less stinky now, but the stench wasn't completely gone. Lucky, picked up off of the duck's back by Miroku, joined the Dark Lord in the tiny wagon a moment later.

The bottom of the wagon buckled and the tiny wheels bent out sideways at the heaviness of the load.

Naraku growled, "I don't weigh that much, dammit!"

Getting Miroku to one again pull the wagon, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru lead the way, followed shortly by the monk, then the small, creaking wagon and its contents.

* * *

TA DA! Done! Chapter Ten up and ready! I didn't find it that bad, did you? I was hoping to have a bit more humor, but not all the chapters can be purely comedy... you have to actually get somewhere with the story after all! I thought there were some pretty good parts in here, myself anyway.

So... what does Naraku mean by "There must be something in the air"? Stay tuned to find out! (P.S. - actually... it was come in later... so don't expect to have all questions answered in the next chappie... I'm working on it... don't worry)

Sense I made you laugh, the least you can do is make me feel happy! **Don't forget to ****R&R**


	11. Things That Go BUMP in the Night

**Chapter Eleven: Things That Go BUMP in the Night**

Hey everyone, thanks for all the reviews! It makes me feel so wanted when I put a chapter up at midnight and I get 2 reviews by morning! Thanks a bunch everyone:D

**WARNING: LONG CHAPTER!**

THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY WHO REVIEWED!

**Hearii: **WE WIN! You backed down! HAHA! Sweet victory! JK. Ya, actually, I was going to suggest the exact same thing. :D I don't like arguing with my readers... kinda takes a bit of the fun out of it... ya know? Anyway... thanks for the review! Did you like chapter ten (you never said)? I hope you did! Anywho... TTFN:D

**Ididntdoit07: **Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked Chapter Ten! Cause I was worried no one would... it was a very hard chappie to write and all... and I was worried that would make it not funny. Also... you don't act like you have ADD... it was just a joke, ya know? Please don't listen to every word my brother and I say... we can be such idiots at times. -.-U Anyway, thank you for reviewing! Keep it up:D

**Inu-chan-keh: **Thankies for the review! And yes, Miroku is stupid... but that is what makes him funny! Just wait until later on... he and the others get even crazier! (If that is even possible:D) Thanks again for the review! Keep it up:D

**Godisawesome: **Glad you like the story and thank you for the review!

_Disclaimer: This is story is either complete brilliance or complete stupidity... fast-forward to find out:D_

* * *

Miroku hauled Naraku all across the city. But even when the monk was lucky enough to catch up to Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, who stayed far enough ahead of the wagon to stay away from the still-present stink of shit, it was normally for them to tell him to go somewhere so far then come back so they didn't have to walk. And, fearing being pounded on by the two cranky demons (er, rather, one demon, one hanyou), Miroku did as he was told. For now, anyway.

The trip itself wasn't uneventful at all. Many things happened along their little hike that, I'm pretty sure, Naraku did not appreciate in the slightest. Some incidents were simply annoying... but others were downright painful.

One of the first happenings occurred shortly after leaving the park. Miroku had apparently lost sight of the other two and was now asking around the crowd of humans if they had seen his friends...

SLAP!

...OK... obviously that wasn't the only question he was asking.

All the way being pulled around the city, Naraku found himself being looked down upon (in more than the physical sense) and gawked at everywhere he went. And, to be frank, it was making him mad. Lucky didn't appreciate the attention either.

Miroku smirked as he came upon a small group of people waiting at a bus stop. Pulling up to them with his little wagon, the monk then began to explain his predicament, described the appearance of his friends, and asked for the humans' aid. He was actually being quite polite and formal... for once. Even though the crowd was listening to the monk in purple, their gaze quite often fell to Miroku's two prisoners in the little red wagon who not only were wearing weird clothes and were tied up, but also still had a faint odor of shit lingering on him.

Among the group, there was an older woman holding the hand of a very young boy who stood close to Naraku.

The child, overcome by boredom from listening to the grown-ups talk, slowly reached out with his hand, he placed on finger on Naraku's shoulder and gave a small push. This only caused Naraku to give the child a sideways glare before returning his narrowed gaze forward.

After some time, the boy did this motion again, only this time Naraku gave absolutely no response. Dissatisfied with this, the child poked him again.

"Quit it." Naraku growled.

Poke.

"Quit it."

Poke.

"Quit it."

Having fun with this, the child quickened his pace.

Poke. "Quit it" Poke. "Quit it" Poke. "Quit it!" Poke. "Quit it!" Poke. "QUIT IT!" Poke!

Finally, Naraku erupted, "If you poke me again with that fucking finger, I'll rip it off and EAT IT!"

The crowd turned to the strange man in utter shock as the kid burst into tears and wrapped his arms around his mother's leg. Furious with his words, the mother stomped up to the Dark Lord and began to hit him as hard as she could with her purse. Naraku was surprised by how much the bag she carried with her hurt... especially across the face.

"Are you going to help your friend?" One man asked Miroku.

"No, no." The monk replied, ignoring the 'friend' part, "This actually makes a nice change."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, normally I'm the one the women like to hit... nice to see it happen to someone else for a change."

"They hit you?" The man frowned, "But... aren't you a monk or something?"

"Ya... but, believe me, when it comes to an angry woman... religion don't mean squat."

"Ah, yes."

On about the tenth or twelfth hit, the woman finally stopped her rampage on the bound figure.

Naraku, with only one eye open, growled up at the woman, "What the hell is your problem, wench?"

Her expression hardened again as she looked around the ground and picked up a fair size rock from a nearby tree which had stones placed around its trunk to stop the weeds.

"Whoa!" Miroku interrupted and took the rock out of her hand... before handing her a bigger one, "This one will work much better... it has sharper edges!"

With a smirk to the monk, the woman placed the rock into her purse and began her rampage on poor Naraku one last time.

After that conflict had subsided, Miroku was hauling Naraku and the rat all over the city again and it wasn't too long before the badly beaten Naraku had to accept another blow (literally) from fate.

Miroku had just crossed the street and was reading over the instructions from the kind man on the sidewalk... forgetting that the little, red wagon behind him stuck out... and was still sitting on the road.

Naraku didn't say much, it wasn't like he had anything to say to the monk or anyone else. He had learned his lesson to not snap and swear at children... when their mother was around at least. Looking back on it, he saw it as a poor action on his part... after all, he was still tied up. Speaking of being tied up, Miroku had failed to notice that, through their trip, Lucky had been slowly but surely bitting his way out of his bounds... to the point where he now only had a few more bites and he was free.

Stepping out from the small pile up of twine, Lucky began to work on freeing the Lord of the Dark Lands... when a horn blasted.

Both figures whipped around and paled to see a truck coming straight for them. The rat did the sensible thing: he abandoned Naraku and ran up Miroku's back to sit on the monk's shoulder.

Naraku screamed, "MONK!"

Not having time to take in the fact a rat was sitting on his shoulder, Miroku whipped around just in time to see a truck slam right into Naraku... wagon, tire and all. The truck screeched to a halt and Naraku was sent flying.

A man (with a pot-belly) leaped out of the truck and ran over to Miroku who still held the handle to the wagon in his hand, "Oh my god! I am so sorry! I... I couldn't stop in time! Why was he out on the road? Why was he tied up with a tire around him... sitting on the road? Where is he? Sorry, about your wagon..."

Miroku smiled and waved it off, "Ah, don't worry about it... he's had much worse."

"But I don't need this! I just got my licence back last week after I was caught Drinking and Driving! As a matter of fact, I'm drunk right now!"

"Don't worry about a thing!" Miroku smiled, waving the handle around, "No harm done... to me anyway!"

The monk then turned and began his walk after the Dark Lord, leaving the shaken up man behind him without so much as another word.

* * *

"Will you fucking listen to me, Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha yelled in frustration and pointed around a corner, "I'm said I smell Miroku's and Naraku's scents coming from this way!"

"And I said 'Shut up,' but you don't listen to me, now do you? I am the eldest here, so it is my word that we'll be trusting."

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha walked side by side down the street, trying to find either Miroku or Bob... whoever fell into place first.

"But the last decision I let you make had us doing a complete circle before heading down a dark path to find nothing but a dead-end and a lot of rats!"

"We did not go in a circle! You have no proof that we did! And I _meant_ to find those rats! Did or did Naraku not have a rat of his own?"

"His name is Lucky apparently and keep him out of this." Then he picked up the other part of the conversation, "And are you suggesting that we passed _another_ broken-down whatzit with a temperamental, bald man beating the crap out of his whatzit with a stick and not the broken-down whatzit and temperamental, bald man beating the crap out of his whatzit with a stick that we passed before?"

Sesshomaru didn't even hesitate, "Yes."

Just then the two brothers turned a corner... to see a broken-down whatzit and a temperamental, bald man beating the crap out of his whatzit with a stick.

Both demons stopped dead in their tracks.

Inuyasha smirked, "Now... I don't know about you, Sesshomaru, but-"

His words were cut off by a blur of purple and red that shot by right in front of them, only to hit a green dumpster off to the side of the street. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha stared blankly at the seemingly unconscious figure who's head was rightfully jammed into the hard metal of the dumpster so much that they could only see from his shoulders down.

"Now you see, hanyou? I told you we would find them!" Sesshomaru growled, "Pathetic fool."

"You do realize that the guy and whatzit up there is-"

"I can see him! I'm not blind!"

"Oh... you're not?"

"NO! Those whatzits get sick all the time! And those men are identical triplets! Must I explain everything to your pathetic half-breed mind?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "Ya, right... triplets... of course, it's so obvious." He looked around, "Speaking of pathetic, where the hell is that stupid monk anyway?"

Just then, Miroku's happy form appeared out from a crowd of people, calmly walking up to them with the handle of the red wagon held loosely in on hand and his staff jingling in the other.

Miroku smiled as he approached, "'Bout time you guys came around! You just missed something really fascinating!"

"I'm sure..." Sesshomaru frowned, "...Nice rat."

"Rat?" Miroku's eyes fell to his shoulder to see the rodent that perched there. Screaming like a little girl, Miroku brushed the rat off of his shoulder and onto the ground before hastily backing off a few steps with a shudder.

Lucky landed with a THUMP to the concrete sidewalk. Then, standing up on his hind legs, the rat began to squeak it's head off at the monk... shaking it's tiny fist in his direction.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Inuyasha growled at the monk, "You're such a whimp!" Picking up the rat by the scruff of its neck, Inuyasha looked over the rodent once before turning around and handing it to his brother, "You take it."

Sesshomaru glared down at the small rat that sat upright in his cupped hands, "Why must I hold it?"

"Because Miroku is too much of a whimp and I..." He looked to Naraku, "...I have to free this idiot."

Sesshomaru was about to accept his job when he saw the tangled, red mess that looked as if it had become one with Naraku's form, "MY WAGON!" Tossing the rat in the air, he ran up to the dumpster and began the process of trying to pry it off of the Dark Lord.

Inuyasha only just managed to catch the rat in time in his cupped hands. Lucky immediately began squeaking in a fashion that you could tell he was swearing and shaking his fist at the Western Lord.

Inuyasha smirked as he placed the rodent on his shoulder, liking the rat's spunk.

After a moment, Sesshomaru was successful at prying the twisted piece of metal off of the passed out form of Naraku. To explain how the wagon looked would be too difficult, so I'll simply tell you this: You couldn't tell what it once was anymore.

"It's still good!" Sesshomaru insisted as he began to bend the metal around, "...This thing goes here... that goes there... put this wheel back on... come on you piece of (BANG!) There we go... now we tear this chunk off of there and put it here..."

During this time, Inuyasha had decided it was time to get the Dark Bastard himself unstuck. So, climbing in the dumpster, he located the perfect indent of Naraku's face in the metal, drew back his fist and punched the metal at hard as he could.

The force sent Naraku flying out of the dented metal, before he landed on the road... and was run over by a passing car. A loud screeching was heard as the car slid to a stop.

Inuyasha had a hell of a time trying to unstick his arm from the now perfect indent of his fist, but he got it out eventually and jumped out of the dumpster to retrieved Naraku's form from off of the road.

"There!" Sesshomaru smiled as he held up his wagon, "Perfect!"

"What about the other side?" The monk asked idly.

Hesitantly, Sesshomaru turned the wagon and grimaced at the sight of the less-then-perfect other side of the wagon. He then sighed and began his job of reforming the metal once again.

"Here's the handle!" Miroku said cheerfully.

With a cold glare, Sesshomaru whipped the handle out of the monk's grasp and began to tie the two ends of the metal handle together.

By the time Inuyasha got to Naraku's side, a hysteric woman was panicking right beside the Dark Lord. When the woman started to apologize, Inuyasha growled.

"You better apologize, wench! You didn't kill him!" He yelled... with the rat still sitting on his shoulder with arms crossed.

"Inuyasha!" Miroku gasped in horror as he strutted over, "Is THAT how you talk to a woman?"

Grumbling under his breath, Inuyasha picked up Naraku by the foot and dragged the Dark Lord back on the sidewalk.

Miroku cleared his throat and took the woman by her hands, "Now, my dear... I know that this is a very hard thing to happen... especially now a days and I know it will be hard for you carry around the knowledge that you hit someone. I also know this might be a hard time for you to answer this... but what I'm asking is... will you bare my child?"

SLAP!

As the woman angrily got back in her car and sped off, Miroku stumbled back to the other three.

"Turned down again. Eh, Miroku?" Inuyasha said with a smirk.

Miroku smiled as he supported his cheek, "Yes, well... I'll find the right one eventually."

"Not with that kind of pervertedness, you're not."

Miroku frowned, "Is 'pervertedness' even a word?"

Ignoring the monk and hanyou, Sesshomaru smirked again as he held up his banged up wagon "There! Good as new!"

Sesshomaru then very slowly and very carefully placed his little, red wagon on the ground. However, what he failed to note was the simple fact that where he was placing his wagon was on the road. Just as the wheels of his unit touched the ground and he took his hands away from it admiringly... a black transport just leveled it.

Sesshomaru watched each wheel run over his wagon in silent horror and a cold glare. Then, when the transport was gone, Sesshomaru reached out with his hand, snapped off a piece of the metal and tucked the piece inside his robes before straightening up once again.

"Those whatzits..." He began, "...Are far more dangerous then they appear to be."

Inuyasha waved it off, "I already know that! You threw me in front of one! Remember? Mind you... Naraku has been hit like, what, twenty times?"

Sesshomaru frowned as he stared down at the Dark Lord, "I'm almost afraid to ask... but what are those white spots all over his clothes and hair?"

Miroku smiled, "Oh, those? Those are bird droppings! I kinda stopped underneath a string with birds sitting on it... it was actually very funny!"

After a moment, Sesshomaru was off to find another mode of transportation and he returned a little while later pushing a shopping cart that he had stolen from a nearby grocery store. Plopping Naraku in the weird-looking contraption, the five of them began their search for Bob once again.

After a while of walking around, Naraku began to regain consciousness... but he was still fairly out of it. One thing was for certain though, he wasn't at all pleased about Lucky being on Inuyasha's shoulder... this was one thing the hanyou was pleased to bug the Dark Lord about.

After sometime of turning this was and that... then back to this... then going in a complete circle to that... then we're-back-to-this-bloody-place-again? Then back to this... they arrived at a VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY steep hill that skimmed just beneath the clouds.

Miroku whistled, "Now THAT is a hill!"

"That is no hill." Sesshomaru growled, "It's a damn mountain."

"Okay, then!" Miroku clapped his hands together, "Lets turn back!"

Inuyasha scratched his chin, "But maybe we can see Bob from up there."

"It's nighttime though!" Miroku protested, not really wanting to push Naraku all the way up the 'hill.'

"It's not night!" Inuyasha insisted, "The sun's coming up!"

Miroku gazed to the East to see a small sliver of light just coming up on the horizon "That? That isn't even WORTHY of being called a sunrise!"

"You're just AFRAID of going up there!"

"Yes, I am! I'm afraid I'll die of exhaustion if I have to push this fat bastard up that high!"

Sesshomaru sniffed, "If you go up there... I'll give you the smallest sliver of respect.."

Miroku glanced to the Western Lord, then glanced to the tall hill, before glancing back to Sesshomaru, "Do I really want that?"

Casting the monk an icy glare as he cracked his knuckles, the Lord answered, "Yes, you do."

"Okay, then! Tally ho! Up the hill we go! Come on then! Chop, chop!"

Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, Miroku and Naraku then began their journey upwards. They pushed on, the journey not really bothering Naraku at all who was having fun giving the monk a hard time by throwing his weight around and making the cart ver this way and that. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were breathing a bit heavy but it wasn't too bad, so they were easily pulling away from Miroku who was struggling and gasping and putting all of his energy on taking the next step upwards, pushing his heavy load.

By the time Inuyasha and Sesshomaru reached the top of the hill, Miroku and Naraku were only half of the way up. The dog brothers looked about to find that the flatbed where they stood was not the top of the hill at all... nope, the hill straightened out for a bit before heading upwards at the same steepness, if not steeper, then the first hill.

Sesshomaru growled, "This is ridiculous! Was this mound even HERE in our time?"

"I don't know but it's a fucking pain in the ass." Inuyasha stated as he kneeled down at the edge of the hill... looking around for anything that would either point out Bob or show them their way home. The sad truth was, even though no one would admit it, they were utterly lost and every one of them knew the idea of climbing this hill was a stupid idea in the first place, "Hey, look! There's that broken-down whatzit and the temperamental, bald man again!"

Sesshomaru glared at his smirking brother, "Quintuplets."

Letting that one drop, Inuyasha rose to his feet, "This is useless... you can't see shit from up here... too damn high."

Then, with that, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru began to truck back down the hill again... passing Miroku and Naraku who had just reached the three-quarter mark on the hill.

Miroku turned his head, gasping desperately for every piece of oxygen, "...W-what? ...What a-are you... d-doing?"

"Going back down." Was Inuyasha's nonchalant reply.

"B-but... WHY?"

"Can't see." Was Sesshomaru's addition as he went past.

Miroku fell to his knees in exhaustion, his face red and his clothes wet with sweat. He really would have been able to keep his cool... if Naraku had not begun to laugh.

"Come on, monk! Mush! Mush, monk! That's what you are! A Mush-Monk! Mush, mush, mush! Come on, monk! I wanna see the top! What ya tired? You're such a whimp! And you are planning to defeat ME? Come on now! Mush!"

With a hard face, Miroku pushed on one side of the cart with one hand, causing the shopping cart to turn sharply to the left, catching the pull of gravity as it did. As Naraku paled, the cart rolled forward towards his fate... and he began to race back down the hill in a blur of silver and purple.

Naraku went screaming by Sesshomaru and Inuyasha who both stopped dead in their tracks as they listened to the Dark Lord's yelling.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, MONK! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU ARE **DDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddd...!**"

With the speed the cart had built up by the time they reached the bottom of the hill, Naraku whizzed through quite a few four-way intersections, only barely managing to throw his weight around in the cart enough so that he maneuvered around the vehicles. He really was doing good. That was, until, the front wheel of the cart SNAPPED and the cart spun around the corner only to hit head-on to an on-coming car, bringing the shopping cart to a dead stop and sending Naraku flying half-way through the windshield.

"HOLLY HELL!" The driver screamed and the sound of squealing tires whistled through the air.

* * *

Alrighty then, that's it for Chapter Eleven! Did you like? I hope you did! So... ya... didn't get where I wanted to in this chapter... but when have I? Never. That's when! Like geeze! Writing is so weird! You think you're doing good then BAM! 10 pages long! Actually... this chapter is 9 pages long... the 10 is a miss-print! ;D

Don't forget to **R&R**!


	12. Law and Order: Boom, Boom

**Chapter Twelve: Law and Order... Boom, Boom...**

HELLO ALL PEOPLES! Thank you for all the reviews. I have great newz for you all... we officially have an adult reading this story! HAHA! Perfect! Everything is going according to plan... first I got a few teens hooked... then an adult... next stop... SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BUY THIS STORY FOR LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY!... hey, a girl can hope, can't she?

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!

**Ididntdoit07: **hey! Glad you liked chapter 11! (Poke) If you want help moving The Rock so you can read the story... we have a back-hoe! That'll do it for ya! ;D

**Ididntdoit07's Dad: **Glad to have you along for the ride, old chap. Oh, and a little warning, you might think we're crazy... which we are... but it's a GOOD kind of crazy! Alright? (And you were once worried about what your kids were reading on the internet! HA!) ;D

**Inu-chan-keh: **Thanks for the review... but your Pink Ninja Bunnies will never stand a chance against my... Purple Samaria Ginnie-Pigs! ... they're a little fat around the middle though... and they never stop SQUEAKING! They will kill your bunnies by giving them the biggest headaches of their little lives! MAH HAHAHAHA!

**Hearii: **TOO LATE! I already read them! The PAIN! The AGONY! The... the... the... STUFF! LOL! JK. As a matter of fact... I have read one of your stories in your "Favorites" section... called "Careless Whisper" or something. It's pretty good. Like, I don't MIND Kag/Inu pairings... I just prefer Kik/Inu. And... just out of curiosity... did you ever do that mathematical equation? My bro and I made it up JUST FOR YOU! Don't you feel the love? ;D

**Desiray: **I know it's going to be a while before you land up reading this sense you reviewed on Chapter 1 and this is Chapter 12, but I figured what the hell. Thanks for the review and I hope you continue to read this story... I'm really your favorite Author? SWEET:D

**Yugiboydragoon:** Yugi-Boy? SWEET! A Yu-Gi-Oh fan! HAHA! OK, listen, later on in the story... my brother and I have a little, tiny treat for fans like you. Don't get your hopes up for anything big though, it will be funny... but not permanent. Anyway, thanks for the review! TTFN!

**Jesse:** OK... there is only so low I am willing to go in this story... and I can go WAY lower then THAT! So, to answer your question... I don't think you have to worry about it! ;D Thanks for the review!

_Disclaimer: ...I don't know what I'm doing... no, really, I don't._

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The sound of screeching car brakes screamed through the air and, before the car was even stopped, the car door flew open and a red haired man wearing a roughed-up blue suit leapt out of the vehicle. When his feet touched the concrete road, he spun around to face who he had hit only for his legs to become entangled in one another... causing him to fall on his butt with an OOMPH! 

He stared wide eyed at the man stuck half-way through the windshield. He noted that the figure was rather with-it (which, he hoped, was a good thing) and was cursing pretty smoothly as he fidgeted around in the broken glass.

After a moment, the man shakily got back to his feet and nervously dusted the dirt off of himself. By the time the man could move again, Naraku had somehow wiggled himself out of the windshield and was now sitting on the hood of the man's banged-up car. He sat there, cursing his head off, as he tried to remove himself of shredded rope and the beat-up tire which was now jammed around his waist... making his arms practically unmovable.

The red-haired man cautiously made his way by the cursing-other's side, "Uh... want some... help with that?" He asked, gesturing to the tire.

Naraku cast a narrow-eyed glare at the man, "I will inform you when I need help, human! Now, be gone with you or fear me when I get this fucking thing off!"

"You mean a tire?"

"Retire? What? I'm not old, human! I'm not even 100 yet!"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind... just... be gone with you."

"But you're sitting on my car!"

"Scar? What scar?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Just... shut up." Naraku snarled as he fidgeted around in the tire, "God-dammit, I'm going to kill that asshole."

"Who's that?"

"You're awfully talkative for a human, aren't you?"

"Ya well, after I hit somebody, I usually try to patch things up a bit."

Finally, after a moment longer of talking, Naraku excepted the man's help and got the tire off from around his waist.

As soon as he was free, Naraku whipped his head toward the man, "You didn't see me, got it? If anyone comes looking, you saw nothing. If you rat me out, you'll wish you hadn't... alright?"

Just then, a voice sounded from around the corner, "Where did he go? The bugger buggered off, he did!"

A colder voice growled, "If somebody hadn't been lazy, we wouldn't be looking for him at all!"

"Give me a break! He was annoying and heavy!" Replied the voice of a monk.

A figure dressed completely in red came into view from around the corner, "HEY! There's the bugger! A whatzit got him! He's with... Bob! Hey, Bob!"

"Ah, fuck!" Naraku growled as he jumped up off of the hood of the car to run, but when he tried to take a step, the shredded leftovers of the rope tightened up around his ankles... resulting in him doing a face-plant on the hard, concrete road.

Inuyasha, seeing that the Dark One was free, jumped over to Bob and whipped the tire out of the human's hands before grabbing hold of Naraku's shirt and slamming the tire back over his shoulders. Angrily, he spun back to the guide, "Are you crazy? Naraku was loose!"

Bob frowned and, for the first time since the accident, he took in the black-haired one's weird, purple clothing and odd hair-style. He sighed and smacked his own forehead with his hand, "...Not another one..."

In no time at all, the three were joined by an emotionless Sesshomaru and a panting, red-faced Miroku.

Inuyasha growled, "Are ya trying to kill us, Bob? I thought you were on our side! What are ya doing freeing that bastard?"

"What?" Bob asked with a few blinks, "Is he... dangerous?"

Inuyasha nodded, "Hell Ya."

"By all means!" Was the monk's reply.

Sesshomaru glared at Bob, "Most defiantly."

"Not really." Naraku replied to defend himself, "To be fair, I've never actually killed anyone."

"What about Kikyou?" Inuyasha asked, his arms over his chest.

"One: that was over 50 years ago, get over it. Two: She's back alive again, what more do you want? And Three: I killed her in your form, ask anybody around and they saw you, Inuyasha. So, try proving that I did it, I dare you." Naraku frowned, "Dare... dare, flare... flare, flash... flash, speed... fucking wolf... using my jewel shards to make little dust tornados and taunt that half-breed. When I get my hands on him, I'll rip his fucking legs off and strangle him with his tail!"

Bob stared down at him in utter shock.

Inuyasha smirked "See? Told you he's dangerous."

"What? That?" Naraku tried to shake it off, "no, no, no, no, NO! The guy bugs the hell outta me, with his knee-bent running about and all that crap he stirs up with my minions. But if there was anyone I could kill... it wouldn't be him... it would be that damn monk."

"WHAT?" Bob screeched.

"Hey! I have special rights at the moment! He pushed me down a frigging, steep hill in that weird, cage-cart and I almost got hit by twenty other rolling-demons before I hit yours!"

"...Uh... huh." Was Bob's only comment.

"Ya, well, he deserved it!" Miroku yelled, "He's annoying and heavy!"

"Ya? Well you're perverted and a complete idiot! But you don't see me complaining, now do you?" Naraku shot back.

Inuyasha smirked, "He has you there, monk."

Bob frowned, "But... why did you take him with you, Miroku?"

"Cause we don't like him."

"I'm not catching your logic here."

"We needed to take him with us so that when we found you, we could kill him."

"WHAT? Kill him? Find me? You were trying to find me?" Bob asked, "You didn't even know where I was! And, by looking at where we are standing right now, if I hadn't needed to do... uh... something, you never would have found me at all!"

"Yes, well, we found you didn't we?" Inuyasha commented with no small amount of smugness.

"Actually," Naraku smirked as he rested his back against Bob's car, "I found him... not you."

Inuyasha cracked his knuckles, "Ya? Wanna make something of it?"

Bob sighed, "Just tell me what's going on here already! Who the hell is this guy? And why do you have a rat on your shoulder, Inuyasha?"

"Oh... him? He's not mine, he's that bastard's." Inuyasha replied with a twitching ear.

Lucky's eye was suddenly caught by the hanyou's fluffy, white ears. He watched them, studying them... as the others continued with their conversation.

"Alright... that's one question down." Bob said, rolling his eyes, "What about this guy? What's his name?"

"I am known throughout the lands as the Lord of the Dark Lands!" Naraku said with a small smile.

"Look!" Bob began, "We already have ONE Lord here! We don't need another one! One is bad enough!"

Sesshomaru growled at the comment, but stayed quiet.

"Just tell me, flat out, who is this guy?" Bob asked, "For real, I mean."

Miroku shrugged, "His name is Naraku."

"He's also known as The Dark Lord." Sesshomaru added.

Inuyasha smirked, "I call him bastard."

"I thought you call Sayswhatcha bastard?" Bob commented.

"That is not my name." Sesshomaru growled pretty much to himself.

Inuyasha smirked, "ya, I call him that too."

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Sometimes."

"In case you two are forgetting," Sesshomaru began, getting back on subject, "Naraku was once known as Onigumo."

"But that was BEFORE he got all the demons sucked into his body." Miroku added.

"Hey, I asked for the guy's name, not his life story!" Bob snapped.

"We're just trying to be the detailed." Miroku shrugged.

"Detailed my ass." Inuyasha growled with a twitch of his ear, "You just like to hear yourself talk!"

"...It's true..."

Just then, Lucky bit into Inuyasha's ear, most likely checking to see if it was real or not. Inuyasha yelped in surprise as his eyes bulged and, in a flash, he smacked the rat off of his shoulder.

Lucky went flying, only to hit against Naraku's chest and fall onto the Dark Lord's lap. With a shake of his head and a cold glare to Inuyasha, Lucky then turned around and looked up to Naraku, a sad look on his face.

Naraku's eyes narrowed into tiny slits, "Don't you dare look at me like that! Don't come crying back to me because your little alliance fell apart! Ya, that's right, I saw where you were sitting, you traitor! And you just had to chose Inuyasha out of the three of them, didn't you? You know very well he is my rival!" Lucky squeaked, making Naraku's glare narrow, "Oh, ya? Well, I'm not talking to you anymore!"

"This is just embarrassing... a man talking to a rat... doesn't get much lower then this..." Bob sighed, putting one hand over his face, "Inuyasha?"

"What?"

"Why did you want to find me, exactly?"

Inuyasha took a deep breath and began to explain about Naraku and what he has done to each of them for him to deserve death. When Inuyasha was done story-time, Bob closed his eyes for a second, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did, and then he slowly began to explain the basics of the Law and Punishment System.

After some time, Bob opened his eyes again to find three dulled expressions staring back at him... and when he looked to Miroku, he found the monk sleeping while he was still standing up... gently swaying back and forth on his feet.

Inuyasha gave a glance over to his companion before gently shaking the monk's shoulder a bit to try to wake him up... to little avail.

Sesshomaru frowned at Bob, "So, what your basically saying is... he has to kill us before we are ALLOWED to kill him?"

Bob shrugged, "Basically, yes."

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! And your race became the majority?"

Miroku, still asleep, muttered, "...I don't wanna pet the bunny... it stinks!"

Inuyasha shook him a bit more.

"...What ya mean I can't kill Naraku... he stinks!"

Bob scratched the top of his head, "Yes... that's another thing... we really need to give this guy a BATH!"

Sesshomaru growled, "I'm not touching him."

"LIKE HELL! I got dragged into this! There is no way you're ducking out!"

Getting pissed off with not having any response from Miroku, Inuyasha began to harshly shake the monk.

When the hanyou finally stopped the shaking, Miroku's head twisted towards Inuyasha and, with his eyes still closed, asked, "Will you bare my child?"

Inuyasha planted his fist in the side of Miroku's face, causing the monk to crumple to the ground. The half-demon then turned on his heel and walked back to the other three, cracking his knuckles in annoyance.

Miroku popped up from the ground, "Alright! Nobody panic! I'm awake! Can we kill Naraku now?"

"Sadly, no." Sesshomaru growled, "Unless... now many years do you get put in this dungeon-"

"Prison." Bob corrected.

"-Whatever... if we get caught killing Naraku?"

"That would really depend on the nature of the killing and if there are any eye-witnesses."

"So we will remove all of our eyes first!" Miroku smiled.

Sesshomaru frowned, ignoring the monk, "What do you mean by 'nature of the killing', Human Bob?"

"Well," Bob sighed, "I mean how violent the death is."

"Oh, it would be violent." Sesshomaru said with a small, evil smile.

"In that case, you would either get life in prison or a death sentence."

"Death Sentence?" Inuyasha frowned "So, if we kill Naraku... somebody would kill us?"

"Ya."

"But... then... if we killed Naraku, then somebody killed us... would the people that killed us also die? Then the people that killed them? Then the people that killed them? And you would have this huge domino effect that would result in one massive slaughter?"

"What? No! Just... nevermind. Listen, you can't kill Naraku without being killed yourself! OK? That is all you need to know! Alright?"

Sesshomaru shrugged, "I suppose."

"I guess." Inuyasha growled in disappointment.

Miroku smiled, "Clear as mud."

"Shut up, Miroku."

"...I'm trying, but I can't..."

"May I say something here?" Naraku asked, glaring up at everyone.

Sesshomaru growled, "No! Shut up!"

"Are you sure? Cause I would really like to say this."

"We said 'shut up'!" Inuyasha snapped.

"But I would really like to get this small thing off of my chest... I really need to say it."

"Would you be quiet?" Miroku yelled.

"It's only small... a tiny little thing that I want to say... a teeny... tiny... enny-wenny... little... thing..."

"FINE!" Bob cried, "Say your stupid thing!"

Naraku looked up to Bob, "Could you get off my hand? You've been standing on it for twenty minutes now."

Bob jumped to one side, finally getting off of Naraku's hand which now had a perfect indent in the skin of the underside of Bob's shoe, "I'm so sorry! I didn't know!"

"Eh... don't worry about it." Naraku smirked, "It will go well with my finger... and my head."

"Don't be a smart-ass!" Inuyasha growled, wacking the Dark-Lord over the back of his head, "Alright, Bob, you said 'no eye-witnesses' so... you go home and we'll meet you at our rental-house-place-thing."

"I can't let you do that." Bob said, arms crossed over his chest, "Look, from what I've seen of you three, you aren't the most truthful bunch around. Also, judging by the couple of minutes that I have known Naraku, he is the most normal one here. So, this is what we'll do, we'll take him to a psychiatrist, just to see if he is as crazy as you guys seem to think. My own personal opinion is that we should be taking you three, not Naraku. Hell, after the time I spent with you guys, I should probably see a doctor myself! So, we'll all go! Alright? As one, big, happy, crazy bunch! Plus a rat! We'll most likely put the poor doctor in retirement but what the hell! Let's go! Everyone, in the car!"

With those words, Sesshomaru dived for the front seat, stopping momentarily only to make sure the seat was dry.

Miroku smiled, "Don't worry, Inuyasha, we'll stuff Naraku into that storage compartment at the back of the whatzit."

Bob, overhearing this, butted in, "He will sit between you two and that's final."

With Inuyasha on one side and Miroku on the other, they grumpily hauled the Dark Lord onto his feet and threw him into the whatzit. Once he was in, Inuyasha tossed Lucky at the Lord before taking the seat to Naraku's right, leaving the seat on the Dark Lord's left for Miroku.

Bob, still outside the vehicle, pried the shopping cart away from the front of his car. Looking at the damage, he sighed.

"Who would have ever thought a shopping cart would do so much damage!" He pushed the cart onto the sidewalk, "Damn Fords."

Inuyasha growled, "I can't believe I have to sit beside Naraku."

Miroku peered over to the hanyou, "I'm sitting beside him too!"

"Yes, but you're you! I'm me!"

When Bob climbed into the drivers seat, he peered back into the backseat to see the three of them, Miroku, Naraku and Inuyasha, crammed up against each other like sardines on the backseat of his car.

"Ya know," Bob began, "There would be more room back there if you took the tire off of Naraku first."

* * *

Alright! That's it for this chapter! What ya think? Good? Bad? Somewhere in between? And yes, I know this is being drawn out a bit with Naraku and all... but I can't seriously just toss Naraku into the bunch and think they would get along. I mean, that is just not realistic with those three... especially Sesshomaru and Inuyasha. Can you just image that combination? I mean, considering, they are taking it fairly well! Don't you think? 

**Don't forget to R&R**!


	13. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

**Chapter Thirteen: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42**

...they were good for something.

Hey everybody, sup? OK... sense this chapter is an unlucky number... I'm just going to go straight to the story.

**Inu-Chan-Keh:** LOL! Glad you liked chapter 12! So... your sockmonsters come forth... but so do my synchronized sowing-machine swimmers that will POP out of the water when you least expect it and so your socks into ONE BIG BALL! Mah hahahaha! Beat that if you can! (PS - thanks for the review :D)

**Ididntdoit07: **Many thanks for the review! So, this is your favorite story huh? I'm so glad! For a while... back in chapters 1-3, my brother and I thought no one was liking the story... cause we were getting no reviews! I'm glad that you like it so much... so... I'm going to just shut up now and start writing again... TTFN!

_Disclaimer: my pet alien-cat, Kitty, tried to assassinate my brother the other night... I have no other comment at this point in time...

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_

After Naraku had finished his bath (which was at about 7am), they went for a short drive and arrived at Happy Acers Sanatorium. It was a huge, well-kept building with many well-kept gardens, very thick walls and one very tall, iron gate. When they drove into the parking lot, Naraku couldn't help but ask what this building was used for, to which, Bob answered in a very orderly fashion.

"It is used for a branch of medicine that deals with the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of mental and emotional disorders"

"What you say?"

"It is a place for those with Mental Disabilities"

"Huh?"

"It is for those who have problems coping with the modern society"

"What?"

Bob sighed "it's for crazy people! Alright?"

"Ah!"

After getting out of their car somewhat uneventfully, they began on their way across the parking lot towards the building. Naraku trailed at the back of the group, the tire still jammed around him and Lucky sitting on his shoulder.

After a moment, Bob turned to everyone "OK. Look, guys, the psychiatrist I'm taking you to is a friend of mine. He has a weird name and he's a bit touchy about it. He's nice and all but he just has had too many people pull wise cracks about his name. So try to restrain yourselves from laughing or saying any dumb jokes. OK?"

The four looked to one another briefly before nodding, unsure of what funny name they were going to be faced with. Miroku, on the other hand, was already chuckling to himself, thinking of all sorts of weird names.

When they reached the steps to the giant building, Bob spoke again "also, guys, try to avoid eye contact with anybody... OK? Some of the people in here are a bit paranoid about stuff like that"

When they reached the doors, Bob turned to them once more "and don't touch anything" he looked to Miroku "or anybody" he put his hand on the door "in fact, Miroku, don't say or do anything at all... just keep your eyes to your feet" Bob pulled the door open a bit, before stopping "actually, how about you stay in the car?"

After a bit longer, Bob finally opened the door and led the group (the monk included) down a long, white hallway which had only the odd white bench along the side of the wall now and again. That hall eventually led to a white room with a white desk, white chairs and one or two white tables.

A middle-aged woman with dark brown hair tied back into a bun sat at the desk wearing a white dress-suit and reading glasses, a white computer at one side of her and a stack of papers on the other side.

"Hey, Carolyn" Bob greeted

The woman looked up and smiled "Hello... Bob"

"I called a little while ago on my cell? I'm here to see–"

"He's already waiting for you... today was a slow day. Room 101, as always"

"Thanks"

Bob walked away from the desk and pushed through a pair of white doors. When the other four followed, they were greeted by another white stretch of hallway. Only this one had people walking around in white robes and many different hallways and doors which branched out from this one.

"Why is everything here white?" Sesshomaru asked

"Oh... some people here are afraid of colors" Bob stopped and looked at Inuyasha's bright red outfit and Naraku's and Miroku's purple clothes, not to mention his own blue suit "uh... I don't think we should stay here too long..."

Just then, a man in a white robe turned the corner towards the group, only to stop dead in his tracks, scream, and take off running down the hallway. The group only watched as the man missed the turn and ran smack into a wall, only to pick himself up and take off screaming again.

"That was... different" Miroku commented with a small smile "never been greeted like that before"

Bob sighed "Come on"

After a short climb up a flight of stairs, the group emerged into another white hallway, which look practically the same as the first. Which got Sesshomaru wondering if they were going anywhere at all.

They hadn't been walking for a moment yet on that level when they heard a voice from behind them. Bob didn't stop, but the others did.

A man in the same white robe as all the others ran up to the group, gripped onto the front of Inuyasha's shirt and yelled "the end is now!"

Just then, a group of men and women in white doctor-suits came running around the corner, shouting at the man to come back to his room.

Without so much as another word, the odd man took off again down the hallway, all the way screaming "the end is now!" until he turned a corner at the end of the hall. The group of doctors followed after him soon after.

"OK," Inuyasha's ear twitched "thanks for the warning!"

"HEY!" Bob's voice called from up ahead "try to keep up, would you? This place is like a maze if you don't know your way around"

"I can believe it!" Naraku replied "everything looks exactly the same! Some people would go nuts in here!"

They had just caught up to Bob, when a woman came out of a room holding a bunch of daises. Seeing the group, she walked over and gave them each of them one of her flowers before moving on her way down the hall, all the while humming to herself a cheerful tune.

"Great!" Sesshomaru growled "we're back to the daises again!"

"What was that about?" Inuyasha asked, ignoring his brother for the moment

"Oh, she always gives a flower to everyone she meets" Bob replied, putting his flower in his pocket "nobody really knows how or where she grows them... but she has them... and that's all there is to it"

Naraku glared down at his flower "...everyone can grow daises but me..."

The four others looked at him.

Naraku glared at them all "WHAT?"

A short while later, the group turned down another white hallway to find a man curled up on the ground. When they approached him, the man leapt up onto his hands and knees and began to bark at them... and, as they neared, those barks turned to growls. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, of course, began to growl back at the odd human.

Bob sighed and turned to the human on the ground "Mr. Johnston! That is enough! Sit boy!"

"AHH!" Inuyasha jumped in surprise, then glared at Bob "don't say that!"

"What? Sit?"

"ACK! Stop it!" he growled "I've had bad experiences with that word!"

Bob stared at the half-demon for a second before muttering a faint "OK." He then slowly turned his back to the hanyou, stopping momentarily only to think over Inuyasha's odd words, before starting down the hallway again.

After a bit longer of walking in what Sesshomaru could have swarn were circles, Bob stopped at a door.

"Here it is"

A woman was standing beside the door that Bob had stopped at, chanting numbers over and over again. She acted as if she didn't even realize the five of them were standing right beside her.

"4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42... 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42... 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42... 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42..."

"OK," Sesshomaru rolled his eyes "I'll log those numbers away"

"Not me" Miroku smiled "I'm memorizing them! They must have a use for something!"

Bob eyed the four of them, ignoring the full demon and monk "remember what I told you about his name"

When they entered the room, they were greeted by a white room with a white desk, white chairs and a bit of black and white art hung on the walls.

Miroku looked to the black on the wall and smiled "oh good! A change!"

Bob walked straight up to the man who immediately got to his feet and walked around his desk to meet and greet the arrivals.

"Good to see you... Bob" the man greeted happily

He was an older man, his black hair was starting to grey and he was balding a bit on the top of his head. Both laugh lines and stress lines showed on his kind, green-eyed face and he wore a white, doctor suit.

"Right back at you" Bob smiled "everyone, this is Dr. Viagra"

They stared at the doctor for a moment, each muttering hellos and trying to figure out what was so weird about the name.

Sesshomaru growled "I thought you said his name was odd, Bob? What's so funny about Dr. Viagra? Sure, Dr is a weird first name but it isn't funny... actually Viagra to me is a good, strong name. It seems to have a kick to it to get you up and going. Just say it! Viagra! It just has this... energy to it... just some kind of KICK... making it a good, strong name. But it isn't funny at all!"

Bob was red with embarrassment "OK, you can take your foot out of your mouth now, Sesshomo"

"My foot is not in my mouth, Human Bob"

"Sure it isn't..."

"It's alright... Bob" the man smiled warmly and was actually laughing a bit at the tall man "so, who are these gentlemen?"

((Gentlemen... right...)) Bob sighed and pointed to each one as he said their name "get ready for this combination of names... he have Inuyasha, Miroku, Naraku and Sesshorbarbaru"

"THAT IS NOT MY NAME!" Sesshomaru growled "are you even trying anymore?"

"Ya" Bob said honestly "excuse me for not being able to say it"

"My name is Sesshomaru, and don't you forget it"

Dr. Viagra smiled "Alright... so we have Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, Naraku and Miroku..." he stepped up to the monk who was staring at his feet, not wanting to make eye-contact like Bob had asked of him "Are we a bit shy, Miroku? That's OK if you are. But how about we go into a private room to have a nice chat?"

Miroku's head shot up "no, no! I'm not the crazy one here! Perverted, yes. Crazy, no" he grabbed hold of Naraku's tire and pulled the Dark Lord in front of him "this is the crazy one"

"Oh... I see" The doctor smiled, then looked to Bob, who nodded in agreement with the monk. Dr. Viagra then put a hand on Naraku's shoulder "sorry for the mix up. Now, you are Naraku, correct?"

The Dark Lord gave a quick nod, keeping an eye on the strange man at all times. Naraku tried to study the man, sure, he seemed nice enough... but no one had even spoken to the Dark Lord... so... well, nicely before. It was always 'I'll kill you this' and 'you fucking bastard that' and 'I'll use your skull as a candle holder'... it was new to the Dark Lord to have somebody talk to him normally.

"Alright, Naraku, who is your little friend here?" he asked, stroking the top of the rat's head with his finger

"Lucky... I found him in the sue-er"

"I see" the doctor stated, whipping his figure clean using a tissue "also, might I ask, why do you have a tire around you?"

"Don't ask me... ask them" Naraku stated, casting a glare at his foes

"Don't worry... I will... but let us have a nice talk first, alright?"

"Whatever... I don't care..." Naraku started towards a door that lead to the doctor's councilling room, but stopped "...but only if Lucky can come with me"

* * *

As soon as the door closed, the doctor immediately removed Naraku of the tire, taking the Dark Lord by surprise, and set it off to the side. 

"Please, take a seat"

Sitting down, Naraku brought Lucky off from his shoulder and placed the rat on his lap, stroking his coat softly.

"So," Dr. Viagra began "let's start by you telling me a little about your life"

"Uh... OK... what do you want to know?"

"Just tell me about yourself"

"OK..." Naraku frowned "my name is Naraku--"

"Is there a last name to that?"

"Uh... I don't think so" as the doctor jotted down a note, Naraku continued "I was once known as Onigumo... but that got changed—"

"Why did you do that?"

"Personal beliefs" Naraku smirked "What else do you want to know?"

"Well, what do you do?"

"Do?"

"What's your job?"

"Well... I drive people to turn against one another... sometimes they go insane as a result... not that I care"

"Oh, you're a lawyer?"

"If that is what you call it now a days"

"What about your family?"

"Everyone is dead... well... not everyone I guess... all that is left of my family is myself, my two daughters and my son"

"Oh, you were married?"

"Only to my work"

For about ten minutes longer, the questions continued like that between the doctor and patient. After a while, Dr. Viagra asked about Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Miroku.

Naraku frowned at the man "By who do you mean 'my friends'? I don't recall having any friends..."

"The guys outside"

"What? Them? N-no, no...! I... I can't talk about them..." Naraku said in a soft whisper, his eyes nervously shooting towards the door "...they... they'll hear me... and kill me..."

"What?"

"They'll kill me if I talk about them..." Naraku whispered, making weird hand gestures "I'm a dead man if I do... cause they are listening... right now... they can hear me... the dog brothers... they hear everything... like, what I'm saying right now, these very words, they can hear me... I'll talk about the monk if you want... I don't give a shit what he has to say... cause he needs me to get the wind tunnel out of his hand... I cursed his grandfather with it a long time ago... the guy was a bastard and I was bored... it was a good day..."

"Why don't you want to talk about Inuyasha and Sesshomaru?"

"...Keep your voice down... they can hear us... they hear everything..."

* * *

Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Miroku and Bob sat in the waiting room for the whole ten minutes. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, who had each taken seats next to the door, were focusing all their attentions on any noises their ears could catch. Miroku found himself bored out of his mind and was trying his best to keep himself occupied, right now his focus was on the black and white paintings on the wall. Bob, on the other hand, had himself a paper and a pen and was keeping himself busy fairly well. 

Sesshomaru glared over to the human, the constant scratching of the pen starting to wear on his nerves a bit "What are you doing?"

Bob returned the glare "I'm writing my Will, cause ever sense I met you guys I have had a strange feeling that I'm not going to live much longer"

Inuyasha smirked "actually, your doing fairly well... normally Sesshomaru kills everyone the second he meets them"

Bob looked up at the Lord "then why do we have Naraku in there with the doctor?"

Sesshomaru growled, but let the comment pass, then he asked "what is a 'Will'?"

"It's a last testament"

"Last testicle?"

"Yes, Sumu, my last testicle" Bob rolled his eyes before turning his attention back on the paper in front of him "...idiot"

Miroku stood in front of a painting on the opposite side of the room, tilting his head this way and that "Bob?"

"What now?"

"Do you think this painting is sideways?"

Bob looked at the painting "it's two black lines and a white line going straight down the canvas!"

"So... it's upside down then?"

Just then, the door opened and the doctor walked into the room and before he could say anything at all, Inuyasha spoke up.

"We don't hear EVERYTHING, you know" he said with a twitch of his ear

Dr. Viagra looked down at the hanyou, before writing something down on his pad of paper. When Inuyasha twitched his ear again, the doctor frowned, finally noticing the strange things... before jotting down a note on a separate piece of paper.

Turning back towards the door, he opened it a bit and told Naraku he could come on out. When the Dark Lord come out with no tire around him at all, the other three almost freaked... but the doctor stood between them and Naraku... refusing to move. Even when Sesshomaru threatened to disembowel him if he didn't move, to which, the doctor brushed off, saying he has stood up to worse threats.

Bob stood up, tucking his pen and paper into his pocket "I take it he's not crazy then?"

"Not at all" Dr. Viagra stated with a small smile "he has some issues. For instance, he is a chronic liar... meaning he has to lie to feel important... and he has depression issues as well as schizophrenia..." he stopped and thought back to what the half-demon had said "actually... he only has a bit of schizophrenia... but that would probably go away if he had some good friends to help him along. People that he doesn't have to worry about being hurt or killed when he hangs around with them"

"Well, where are we going to find people like that?" Miroku screeched

"I am worried about him" the doctor continued, putting a hand on the Dark Lord's shoulder "but I don't think he is a risk to himself or society... but what I would like you bunch to do is keep an eye on him at all times. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week"

Inuyasha's eye brows shot up "That's a lot of watching"

Bob stepped back "HEY! He is NOT my responsibility! I don't even know him! I just hit him with my car! I don't want anything to do with this!" he yelled as he stormed out of the room

"Traitor!" Sesshomaru called after him "I want my penny back!"

"It was my penny" Miroku commented softly to himself

A moment hadn't passed before Bob came marching back into the room "alright, I'll do it. But it's only because I already spent the penny"

"Good" the doctor smiled... ignoring their odd conversation "there is also one other thing..."

Bob sighed "it better not be big or this won't be worth it"

"No, no, no, it's just a small thing" Dr. Viagra turned to Naraku "I want you to get a hobby"

"A hobby?" Naraku asked, confused

"Yes, something to get your mind occupied... something to keep you thinking... I noticed you have concentration lapses and I think, over time, that might go away. Are you taking anything to help you concentrate?"

"Ya... but lately... I haven't really been able to get my hands on the herbs I need"

"Oh, you make your own? I will need you to write down the herbs you us for me, alright?"

"Uh... OK... but, with this hobby thing, what kinds of hobbies should I do?"

"Any you want that you enjoy and is within the guidelines of the law and won't harm people around you" the doctor smiled "some examples would be... model air-plane building... other forms of woodwork... mountain-climbing--"

"Good thinking!" Sesshomaru smirked and placed a hand on the Dark Lord's shoulder "accidental death! Come with me, Naraku!"

Ignoring the Lord's comment, the doctor slapped Sesshomaru's hand off of his patient before continuing "...cooking... gardening–"

"A green thumb doesn't run in our family line" Naraku stated quickly

"Well, I'm sure you can find something you enjoy"

"Is that it then?" Bob asked impatiently, pissed off that he has, once again, been hauled back into doing something with the group

"For Naraku, yes" the man smiled again, before turning to Inuyasha "Young man? If you wouldn't mind, I would like to do some quick tests with you"

"What? Why me?"

"Because he has figured out what an hot-headed idiot you are and wants you to stay here" Sesshomaru smirked

"Bastard!" Inuyasha growled "At least I shouldn't be put down for rabies! Unlike some older jack-ass-of-a brother that I know!"

"Are you saying I'm deceased?" Sesshomaru growled, getting face to face with his younger brother

"Wow! You caught on–" he snapped his fingers "–just like that!"

Bob barged between the two, holding them an arms with apart from one another "will you two knock it off? I don't want a repeat of the coffee shop incident!"

Dr. Viagra smiled again "there is no need to raise our voices... I just want to do some tests on you, Inuyasha, because you seem like a rather, how do I say, interesting individual. For example, a hearing test, for you seem to excel in that area, from what I've heard anyway"

"I am more interesting then that fool!" Sesshomaru growled "if he is getting tested, I want to be tested as well!"

"TEST ME!" Miroku yelled, jumping up and down from the back of the group to be seen "TEST ME!"

"You are not WORTHY of being tested, Human Monk!" Sesshomaru growled

"If that sliver of sun this morning is worthy of being called a sunrise... I'm pretty sure I'm worthy of being tested"

Bob sighed, then looked to his friend "well?"

"What the heck... I'll do three of you right now... I had nothing planned for this morning anyway"

"Would you mind booking an appointment for me?"

"Sure... but, after I do these three, there will be no time for you today... how's Friday at 9?"

Bob smiled "Yes, that would be nice... thank you"

Jotting down a last note on his paper, the doctor moved over to the intercom and held down the red button.

"Carolyn? Could you please send Dr. Evil and Dr. Rose down to my office?"

* * *

Alright! That is it for this chapter. What ya think this time? Oh, and just for the record, this is the first time in the history of this story (which isn't very long, but still) I have posted two chapters in three days! GO ME! Er... Us. 

Also, did any of you guys realize the numbers the woman was chanting? I looked them up just for this chapter!

**R&R!**


	14. Who's the Crazy One?

**Chapter Fourteen: Who's The Crazy One?**

Hey everyone, ya... it has been awhile sense I updated, I know... but with school starting and this MAJOR writer's block... it just wasn't happening.

THANKS TO MY REVIEWERS!

**Ididntdoit07:** whene yu reveiwed, tere wass noe schoool yete... skhool poyintles anywaies... leern noteing goode! To booreing... Ie sleap... mnay tymes... goot in trroubl oynce... vary bade... thankes four reaview tho! TNFT! ;D (P.S. - isent a "Betta" soome kynd o fishe?) Sadly though... I am back to school now, sense it has taken me a while to update.

**Hearii: **You commented on Dr. Evil (yes... I know... Auston Powers)... but not Dr. Viagra? How odd... (stops and thinks for a sec) anyway... thanks for the review... it was... very... kind... of... you. Now, excuse me, I have places to be and... things to... think about... (eye twitches repeatedly, then walks off)

**Inu-Chan-Keh: **Gee, thank you:D I'm so glad at least one of my reviews are referring this story to others! Does that mean I should get new reviews soon, or do they not review? Are they Kaiba-Baby and Deadlybeautygoddess? Anyway... as for Naraku... (evil laugh) we already have something planned for him... (evil, creepy music starts playing in the background). Oh... and with the Sowing Machine thing... I didn't think you would be able to get out of it! ;P But the posting two chaps in three days was chance... it was raining one day so I got to work on it for a while... plus it was an easy chap for me and flowed well. Also, if you don't watch LOST, you wouldn't get the number thing... they are supposed to be evil numbers that bring bad luck... that s why we decided it matched well with Chapter Thirteen (unlucky number) and the loony bin! ;D I gotta end this now... otherwise I'll write a chap to you! TTFN!

**YugiboyDragoon:** WHAT? Chapter thirteen wasn't funny? Alright! That's it! I quit! Screw all this crap! I'm not writing another word in this frigging story! It has been nothing but problems sense chapter one and – Ooo! CAKE! Be right back... (comes back fifteen minutes later) Cake makes everything good... Mmmm... cake... good... anyway! On to the story, now, shall we? (P.S. - just to make you happy... SOMEBODY does get hit by SOMETHING in this chappie, k?)

**Kaibas-baby: **Not much of a talker, eh? That's OK. Some of the guys above were like that at the beginning too! Lol! Don't worry, you'll get over it and put some more character in your reviews! O.o... that was NOT meant as a backhanded compliment thingy... it just came out wrong. O.o;;; Anywho, yay! A second YGO fan! Like Yugi-Boy (above) I have a surprise for fans like you later on in the story... it's funny... but not permanent. Anywho, thanks for the reviews! C ya! ;D

**Deadlybeautygoddess: **it will be a while before you read this but whatev. Thanks for the review and I hope you continue reading this story.

_Disclaimer: Campbell SOUP makes you POOP, down your LEG in your BOOT, on the FLOOR out the DOOR, that's what Campbell SOUP is FOR! P.S. - I don't own it... even though I wanna

* * *

_

"Carolyn? Could you please send Dr. Evil and Dr. Rose down to my office?" Dr. Viagra called down in the intercom

"Right away, sir" a female's voice answered

"Dr. Rose?" Miroku smiled "what a beautiful name for what I'm sure is a beautiful maiden"

"Give it a rest, monk" Inuyasha growled "you already got slapped, what, five times and we have only been here, like, two days?"

"Actually," Bob sighed "this is your third day"

"Oh, you've been keeping track?"

"I keep track of everything sense I've met you three..." Bob looked to Naraku "...four..." then to the rat "...five" he sighed "the other day I phoned my mum and dad and told them I loved them!"

"Shit, Bob, we aren't that dangerous" Inuyasha frowned

"Says the one who jammed a fork through his brother's hand!"

"Ya" Inuyasha smirked back at the memory "that was great"

"Excuse me" Dr. Viagra said as he came up beside the group, obviously ignoring their little conversation "but I need the four of you to fill out these sheets"

"What? A test?" Miroku frowned as he took a pen and sheet of paper from the doctor "I didn't study!"

"Don't worry" he smiled "it's questions about yourself, so just be as honest and open as possible"

Once everyone took a seat on the white benches along the walls, they began filling in the answers to the many, many questions on the sheet. Whispering and pen scratching were the only hearable sounds on the room. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru whispered to each other quietly, Naraku whispered back and forth to Lucky who was helping the Dark Lord out with his paper, Bob was writing things down in his Will again and Miroku, sense he didn't have anyone to talk to, was whispering to himself.

After about five to ten minutes, just as everyone was finishing up their papers, two young doctors, each in their late 20s to early 30s, entered the waiting room.

The first one to enter was a female, she had long, wavy black hair that trailed down her back and ended at her hips with ocean blue eyes. She carried with herself a pen, which was tucked behind her ear, and a pad of paper which was held neatly under her arm.

The second doctor, however, was a male with short, dark-brown hair that hung messily all over his head and had kind, brown eyes. He too, carried a pen and paper, but it was simply grasped in his hand. His white jacket wasn't buttoned up and his tie was loose and off to the side. His white undershirt was untucked and his black shoes were untied. Altogether, he was a total mess.

"Dr. Rose! Dr. Evil! Good of you to come!" Dr. Viagra greeted as he shook both their hands "these are my patients: Naraku, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Miroku. Plus there's Bob"

"Nice to meet you all" the two greeted

Putting his paper and pen to one side, Miroku rose to his feet, slid across the room and stopped in front of the female doctor, taking her hands in his own he smiled handsomely.

"You're name fits you to a tee" he said with a smirk

"Uh..." the doctor looked confused but tried to put on a smile "thanks... I think"

"YOU THINK?" the monk stepped back and whipped out the small daisy that the crazy woman had given him earlier... it was withered but it didn't look too bad "The rose is the most beautiful flower known to man! It doesn't have a finger on your own beauty though"

"Uh... one: that's a daisy, not a rose... and tw--"

"–I know! But work with me here!" opening up her hands into a cup, he placed the flower in them before closing them up again and resting his hands around her own "I know this flower is not worthy of you, but I pray it will be good enough for now until I can find a flower that is most befitting to your own beauty, Dr. Rose"

The woman, all of a sudden, burst out in a fit of giggles.

"Did I say something odd?" Miroku asked Inuyasha, looking back over his shoulder to see his friend

"Monk, everything you say is odd"

"I'm Dr. Rose" the male doctor told the monk, holding out his hand

"And I am Dr. Evil" the female doctor said, also holding out her hand

Shaking both their hands quickly, Miroku frowned "so... the guy is Rose and the girl is Evil?"

They both nodded.

The monk sighed before retreating back beside Inuyasha, all the while scratching his head and muttering "my brain hurts"

"Alright" Dr. Viagra clapped his hands together "shall we start these tests already?"

* * *

The three patients were put into three separate, brand new, white, supposedly soundproof rooms, each of which had one white table, two white chairs and a creamy colored carpet that covered the floors, walls and ceilings. Once each of the doctors walked into their own patient's rooms... the testing begun.

* * *

Dr. Viagra wished to evaluate Inuyasha personally. The assumed teenager had the most remarkable ears he had ever seen... and yet they were indeed real! They were a design similar to that of a dog or even a cat... but defiantly not the design of a human. 

"Alright," the doctor began as he took a seat across the table from his patient, he then read over Inuyasha's sheet quickly before speaking "you're name is Inuyasha Bark?"

Inuyasha nodded as he leaned back on his chair so that only the back legs were on the ground, his own feet resting up on top of the table, much to Dr. Viagra's dislike "you said be as honest as possible... and making up a late name is as close as I could get to honesty sense I have no clue if our family even has a last name"

"Every family has a last name, it is so by law now a days"

"Well... that's a stupid law"

"It is only stupid because you're breaking it"

"No... it really is stupid"

"OK..." the doctor wrote in his notes "also... it also says here you were born on 'the worst day of Sesshomaru's life'?"

Inuyasha was about to answer that when his chair tipped a bit too far back and he fell backwards onto the carpeted floor with a THUMP. Still lying on the ground, the hanyou answered to the doctor.

"Ow... OK... yeah, that's right. I asked Sesshomaru cause I don't remember when the hell I was born and that is what he said..." he groaned as he got up from the floor, he then put his chair back up and sat back down again "...so I wrote it down. I didn't know when I was born so I figured something is better then nothing"

"I see... so... on your paper... the only honest thing you put down is your first name?"

Inuyasha snatched the paper out of his hands "no... my age is right... I think... and my mother's and old man's name... at least I think that is how you spell them..."

"Let's just start the tests" snatching the paper back away from the hanyou, the doctor tore the paper into tiny bits... having enough of this foolishness

"HEY!" Inuyasha growled in annoyance "I wrote that! Your lucky your getting this much cooperation from me, so, next time, if I write something for you... treasure it forever!"

"Cooperation? You lied on all the questions!"

"Hey! Do I tell you how to do your job?"

* * *

Dr. Evil was assigned to Sesshomaru as her patient, someone who she was hoping to get so she could get to know him better. He seemed, to her, to be a very interesting individual. 

"Alright," she began, skimming over his paper "so you are Sesshomaru Woof?"

"Yes"

"And you were born when... 'the deer lose their antlers'?"

"According to my brother... if it is false I'm not shocked... he is and forever will be a moron"

"That isn't a very nice comment to say about your brother. How do you think he would feel if he heard you?"

"He can't hear me"

A voice rose from two rooms down "YES I CAN, YOU BASTARD!"

"LIKE I CARE!" Sesshomaru growled as he rose to his feet and moved over toward the wall... and yelled at it - I mean - through it to his younger sibling.

Inuyasha's voice rang again "BRING IT ON, MOON-BOY!"

* * *

Dr. Viagra, still sitting in his chair, glared straight ahead... an angry look to his eye "soundproof my..." his eye twitched as he held back the swear "...butt!"

* * *

"THESE ARE SACRED SYMBOLS! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS...!" Sesshomaru thought about it for a second "...MORON!" 

"Hey, Hey! Hey!" Dr. Evil snapped her fingers around "look over here! Over here, over here! Leave the moron alone - I mean"

"HEY!" the hanyou voice growled

"Dammit!" the doctor yelled as she smashed her fist on the table "Sesshomaru! SIT!"

"That works with my brother, I wear no necklace" he said, gesturing with his hands

"SIT!"

Sesshomaru glared at the girl for a moment before slowly taking his seat, a cold look to his eyes.

"Why would you say that to your brother?" the doctor asked "you're older then him, you shouldn't be picking fights! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

"Because he's an asshole! Before he was born, our family line was tried and true! It was a family tree that the other clans envied! Our blood was strong and so were our minds... then he was born... thanks to him, he don't even HAVE a family tree anymore! We don't even have a shrub! He burned our tree and stole our shrub!" Sesshomaru smashed his fist into the table, making a neat hole through the painted wood "I want my family shrub, dammit!"

The female doctor stared at his hand for a moment before quickly writing down a note.

* * *

Dr. Rose had gotten Miroku as his patient... just because Dr. Viagra had insisted on taking Inuyasha and Dr. Evil had grabbed Sesshomaru paper so fast, he didn't have a chance to pick anyone else! 

"So..." he started, clearing his throat a little "you're Miroku Monk?"

"Yep!"

"You were born 'when your mother came into labor'?"

"I thought that was obvious but the question asked so I answered"

"OK..." the Doctor continued down the sheet after making a quick note "...you're 19 years old"

"I'm hoping to live past 25" the monk said with a smile

"Most people do"

Miroku shrugged "Ya, well... most people aren't me"

"Uh huh" making a note again, he read the last bit on the paper "it says here you have a rash?"

"SHHH!" Miroku hissed as he lowered his voice to a mer whisper "...keep it down...!"

Suddenly, Inuyasha's voice boomed from the other side of the wall "RASH? YOU HAVE A RASH? RASH-BOY!"

"Who has a rash?" Sesshomaru's voice came from the opposite wall

"Miroku!"

"The monk has a rash? I always wondered why he wears a dress"

"It's not a dress!" Miroku yelled in defense "it's a robe!"

Inuyasha scoffed "dress, robe... same difference, Rash-Boy!"

* * *

Out in the hall, Bob, Naraku and Lucky were bursting their guts laughing at the stupidity that they were overhearing. So much for the soundproof rooms indeed!

* * *

Once everyone was settled again... the tests began. 

**((Arthur's Note: Hey y'all! Although many different tasks were put against the three volunteers, it would be impossible to list them all, so, instead, we will only look at one or two tests per person. That way we can get into better detail with... unfortunate events :P))

* * *

**

"Alright, Inuyasha" Dr. Viagra began "First we will begin with a hearing test... now, because of the odd position where your ears are–"

"HEY! Do I make fun of your ears?"

"–You will have to hold the earphones on your head, otherwise they will pop off, understand?"

Inuyasha picked up the strange looking things and placed the puffy parts over his ears, all the while mumbling to himself that there better be free food after all this... he was starving!

"Ready?"

With a nod from Inuyasha, Dr. Viagra brought his hand to a piece of equipment that had a cord attached to it that ran from it to the headphones and flicked a switch on.

The doctor nearly had a heart attack when Inuyasha leapt to his feet and slammed the earphones on the table.

The hanyou glared icily at the doctor and pointed at him "what are you trying to do? Make me deaf? That's it! Isn't it? Well, how about I strap these frigging things on YOUR head and scream in YOUR ear! See how you like it!"

"Actually... I didn't... actually... start... the... test yet... I just... turned it on"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Inuyasha yelled as he tried to use his finger to unplug his ear

"I SAID: I ONLY TURNED IT ON!"

"YOU'RE TURNED ON? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?"

"NO! IT 'S ONLY TURNED ON!"

"DAVID SPAWN? NEVER HEARD OF HIM! HE HAS A STUPID NAME THOUGH!"

"I didn't! I mean, what are you! I mean... Are you serious? Are your ears are really THAT sensitive?"

"MY EARS?"

Dr. Viagra nodded

"I HEAR A LOUD RINGING NOISE IN MY HEAD!" he stopped for a moment "SORTA LIKE THAT ONLY LOUDER!"

* * *

"OK, Sesshomaru" Dr. Evil smiled "let's do a Block Test" 

"A what?"

"A Block Test" She put the pieces needed down in front of the Western Lord "it is a test that measures mental ability as well as eye to hand coordination. Basically, you have these red and white blocks and you need to put them in this square container–"

Sesshomaru picked up all the blocks at once and dumped them in the container "how'd I do?"

"No... let me finish... you have to PLACE the blocks in the container in a pattern that goes Red, White, Red, White, Red, White. You have to do this as fast as possible cause I'll be timing you, alright?"

Sesshomaru growled "forget it, I picked up these pieces once, I'm not doing it again"

"Oh don't be a spoil sport"

"That is one of my key talents... if I want to be a spoil sport, I'll be a spoil sport. Got it?"

She smiled sweetly "Come on"

"No"

"Please? For me?"

"No!"

"Fine then!" The doctor smirked "I don't want you to do it!"

"Fine then!" Sesshomaru yelled back, picking up one of the blocks "I'll do it!"

* * *

"LET'S DO A INK BLOT TEST! OK, INUYASHA?" 

"INK WHAT?"

"INK BLOT!"

"DOTS AND SPOTS? WHAT?"

"INK BLOT!"

Inuyasha growled "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

From two rooms down, a voice of a Western Lord trumpeted "HEY! KEEP IT DOWN! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO PLAY WITH OUR BLOCKS!"

His hearing semi-returning, Inuyasha was able to catch the bit of Sesshomaru's sentence, causing him to bolt to his feet in confusion "YOU DID WHAT TO MY ROOM?"

* * *

Sesshomaru did not reply to his brother's odd comment but just stopped and thought about it, meanwhile holding a red block between two claws. 

Dr. Evil frowned at the Lord and held up the timer "time's a tickn'"

* * *

Sighing, Dr. Viagra peeled off a sheet of paper, wrote "let's do an Ink Blot test, OK? I'll show you pictures of splattered ink and you tell me what you see" and gave the paper to Inuyasha, who nodded. 

When they both sat back down again, Dr. Viagra brought out the cards and showed the first one to Inuyasha.

The hanyou frowned "a... tree..."

Dr. Viagra showed another.

"A... face of a woman"

Another card.

"A flying monkey" Inuyasha said without hesitation

Frowning, Dr. Viagra looked at the card himself and smiled "Oh ya! I can see that!" he flipped to another card

"A... cat with only three legs... it's running in circles"

"OK... What about this one? What do you see?"

Inuyasha's lip curled up and, in a blur of speed, snatched the paper out of the doctor's hands. As the hanyou looked at the splot of ink, a growl slowly came out of his throat and his eyes hardened.

"Kouga!" he growled "I'd like to see him running in circles with one leg!"

* * *

"Um... OK" Dr. Rose looked to the monk "so... uh... let's start with a Word Play test. All it is, is that I say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your mind, alright?" 

"OK"

Picking up his pad of paper, the doctor began the test "Plane"

"Ordinary"

With a shrug, Dr. Rose continued "Toaster"

Not knowing what that was, Miroku guessed "death" he figured 'Toast' must be, like, dying so 'Toaster' must be something that does the killing... not a strong logic but one nonetheless

The doctor looked at the monk "death?"

"Dead"

"Uh... no–"

"Turned down"

"Wait–"

"Boring"

"Hold on–"

"Grip"

"Stop-!"

"Quit"

"Hey–!"

"Crops"

"Shut up for a moment!"

"Be quiet"

"Yes!"

"Good"

"What?"

"Question!"

The doctor sighed, covering his face with his hands "...moron"

"Inuyasha!"

There was a bang of a fist on the right hand wall "What? I'm gonna kill you, Rash-Boy! Your days and numbered!"

Screaming like a little girl, Miroku grabbed his chair, ran to the door and jammed it between the doorknob and floor so it couldn't open before running back to the far wall of his room.

The doctor just pretended not to notice.

There was a slight ruckus in Inuyasha's room before a door slammed and a figure walked up to the door of their own room. The knob began to turn... and the door opened to reveal Inuyasha standing calmly in the doorway...

"IT'S A PULL, YOU MORON!" he growled before kicking the now-fallen chair at Miroku and slamming the door again to return to his own room.

The chair went flying and smashed Miroku right in the shin.

"ACK! OW!" the monk yelled as he bounced up and down on one leg "...I don't like that test!" he told the now-laughing doctor who only wrote a quick note on his paper.

* * *

"OK, Sessy–" 

"Don't call me that"

"Make me" she smiled playfully at the Lord "anyway... I think we should do some Ink Blot Cards to finish up here"

"Good, I'm was getting frustrated at all this anyway"

"Yes... I could tell" she smiled as she looked over the table with about 12 fist holes punched into it, three of which containing crushed blocks "the table with never be the same"

"Yes, well, I get frustrated with my inability to draw"

"If you would have just told me that we could have skipped that one" she giggled, finding it funny by how easy the man was annoyed "but... then again... you were stressed from the other tests that we had to do and--"

"--and I needed to let out some steam" He smirked

"I can see that... very clearly now" she smiled as she got out the cards "alright... what do you see in this card?"

He stared at it for a while "I see... a splotch of ink on white paper"

"No... I mean, what do you see in the ink?"

"I see that somebody knocked over an ink bottle and–"

"No... people see pictures in the ink... what do you see?"

The Lord growled to himself and snatched the paper away from the woman, under closer examination... he came out with his answer "I see that somebody got ripped off buying these frigging pictures" he smirked as he tossed to card back at the doctor "at least now I know I can draw better then somebody on this planet"

* * *

"Alright, Miroku" Dr. Rose smiled "we will do one final test... an Annoyance Test" 

"OH!" Miroku smiled back "I'll pass this one for sure... I'm good at tolerating people... like what I do with Sesshomaru or Inuyasha or Naraku or the Rat or You"

The doctor looked up from his notes "me?"

"Yes, I don't like you... no offence"

"Oh, how could I ever take offence to that?" the Doctor glared as he picked up a thick book that was about 2" thick "let's just start the test already"

Still sitting across the table from one another, the doctor began to repeatedly fan the book... over and over and over again. For his own credit, Miroku was doing quite well, he was acting as if he didn't even hear anything.

After about the tenth fan of the book, the door burst open and Inuyasha came stomping into the room. With a growl, the half-demon whipped the book away from the doctor and smashed him over the head with it before slamming it down on the table and storming out again. Making sure to slam the door behind him.

"ACK!" the doctor gritted his teeth as he held his head "OW!"

Dr. Viagra opened the door slightly "sorry about that, don't know what got into him... but on the plus at least we know his hearing is back. But do make sure you will be done your examination in five minutes"

"Ya..." Dr. Rose groaned "...almost done"

When the door was closed again, the doctor began to fan the book once more... the goal was to do it straight for five minutes - that is an excellent rating. He figured he might as well finish the test so that the monk would have at least pass ONE of his tests.

However, after the doctor had fanned the book for about the 15th time (excluding the first set), the door burst open once again, only this time Sesshomaru marched into the room. As soon as he reached the desk, he whipped the book out of the doctors hands and tore the book in half before smacking the doctor over the head with both pieces and storming out of the room just as Inuyasha had. Also slamming the door behind him.

The doctor glared at the monk, holding his head in pain "You fail!"

The monk's eyes grew wide "What? What did I do wrong?"

* * *

That's it for this chapter, a bit long but it was the only way to get it done. In the next chapter we will finish up the doctor episode and move on to something else... cause I am running out of ideas here, peoples! And writer's blocks are just so hard on top of school work. 

Anyway, looks like a FINALLY got this chapter done... I think this is my hardest chapter I have done yet... no joke!

**TRIVIA: **Who do you think will be named the Craziest in the next chapter by our lovely doctors: Dr. Viagra, Dr. Evil and Dr. Rose? Will it be the temperamental Sesshomaru? The deaf Inuyasha? Or the stupid Miroku? TAKE YOUR GUESS AND PUT IT IN YOUR REVIEW!

**Don't forget to R&R!**


	15. The Good, the Bad and the Crazy

**Chapter Fifteen: The Good, the Bad and the Crazy**

Hello, peoples. I think I am finally getting somewhere here... ya know why? Cause they get out of the looney bin this chapter! YAY:D Oh! And plus, I'm back to school now plus I have a job so I won't have a lot of time to update anymore... so bare with me, OK?

THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING FOR REVIEWING!

**Yugiboydragoon:** thank you for your quick review! And I'm glad you enjoyed it! See? They don't have to get hit by cars all the time to make it funny! Lol! Books are much more portable! Also, I wouldn't hold your breath for the part for YGO fans, it's coming... but not soon enough to be able to decide a chapter... we have to get them lost in the desert first:D. One more thing: You didn't do my Trivia Question! Ack! Oh well... guess you'll find out "Who's the Crazy One?" in this Chapter, huh? C ya.

**Inu-Chan-Keh:** thanks for the reivew. Good guess with the Trivia Question... but you will just have to read to find out the answer. Jesse did review once or twice... so that's cool. I'm just glad new people are coming to read this and not just the ones that have been with me sense the beginning. C ya later

**Hearii:** I thought I already settled this, oh well. We come up with this stuff because A) we have lots of spare time and B) Beer is far too expensive. OK? Thanks for the review:D

**Imsureusuck:** Alright! Thanks for the review! And I'm sure you suck too:D I'm glad you enjoyed chapter six and I hope you continue to enjoy the story as it goes on. C ya.

**Iamkagomeiloveinuyasha: **hey, I know you won't get this for a bit but whatev... thanks for the review! And don't worry, we all have those days where we think 3 comes before 1 and 9 is after 2! Lol! C ya!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, this computer I'm tying this on or even the ground under my shoes! I have nothing! N-O-T-H-I-N-G! ... although I do own this story... so I suppose that's SOMETHING, right? Right? Oh...

* * *

_

Once all the tests were completed and the doctor's reports officially signed, everyone was finally allowed to leave their rooms. The doctors left the testing rooms first followed by their own perspective patients and entered a short hallway that connected the three test rooms to the main room.

As soon as Sesshomaru and Inuyasha left their testing rooms, said hanyou shoved past the monk and a swaying Dr. Rose and stormed up the his older, half-brother, a annoyed looked to his face.

"Alright!" Inuyasha growled "what did you do to my room?"

Sesshomaru stared down blankly at his younger sibling, not knowing exactly what to say sense the half-demon never did have a room to be in at his parent's palace.

"By 'room' do you mean your crib?" Sesshomaru offered up the only thing that came to his mind "if so... I burned it"

Inuyasha groaned "you wreck everything! You know that?"

"I had no idea you were so attached to your crib, hanyou"

Inuyasha frowned "...neither did I..."

Before even entering the main room, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha could hear the most unexpected noise flowing through the doors. As for Miroku, he only began to hear it once the door was open. The doctors themselves paid no heed to the ruckus when they entered the main room, they simply walked over to Dr. Viagra's deck... with a staggering Dr. Rose following behind Dr. Evil, having still not recovered from Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's assaults.

But as for the Western Lord, Half-Demon and Monk, they used extra caution when entering the room... but no amount of self-control or preparation could have helped them face the scene. There... on a bench not far from the door... sat Bob and Naraku... both laughing their heads off at some unknown joke.

The monk was in shock, but did speak "what the hell is this?"

Naraku, finally realizing the other three were in the room again, suddenly stiffened and paled slightly. His laughing immediately drew to an abrupt halt and his smile turned into a frown.

"FEAR ME!" he hissed at the three, extending his short, not-so-sharp claws at them "FFFFEEEAARRR MMMMEEEEEE!"

"SQUEAK, SQEEEEAK!" Lucky added from Naraku's shoulder, also extending his claws

Suddenly, not allowing anyone to reply to Naraku's odd statement, Dr. Viagra's voice rang across the room over to the group "Naraku? Could you come over here for a moment?"

Finding the escape he desperately wanted, Naraku quickly dashed across the room to Dr. Viagra's desk without so much as another word to the three standing in the doorway who hadn't moved an inch sense they had entered the room.

Sitting down, Naraku breathed a sigh of relief "I haven't said this in years to a single living being... but THANK YOU!"

"Uh... you're welcome" Dr. Viagra frowned before reading over the Dark Lord's paper one last time "I see you wrote down all of the herbs you have been using..."

"Yes... it took me a while to write them all down. But I did divide them into two separate lists. If you can see... these ones here--" he tapped on a part of the paper "--these are my experimental herbs" he stopped for a second and thought about it "did you ever wonder why plants are green?"

"Can we stay on topic please? So... when I looked over your list... I found that a quarter of these herbs are deadly... another quarter are the healing herbs for the first quarter... another quarter of the herbs help women get pregnant... two or three are simply different kinds of grass and bark... another two or three have been extinct for several hundreds of years... and why, may I ask, have you been licking poison ivy?"

Naraku looked down, as if ashamed of himself "...I'm addicted to it..."

"You are?"

"Ya, but let me tell you something... whatever you do... DON'T EAT IT! Cause there are some parts of the body that you just can't scratch!" Naraku smirked "scratch... scratch, catch... catch, latch... latch, key... key, lock... lock, doc... doc, report... report, funny... funny, rash..." he peered over his shoulder "how's that rash of yours, Monk?"

Inuyasha chuckled to himself silently "...Rash-Boy..."

"Shut up!" Miroku growled at the Dark Lord "it's probably a reaction from the wind-tunnel! A side effect maybe! It might even mean my time is running out or something!"

"Nope, just your weirdness" Naraku looked back to the doctor "but I'm serious about the poison ivy... the only thing that it helps is to cause awkward pain and to get people looking at ya funny"

Dr. Viagra stared at the Dark Lord for a moment "I bet" the doctor then sighed and was about to crumple up the paper like he had Inuyasha's, when it was snatched out of his hands.

"I need this" Naraku smiled as he looked over the paper, answering the unsaid question "I've been meaning to write them all down. Makes it a lot easier when I go out to find them"

Lucky, scampering down off of the Lord's shoulder to stand on the Dark One's lap, read over each of the names of the herbs, most of which had a little, roughly-sketched drawings of the plant drawn in front of the name. One drawing caught the rat's eye so he pointed to it with his tiny paw and squeaked at the Dark Lord over his shoulder.

"Marijuana?" Naraku frowned "what the hell is that? That is Happy Plant... I named it myself!"

"Naraku?" the doctor grunted as he massaged his temples "could we please do the reading of the results for the others now? Or do you need some more time to talk so your rat?"

Naraku looked to Lucky and Lucky to him.

"No, we're good"

"Eak, squeak, squeak"

Raising to his feet, Naraku started his way back to the group when the male doctor, Dr. Rose, suddenly swayed and staggered into the Dark One... accidently knocking Lucky off of said Lord's shoulder.

"Watch it!' Naraku growled as he caught Lucky just before said rat hit the floor "...staggering fool!"

"Dr. Rose" Dr. Viagra grunted "perhaps you should go see the medic in room 56?"

"Ya... I think... that might be... good" he said as he used Naraku's shoulder to steady himself

Naraku growled as he looked from the hand on his shoulder to the doctor "if you need something to prop yourself up with... use the monk, not me. That is why he is here after all"

"HEY!" Miroku yelled from across the room before turning to Inuyasha for support "are you just going to stand there and let him talk to me like that?"

"Look... two things..." Inuyasha sighed while glaring at the monk "1) he's not talking to you, he is talking about you. There is a difference. 2) why would I stop him? He speaks the truth... for once"

"For once is right" Sesshomaru said as he studied his sharp nails "at least be thankful that you do have a use, human monk"

Meanwhile, Dr. Rose pushed himself away from Naraku (who somewhat gladly retook his position with the others just to get out of being used as a cane) and began to stumble his way out. He was doing fairly good until a few feet away from the door, where he stumbled harshly sideways and walked into the wall. He stood there for a moment, just staring at the wall in front of him... scratching his head in confusion.

"Perhaps Dr. Evil will accompany you there?" Dr. Viagra quickly asked, turning his head to the female doctor.

Nodding, Dr. Evil walked over to the struggling male doctor and put one of his arms around her neck. Allowing him to use her as a support.

"WAIT!" Miroku yelled when he saw this "Dr. Evil is looking... sickly as well! I will hold her hand in comfort as we go down to the medic" the monk finished with a small smile

Sesshomaru glared at the monk "your constant nagging with the females of this era is getting tiresome, human monk. I suggest you change your actions or I'll make certain you have an untimely death, understand?"

Naraku frowned at Miroku as he walked by "what did you do to the human doctor in that room, monk? Inuyasha and Sesshomaru didn't beat up their doctors"

"I didn't!" Miroku yelled in protest "it was those two!" he pointed at the demon and hanyou

Inuyasha growled "sure, blame me! Everyone always does!"

"The human has a purpose, Inuyasha" Sesshomaru smirked "now you have found yours"

"You bastard! If you have something to say then why don't you just say it already!"

"I am saying it!"

"Could have order here?" Dr. Viagra asked as the other two doctors left the room

"Do we have a choice?" Inuyasha asked with a glare as he looked away from his older sibling

"No" Dr. Viagra cleared his throat "alright, normally your results would be read in private, but this is the odd occasion where I don't think you're a group that wouldn't rightfully care much"

"Says you" Sesshomaru growled "I don't want to know that there are diseases causing these fools to be idiots. Ignorance is bliss! Did you know that?"

"Then, if you wish, you can stand out in the hall while I read the reports"

"And look like an unimportant being? Forget it! I would rather know why the fools act like fools"

"You're not unimportant, Sesshomaru" Inuyasha smirked "...you'd make a good rug"

With a shake of his head, Dr. Viagra began the report "Naraku we already did, he is a chronic liar with depression and schizophrenia... looking at his sheet he might also have some sort of drug problem. But mainly, you just have to get yourself a hobby"

"Yes... but, I've been thinking" Naraku frowned "does making schemes to ruin people's lives count as a hobby?"

"...No" Dr. Viagra said after a moment after deciding it was a serious question

"What? But that's all I'm good at!" Naraku frowned "good... good, great... great, big... big, tough... tough, hard... hard, demons... damn those big, hard, rolling, screaming demons! If it wasn't for them, I would have never been defeated! NEVER! Then I would have killed the fools and taken over the world! Mah hahahaha!" he stopped for a second "actually... I don't want the just world... I want the moon too! And the sun! I will own all!" the rat squeaked "yes, yes, you can have that... wait... where is this 'hawaii' that you speak of?"

"OK! Next... Sesshomaru.. you are fairly healthy. Although... we REALLY suggest you go to anger-management classes. Your sudden mood swings and your need to kill anything that annoys you has to stop. For crying out loud, you scent Dr. Rose to the medic using a book! And you are punching your brother in the arm right now!"

Sesshomaru growled and punched Miroku instead of his brother for a change of pace "how dare you imply I am sickly! I'll kill you!"

Miroku sniffed as he rubbed his arm "...big bully"

"That is what I mean" Dr. Viagra deposited three balls in Sesshomaru's hand "these are stress-balls. Just rub them together when you get angry to relieve stress"

Sesshomaru looked at the three objects in his hand "I have my own balls I can play with! I don't need fake ones!"

"Just take them!" the doctor cleared his throat again "Inuyasha, you are fairly healthy... although you do have Selenophobia, which is fear of the moon... but that's nothing to worry about. But I would like you to come back again so I can further study your ears. Oh! And thanks a lot for the blood sample!"

Inuyasha frowned "...blood... sample...? I don't remember giving you my..."

"HEY!" Sesshomaru growled "if Inuyasha gets blood sucked out of him, then I want my blood sucked out of me too!"

Inuyasha's ear twitched to this "if I didn't know better I would say you were jealous of... you ARE jealous! Aren't you?"

"What if I am? How am I supposed to help it if you always got all the attention and I was always the tall one with the stuck-up attitude? How can I help it if your daddy's little boy?"

"Attention? Daddy's boy? Is there a piece of shit lodged in your head or something? The only attention I ever got were demons trying to kill me all the time cause they figured me to be easy food OR human's making fun of me. As for the Daddy's Boy shit, the guy died before I was even a year old! I don't even remember what the old man looks like!"

"Point being?" the Lord glared down at his shorter sibling "you forget that you have a group of friends who do care if you land up dead or cursed or decapitated"

"Wouldn't decapitated count as being dead?" Miroku asked with a scratch of his head

"Shut up, monk" Inuyasha growled "I have a few friends... so what? You have your little group!"

"I have a frog who thinks it knows everything and is always asking me to wait for him, a girl who won't shut up and a two-headed dragon who isn't even housebroken! TWO-HEADS! It eats me out of house and home then leaves it all in the middle of my dinning-room rug!"

"EXCUSE ME!" the doctor yelled "can we continue?" he moved to the next paper "Miroku... I'm sad to report has the following: acute stress disorder; panic disorder; obsessive-compulsive disorder; posttraumatic stress disorder; generalized anxiety disorder; attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder; Asperger's disorder; autistic disorder; conduct disorder; appositional defiant disorder; separation anxiety disorder; tourette's disorder; anorexia nervosa; bulimia nervosa; major depressive disorder; bipolar disorder; cyclothymic disorder; dysthymic disorder; specific phobia; delirium; multi-infarct dementia; dementia; paranoid personality disorder; schizotypal personality disorder; histrionic personality disorder; narcissistic personality disorder; avoidant personality disorder; dependent personality disorder" the doctor frowned and kept reading "obsessive compulsive personality disorder; schizophrenia; delusional disorder; brief psychotic disorder; schizoaffective disorder; schizophreniform disorder; shared psychotic disorder; Ancraophobia; Aerophobia; Anemophobia; Anuptaphobia; Atychiphobia; Autophobia; Cacophobia; Chronophobia; Homophobia; Isolophobia; Spheksophobia; an overactive imagination; sexual-predator characteristics; has ambitions to commit murder; is a chronic liar and a pyro manic"

Miroku said nothing for the longest while, obviously thinking over what he had just been told... even though the truth of the matter was he only remembered one or two words out of the entire list. Then, just as the monk was finally going to say something, the door burst open and a man came storming into the room nearly butt-naked. The only piece of 'clothing' he wore was a metal bedpan on his head... that and a slipper that was tucked under his arm. He had probably not bathed in weeks, from what Sesshomaru and Inuyasha could smell, and his eyes were as cross-eyed as they could possibly be.

"Alright, coach! I'm ready to go, coach! Where do you want me, coach?" he ran up to Dr. Viagra "which play should we play, coach? Eh, coach? Huh? Eh? Huh? Coach? Huh? Eh? Eh? Which play, coach, which play?"

"Mr. David what are you doing out of your room?" Dr. Viagra asked as he peered down his nose at the man

"Alright, coach! I got it, coach! No problem, coach! I'll make ya proud, coach!"

"Unlikely"

"I got it, coach! Piece of cake, couch! Watch me go, coach!"

With that, the man turned on his heel and rushed towards Sesshomaru, as if to tackle him. The Western Lord merely watched in disgust as the man charged at him with his hands out in front of him to shove the dog-demon back. When the human did come into contact with Sesshomaru... said demon didn't even budge. But what he did do was slowly uncross his arms and push on the human's forehead with his forefinger to send Mr. David stumbling back a few feet.

"You're not so tough, boy! I can take ya, boy! You watching, coach? I'm gonna win this, coach!"

The human ran at Sesshomaru again, this time slamming his shoulder into the Lord's hard chest... still Sesshomaru didn't move. This time though he was getting irritated with his human's odd behavior so used the whole palm of his hand to send to human back a good meter or so.

"Coach! He's tough! He's strong! But I'll move him, coach! Just you watch!"

Dr. Viagra sighed a pushed a red button on the wall, when nobody came in, he pushed it again, then again. Until finally the doctor was practically pounding on the button with all his might uttering "stupid piece of junk" under his breath.

This time the human backed up a few feet to the point of almost standing beside Inuyasha who immediately crossed across the room to stand next to Naraku instead of the monk, just trying to get away from the stink. Naraku didn't care, he was having too much fun watching the Western Lord get more and more annoyed to care about anything else going on.

Finally, the man sprung towards the Lord, his feet hammering on the carpet under him hard and quick. His eyes suddenly narrowing, Sesshomaru shoved his arm out in front of him to block the human from coming closer then an arms distance, and then, once the human was close, used his other hand to quickly snatch the bedpan off of the humans head before slamming it down again with a loud TING!

Mr. David staggered back a few steps, bumping into Inuyasha who cringed at the stink and punched Naraku in the arm when the Dark Lord began to snicker. Very slowly, the man's eyes began to uncross and return to a normal position in the eye socket. As soon as his eyes looked normal, the man shook his head slightly, as if to clear his thoughts, and when he felt something bobbling around on his head he immediately froze and frowned. Reaching up with pale arms, Mr. David slowly took the bedpan off of his head. He stared at the shiny metal for a while, before looking up and gazing around at everyone in the room.

"Where am I?" he asked as his fingers tapped on the metal in an nervous kinda way "Who are you?" he asked Sesshomaru as he quickly looked the Lord over "why do you have weird ears?"

Then the man's eyes slowly fell to look down at himself and a blush rose to his cheeks in a rush of crimson. Quickly coving his manliness using the bedpan, he slowly inched his way out of the room. Silently shutting the door behind him without so much as another word.

Inuyasha scratched his head "that was... different"

"I agree" Naraku nodded with a slight frown "that thing on the man's head was indeed strange"

Dr. Viagra, who had stopped smashing on the button when he heard the ting sound, was speechless as he looked from Sesshomaru to the door, then back to Sesshomaru "wh... wh... what happened? How did you do that? I've been working on that man for three years! And all it took was a smack on the head with a bedpan to fix him? I'm going to try that more often!"

Miroku stood there for a moment longer before tapping on the doctor's shoulder "major-multi-sexual-pyro-brief-phoba-WHAT? Could you repeat that?" obviously he hadn't been paying attention to the recent events

"No. But I'll let you take the sheet" he said as he handed the paper to the monk, not really paying attention now sense his thoughts were on other patients in the hospital.

Miroku's eyes doubled as he scanned down the list of words that he couldn't even say let alone understand "holy fudgecow! There is like half a page of stuff written here!"

"Actually the front of the paper is filled up too... I just didn't want to read it all... oh yes, and he said at the top in big red letters that you have a rash?"

"Hey! That is supposed to be confidential information! Con-fi-den-tial!"

Inuyasha smirked "'supposed to be' and 'is' are two entirely different things, rash-boy"

Turning to the doctor, Sesshomaru frowned "getting back to the fool's results... what your basically saying is... that this idiot here is more screwed up then that idiot over there?" he asked first pointing to the monk then to Naraku

The doctor sighed and forced himself to come back on the subject at hand "Well, that's what the sheet seems to prove now, doesn't it?"

"So what do we do now?" Inuyasha asked "I mean, you told Naraku to get a hobby... Sesshomaru to go to anger management... me to come back" he said with a small smile "...what should we do with the monk?"

"Well," Dr. Viagra began "personally, I would like to get him– wait a sec"

Moving to the cabinets behind his desk, he pulled out a spare bedpan before walking over to the monk and smashed him over the head with it.

TING!

"OW!" Miroku yelled as he held his head "what was that for?"

The Doctor looked Miroku up and down before shrugging "nevermind, it must only work for the smaller cases of insanity" he sighed before turning to Inuyasha "anyway, as I was saying... I would like the put Miroku into to the nearest rubber room possible"

"Rubber room?" Miroku smiled "that's kinda fun to say... rubber room... ru-bb-er ro-om"

"...and fast" he added quickly

Sesshomaru frowned "and how would we come about sealing this human away forever?"

"Well, first... I would need from you the monthly payment of $200–"

"$200?"

"Ya... for an extra $10 we'll give him a table and a chair" Dr. Viagra said with a smile

"That fool isn't WORTH $200!" Sesshomaru growled, pointing his finger at the monk

"Let alone a table and a chair!" Inuyasha added

"Well..." Dr. Viagra frowned "it is just my suggestion, after all"

"Well, forget it!" Inuyasha growled "maybe we'll get lucky and he'll get killed on the street! Come on! Sesshomaru! Miroku! Naraku! Bob! Bob! Bob?"

When the half-demon got no reply from said human, everyone turned back to the benches where they saw the sleeping form of their guild. His arms were crossed contently across his chest, his legs stretched out in front of him and his form slumped down comfortably in his chair... with Lucky curled up on his chest, resting slightly on his crossed arms.

Naraku stared wide-eyed in shock at this scene laid before him. With a growl, the Dark Lord storming up to the two sleeping forms, grabbed hold of the rat's tail and pulled. Lucky, reacting out of instinct from suddenly being awaken, dug his claws into Bob's skin as hard as he could... causing the human to awaken with a shout.

Naraku stepped back from Bob, holding Lucky up by the tail in one hand... the rat's eyes as big as golf-balls as it looked around.

"There is only one person on this earth Lucky sleeps with" Naraku scowled "and it isn't you!"

Bob padded the chest of his torn shirt frantically, the skin underneath feeling to be on fire by this point. The Human looked down at his hands and growled, pointing his finger accusingly at Naraku and Lucky.

"You bastard! I'm bleeding! What the Hell did I do to you?" he thought about it for a sec "besides hitting you with my car?"

"You tried to steal the affections of my rat" Naraku replied with a narrowed glare as he stroked Lucky softly in the palm of his hand

"I don't want your damn rat! You found it in the sewer! Besides, look at this! Not only am I bleeding, but I now I have rips all over the front of my shirt! This is a nice shirt! Well, it was anyway! Geesh! You guys ruin everything! First my car, then my schemes, then my breakfast, then my new car and now this!"

* * *

The Six walked single file out of the office with Bob leading the way and then, almost immediately, a man walked up to Naraku, bowed his head and said:

"Enasni uoy era, olleh?" the man smiled "dneirf ym eb uoy lliw ...os fi?"

The Dark Lord frowned for a moment but then shook his head "nope, sorry... you might wanna check the monk though, he's fairly screwed up"

"Don't bring me up in your little twisted conversations!" Miroku snapped at the Lord, looking up from his paper "I have enough problems as it is! I don't need to be decoding gibberish!"

"Mr. Flapjack?" Dr. Viagra's voice called from inside the office "Could you come here?"

The man didn't wait one second before dashing into the doctor's office and greeting the doc like he had Naraku. There was a loud TING noise, following shortly by the sound of a body falling limply to the ground...

"...Uh oh..."

Calmly Bob, Naraku, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sesshomaru and Lucky made there way down the white hallways, they hadn't gotten past the second turn yet when a man on a powered wheelchair spun around the corner and ran over Miroku's foot as he sped through the group of people. Miroku had hardly a chance to begin to complain about his foot when another wheelchair came screaming around the corner even faster then the first. The man shouted to the monk to move, but not in time, resulting in a monster crash with Miroku and the man lying on the floor and the wheelchair on its side.

Quickly picking himself up, the man in white robes jumped back in his wheelchair and sped off again, all the while yelling at Miroku to "Stay off the track!" until he was around the corner and out of human-earshot.

The five of them stared down at the monk for a moment...

"Well," Bob began with a frown "that was new"

With that, they left Miroku to pry himself up off the floor... they might have even continued a bit too fast... for, once with monk was up and knew where he was, he was separated from the group completely.

The five figures had just gotten back onto the first floor of the building when a man came up to them with his robe tossed over his shoulder like a toga.

"I'm the King of the World!" he proclaimed to the Western Lord

"How do you know that, foolish human?" Sesshomaru challenged

The man put his hands proudly on his hips "God told me!"

From further down the hallway, a voice called "no, I didn't!"

"You did so!" the man yelled as he ran down the hallway after the voice

"Did not!"

After that encounter, they remarkably were able to get to the doors to leave the patient area without anymore conflicts with the local residents. They were just about to walk through the doors, when Miroku suddenly appeared behind them with springs of daises around his neck and tied into his black hair and robes. On top of that, the monk wore a big goofy grin that you just KNEW he was up to something... if the flowers weren't a big enough hint.

"You didn't actually ask that crazy-daisy-lady to bare your child, did you?" Inuyasha asked with a quirked brow

Miroku's grin grew "no" he replied with semi-shifty eyes as he began to push through the doors

"Ack, don't worry about it" Bob smirked to the others "she used to be a guy"

Miroku stopped dead in his tracks, a look of uncertainty, disgust and sickness crossing over his face all at the same time. Without so much as another word, everyone pushed their way through the doors and walked around the monk. Then, they began to walk to the front doors to finally leave this weird place... leaving the monk behind them. Who... slowly... one by one... began plucking the flowers off of himself.

* * *

YAY! Done! Chapter Fifteen up and posted! Man! This chapter was almost as hard as chapter fourteen! Lets all pray that chapter sixteen isn't as hard as this one! Alright?

By the way, did anyone catch the man who talked backwards? I thoughts that was a good thing to add in... I don't know. But I liked how Naraku caught on almost right away so I put it in!

OK... one more thing, I know these doctor chapters are a bit... stale... but I promise it was get better again. My brother and I thought this would be funny... but it didn't come out exactly how we wanted. Oh well, got Naraku into the mix alright... now, didn't it:D

Don't forget to **R&R**


	16. Hair From Under There

**Chapter Sixteen: Hair From Under There**

Hello many peoples! I think I am getting back in the groove of this again! Hopefully, I won't need to take another month to get the next chapter up after this! Again peoples, sorry about the dryness of the mental hospital area... we really did think it was going to be funny! Honestly!

YAY! STUFF IS GOING TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN IN THIS CHAPTER! YAY!

_THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING FOR REVIEWING:_

**Yugiboydragoon: **glad you liked it! Please keep reviewing in later chappies!

**Iamkagomeiloveinuyasha: **"mother freaking"? That was different! Lol! Thanks for the review! And I don't think "absolutely" is spelt with two "a"s! XD C ya.

**Inu-Chan-Keh: **"ROTFLMO"? Huh? Glad you liked the chappie but could ya fill me in on the gibberish?

**Ididntdoit07:** s'OK, we're not always the mood to review... sorry about your horse. But now that we are all "Giddy and Stuff" lets read on! Lol!

**Fokuo986:** glad you like it so far and like the name! Please keep on reading and reviewing:D

_Disclaimer: I may not be good at what I do, but I do not doing it well good. So... I don't own it.

* * *

_

Finally exiting the huge building which was the Mental Hospital, everyone lingered around the steps of the building for a moment before Bob went strutting off into the parking lot, saying he was going to get the car.

Not wanting to stay with the dog-brothers and monk, Naraku quickly and discretely followed step behind the human. Bob either didn't care of the Dark Lord doing this, or simply didn't notice.

The others all waited patiently (or non-patiently, as the case my be) around the steps as Bob, Naraku and Lucky walked off. Miroku waited at the top of the steps, still plucking daises off of himself, while the other two waited at the bottom of the steps... being as brotherly as possible.

"WHERE THE HELL...?"

"Looking for this, Sesshomaru?"

Said demon growled and whipped the big fur, which now had a huge knot tied tightly into it, out of his brother's hands "stop doing that! This is an antique!"

Just then, a clump of fur separated from the large mass and fell to the ground.

Sesshomaru paled slightly and Inuyasha chuckled to himself.

"Is your fur molting, big brother?" Inuyasha asked with a smirk

"...Shut up..."

"Does it like, go bald in the summer? Cause it gets too hot for all the fur?"

"Shut up!"

"What is that anyway? Some big, long, hairy thing? You shouldn't be carrying around a big, long, hairy thing"

"SHUT UP!"

"What's this?" Miroku asked as he walked up "Sesshomaru's fur is a big, hairy... what is it? A worm or something? I always thought it was a--"

"–SSHHUUTT UUPP!"

Just then, a loud yell echoed across the parking lot that caused birds to change direction and nurses to gaze out of windows of the Insane Asylum.

"WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS MY BLOODY CAR? IT'S BLOODY WELL GONE! SOMEONE BLOODY STOLE MY BLOODY CAR! BLOODY BUGGER! I DIDN'T EVEN BLOODY HAVE IT FOR TWENTY BLOODY HOURS YET! BLOODY FORDS! BLOODY CRIPPLED BY A BLOODY SHOPPING CART! I BLOODY KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT THE BLOODY KEYS IN THE BLOODY CAR!"

This was soon followed by a very loud squealing of some sort and by some muffled yelling after which.

"What's taking that stupid human fool?" Sesshomaru growled as he tapped his foot, completely ignoring that one of the nearby whatzits sounded in pain

"I can hear you, you bloody moron!" Bob growled at the tall Lord before stalking right by the entire group and heading down the street.

Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Miroku watched as the human, muttering unrecognizable words under his breath, stalked off down the sidewalk.

"What's the matter with him?" Miroku asked "he seems grumpier then usual"

"Apparently his car is bloody" Naraku stated with a frown as he walked up to the three "...and... gone..."

* * *

Bob checked his watch idly as the group of five continued their walk down the crowded streets. Sesshomaru was walking in stride with Bob while Inuyasha, Miroku and Naraku walked side by side by side behind them. The later three were currently talking about what Sesshomaru's fur could possibly be... many suggestions were brought forward, most of which were growled at by the Western Lord. Just a few of the most discussed and explored ideas were: a tail; a big, fluffy leach; armpit hair; he had poor service in his castle so had to carry around his blanket with him; or even a master of all dust-bunnies. 

Bob sighed as he tried to ignore the undignified conversation that often resulted in a yelling match between Sesshomaru and one of the three in the back.

"It's noon," he muttered "and I haven't even had my tea yet"

"It is NOT hair from under there!" Sesshomaru growled "that is ridicules!"

"Just my opinion" Naraku shrugged "but fine, if your so smart, what is it?"

"It's a blanket, right?" Miroku smiled "I knew it! He has poor service!"

"No!" Inuyasha growled "I told you already it's a big dust-bunny... or his tail which got hacked off while he was still a kid. One or the other"

"Will you guys knock it off?" Bob yelled at them "leave Sam's giant, furry caterpillar alone!"

"IT IS NOT A CATERPILLAR!"

"Shut up!" Bob yelled back "look, it's lunch. I'm hungry, you're probably hungry... lets go get something to eat. Alright?"

"I don't eat human food" Sesshomaru stated coldly "it is below me"

"Everything is below you!"

"Not everything... but most things" Sesshomaru suddenly drew to an abrupt halt and peered back over his shoulder, eyes dangerously narrowed.

Inuyasha, having to also stop sinse he was walking behind the Lord, growled "watch it! What the hell is up with you?"

"Something is following us"

"Ya don't say!" Inuyasha rolled his eyes "So, you're saying, out of these hundreds of people on the street... one of them is following us? How incredible"

"That's true, you know" Miroku added, stopping just a bit in front of the dog-brothers "one of these hundreds of people COULD be following us. But how do you know which one?"

"You dimwit! Everyone is following everyone! It doesn't mean anything!"

"But if everyone is following everyone, then nobody is following anybody in the end"

"What? That doesn't even make sense!"

"It does to the trained mind"

"No, it does to that mind that is about to be hit"

WHACK!

"OWW!"

Bob's voice called from ahead "Guys! Hurry up or you'll be left behind!" he said, then turned to Naraku who stood beside him "are these guys always as easily distracted as this?"

Naraku frowned, as if thinking about it "actually I – Oh look! A rat! I didn't know they walked around with you people! Let alone on ropes!"

Bob sighed "that's a small dog"

Peering back at the dog-brotherds who still were squabbling over some unknown detail, Naraku shrugged "dog, rat... same difference"

After some time of walking, the who is following who conversation died out and Bob stopped at the edge of the street to wait for the traffic to stop so they could safely cross the street. Inuyasha, Miroku and Sesshomaru, who now walked behind the human and Dark Lord, stopped abruptly as to be sure not to bump into Bob. Naraku, however, who had walked beside the human all this time, didn't seem to notice that Bob had stopped and calmly walked out on the road.

Lucky, still sitting on Naraku's shoulder, was perplexed and confused when the others stopped and his ride didn't. As the Dark Lord walked onto the road, Lucky continued to watch the others behind them, he was just about to inform Naraku about this, when he heard a horn blast, causing him to turn towards the sound. All color - if there was any to start - immediately fell from the rat's face.

Bob, suddenly realizing where the Dark One was, yelled "NARA–"

But his call came too late, for that was all he could say before the transport nailed right into the Dark Lord. The sound of squealing tires and yelling people erupted all around the area as drivers slammed on their brakes to a make rough stops all over the streets and pedestrians realized what had happened and thereby gathered to take a look.

"...ku" Bob finished, his eyes wide in horror and disbelief "...oh my god... oh my bloody god! He...! I...! It...! I- I just...! He...!" he stopped for a second "Why the bloody hell was he out on the road?"

Sesshomaru shrugged "don't get excited, human Bob, we have already tried to kill him off this way... it doesn't work"

People began to gather around, but there was no body splattered across the pavement. Instead, there was a rather pissed off Dark Lord prying himself up off the road, muttering to himself. Standing back on his feet, he attempted to brush off the black tire mark that was painted across his front, to little avail.

"...That was a big one..." he muttered to himself

Turning around, he ignored those who watched him wide eyed, having become used to being the center of attention lately and not in a good way. He then began his search for his lucky rodent and, after a moment, his red eyes lifted to the group that stared at him, three looking bored, the last stunned.

Naraku growled "are we going to eat or what? I'm hungry!"

"Uh..." Bob stuttered "...ya... OK"

"Good... can I have Lucky back?"

"I don't–" Bob nearly jumped out of his skin when he turned his head to find the rat staring back at him "Where the bloody hell did you come from?"

Lucky's only answer was a roll of his eyes before he jumped off of the human's shoulder and onto the Dark Lord's shoulder where he received a kind pat on the head from the so-called Evil-Lord.

Once Bob had regained movement of his body, he slowly and stiffly began to cross the road followed by the five others (yes, Lucky is a main character now). However, to Naraku's own bad luck, just as he stepped on the opposite side of the road, an impatient driver wheeled around the corner and stepped on it. The Dark-Lord didn't even have a chance to jump back before the wheel of the whatzit rolled right over his already sore foot.

Naraku growled at the retreating vehicle "everything in this time hates me!"

Inuyasha glared "everyone hates you period. Different time or not"

"That's not exactly true" Naraku sighed at the thought "maybe... if you lie a bit and twist the truth this way and that. If you do that then–"

"–then, still, nobody likes you"

Bob frowned ((different time?))

* * *

After about five minutes of walking, our group stumbled upon (literally) a McDonalds. Bob was about to lead the group inside, when a flash of memory crossed over his eyes of the last time he had brought them inside a 'diner.' So, changing his plans slightly, he moved to the side of the colorful building and lined up behind a car in the drive-through. 

Just like in a game of follow-the-leader, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Miroku and Naraku lined up behind him without so much as a word. As they waited, another whatzit pulled up behind them with a couple of humans looking rather puzzled as they stared at those in front of them.

Naraku, however, did not appreciate being trapped by the rolling demons for he began to mumble to himself as he looked from the one whatzit in front of them to the one behind then back to the one in front.

"...This... can't... be... good... the... whatzits... are... grouping..." he starting off slow, then sped up as he talked until he was yelling "...they're... out to... get me. I just know it... they're going to come and kill us all! Ican'tbelievewe'rejuststandingherewaitingtobekilled! They'regoingtokillusall!"

"Stop drawing attention to us, Naraku!" Sesshomaru hissed "we are in line up for food with the whatzits! Human Bob has obviously realized that we - or at least I - cannot eat with the lesser beings!"

"Since we are in line up with the whatzits, then shouldn't we bend down on our hands and knees to look more like them?" Miroku asked

Inuyasha growled "We can't do that, Miroku! Then we will be presenting ourselves to them!"

"And with these looks..." Sesshomaru smiled as he fluffed up his hair "...what demon could resist?"

Bob's only comment to that was a soft chuckle and a smile.

Naraku, grasping hold of Miroku's robe, yelled "We'realldamnwelldoomed!"

"I've been doomed sense birth" Miroku replied with a smile, looking back at the Dark Lord "because of you"

Inuyasha, stomping past the two, growled at the monk "no one likes a complainer, Miroku"

Bob rose a brow to that "sounds like a real rough childhood"

As the whatzit in front of them moved on, the group arrived at a small box on a stand with an rather odd looking man seemingly frozen beside it. The figure wore clothes of red, yellow and white with a red nose, red hair and big feet.

"Do you think he's dead?" Miroku asked his long-time companion, Inuyasha.

"Seems to be... but looking like that..." Inuyasha frowned as he looked the figure over "..._I_ would sure the hell want to be dead"

"What is it?" Sesshomaru growled as he ventured in closer for a look "some sort of deformed demon? A half-breed maybe?"

"Hey! I resent that! You're just as screw up as I am!"

"That's pretty screwed up" Naraku said to himself with a nod

"Oh, look who's talking!"

"Who is?"

Ignoring the others, the Western Lord continued "whatever it is, it has been dead a while" he stated as he poked it with a claw "it is as stiff as the grave... but I don't smell death on it..."

"Maybe you can't smell it because it is a demon of the void... like Kanna... you can't smell her" Naraku offered as he pulled Miroku to stand between him and the whatzit behind them

"If so... I would advise the child never to marry if her children would risk looking like this"

"You wouldn't think people would allow something looking like that to live at birth" Inuyasha commented as he walked up beside his bro to get a better look at the odd figure

"YOU GUYS!" Bob yelled, seeing that everyone was drifting further and further apart from one another "would ya mind staying with me? Don't make me buy some rope! I'll tie us all together!"

"Just try it, human" Sesshomaru growled as he cracked his knuckles

Bob glared "don't make me come over there, Semihobo!"

"That is not–!"

"–not you're name! I know! Give me a break! It's not my fault your parents gave you a shitty name!" Bob interrupted and, with a slight change of subject, he added "what do you want to eat?" he asked as he motioned for everyone to come over.

Everyone automatically looked to Inuyasha for guidance, none of them knowing what kinda of foods were available in this era. However, as it seemed, Inuyasha didn't really know what he was doing either... but he would never tell them that.

Thinking back to all the foods he had heard Kagome talk about or any that her mother had given him at one time or another he could only come up with two things that he remembered. However, he decided noodles weren't any good, cause he wanted to seem as if he DID know what he was doing. And so, that gave him only one remaining answer.

"Steak?"

Bob stared at the half-breed "I don't think this is the kind of place that does steak"

"Steak?"

Bob sighed "how about a hamburger?"

"Steak?"

"Hamburgers are good"

"Steak?"

"Um... how about a hotdog?"

Sesshomaru stormed forward "What did you say, human?"

"Uh... hotdog?"

"HOW DARE YOU EAT DOGS! LET ALONE ONES WHICH ARE HOT!"

Bob frowned at the Lord, then turned to the order-box "five hamburgers, please... and make them super-sized combos"

"That will be $32.45... please drive forward to next window" said that order-box

"IT TALKS!" Miroku yelled, jumping back "it's a cursed box!"

"And it's bloody expensive too" Bob muttered to himself, not really listening.

"Cut it's head off!" yelled Naraku while holding Miroku between him and the whatzit behind them for cover.

Sesshomaru growled "it has no head, foolish Dark One!"

"Hey! I've seen these things before!" Inuyasha exclaimed pushed by everyone to get a closer look "huh...that's strange... I hear the little people... but I don't see them"

"I'll find them" Sesshomaru assured as he easily ripped the box right off its stand in a dazzling show of blue sparks and odd sounds. Curiously, he peered underneath the box where the wires were "they must have fled... sneaky buggers!"

"HEY! W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STICKYMANU?" Bob yelled frantically "PUT IT BACK! PUT IT BACK!"

"I am merely trying to aid the little people!" Sesshomaru growled "they had appeared to be trapped!"

"You're going to need 'aid' if you don't put that damn thing back!"

With a growl, Sesshomaru smashed the box back on its stand with a god almighty CRASH! Which caused the entire order-box and stand to crumple into a heap of metal and wires on the ground. Now obviously pissed of having to listen to the human yet again, Sesshomaru stormed up to the human, his eyes cold.

"It has been put back" he growled deeply

Bob didn't hear the Lord's words, for he was too busy staring back at the horrified eyes of the drivers behind them. However, before Bob could say anything at all that might have helped to ease the panic in the driver, the vehicle was thrown into reverse and sped out of the parking lot.

Bob, with a sigh, ignored the glare of the high lord and moved on to the next window... wondering how long it was going to be before either the cops or the news reporters flocked to the area.

"Oh good" Naraku smirked "the demon has retreated" then, pushing Miroku to the back of the pack, followed step behind Inuyasha... having decided before hand that as long as this 'law' protected him from his group of enemies... he was much safer with them then with the horrors of modern times. This theory of his was to be put to the test... a lot sooner then he had hoped, I'm sure.

Upon arriving at the second window, the screen slid open (nearly giving Sesshomaru and Naraku a heart attack) and a girl in her 20s reached out and took Bob's money.

"We didn't break the order-com! I swear! But don't check it though! Just... just take our word for it, OK? It's not broken or smashed or anything... but if you find out it is, we didn't do it!"

The girl looked at him with eyes full of the words 'you're such a retard' before disappearing back into the building. After a moment, she returned with a big brown bag and five round containers in her arms.

"Here's your order, have a nice day"

"Thanks" Bob replied as he took the food "you realize that we didn't break it right?"

"Personally... I don't care"

"Great!"

Inuyasha looked at the condense in the human's arms "did you get my steak?"

"YOU'RE GETTING A HAMBURGER!"

"...Steak?"

Bob rolled his eyes skyward and walked off with his order towards the park benches at the back of the MacD's. Sitting down, he opened up the bag and began to take out each of the items of food piece by piece while the others slowly took their seats around him. Sesshomaru sat to Bob's right, Inuyasha sat in front of him, Miroku was beside Inuyasha and finally Naraku and Lucky took up the last part of the bench in front of Sesshomaru.

Dispensing the food around the table, he gave them each a burger, a fry and a soda... the lunch of kings. However, he was the only one to start eating right away... the others looked at their odd food, then looked to each other, then to Bob, then back to their lunches.

"...This isn't a steak" Inuyasha complained as he stared at his burger

"It's a steak between bread... eat it and shut up" Bob replied with a glare

With a sigh, Inuyasha took a big bite into his burger... and smiled, this stuff was good!

Sesshomaru, nose high, pushed his food away "I don't eat human food"

With a slight pause in both of their eating, Bob and Inuyasha each made a quick dash for the high-demons food... Inuyasha made for the hamburger... but missed it by seconds as Bob, moving in nothing but a blur, snatched it before he could. Everyone stared at the human with stunned expressions... but Inuyasha, still hungry after inhaling his burger, made a quick grab for the fries and coke before settling down again to eat his stolen goods.

Naraku, finding his hamburger rather tasty, savored each bite. He was only disturbed from his lovely meal by a small tug on his earlobe... which, when he turned his head, he found to be Lucky. The rat squeaked at him and pointed to his bag of french fries, Naraku responded by giving his pet a single fry then returning to his burger. But in a matter of seconds, he received another tug, so he immediately handed over a fry. This time the rat squeaked before he could turn his head so he gave him another fry, then another and another. Eventually, Naraku, with only a few of his fries left, gave the entire bag to the rat at once before slowly and cautiously swiping the monk's fries.

Miroku simply didn't notice for he was too busy talking to Inuyasha and Bob to realize the slight maneuver made by the Dark Lord. Therefore, when the monk turned back around to his half-eaten burger and drink... he had no clue where his beloved fries had gone and was utterly upset with his missing food. However, the man with the IQ of a chicken failed to notice that the only one that could have possible stolen his food was the Dark One... who happened to be sitting right next to him chawing down on his newly stolen bag of french fries with his rat munched down on the remains of an old bag... it's stomach looking as through it was going to burst.

After finishing his entire meal (plus Sesshomaru's fries and coke) Inuyasha pleaded and eventually got Bob to give him money to get more burgers. Actually, the hanyou left saying he was getting one... but came back with five... two for himself, and three for each of the others. Bob wasn't pleased with the careless spending of his money and meant to give the hanyou an ear full... but as soon as he was passed one of the burgers the subject fled from his mind as quick as it had come.

Sesshomaru, although he admitted in his mind that the food did smell fairly good, didn't allow himself to lower himself to ask for a burger. Nor did he let himself get angry over the fact Bob and Inuyasha had eaten his food and he had been left out on a second round of burgers. Instead, the Western Lord worked furiously on getting the knot out of his fur which he had yet to loosen. If nothing else, it got his mind off of his rumbling stomach.

"Well, everyone done?" Bob asked as he wiped some ketchup off of his face with a napkin

Lucky, his stomach plump and giving out the occasional hiccup, gave the human the thumbs up from Naraku's shoulder. Bob's only comment to the rat was to tell him to hold his breath and to count to ten.

Rising from his seat, Bob turned to see a fair size gathering of people standing around the smashed order-box... and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Uh... on second thought... lets go the back way"

"What back way, human Bob?" Sesshomaru asked

"Uh... the one right through the trees here" Bob gave a shaky smile "ya... that will do"

"There is no trail" Naraku stated with a frown

"THEN WE'LL BLOODY WELL MAKE ONE!"

* * *

Alright! That's it for this chapter! What do you think? Not bad? I hope it was good... but, man, this is getting REALLY hard to write... hopefully it will get easier later on... otherwise I am as good as dead! 

**R&R **


	17. The Homeless and The Brainless

**Chapter 17 - The Homeless and The Brainless**

Hi again... bye.

**Hearii: **Thanks for the info... we took that information and put it in our carefully managed, high-tech filing system... aka, the trash can. :D I do agree with you though, MD's is digusting... totally. Thanks for the review!

**Ididntdoit07:** actually I don't think he is missing much... and Hearii up there agrees with me! Thanks for the review though!

**Xnarakux:** Oh! Speak native-talk! Many moons! Review good! Thanks much! Read more!

**Inu-Chan-Keh:** ROTFLMAO? OH! Rats Only Talk For Liqueur, Money And Onigumo! LMAO! Hehehe... O.o... I have WAY to much spare time...

**Yugiboydragoon:** Glad you liked it, keep on reading!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing!

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"THEN WE'LL BLOODY WELL MAKE ONE!"

No one said anything for a moment, Bob's voice echoing in the space around them. Then, with a question completely and totally irrelevant to the present situation, Inuyasha frowned at their oddity of a human guild.

"Why is everything 'bloody' to you? I don't see any blood"

Naraku, an idea striking his should-be-medicated mind, bolted to his feet with a smirk plastered on his pale face. The idea was simple... gain trust now, kill non-medicated fools later.

"I shall make us a path!" he announced as he took off towards the bush, Lucky only just managing to hold onto the Dark Lord's shoulder.

The Dark One ran off with such speed that he probably couldn't even have stopped in time if he wanted to. For, as his rushing form arrived at the edge of the vegetation, it collided with the bush's true identity... which was actually a wall... covered in thick vines.

Needless to say... this didn't end well for our charging Lord... a failed attack which, with a hard SMACK, sent Naraku sprawled out on the ground staring dazed into the clouded sky above him. Lucky, consequently, was sprawled out beside him in the same manner beside the Lord's right shoulder.

Miroku, having witnessing this, burst into laughter to the point where he could no longer stand and collapsed to the ground, holding onto his sides for dear life. In actual fact, even Sesshomaru gave a small hiccup of laughter that lasted about a second... however, the sound got immediate attention from Inuyasha who looked from side to side as he spoke.

"What the hell was that?" the hanyou exclaimed

"That was me" Sesshomaru glared down at his shorter sibling "I laughed"

"That was you?" Inuyasha frowned "it sounded like a bird exploding..."

"And the remains getting run over by lawnmower" Bob added with a smile as he made a motor-like sound and moved his fist in front of himself imitating the movement of a lawnmower.

"...Lawnmower..." Sesshomaru muttered with a small smirk, then, shaking his head, he stepped forward to address Naraku "you're are indeed useless, Dark One"

Naraku suddenly bolted upright into a seating position, a queer smile to his face as he pointed a shaky finger at the bush in front of him "...purple..."

The comment was throughly enjoyed by Miroku who burst out in another fit of hearty laughs and giggles as well as the occasional snort.

Sesshomaru growled, whipping out his sword "deluded fool, I will show you how to deal with plants!" he drew back his sword, but stopped his attack when Bob jumped in front of him.

"Hold it!" the human yelled "you've destroyed enough things for one day!"

"I've only destroyed one! Normally it's about twenty!"

"Then lets stop while we're ahead, shall we?"

"But I want to show the fool how to handle plants!"

"No! It was a stupid idea to put a path through here anyway! Stop coming up with stupid ideas, Santa Claws!"

"Santa Claws? Who the hell is that?" Sesshomaru frowned "and it was your idea, human Bob!"

"No, it wasn't! I remember, ya tall freak!" Bob yelled, pointing his finger in Sesshomaru's face. He then turned on his heel and stomped off in the opposite direction muttering to himself.

Sesshomaru sheathed his sword as he frowned at the retreating human, then a small smile came to his face as he remembered the most entertaining word he had heard all day "...lawnmower..." before he followed after his paid guild.

Inuyasha frowned at the two "so... we're not using the bush?" then, realizing he was getting left behind, ran to catch up to the other two, leaving the monk and dark-demon behind him.

Miroku, having gotten to his feet, whipped a tear from his eye as he began to walk after Bob, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha "purple" he smiled while shaking his head slightly

Naraku's red-eyed glare turned to the chuckling monk when he heard the mocking comment, then, in a flash of movement, stuck his foot between Miroku's legs. The result of this was the monk doing a hard face plant to the solid surface of the ground.

Naraku, pulling his leg back and raising to his feet, smirked at the fallen human "my foot slipped" he announced. Picking Lucky up, he gave him a quick dusting before placing the rat on his shoulder. Naraku then began to walk after the group... when a golden staff was jabbed in front of his feet... causing both Lord and rat to do a second face plant practically right beside the monk.

"As did mine" Miroku replied sternly

Naraku gazed to his pet rat, who's only movement from his face-down form was a slight twitch of his foot "poor Lucky... he's just an innocent victim of war!"

* * *

After a while of walking, our group of six found themselves walking down the crowded city street once again. However, odd events followed the group at every turn. For example, as they walked down the street, Bob just happened to take a glance at a badly damaged Ford car as it drove by. The human's eyes grew wide as he pointed to the whatzit. 

"I know that car!" and, in an instant, he was running after it at full speed... the others only watched from the sidewalk.

"Do you think we should help him?" Miroku asked

"No," Sesshomaru crossed his arms over his chest "it is un-honorable to interfere with a courtship"

"You really think he is trying to mate that whatzit?" Naraku asked with a risen brow as he stoked Lucky softly

"Of course, what else would he be doing?"

"Maybe he's a demon-slayer, like Sango, and is trying to kill it" Miroku suggested with a shrug

Sesshomaru dismissed the idea "no, believe me, I've attended courtships... this is usually how things play out"

"And that," Inuyasha smirked "explains why he is still single"

"You are not one to talk, young one"

"Oh... yeah... well... at least I don't carry around a big, fluffy thing!" the hanyou yelled back as he waved his arms about in front of him

In a flash of movement that caused the startled half-demon to jump back a good four meters, Sesshomaru's hand went to his sword and, as he turned around, whipped out the blade yelling a fierce:

"Now I have you!"

Unfortunately for a certain old man who just wanted to go to the park to feed the birds that day, he was standing in the wrong place at the wrong time when the Western Lord made his spontaneous threat. The old timer - not looking too healthy to start with - gasped... then simply fell backwards to the ground.

Miroku stared wide eyed at the unmoving figure on the sidewalk "...that was unexpected"

"You will not escape!" then, in a leap that cleared the fallen figure by meters, the Lord took off down the street and disappeared around a corner.

Naraku, very slowly, nudged the old man's shoulder with his foot... then turned to Inuyasha "...people die a lot easier in this time then back home"

"Oh! This is just great!" Inuyasha growled "our guild is in a courtship with a whatzit! Sesshomaru is off chasing god-only-knows what! And now a guy is dead! How could things get any worse?"

At that precise moment, a news reporter, followed by his camera crew, walked up to the dead body as well as the three remaining members of our group. Turning his back to them, the camera turned on, and he began talking:

"Good evening, I'm Robert Robertson for W5 News, and this is Part Two of our weekly special on Homeless Life. Last week we talked of the unsanitary conditions of the homeless, today we will touch more on the lack of food, money and job-opportunities. We have here," he stated as he gestured to the dead man "what appears to be a fatality of the struggle of daily lives for these people... as well as three others here... who we will talk to right now" he moved over to Naraku "how long have you... and your rat... lived on the street, sir?"

"Well, now, that all depends" Naraku smiled "if you count today and the night I spent out here yesterday when I got ran over by the rolling-demon, and if you count all the roaming around I did back in my own time. And then there was the thing with this guy here with the ears and me going after him and him going after me and how that back and forth for a while. Then the kid with the tail came in, then that guy with the hole in his hand and the girl and her cat with the fire thing going on. Then I got my body blown off and then I had to um... you know... uh... get it back? Uh... what was the question again?"

Lucky squeaked.

"Oh yes, so if you go with today and yesterday and add the 500 years I spent in the sewer–"

"–You did not spend 500 years in the sewer!" Inuyasha yelled as he stomped up to the Dark-Lord "we all got transported here by a well! You spent two days MAX! It was where you found your stupid rat!" he growled "besides, I was pinned to a tree for 50 years with a magic arrow!"

"Who cares about your stupid tree!" Miroku jumped in "he put a hole in my hand!"

The reporter, somewhat taken aback, smiled nervously and turned back the camera "Drugs are another issue out on the street" he turned back to the Dark Lord "where do you get your drugs if you have no money?"

Naraku smiled "oh, that's easy! I get my own! I just go in a bush and, well, I don't have to look very far! It's everywhere!"

"So... you do marijuana then?"

"Marijuana?" Naraku frowned "never heard of her. Wait..." he turned to Lucky "...didn't you mention her back at the crazy house? Do you know her?"

"Who's she?" Miroku asked excitedly as he looked around "Who's she? Single? Attractive? Preferably not pregnant? Doesn't slap much or as hard as Sango?"

Inuyasha, with a roll of his eyes, slapped the monk on the back of the head "get a grip, Miroku! Remember what the doctor said! If you don't behave, you'll be put in a rubber room!"

Miroku smiled "rubber room... RuBbEr RoOm... RUBBER ROOM! R-U-B-B-E-R R-O-O-M!" his smile grew "ROOM RUBBER!"

Just then, Sesshomaru came sulking back, mumbling to himself about something that had to do with "stupid humans and their hard, round containers of garbage"

Inuyasha turned "well? Did you find your imaginary friend?"

"It is not imaginary! Just because I am the only one who sees it does not make it so!"

"Then what does it look like?"

"Well..." Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed in thought "it's small... and quite... and sneaky..." he paused for a moment "that's all I know"

"Well," Naraku smirked, arms crossed over his chest "you sure have it narrowed down to a selected few, now don't you?"

"Shut up, Deluded One!"

The news reporter cast upon the group a 'you're-a-bunch-of-junked-up-idiots' look, then, turning back to the camera and stated a quick "this was Robert Robertson signing off, good night." Then, as quick as their legs would carry them, the crew retreated away from the group down the street... just leaving the dead body, four 'bums' and one rat behind them.

Meanwhile, not a single glance was cast over the fallen body of the dead man, the pedestrians either walked around him or over him, depending on how late they were running. Therefore, the group decided to not pay any attention to him either... after all, if people of this age didn't, it would only be looked upon as odd if they did.

So, our group of four plus Lucky found ways to entertain themselves while Bob was off on his "courtship" with the understanding that they would stay in the rough area where their guild had left them. Miroku, for instance, after watching the figures in the window not move for many minutes, decided to get in a staring contest with a manikin... a contest which he was quite determined to win.

Inuyasha, not interested in anything around him, took seat upon a red, metal newspaper bin and did his usual 'I'm so pissed off at the world' stance... not that it caused any humans to shy away from buying their newspaper.

Sesshomaru, after watching numerous humans take paper from the container, decided he too deserved one of these things as well! So, with Inuyasha still sitting on top of it, the Western Lord walked over to the box, ripped open the lid with a horrible SCREECHING sound and took one of the papers from within before jamming the door back in place. He then, rather smugly, leaned against a nearby post and unfolded the paper, not understanding a word of what was written in it, but enjoying the pictures nonetheless.

Naraku, along with Lucky on his shoulder, sat down on the sidewalk with his back resting against the brick wall behind him. He sat there for a moment, throughly bored, before he found something that got his attention... a discarded coffee cup with 'Starbucks' written on the side of it. Taking it, he looked at the odd object for a second before placing it in front of him. He then gathered any nearby pebbles and, with his hands resting in his lap, proceeded to try to flick the small stones into the cup. He missed most of the times, but sometimes it would look as though it would go in, but falling coins always seemed to intercept those perfect shots. It only took our one and only mastermind a few moments to realize that passing humans were dropping the coins in his cup as they walked by. Most would be pleased by this, Naraku was furious.

He snatched his cup into his hands "FOOLISH HUMANS! STOP PUTTING COINS IN MY ROUND CONTAINER! I AM TRYING TO AMUSE MYSELF!" he stopped for a second "myself... myself, self... self, me... me, great... great, Lord... Great Lord Me"

Sesshomaru smirked up from 'reading' the paper "self-denial will get you no where"

"Self... self, help... help, self... self, help... help, self... self, help... help, self... good help is so hard to find" he stated with a depressed moan

Lucky, with a annoyed roll of his eyes, backhanded Naraku's cheek "would you HELP YOURSELF for once and get a grip?"

Naraku looked at his rat, a slight frown to his face "was that supposed to hurt?"

Lucky's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits as he made a quick lunge for Naraku's nose and bite into it hard, making the Lord yelp and cover his nose with his hands.

"That hurt" Naraku admitted in a whisper as he held his nose.

"Stop doing that word thing you do!" Lucky growled "and put the cup back!"

"But–!"

"PUT IT BACK! Money in cup is a good thing!"

Just then, the sound of cursing, laughter and squealing tires caused every member of our group to turn and see that same banged-up Ford car going down the street with a bunch of teenagers leaning out of its windows taunting a lone runner. A runner who was having a hard enough time yelling out his threats, let alone keeping up with the slow moving vehicle. Breathing in short gasps, his sweat practically coming off by the bucket and his feet dragging behind him, Bob came into view of the group.

"FINE!" he called out to them as he came to a stand still, leaning on his knees in the middle of the road "KEEP IT! BLOODY FORDS!" lifting his head to figure out where he was, his eyes came to see very... familiar surroundings... then he saw the group and his eyes widened slightly, then narrowed "THANKS FOR THE HELP!"

Inuyasha smirked from on top of his box "no problem"

"So?" Sesshomaru asked as he folded his paper under his arm "did the courtship go well? Did you win her?"

Bob frowned as he wiped sweat off of his forehead with his forearm "courtship? Win who?" he paused for a second, noticing the paper under Sesshomaru's arm "you got a paper? GIVE ME THAT!" swiping the paper, he turned to the horoscopes and read his out loud "Leo: 'you have a group of annoying people following you today, a group of teenage punks are going to steal your Ford car and taxes will rise" Bob smirked "HA! This thing is WRONG! My taxes have not gone up!" he turned the page of the newspaper "DAMMIT! STUPID PIECE OF–"

Bob was interrupted by a ringing sound which came from a pocket in his jean jacket. With a sigh, Bob took out his little, black cell phone and placed it to his ear, not bothering to look upon the caller-ID.

"Hello?"

"BOB!"

"OH SHIT!" Bob yelled, then stuttered hard "I uh, hey, boss! Look, I know–"

Loud yelling, which caused Bob to hold the cell an arms-length away from his ear, rang out from the small device, even Inuyasha and Sesshomaru could hear every word as clear as day. However, due to the content of the yelling... it will not be repeated here.

"I... I was in a car-accident!" Bob yelled at the phone, only to cause the noise from the device to grow louder. Then, in an act of pure quick thinking, changed his story "I was at the Insane Asylum!"

Sure it got people looking at him oddly, but the voice on the phone quieted... then spoke a quick "finally! You've started making sense!"

Bob placed his cell next to his ear again "Hey, I resent that! If I could just–"

"If you're not here in ten minutes, don't bother coming today and don't bother coming tomorrow!" Then there was a loud crash that caused Bob to cringe slightly as the other hung up.

Very slowly, our group's guild turned off his phone and replaced the item in his pocket... then a smile came to his face "COOL! FOUR DAY WEEKEND!"

* * *

After a few minutes given to Bob so he could recoup his breath, our group proceeded to a small hotel where their human guild checked them in and brought them to their room... room 2-09, second floor, ninth room. The group got in the room without breaking the door, which was a first for them, then proceeded to take seat in the apartment which had a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom and a bedroom only, all of which were sort of cramped. 

Naraku sat down upon the couch with Lucky beside him, Sesshomaru took seat in front of the Dark Lord in an armchair, Inuyasha found a nice seat on top of a sturdy side-table and Miroku sat cross-legged on the floor with his back to window... of which had a great view of the building across the street.

Bob was the last to sit down, so he, not being one to sit on the floor with the monk, decided to sit next to Naraku in front of the TV. Silence filled the room for a micro-second before Bob grabbed for the remote.

"Let's see what's on the telly" he said as he clicked the 'Power' button

The TV flickered to life with bright lights and loud sounds, the startled Sesshomaru, who sat right next to the yak-box, had his sword out and down in an instant... cutting the electronic device in half in a shower of sparks and dying noises.

"...Or not" Bob frowned as he put the remote down on a nearby coffee table. He didn't have time to say anything else before that same ringing noise from before came from his pocket. Half-mindedly, the human took out the phone, glanced at the caller-ID and placed the cell back in his pocket without another thought.

Looking around the silent room, Bob spotted a radio and turned it on, this time telling the Western Lord not to freak out. The box drew static for a moment, but as Bob scanned the stations he found a rather startled-sounding woman that said:

"–I swear! The transport can him right over! The TIRE, I mean! Then he just got up and–!"

Bob turned the entire radio off after that, only to have his cell ring again. Picking it up again, he read the caller-ID... this time the numbers processed through his brain causing him to jump up with a start.

"Oh, bloody hell!" he frowned "excuse... excuse... excuse... I need a..." he looked to the others, all of which watched him with odd looks plastered upon their faces "YOU! Give me your money!"

"I have already paid you your penny, Human Bob... and you were not even worth that!" Sesshomaru stated coldly

"IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME YOUR MONEY RIGHT NOW, I'M GOING TO HIT YOU SO HARD INUYASHA WILL GET A BRUISE!"

Sesshomaru thought about it for a moment "actually... in the long run that might work out"

"Actually, not" Inuyasha smirked "I don't bruise... cuts, scraps and puncture-wounds, yes... bruise, no"

"OH FOR PETE'S SAKE!" Bob exclaimed "I'm just gonna go exchange it! GIVE IT TO ME!"

"Who's Pete?" Miroku asked

Naraku frowned "and why should we care what he thinks?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Exchange?" Inuyasha frowned, ignoring the two morons

"YES! I'm going to sell it!"

"You are going to sell money to make money?" Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed in thought "what is the point in that, human Bob?"

"JUST GIVE IT!"

Collecting what money there was, he put everyone's different sets of cash in different pockets then proceeded to dart out of the room in a blur. Not even bothering to shut the door behind him.

After a moment, Sesshomaru frowned "do you think we can trust him?"

"Of course we can!" Miroku smiled "my family has been blessed with the gift of an excellent Judgement of Character! He's a good guy!"

"That's what your grandfather said" Naraku smirked "when he met me for the first time"

Miroku's eyes dropped to the cloth and prayer-beads on his right arm "you... you..."

"You cursed his family because Miroku's grandfather said you were a good guy?" Inuyasha asked, confused

"Exactly!"

"You killed my grandfather! My father! All because you wanted to prove my grandfather wrong?" Miroku glared "this is eventually going to kill me too, you know!"

"Ya well... we all have our problems these days, don't we, monk?" Naraku smirked "look at me for instance, I'm stuck with all of you!"

Sesshomaru glared at the Dark Lord, cracking his knuckles as he spoke "that can be easily fixed, Foolish One"

Naraku smiled a small, nervous smile "nevermind! I'm good, I'm good! No complaining from me! Right, Lucky?" Naraku frowned as he looked around the room "Lucky? Lucky?"

Sesshomaru sent one final glare before he rose from his chair and moved to stand at the window. Looking down at the people and whatzits below, he watched as Bob ran out in the middle of the road, arms flailing every which way, as he attempted to pull over a yellow whatzit which was heading straight for him. Their guild, noticing the demon wasn't stopping, flung himself out of the whatzit's path, then proceeded to curse out and yell as the yellow demon as it rolled by and down the street. Meanwhile, another demon, noticing a costumer in need of service, pulled along side him. Bob only noticed the whatzit after a moment longer of yelling... then he hastily got inside and the demon took off down the street in a fit of squealing tires. Sesshomaru watched from the window as the car drove away, followed by a beat-up Ford car.

Curious, Inuyasha came up beside his brother and peered out, only to have something small in the middle of the street catch his eye "what is that?" he squinted through the glass to see, then a knowing expression beset upon his features as he identified the little critter.

Lucky stood in the middle of the road, dodging in and out of traffic and proceeding to wave angry fists at those demons who seemed to WANT to run him over. The two brothers only watched as the rat almost got run over 21 ti - 22 times - before finally making it to the sidewalk where he proceeded to have to dodge moving feet and - not to mention - out run a street cat that thought he looked appetizing.

"Run, rat, run" Inuyasha muttered to himself with an amused smirk

Naraku paled slightly "RAT? WHAT RAT?"

"Oh... nothing" the hanyou smiled, but when the Dark One made a move for the door, the half-demon growled "leave this room and you're a dead demon"

"But... but Lucky's out there! All alone! With cats and rolling things!" the Dark One exclaimed as he motioned towards the door "he needs my love!"

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YAY! 17th chappie done and up! Got nothing else to say so... c ya! Don't forget to** R&R**! 


	18. I Need a Hero!

**Chapter Eighteen: I Need a Hero!**

Hello everyone and Happy Holidays! And um... don't hurt me! Sorry about the long update but with X-Mas and then Exams... I'm flooded! Plus this chapter is bring very hard to write... so just bare with me... OK?

Also, check out my website! It's mainly about Sesshomaru and Inuyasha but there's a spot where I've posted pictures of this story! Check it out at "www . dogdemontribe . piczo . com" (just erase the spaces between)

**Hearii:** Lucky should die, I don't know why, but he's not going to, or else he'll sue :D

**Inu-Chan-Keh:** AMV? ...I don't get it.

**NarakuTheDarkOne: **Sorry for the long update... my cat ate my mouse ;D

**Yugiboydragoon:** If we SURVIVE this one, we've been thinking of the sequel lately... you're going to love it! Hehe... :D

_Disclaimer: Caution - characters not owned by writer, but story is extremely addictive, beware.

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It was nightfall when Bob finally was on his way back to the apartment where he had left the demented group. He would have been back sooner, but the lack of a car was the key factor here. The streetlights now on, Bob casually walked down the deserted streets listening to his MP3 player, humming to himself softly, now and again breaking into the words of the song.

"I NEED A HERO!" he suddenly yelled out "I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light!" he paused for a bit "LARGER THAN LIFE!" pause "FANTASIES!" pause "Gonna take superman to sweep me off my feet! EW, A RAT!"

Bob's foot kicked out and struck the creature with a hard SMACK! Sending the rodent flying through the air until it finally hit the ground again right smack under the streetlight.

"Got it!" Bob smirked

Doing a bit of a jog to see what he hoped to be one less pesky rodent in the world, the smirk faded from his lips the second he got a good look at the animal.

"Oh, dear"

* * *

It was half of an hour later by the time Bob finally made it to the door of the apartment, a rather pathetic-looking creature cupped in his hands. Not expecting what awaited him inside, Bob opened the door and spoke. 

"Naraku, I think I found your rat. Although he is a bit banged up... maybe you should think of renaming it–" dropping the half-dead rat to the floor with a splat, Bob took in the scene before him.

With Inuyasha occupied at the moment as he rummaged through the goodies of the fridge and Miroku simply sitting on the coach looking rather happy and content, in was no surprise that the eyes of our guild ignored the two beings and focused all attention on the somewhat disturbing scene in the center of the somewhat-ransacked room. For there sat Naraku, tied to a chair by the use of a worn out rope and whatever articles of clothing which were found on said rope, with Sesshomaru attempting to gag the Dark Lord by the use of a bright, pink bra.

Sesshomaru growled to himself, not noticing who had entered, as he fiddled to tie the strange looking piece of clothing behind Naraku's head "...stupid clasps..."

Naraku's eyes sparked with happiness and relief as the guild entered the room. However, it is unknown to ever the Arthur, whether this joy was felt because of A) Bob coming back or B) Lucky's semi-safe return.

Naraku attempted to speak, but only managed annoying "mmmmmm" sounds through the cloth in his mouth.

Of course, Sesshomaru, always being the first to be annoyed by anything, wacked the back of the Dark Lord's head and snarled a low "shut up!"

"Sessvoodoo!"

Sesshomaru's head came up from his task of fastening those oh-so-annoying clasps at the call of his - or rather, something like his - name, only to see Bob come storming towards him.

"That is not my name and you know it!" the Lord growled as he pointed at the human with the hand which still held the small undergarment.

"Shut the bloody hell up, Saskatchewan!" Bob erupted "you don't even deserve to have a name, ya sadistic bastard!"

"You dare to speak that I deserve no name, human?" the Lord snarl with clenched fists "I am Sesshomaru! Lord of the West! Powerful, flying High Demon of the Council! Wielder of both Tenseiga and Toukijin! Bearer of the Sacred Marks of my kind! Known and feared by all! So, you better start giving me the title I am entitled too, human! Or bear my wrath!"

Miroku smiled from his seat "Ooo! Dramatic!"

"You can say you're the Little Mermaid for all I care!" Bob spat "leave Naraku the hell alone!"

A frown creased over Sesshomaru's face as he listened to the human's words. Then, not knowing the meaning of the statement, looked over his shoulder to where the monk sat on the couch. Catching the Lord's gaze, Miroku shifted his stare over to where Naraku sat tied to his chair. The Dark One, a questionable expression on his face already, matched stares with the monk for a moment before looking over to Inuyasha who was currently making odd sounds, pounding on his chest, gasping for air and pointing towards his throat.

Not receiving any response other then that from the half-dog demon, Naraku simply turned back to the monk and shrugged unknowingly. Of course, figuring that to be the answer, the monk turned back to the Western Lord and, a huge smile on his face, shrugged.

The Lord growled "worthless monk"

Miroku sent a cold glare to the Dark Lord, who merely shrugged again.

At this point in time, the peanut which was the cause for Inuyasha's odd behavior suddenly became dislodged from his throat. A snarl set to his lips, the hanyou turned and growled at the group from over the counter, waving his clenched fists around angrily.

"Thanks a lot for your help, ass-holes! I could have DIED over here!"

Sesshomaru gave a small shrug of his own "would have been no loss to me"

"Don't talk to Inuyasha like that, Scissors!" Bob shouted, getting right up in the Lord's face "in fact, don't talk to anyone like that ever again! If I hear that ya do, I'll whoop your ass six ways from Sunday!"

Sesshomaru growled and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted as Bob rudely continued a second more on his ranting.

"That's my warning! Now, get out of my sight!" he ordered "your not even worth my time, Simbobway!"

The Lord growled "that is not my name" then, utterly disgusted, turned and began to walk away

"Wait, Salmon! Hold on a sec... Sayshomo? Spoon? Salamander?" Bob's face lit up "wait! I have it now!"

Sesshomaru turned, a hopeful expression to his normally cold eye.

Bob smiled "SANGO!"

Miroku jumped up from the couch "SANGO? WHERE? WHERE?"

A frown coming to his face, Bob pointed to the Western Lord "right there"

"What... behind Sesshomaru?" the monk asked as he ran up to the Lord and looked on either side of him, then a horrified look came to his face as he stared up at the tall demon "oh my God! Don't tell me you ate her!"

With a cold glare, the Western Lord growled "no... he means me"

"What?" Miroku frowned, confused "you're nothing like Sango! She's a girl and pretty! She has boobs and a tight ass!" he took a quick look at the Lord's behind "although... your's isn't far off..."

As Miroku's hand extended outward, the Western Lord growled and caught the monk's hand with his own. Effortlessly, Sesshomaru pulled the monk's arm upwards until Miroku was dangling off the ground face-to-face with the High Lord.

"Just try it" he snarled, eyes narrowed into tiny slits

Miroku paled and muttered a small "um... no... I'm good..."

* * *

Unknown by everyone at this time, the nut which had been launched from the half-demon's throat had landed quite near the area where the unconscious/badly broken/bruised/scrapped/de-moralized creature lay. It bounced along the ground, finally stopping only when gently rolling into the rat's side. 

To his own fortune or misfortune - whichever way you want to look at it - the aroma from the small morsel of food was enough to bring the small creature back from the Land of Cheese. It gave him the strength to arise into a sitting position... wobbly, I'll grant you, but sitting.

Picking the small nut up in his paws, Lucky stared at it's surface for a second... then a small smile appeared on his kind face.

* * *

Getting the response he wanted, Sesshomaru, noticing an opportunity to put both humans in their place at once, launched the monk towards Bob. However, said human only needed to take a single step to the side to allow the projectile to wiz past... only to crash into the Dark Lord and his chair. 

Landing in a mangled heap of body parts and pieces of now-broken wood, it only took the monk a moment to realize who he had collided with.

Naraku's head slumped to one side with a sigh, could his existence get any worse? Then he noticed a small creature trying to stand up using a peanut as a wobbly stand to help him. However, in reality, the small morsel of food appeared to be holding back the rat more then anything and, when the Dark Lord called Lucky's name, the rat became distracted causing the nut to slip loose to the floor. Lucky, having been putting too much weight on the peanut to begin with, fell forward over the nut, causing his face to become plastered to the floor and his ass risen up in the air.

Bob, hearing a small ruckus, looked down at the rat's back-end which faced him, then sighed "rat's ass"

Sesshomaru growled over to the human "what did you call me, human?"

Bob looked up, then smirked as the concept fit perfectly "I said, you're a rat's ass"

"Stop insulting Lucky!" Naraku whined "and get this fool off of me... he stinks! Stinks... stink, mink... mink, rodent... rodent, mouse... mouse, rat... rat... LUCKY ONE THOUSAND!"

"Uh... sure" Bob rolled his eyes

Then, in an almost reflex action, Naraku brought his hand up and slapped himself across the face to get his mind back on track... only to later realize that the reason he could do this was because his arm was free. Only later did he realize that if one arm's free then most likely the other is as well... and only later still did this mean he could get the recovering Miroku off of him.

Naraku glared up at monk who was just lifting himself back up "this is for the big rolling-demon" then his fist snapped forward and hooked the side of the monk's face.

Miroku flew back on his ass for a moment, but was up again in an instant and charged in at the Dark One, fists already swinging. Inuyasha moved to interfere, but Bob held up his hand to stop him.

"I'll handle this" he assured, then picked Lucky, still holding his nut, up off the floor "you take the rat. This might get ugly"

"Uh... Bob?"

"No! Take rat! Leave! Find food! Eat!"

Once Inuyasha swapped duties with Bob, said human walked towards the two struggling around on the floor with both sets of arms and legs a flailing and teeth a biting. Bob looked down upon them for a second, before picking his words carefully.

"In this modern era of democracy and civil rights, most of us, myself as one, have learned to live in a complete loving harmony with those around us and–" a misguided attack by the monk sent a fist into Bob's cheek... Miroku at the time didn't notice, but he would... very soon "–that's it! You're a dead man!"

Then the only sane man in the room jumped into the struggle.

Many minutes passed and with fists punching their hardest, feet kicking high and low, and teeth clamping down on pretty much anything there seemed to be absolutely no end in sight for the three-way battle till the loss-of-interest. Inuyasha himself lost interest only five minutes into the battle and moved back into the kitchen with Lucky to find something else to eat.

Sesshomaru, on the other hand, had not moved an inch away from his spot at the window since he had throw the monk and actually started the entire mess, not that he would admit to that. His glare followed every turn in the tides between the three and every 'pathetically weak' attack. On his own opinion, he figured Bob was winning... no, losing... no, winning... no, no... wait... yes, winning.

A low growl emitting from his throat and his teeth clamped back in a small snarl, Sesshomaru stood with his arms crossed, his fingers tapped on his forearms irritatingly. Eventually, he could take no more. He stepped forward, only to first take one last look at the battle with Miroku pulling on Naraku's hair and Bob digging his thumbs into the monk's eyes. Then he glanced over to where his brother stood in the kitchen... licking the salt off of peanuts before placing the small nuts back in the jar.

The hanyou, not noticing his brother's glare, smiled down to the small rodent sitting on the counter near him chewing on a peanut himself (one which the Inuyasha HADN'T touched) "these things taste like crap... but the stuff on them is good!"

His snarl suddenly bursting out in a fit of rage, Sesshomaru growled at everyone in the room "You're company is damaging my reputation beyond repair! I will no longer lower myself to be in the company of you fools!"

Then the Lord marched forward, passed the now-paused battle and opened the door wide to slam it behind him. Inuyasha could still hear his footsteps as the Lord marched down the hallway and away from the 'lower beings.'

"What was that about?" Naraku asked, not loosening his grip on the monk's throat

Bob smiled as he shifted the weight of the Dark Lord's legs in his arms "I don't know, but it works out well for me!"

Miroku choked out a small "get off!" and shoved the Dark One forcefully to the floor. Other then that, no one else moved.

It was, in fact, this silence caused by lack of movement that allowed all ears in the room to hear a feminine voice call out from down the hallway:

"OH! My tall, silver-haired stranger! You came back for me!"

The sudden sound of quick-paced feet drew near the room and, before anyone knew what was happening, the door to the room smashed to the floor (landing on Naraku) and the Western lord ran in at full speed only to open another door and slam it behind him. Silence followed for a moment, before Sesshomaru dashed out of the now-known-to-be closet and jumped into the real bedroom, slamming the door behind him even louder this time. This time, however, the sounds of moving furniture across the floor of the apartment radiated from the room for a moment or two.

Silence followed after that... only to have a shaken voice call out a muffled "I'm not here!"

Then, just as Naraku was pulling himself out from under the door, a small old lady dressed in a light pink dress and an old-fashioned hat appeared in the doorway. In a gentle and quite yet somewhat raspy voice she smiled at the group and asked "have you seen a tall, good-looking, silver-haired man?"

Inuyasha smirked, seeing an opportunity of a lifetime, and pointed to the room where the Lord had disappeared into "in there"

The muffled voice came out again "damn you!"

Inuyasha's smirk grew devilishly as he gave the old lady a kind look "want me to knock down the door for you?"

"That's alright" she smiled back "I'll just wait right here for him to get out"

A defeated voice came through the door "damn"

Bob cracked his back, he hadn't gotten a work-out like that in a long time "I don't think he'll be coming out anytime soon"

"I'll wait" the lady assured as she seated herself down on a chair "you can go ahead and take my room. Number 2-24, it's unlocked"

With a shrug, Bob smirked "sure thing, ma'am. Good lucky with Sessssssss... Sesssssss... that guy"

Inuyasha smirked "night, ma'am"

She smiled back "oh, if only he had your manners, shorter, silver-haired stranger. But I can always work that into him"

"Of course you can" Naraku smirked as he picked Lucky up off the table

The muffled voice of the Lord came again "don't leave me here!"

"But we wouldn't want to intrude on your special night" Miroku called out

Bob nodded for everyone to follow him "yes, all of us 'LESSER BEINGS'"

"...Damn"

* * *

"2-21... 2-23... 2-25... WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS CRAP?" he looked behind him on the opposite side of the hallway "oh, there it is" 

Opening the door with a small smile on his lips, all traces of happiness fell and shattered to pieces the second he laid eyes on the turnout of the old lady's room.

The entire room was set up as, what appeared to be, a honey-suite. Most likely used for romantic purposes, the vibrant colors of red and pink blanketed every surface in the room (even the bed and toilet), all of which, where possible, held the shape of a heart.

The five beings stood frozen in spot in the doorway, unable to look away from the unmanliness before them. However, it was Bob who broke then stilled silence.

"I shot gun the bed"

After mustering up enough courage to enter the strange room, the group fanned out in all directions, attracted to different things around the room. Same were attracted by fluffy things, others by frilly things... and others still by things that were just plain weird.

After closely examining some of the 'artwork' set off in the corner of the room, Miroku walked over to the guild who was standing in the middle of said room muttering something about 'not wanting to be seen in the room with three other men and a rat.' However, before the monk could speak, a noise at the door called attention to everyone.

"BOBBY!"

Said guild's face went 10 shades of red as he looked upon the faces of two women in their late 20s to early 30s standing in the doorway looking in. The two women's expression, after taking in the scene of the suite with a bunch of men in it, changed slightly from happiness to surprise and realization... then changed back to happiness as they smiled back at the guild.

One of them smiled "oops... sorry"

The taller of the two pretty women reached forward for the door handle to close it, but stopped halfway through the task "you could have told us sooner, Bobby, we wouldn't have judged you. You boys have a fun night!" then she closed the room

"WE WILL!" Miroku yelled after them

Bob's face was that of a man who had been robed of something dear and unbelieving that said item was gone. He stared at the closed door for several minutes, not even using the energy to blink an eye as he did so. Slowly and carefully, after minutes of not moving, the guild turned to Inuyasha and gave a meek smile to the hanyou which faded in and out as he ran over his own train of thought.

"Perfect..." he stated slowly to his dog-eared friend "...just after I get over that other misunderstanding... this happens"

"Eh, could be worse"

"How?"

"Well..." Inuyasha thought for a moment, then smirked "they could have seen you in here with that old lady"

Miroku tapped on the guild's shoulder again.

"WHAT?" Bob yelled as he whipped around

Miroku shrunk back slightly "there's um... statues - over there - with... people being... very... friendly... with each other"

With a sigh, Bob tore off the top sheet on the bed and shoved it at the monk "then cover it up using this! GEESH! Do I have to think of everything around here?"

The guild glanced back to the bed, only to do a double-take at what he saw. For there, resting against a wall on the far corner of the room, was the heart-shaped now-known-to-be water-bed. Not only that, but, just for the final touch, about 20 small goldfish swam around inside said water-bed.

Bob cleared his throat as he looked over the bed, then turned to Naraku who was looking at the odd thing unamused, his rat, however, was a different story "eh, that only ranks as the second weirdest bed I've ever seen. The first was at my old ex-girlfriend's place"

"Fishies" bending down by the odd bed, Inuyasha watched the fish inside swim around for a bit "...some sorta barrier..." he reached out with a clawed finger, only to have it slapped down

"No!" Bob disciplined "Don't touch! Bad! You wanna touch the bed? Cut your nails!"

"Nails?" The hanyou frowned "these are my claws!"

"Well, they certainly look the part!"

"...Part?"

Suddenly, a faint squeaking noise on the water bed caught everyone's attention. There, walking across the bed with his arms rose way above his head and his face looking up to the skies, was Lucky, squeaking his heart out on a phrase that only Naraku could hear. A phrase which proclaimed:

"I'M GGGGOOOODDDD!" Then his foot caught on the fin of a passing fish underneath him, and he did a complete face-plant into the plasticy substance that contained the water in the bed.

* * *

THERE! Finally! This chapter is the life and death of me! No joke, this thing... it... it was just... SO HARD TO WRITE! I thought this one was going to be an easy chapter! But no! I had to try to re-write the damned thing (I'm not kidding) 9 times! Redoing this way and that! Trying to get this to work but failing so having to throw out something that does work along with the thing that didn't! I mean, come on! This chapter was supposed to start out with Naraku saying things like "it's too tight" and stuff! Like, how far off did we go from that? So, if it wasn't funny, I'm sorry... but I just couldn't deal with this anymore. 

**Please R&R.**


	19. The Need for Caffeine

**Chapter Nineteen: The Need for Caffeine**

Hello to all, guess what? You'll never guess... one more chapter and we have reached a solid TWENTY! YAY:D ...I got nothing.

"This story was given two-thumbs up from thirteen out of fifteen mental patients!"

THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING FOR REVIEWING!

**NarakuTheDarkOne: **Thank you, Me. I will... by the way, do you know 'You'?

**Hearii-sama:** Thank you, and I hope your ass enjoys this chapter too:D

**Inu-Chan-Keh:** Oh! Thank you! We thought it was a type of car... -.-U

**KirarasMoonbeams: **Thank you for the two reviews.

**Musicswordgirl:** How do I do it? Well... let's just say... Personal Experiences. Let's just leave it at that :D

**Sakursa:** We regret to announce that this will be the last chapter of Crying, Whimpering and a Whole lot of Shit, due to financial strains, law suits, mental breakdowns and the fact my cat bite my finger (rabies alert :K). We hope you enjoyed it while it lasted... if you need me, I will be at the Happy Acres Sanatorium under the treatment of Dr. Viagra and his trustful bedpan. I bid you all a fond farewell, goodbye. :D

**Yugiboydragoon:** I'm here to suck your blood! BLAH! ...No... wait... that's a vampire... what do Dragons do?

_Disclaimer: (hard British accent) Ell-o, you have reached the Knights of Neit (Neit!) We are unable to answer your call... leave your message at Neit (Neit!)... Neit. (Neit!)

* * *

_

The early morning sunlight had just begun to creep into the darkness of the Honey Suite when the Western Lord opened the door. A smirk came to his face as the small amount of light allowed him to see his half-brother sitting on a table, Tetsusaiga resting against his form like it always does.

"Ha! Finally!" Sesshomaru said happily, then looked back down the hallway where he had come "...there are a lot of doors in this place... and too many screaming people..."

Opening the door all the way, a frown beset the Lord's features as he saw a pile up on a heart-shaped bed against the far wall which consisted of Bob, Miroku, Naraku and Lucky. Since the bed was small, they had to more or less pile on top of one another to stay on, with Bob in the middle and the other three on each of his sides. All in all, it made a very disturbing-looking scene.

The Lord hesitated, his eyes falling to the floor in uncertainty "...perhaps I returned too early..." Sesshomaru turned to leave again, when a mocking voice stopped him.

"How'd your date go?"

Tensing, Sesshomaru threw the door open and, pointing a finger at the half-breed angrily, exclaimed "SHE WAS NOT MY DATE!"

Bob jolted up half-awake at the sudden noise, only to somewhat realize that he no longer had the bed to himself. So, in a flash of half-conscious movements this way and that, Miroku went flying off the bed one way, Naraku the other and Lucky went flying up into the air. Then, in an act of pure and utter mercy, a half-awake hand grabbed outward, snatched the rat in midair and placed the rodent beside the human guild. Lucky sat rigid where he was plunked down, his eyes as big as golf-balls.

Now content with his surroundings, Bob was about to flake out again, when he turned to the two brothers. "Whaaa yyhhhaaa do'n? Iiiiisss... tttrreee... no... tooo..." he shook his head as he looked at the fuzzy, red numbers on the clock sitting on the night stand "TOO EEERLY!"

Naraku sat up, his hands pressed against his forehead "I hit my head!"

Miroku, still remaining unseen, groaned "...you don't wanna know where I hit..."

Bob, flopping himself face-down into his pillow, began to growl at the two others, flopping one arm around angrily "...yyaahh uuupid a-oles...! O aaackkk too ssleeeeeppp... yaaahh... hegyoisbyenfiftamfy dugneioehfmsk... defdokentpo! Kddneoaumdfjo...! Umma... uhhh... yomazaios..." ...we think that last mumbles were swear words... but we're not sure.

"I'm growing a lump!" Naraku exclaimed, padding the side of his head "Lucky! Feel my lump! It's big!"

"No one wants to feel your lump!" Sesshomaru growled

Miroku's voice creaked up again "...don't talk about lumps... please...? ...It's much too painful..."

Bob turned his face to one side so his words could be heard, but his eyes remained closed as he gave random gestures with one arm "will all of you... just... shut the hell up?"

Lucky, now curled up into a little ball, lifted his head slightly, his eyes only half-open, yawned and gave a few half-nods of his head before settling it back down again. Once again trying to reclaim sleep.

"Sleep? What do you mean 'sleep'?" Inuyasha inquired "the sun is up! Sesshomaru is _back from his date!_ Let's get going!"

"...That doesn't count as a sun... it's a test-run-sun... go back to bed..."

"Test-run?"

"...What do you guys have against (yawn) a good night's sleep, anyway?"

"What do you have against getting an early start to the day?"

Miroku, pulling himself up using the side of the bed to rest on, winced "every... day should be valued" he cringed "...now I'll never get a woman to bare my child..."

Bob's head flipped over to the other side, his tired eyes locking on the hazy image of Sesshomaru "this is all your fault, Semilogo... you and that old lady (yawn) of yours..."

"SHE IS NOT MINE AND THAT IS NO—" a pillow colliding with the Western Lord's face was the only thing to cut him off

"Shut up already!"

With a growl, Sesshomaru stalked up to the bed and threw the offending pillow back at the human. Who, when it hit him in the face, merely snatched it in his hands and put it back under his head as a second pillow. Not getting the response he wanted - or, rather, any kind of response at all - the Western Lord was about to storm out of the room once and for all (unless the old lady had came back)... when a flash of golden movement inside the bed caught his eye.

His eyes widened at the sight "fish in a barrier?" he asked and, as he did so, causing Bob's eyes to snap open, he reached out with a clawed finger and accidently slashed a neat hole in said 'barrier.'

Water sprayed everywhere with fish mixed in amongst the clear liquid. The mattress flattened out with Bob still on top of it resulting in him getting just as wet as the Western Lord who was in direct line with the water.

By the time the water pressure had died down and only trickled out of the hole in the plastic, Bob lay nearly drowned on the flattened water-bed; Miroku, having been in too much pain to move, simply took whatever came his way... which wasn't much anyway since he was on the other side of the bed; Inuyasha, taking his own line of measures, had flipped the table he had been sitting on over and hid behind it to shield himself from the water; Naraku sat, soaking wet, leaning against the night stand, almost not caring about what happened; Sesshomaru sat rigid where he was, the wettest of everyone in the room plus the only one to have a fish impact-mark on his forehead; and, finally, Lucky, who had made a despite attempt to flee from the water, was now laying in a puddle of water on the ground underneath a flopping goldfish, causing him to repeatedly get struck in the face with its flopping tail.

Naraku, seeing this, gasped "LUCKY!" he grabbed for his rat... only to pick up the fish instead "are you alri–?"tossing the slippery fish over his shoulder, he then picked up his rodent "Lucky! Are you alright? You look... whiter then before" the Dark Lord held the wet rat out in front of himself for a moment... yes, he defiantly looked whiter.

A VERY pissed off look to his face, Lucky squeaked roughly at his short-time companion "I _am_ white, you fucking retard!"

Bob smirked a bit as he threw his legs over the side of the flattened bed "I'd say more a dapple gray" he paused and thought about it for a second, before shaking his head. With a moan, he rubbed his eyes with his fingers "...gotta lay off the coffee..."

With a tired stare at each different figure in the room, plus hearing the dripping water run down the floorboards and into the room below, Bob looked out the window to see the first rays of sun, just hinting at the coming day, peak out from behind far away buildings.

"Well," he began as he rose to his feet and stretched "the sun is up, Splash is back from his date... and Miroku is somewhat on his feet... let's get going."

* * *

Bob's eyes glanced sideways to something which, at 3:00 in the morning, he had finally registered and processed. Sure, he had noticed them before, but never had he actually... examined them for what they were. He knew some people wore spiked collars, others dyed their hair green and pink and others still wore things so tacky they looked childish... but this? 

Inuyasha, catching the guild's stare as the human walked beside him, gave the man a uncertain look as he walked along, then tried to ignore his gawking. However, after many minutes of the entire group walking in silence and Bob's constant gaze to a certain pair of objects, the guild could stand it no more.

In a flash of moment that was similar to the speed he had used to capture the burger at Rotten Ronney's, Bob's hand lashed out, grabbed firmly onto Inuyasha's left ear and gave it quite a hard yank. The hanyou gave a yelp of surprise and, pulling away from the human, gave one mighty spring sideways to land a good three meters away.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

A smirk came to the human's face "you stuck those on pretty good now, didn't you?"

Standing up straight again, Inuyasha gently touched his throbbing ear "moron!" he growled, then added a small "...it's tender..."

"Can I touch them again? They're soft" Bob asked, obviously curious of anyone wearing dog-ears and could see no reason not to handle the issue now.

"NO!"

"Come on"

"Get lost!"

Miroku sighed "he's been my companion for over a year... and he has yet to let me touch them"

"Please?" Bob asked with a small smile

Inuyasha growled "NO!"

Sesshomaru, his arms crossed over his chest, frowned "what is your sudden obsession with the hanyou's ears about, human Bob?"

"Hanyou? This isn't hanyou! This is Inuyasha!" Bob scoffed, also crossing his arms "say it right or don't say it at all, Silly-Billy"

"Can I touch them?" Naraku asked softly as he stroked Lucky in his hands

Inuyasha sent a glare his way "just try it, it will be the last thing you ever do!"

With the half-breed distracted, Bob made another grab for an ear, an attack Inuyasha was barely able to react in time to smack his hand down.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Why do you care if I touch it or not?"

"I JUST DO!"

"Come on, if you let me touch yours all let you touch mine"

Inuyasha gave the human a queer look "WHAT?" then a snarl came to his lips "NOBODY IS TOUCHING MY EARS!"

Sesshomaru, turning his back to the whole conflict, gently pushed a strand of silver-hair behind his pointed ear. His fingers idled there for a moment, outlining the structure of his demon-ears. After a moment, he turned and gave a sharp glare to his half-brother who was now yelling at both Bob and Miroku, Naraku having wisely backed off. Then, with an up-turned nose, Sesshomaru turned again and stiffly but steadily began marching away from the arguers and down the deserted streets.

* * *

After walking several more blocks, with Inuyasha on full-guard and Sesshomaru holding his nose up high, the group finally came to a deserted, glass box with a single door (which was pointed out by Bob after Miroku walked into the glass) that provide access to the shelter within. After ordering everyone to take a seat on the cold benches within the box, Bob sat himself down between Miroku and Inuyasha, making sure to give the half-breed an 'innocent' look as he did. 

"The bus is coming at 4am. That's only 15 minutes from now... so we shouldn't have to wait too long for it to show up" he explained "then I can get my coffee, cause none of the places around here are open at this time of night - er - day... morning... whatever"

Raising a brow to the guild suspiciously and catching the human's stare flicker to his still-tender ears, Inuyasha nervously scooted over on the bench until he was more than an arms-length away. However, in doing this, the hanyou forced himself to become quite close to the Dark One who sat stroking his rat silently on the very end of the bench.

Naraku gave the dog-prince a strange look and was about to say something, when Inuyasha interrupted him with a snapping "shut up!"

Silence fell around the barrier box and after many minutes of complete and total awkwardness, Naraku cleared his throat and said the only thing that came to mind "...want to pet my rat?"

Inuyasha only stared down at the little rodent being offered to him and said nothing. Lucky, on the other hand, voiced his own disagreement with a sharp hiss to his holder and some rather harsh-sounding squeaking.

Minutes crawled by and, eventually, Inuyasha got pissed off with being so close to one of his many enemies and, standing up, he shoved Naraku over and sat on the opposite side of the Lord away from Bob. He wasn't quite sure what had gotten into the human man... but he didn't like it at all!

Finally, the lights of a large on-coming vehicle pulled around a corner a little ways up the road and began heading their way. Pushing himself to his feet, Bob herded everyone out of the bus-stop and out onto the street. He was just about to get the change out of his pocket so they could get on... when the bus went speeding by.

Bob's eyes widened with disbelief, then narrowed with anger as he, moving out onto the middle of the road, began shouting after the large whatzit with quite colorful language that will be cleaned up to write in this fanfic.

"You stupid, asshole! You're supposed to stop, fuck-o! Do you hear me, ya prick?" the guild, stopping for a moment, fished a pamphlet out of his jacket's pocket and quickly read over it "HA! SEE! You're supposed to stop! I was right, asshole! It says right here, ya illiterate prick! Four o'clock bus stop! YA BLOODY, FUCKER OF AN ASSHOLEY PRICK! Fine! Ya know what? I don't wanna go on the bus anyway! Ya, that's right, jack-ass! I don't need your pity routes! We'll go to MY place and have MY coffee! What do you think of that, jerk-off? Cause only weird people ride on buses, ya bloody, flying cockroach!"

Bob paused and thought about his comment for a second before turning to face the odd-looking group waiting by the curve. He looked each of them up and down once, then sighed "point proven."

With a heavy sigh, Bob turned back to the direction they had come and began walking slowly down the deserted streets, gradually making his way back onto the sidewalk which started to become brighter-lite by the bright raising sun. After a while of tracing back their steps for several minutes, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru each began to become rather irritated with their lack of progress.

"I thought you said we were going to your house?" Inuyasha asked with hands buried deep into his sleeves.

Leading the group, Bob replied without turning back "we are"

"Then why, might I ask," Sesshomaru growled through gritted teeth "are we traveling back from which we came?"

"Cause I didn't want _WE_ at my house, I wanted _I_ at my house... I wanted _WE_ at a coffee shop, but no..." the human growled "...stupid drivers... can't remember when and where they're supposed to stop..."

* * *

It was rounding 4:30 by the time the dysfunctional group made it to Bob's house. It was a small residence, a mere one-story unit with an overgrown lawn which had claimed a busted lawnmower in its center. A lone whatzit was the only occupant of the pot-hole invaded driveway, it's hood a mess of anger and frustration. As could be seen, with the position of the sledge-hammer lodged in its radiator. 

As they walked up the driveway, Bob turned back to the group for a second "don't go in to the long grass!" he cautioned with a laugh.

The group looked to one another, then to the lawn which could reach up to their knees in most parts... higher in others. Miroku, who had been walking close to the overgrown grass, suddenly jumped sideways with a yelp.

"Something bit me!"

"Eh," Bob shrugged "you'll get over it"

Un-bothered by the previous happenings, Naraku bent down by a patch of weeds and picked some of the leaves off of a poison-ivy plant before pocketing them with no one noticing. Lucky, who was sitting on his shoulder during this, caught the Dark Lord's eye.

"What?" Naraku asked with a shrug as he straightened "it's for personal use!"

Walking up the steps to his house with the group right behind him, Bob opened the door to the small house... only to have his foot catch on something on the floor and nearly topple over. With a scowl, the human guild leaned over and gathered up the bunch of envelopes on the floor into a pile. Looking at the first one, he scoffed and tossed it over his shoulder, uncaring of where it might land up. He continued to walk into his house as he did this, resulting in the little packages going everywhere.

"Bill... bill... bill... bill... bill... llid?" he flipped the envelope right side up "bill... subscription... bill... subscription... subscription... charity... subscription... charity... bill... bill... charity... advertisement... get well card...?" Bob stopped as he read over the return address "of yeah... that thing" tossing that over his shoulder too, he moved on "bill... church work... jury duty... dried up cracker... another jury duty... subscription... bill... bill... how in the world could I have so many bills? I don't even own much!"

He was right, the group that consisted of a half-breed, a Western Lord, a Dark Lord, a Rat and a Monk stood in the doorway and looked around as their guild moved further inside. The place was relatively bare, with only a chair here and a table there, but the one thing that covered the entire place was, not only envelopes of forgotten mail, but coffee cups. Cups littered every surface that would hold them... on table, shelves, chairs, counters, floors... there was not one single spot where a coffee cup had failed to appear.

Sesshomaru wrinkled his nose in disgust "how utterly unsanitarily disgusting"

"Ya I know!" Bob yelled over his shoulder "TWO Jury Duties! I mean really!"

Being the first to move away from the door, Inuyasha walked (kicking away empty cups as he went) across what would be the living room, with only a single lazy-boy chair and a small TV sitting on a box, and walked up to Bob who was sitting down on a chair in the kitchen portion of the room... still sorting through the last of his mail. The human didn't even administer the half-demon's approach.

"...Subscription..." he paused "final notice?" tearing it open, he looked upon the paper which was within and smirked. Picking up the phone by his side, he pressed a number of buttons before placing it to his ear. After a second, he spoke "yeah, this is client 0198463... 2. I got your notice here about sending the repo-men after my car? You wanna know where it is? It's at the bottom of Witchatalky Lake"

Inuyasha's eyes went wide "That screaming was a witch?"

"No such thing as witches" he told Inuyasha, then turned away "what? No! I didn't call you a bitch!" there was a pause "ya well, I'll see you in court! I'll await your reply in the mail! Ya prick!" then he hung up.

"You're going to courtship that box?" asked Sesshomaru as he approached

Bob turned "what is it with you and courtships? And what's that in your hand?"

The Western Lord whipped both his arms behind his back "nothing."

Bob growled as he rose from his chair "If I see anything go missing, there will be hell to pay!"

"You're going to pay hell?"

"Not me, you! Ya prick"

Just then, a stack of newspapers (with letters and coffee cups on top) fell over, catching everyone's attention. Miroku, who was standing right next to the newly-made mess, went bright red before pointing an accusing finger at Naraku... who stood on the exact opposite side of the room near the door.

"Great!" Bob yelled as made a small motion to the pile with his hand "those were in order! They were the only thing in my place that was organized! They were in order from oldest to newest! They have never even been READ! I was going to sell them! Now, look! They're all crumpled and bent... who would want something that's crumpled and bent?"

Silence fell upon the group, no one knowing what exactly to make of the odd comment. Just then, a small fly buzzed across the room and settled itself down in front of Bob. Instantly rising to his feet, the guild pointed an accusing finger at the small insect.

"Get the hell out! What do you think this is? A _dump_?"

* * *

COMPLETED! ...This chapter, I mean. It's been a long time in waiting... but it's up. I'm tired, I don't know what else to say... and WHAT THE HELL'S THAT DAMNED STINK:( 

**R&R**


	20. Breaking Down

**Chapter Twenty: Breaking Down**

Hello everyone! We did it! With your help and support, we have reached a solid TWENTY chapters! We (my brother and I) have wrote and you have read through TONS of hilarious conflicts, odd comments and unexpected twists. Just for fun, vote for your **ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, TOP-OF-THE-LINE, WITHOUT-A-DOUBT FAVORITE CHAPTER**! Leave your answer in your review! If you want, you can tell us WHY you liked that chapter so much:D

Oh! Here are the characters! Say hi everyone!

Bob: WHAZZZZUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP:P

Miroku: (copying Bob) WHAT'S-UUUUUUUUUUUUPPP:D

Naraku: My biscuits are burning!

Lucky: (thumbs up) Yo.

Inuyasha: WHZ-UP, DOGS? XD

Sesshomaru: (very formal tone) What is up? Dog?

THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING!

**Bakura's Girl88:** "Read it since about the third chapter" ...so you skipped chapters one and two? O.oU Oh! And Sesshomaru is eating off set:D

**Hearii-Sama:** Great! That's what we were going for! Our mission is accomplished... :D

**Yugiboydragoon:** ...I think my computer has gotten dumber from that reply... O.o jk

**Musicswordgirl:** Thank you for the review... but next time, when you review... give us something to make fun of... like the guys above and below:D

**NarakuTheDarkOne:** You know me? Or do I know you? But if I say you, and you say you... than who are we talking about? ...my head hurts... p.s. - is Naraku your favorite character?

_Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

_

Miroku's stare shifted from the fallen newspapers to two small things hanging on the wall next to him. One was a faded, black and white photo of two adults (with the male in, what was unknown to Miroku, a police uniform) standing in one another's embrace with a small boy standing in front of them smiling. The second was a similar picture, except this time it was in color with both of the adults wearing dark-blue uniforms and the boy was laughing and wearing his mother's hat while the father's hat remained on elder man's head. The first picture looked very formal, but the second was more joking around than anything else.

"What's this?" Miroku asked as he turned to Bob

The guild's head shot up as he looked to where the monk had pointed, than a snarl came to his lips as he stomped across the room, a threatening finger pointed at the asker, "you dare touch those and I'll break every bone in your body TWICE!"

Finding this statement rather amusing, Sesshomaru walked up beside the human guild and reach out to touch the Forbidden Pictures of Doom. However, he could not in any way expect a sudden flash of movement from Bob that grabbed hold of Sesshomaru's arm, twisted it around his back and slammed the Western Lord down to the floor.

Pressing his knee into the Dog-Lord's back and pulling back the captured arm with his hands, Bob smirked "I said, don't touch!"

Inuyasha and Naraku couldn't help but burst out into comical laughter at the sight, resulting in them both getting daggers from the down Lord. Which, in turn, only made them laugh harder. After a moment, Inuyasha realized just how chummy he must be looking laughing it up with one of his greatest enemies. So, swinging his arm around Naraku's neck to pull him down into a head-lock, the hanyou glared down at him with an amused smirk.

"This does not mean I'm not going to kill you"

Flailing his free arm this way and that, trying to find someway out of his predicament, Sesshomaru growled at the one who trapped him. He gave a daggered glare over his shoulder to the human and, making sure to show off his demon-fangs, snarled in anger.

"Let me up so I can kill you, worthless human!"

"Worthless?" Bob spat back and twisted the arm more, causing Sesshomaru's growl to deepen "who, may I ask, has who pinned?"

"I am not pinned!" he protested "I am merely waiting for the correct time to strike!"

Suddenly, a soft squeaking called over towards Bob and asked "who is that in the photographs?"

"Oh, the first one is my Grandma, Grandpa and my dad; the second one is... my dad... and..." he looked up to the asker of the question, only to look right into Lucky's tiny eyes. Bob didn't move for a moment, blinking occasionally, then, in a movement that appeared rather stiff, Bob released the Western Lord and straightened. Sesshomaru immediately bounded to his feet, his clawed hand unsheathing Toukijin which pulsated with its wielder's rising anger. His lips pulled back in a tight snarl, the Western Lord announced:

"Now we shall see who is the mightier warrior, Human Bob." he growled as he drew his blade out in front of him "you've met your match. Now, die."

His blank stare not moving from the little rodent perched on the Dark Lord's shoulder, the human blinked once more, then stated a quick "I'm going to bed." before turning on his heel and walking away from the threatening demon.

Sesshomaru blinked a couple times before turning after the human "do not turn your back to me! I challenge you to do battle!"

"Ya, ya, shut up, Shit" Bob picked up a small little black thing, pressed one of the buttons and the small TV flickered onto a random channel "there! Now, everyone shut the hell up so I can sleep! And don't leave the house! The last thing I need is you guys running all over the city like a pack of rabid dogs!" He then disappeared down a small hallway and the slamming of a door soon followed after.

"How could this be?" Sesshomaru growled after the human had disappeared into the room "It's impossible! This human will not fear me!"

Lucky jumped down off of Naraku's shoulder and walked up to stand next to the Western Lord. Placing his small paw on the Lord's foot reassuringly, the small rat looked up to the tall demon, "I know how you feel."

Even though Sesshomaru did not understand and only heard squeaking, the High Lord's icy glare shot down to the small rodent, causing Lucky to shrink back slightly and give a nervous smile. His eyes practically seeing red, Sesshomaru's leg shot back and forward again, slamming into the rat and sending him flying across the room to hit the wall with a splat on the other side. He hit, slumped and fell to the counter to land in a pile of coffee cups and forgotten mail.

"LUCKY!" Naraku cried and began to run to him, but as he moved past the Western Lord, gave an up-turned nose to him as he breezed past "bully!"

"There is something terribly wrong with you, Foolish One" Sesshomaru growled as the Dark Lord scooped the rat out of the pile.

"At least I'm not a bully!" he shot back with a red-eyed glare as he stroked Lucky softly "go pick on someone your own size for once! Or does it make you feel big to kick around small animals?" Lucky squeaked from his laid back position in Naraku's arms, causing the Dark One to nod "Yes, sorry. 'Highly-intelligent', small animals?"

Inuyasha's eyebrows shot up "highly-intelligent? You sayin' we're dumber than a rat?"

"Well, actually, I–! I, Well, I, uh..." the Dark Lord took a retreating step back, as though remembering the predicament he was in and how he was supposed to lay low.

Sesshomaru cracked his knuckles as he approached Naraku with a cold glare "you have pushed your bounds far enough, Foolish One." he reached within his shirt and grasped the object within, slowly pulling it out of his robes for the other to see "you may have that human's protection on your life for now, Naraku... but this rope should hold you down quite well."

Miroku's eyes narrowed in concentration as he brought his hand to his chin "isn't that the same thing we found at the other place?"

Inuyasha, ignoring the monk's unspecific comment, turned to his brother "you actually kept that thing?"

"Yes," Sesshomaru looked back to his sibling "I could not just leave it there! It would be a waste of a fine rope, such as this!"

* * *

Several hours had past and noon was on fast approach as the sun went up and the minutes ticked by. Everyone had made themselves at home in the house and had set to work on different tasks. Inuyasha and Miroku sat around a cluttered kitchen table and discussed strategies to getting back home; many of which were focused around finding Kagome, which proved harder than once thought. Sesshomaru (after taking care of Naraku) had set himself to putting 'that damn human' in his place and all morning had stood in the doorway to Bob's room, waiting for him to come out. Naraku (having being tied tightly with the familiar rope) had been plunked down in front of the TV to keep him quiet. However, to the Dark Lord's own misfortune, Bob had accidently put the TV on the Woman's Channel... and today was a 24-hour cooking-show marathon.

Naraku sat stiff where he was on the floor, his arms tucked away underneath the rope and his legs crossed neatly under him. He watched the flickering images and un-dying blabbering of women in aprons with seemingly attentiveness, his eyes so wide they looked as though they would simply dry up and fall out of his sockets.

At about two minutes to noon, the smell of coffee invaded the air of the house, awakening the human guild at long last. Yawning, he threw his legs over the side of his bed and (stepping around parts of the motorcycle he was rebuilding) headed towards the door. His hand was just about to turn the knob, when he heard voices from the other side.

"How long do you plan on standing there?" the voice of Inuyasha asked with a small hint of amusement.

A growl came to the guild's ears from right on the other side of the door "as long as it takes!" the Lord snarled "that human has pushed his last limit on my patients! The moment this door opens, I will push him down and teach him some respect for a Lord like myself!"

"How do you know he's still in there?"

"He is"

"How do you know for sure? This entire place stinks of those weird cups and that liquid that-"

"I know!"

"Then how do you know? Maybe you should break down the door and check on him"

Thinking quickly with his tired mind, Bob cleared his throat "I'm still asleep! Go away!"

Silence floated through the air for a second, but then the monk spoke up "the poor man is sleeping! Leave him be!"

"I will not!" was the Lord's reply

"Um... still sleeping!"

Sesshomaru growled "then wake up, foolish human!"

"I'll try! No promises!"

Taking this newly-bought time to his own advantage, Bob stepped around the parts of his motorcycle again towards the window. After some cursing and sore fingers, Bob was able to get the damned thing up so he could jump out. Moving along the side of the house in a quickened pace which was unusual for him, he caught the perplexed stares of his neighbors and flipped each of them the bird if they dared give him a disapproving glare. Swinging the front door open without a second thought, Bob moved up to the two sitting at the table and (after emptying a cup with coins in it into another cup with coins in it) poured himself a cup of black coffee.

Miroku and Inuyasha glanced to the guild without uttering a word, then looked over to Sesshomaru before glancing back to Bob. The human smirked and, placing his finger to his lips, gave a soft "shh" and moved over to where the Dog-Lord still stood.

Miroku leaned in close to his dog-friend "what's he doing?" he asked in a mere whisper

Inuyasha shrugged "I don't know..." his ear twitched as he looked down to Lucky on the table who was currently cutting an article out of the morning paper using his claws "...all people from this time are weird"

"You think so? Kagome isn't that weird..."

"Really? You and I thinking about the same girl?"

The monk paused as he rubbed his chin "...she would so sit you for that if she were here"

"But she ain't, is she?"

Miroku smirked "nope... and we're are still technically un-spoken for"

"Speak for yourself. I have two mikos waiting for me back home... do you think I wanna get my ass purified or something?"

"Fine" Miroku smirked "two's a crowd when it comes to picking up ladies anyway"

Sipping on his hot coffee, Bob waited behind the Lord for a couple minutes before deciding which path would be funnier to tread on. Motioning to the door slightly, he asked "has he come out yet?"

"Not yet," Sesshomaru growled with narrowing eyes "but he will and when he does, I'll be ready"

Taking another careful sip, Bob smirked "sure is quiet"

"He said he was sleeping"

"Really?" Bob smiled sideways to the Lord "you think he was lying?"

"He wouldn't dare..."

"I heard a good quote one time, it goes like this 'when a man says he's sleeping, he, most likely, is not'"

"That lying, fool! I will snap him in two!"

With one motion of his powerful arm, Sesshomaru smashed the door to the room open and gazed around the small area. As he did this, Bob carefully crept back into the living room/kitchen potion of his home and seated himself between the monk and hanyou.

Finding the room complete empty of any human life, Sesshomaru whipped around... only to spot the human guild sitting at the table reading the newspaper and sipping on some ill-smelling beverage. A frown creased over his brow, how could have the foolish human been able to slip around him?

With a snarl, he marched forward "what are you doing sitting there? You are supposed to be in there!" he growled as he pointed back to the room "get over here so I can beat you!"

Bob lifted his head "oh, morning, Semiwaru, 'bout time you got up"

"WHAT? ME?" he growled "YOU! I! YOU WERE! _HOW DARE YOU_!"

Bob smirked to Inuyasha "he uses that line a lot" taking another sip of his coffee, a smile came to the guild's lips as he nodded his head to himself "this coffee is great! Best I ever had by far! I didn't even realize I had a coffee machine... or coffee mix! Who made it?"

Inuyasha and Miroku exchanged glances before they both pointed to Lucky who had seated himself in the center of the table reading a potion of the paper that he had neatly torn out. The rat looked up to this and motioned to the guild with his small, pink hand like a child pretending to be holding a gun and clicked his tongue in a playful manner.

Bob said nothing for a moment, than shrugged his shoulders as he took another sip "eh, still good coffee. But... strangely enough... this is not the first time I have drank coffee made by a rat. Sure, it wasn't as good as this but what can you expe– WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?"

Finally noticing the zoned-out Dark Lord sitting stiffly before the flickering TV screen, Bob bolted from his seat (after gently placing down his cup) and ran up to Naraku who didn't even seem to register the human's presence. Grabbing hold of the black-haired demon's shoulders roughly, Bob turned the other to look at him.

"What happened to you?" he asked "Naraku? Say something! Talk to me!"

A creepy smile came to the Lord's lips as he stared back in a slave-like manor "...lllladle... it's a lllladle..."

Bob frowned and glanced to the kitchen scene that was being played out on the TV before them both "a... cooking show?" his frown deepened ((I left it on the Woman's Network?)). He turned back to his problem and shook the Lord's shoulders "I thought you would at least _change the damn channel_!"

"...Muffins... they made_ muffins_.." Naraku frowned, seeming to be coming back to himself "what are muffins? What's a ladle?" he paused "and what does it mean to deep-fry for thirty-minutes? ...Wait... what are minutes?"

"Get a hold of yourself, man!" Bob yelled as he slapped the Lord across the face a couple times "don't worry, everything will be fine. Jeeze, I blame myself for this..." he paused "no... wait, I blame Sasquatch!"

Bob rose to his feet and, leaving the first Lord to continue to stare at the televison screen, began to march towards the second Lord in the room. The second they were face to face, both profanity and accusations flew through the air sharply and dangerously. However, after a moment, Bob frowned, frustrated with always having to look up to the damned trouble-some bugger before him.

Getting an idea, Bob held up his hand "one minute" turning, the guild ran off for a moment and returned with a chair which he slammed down before Sesshomaru, climbed up upon it, and began yelling once more.

The Western Lord had been fine yelling back at the insolent human at the beginning of their fight of words, but this was different. As Sesshomaru stared up at the human that now looked down upon him, he felt his own anger growing. His thoughts raged on how the human thought of himself as a higher being than he, that is why he wished to be taller. Bob was challenging him as a leader and warrior at the same time... and such a thing would not be acceptable! Could not be acceptable!

His growl intensifying, the Western Lord's figure began to hunch downward in a position that almost seemed to be like a cat collecting all of its muscular powers before the pounce. His powerful hands balled into tight fists, a glare emitted from his golden eyes that was so cold and fierce to the touch that it caused Miroku and Inuyasha (most probably Naraku too, if he had not been obsessed with the TV screen) to take a retreating step backward. Bob, on the other hand, didn't appear to notice how short his life was becoming.

"I have more respect for a maggot, than I do for you!" Bob shouted "at least they are good for something!"

Sesshomaru growled and yelled his usual line, but this time Bob joined in with him. Resulting in "How dare you!" being said at the same time by both beings involved in the fight.

"You really got to find yourself a better line" Bob smirked mockingly "that one's getting old!"

Not being able to bare it any longer, Sesshomaru's stone-cold eyes sparked a cruel red that should have been terrifying to anyone or anything opposing him. However, as the Western Lord was quickly beginning to realize, Bob was not a normal human.

"Oh! That is so cool!" Forgetting the exact reason behind his angered state, the guild smiled when he saw the other's eyes flash. Then, in an attempt to try to get the red to come back, began to tap lightly on the side of Sesshomaru's head "what is that? Contacts? Some kinda implant? Where did you get 'em? I don't wear glasses, but I have to get some!"

The now snarling Sesshomaru, eyes finally turning completely red to show the ferocity of his blood beast, began to advance his arms forward towards the human before him, his fingers straining as though fighting between two urges: Kill or Devour. The human was taller than the Lord at the moment, but that mattered not... not after the fool was dead!

Inuyasha and Miroku gave one another a knowing glance and decided to do the smart thing... stay as far back as possible. It was Lucky who decided against this 'coward's act' and jumped down off the table. The moment his small paws came into contact with the hard, wooden floor, Lucky ran across the room, scurried up the chair and up Bob's leg to sit on the human's shoulder.

Taking note that the demon before the guild was baring his fangs and flexing his claws in a hungry manner, the small rat gave many repeated yanks on the human's ear lobe while saying "perhaps you should be delicate with this situation, Bob!"

Only half-turning to face Lucky on his shoulder, Bob smirked and waved a hand carelessly at Sesshomaru (a hand the high demon almost bit off through an immense desire that pulsated through the Lord's veins), "Him? Nah! He's all show and no go!"

Both looked back to the sight which stood before them.

Sesshomaru glared back at the two with eyes of complete red where no pupil was to be seen, his lips were pulled back in a tight snarl and the lines on the side of his face looked similar to lightning bolts. His form was hunched over and his arms were still extended forward in a threatening manner with his fingers, claws drawn to the maximum, continuing to hold the strain as though still fighting those two urges. Along with the hard growl that radiated from his throat, he breathed in long gasps for air as though he needed more oxygen then he could take in. Then, the final touch, a glob of foam from his mouth fell lose and dropped to the floor with a wet SPLAT as the two watched.

"Huh" swallowing hard, Bob tried to smirk back to the rat "see? What I tell you? No go! All he needs is a few shots!"

Sesshomaru took a long step towards them, his face no longer showing any trace of a respectful being but rather the fearfulness of a savage dog.

Quickly stepping down off of his chair, Bob stepped back towards his front door "I think I have made my point with you..." he glanced back to the monk and hanyou who had positioned themselves on the opposite side of the table "...so, I leave you with my words! Think them over carefully before you even think of being mean to..." he looked to Lucky "...who am I defending again?"

The rat looked to him "Naraku"

"Oh, yeah! Right!" he turned back to the lord "before you even think of being mean to Naraku again!" as the Western Demon closed in on him, Bob opened the front door "We'll talk more when I get back! Right now I need to... clear my thoughts!"

The guild retreated from the house and slammed the door behind him in a 'and that's final' way... only to open the door once more and peak his head in.

"And somebody untie Naraku before I get back! If he isn't, there will be Hell to pay!" The door slammed once more and the guild left... with Lucky still sitting on his shoulder.

Inuyasha and Miroku gave one another a side-ways glance, as though unsure of what to do with the frothing Western Lord that stood growling at the closed door. They needed to decide which one of them dealt with Inuyasha's brother and which dealt with the Dark Lord... but how?

After a moment, Miroku smiled "Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

"Fine, best two out of three?" Inuyasha asked

"Yep"

The hanyou smirked and rose his fists before him ((poor, predictable monk... always picks Paper...))

((Good, useful Paper)) Miroku smiled and also rose his hand in front of him to face off his companion ((nothing beats that))

* * *

His hands buried deep in his pockets, Bob strutted down the streets and simply ignored those who stared at the small creature sitting on his shoulder. Sure, it had been weird at the beginning with being able to understand the language of Rat... but, on another ground, it was rather interesting. The little guy had some very interesting things to say... in fact, Bob might have even thought of Lucky as one of his favorites out of the whole bunch!

Walking past a house with blue paneling, white trim and a very neatly-managed lawn, Bob stopped when he heard his name being called by a rather plump man working in the garden. His gray hair was thinning on top and sweat marks stained the undersides of his bulging T-shirt, but he looked at the guild as though Bob was some kind of lower being than he. Which, in fact, seemed impossible.

"What, Montaro?"

Lucky nodded his small head as he gave his own examination of the man, deciding the name suited him well seeing as though "Montaro" means, literally, "Big Boy."

"I told you to call me Mr. Naringson. But, tell me, _Bob_, did you find that filthy critter in your junk-heap of a house or did you buy him as companionship seeing as how no one wants to be seen with a mis-managed person like yourself?"

"Good morning to you too," Bob rolled his eyes "how's the Mrs.'s?"

"It's afternoon"

"What?"

"It's the afternoon," the man squinted and whipped some sweat off of his forehead, exposing both man and rat to a tangle of armpit hair that caused both to cringe "gotta learn to keep up with the times, Bob, or you'll get left behind"

"Sure"

"I mean it. Take care of yourself, or you'll mind and body will break on you" he persisted "oh, and by the way, have you seen a rat carrying a coffee mixer? The little mongrel broke into my house this morning and stole the damn thing! Never seen anything like it in all my life!"

Bob looked to Lucky, who gave only a meek smile, before turning back to the man "you're serious?"

"Of course, I am! What do you think? My brain is playing tricks? Never! You see, Bob, I take care of myself!"

((Sure, you do))

Just then, the man living in the house next door to Mr. Sunshine himself walked over to the picket fence that separated his lawn from Montaro's. He was younger and obviously well fit, but that didn't stop the Big Boy from finding something to critic.

"Mr. Anderson!" Montaro snorted "I've been meaning to talk to you! Those rain gutters of yours are so full they look as though–"

"Yes, that's nice, Mr. Naringson" he turned to Bob "have you seen a rat go by here carrying a tin of coffee? I saw it go by this morning... but I was kinda too shocked to do anything about it"

"No..." Bob thought about it for a moment, then snapped his fingers "but I have seen a rat read the newspaper and, I'm told, he made the coffee I drank this morning!"

Both men scowled upon him.

Anderson scratched the top of his head, "I was being serious, Bob! You didn't have to poke fun!"

"The nerve you have, Bob!" Montaro glared.

"But! I am serious! I really did see-!" But it was too late, as both men had already disappeared back into their respective homes.

With a sigh, the guild turned back down the street and returned on his way, heading for that little fast-food, coffee-shop place just a bit up ahead. After a moment of silence, Bob turned to face the little rodent on his shoulder.

"So... how did you get to be so smart?"

* * *

YAY! Chapter Twenty done! Go me! Go me! Yeah, yeah, go me! HURRAY! Let's PARTY! At times, I'll admit, I thought I'd never get to such a land mark... like in chapter 1... and 2... and 3... and 4... and 5... and 6... and 7... and 8... and 9... and 10... and 11... and 12... and 13... and 14... and 15... and 16... and 17... and 18... and 19... BUT HERE WE ARE!

And, as a special gift... here we are! With Naraku on drums! Lucky on the keyboard! Miroku on the triangle! Inuyasha and Sesshomaru on guitars! And Bob pretending he can sing! Let me present... We Can Decide On A Name!

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her

Thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see

So what's wrong with takin the backstreets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play

Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid

(And all that glitters is gold)

Only shooting stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder

You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older

But the media men beg to differ

Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin

The waters getting warm so you might as well swim

My world's on fire how about yours

That's the way I like it and I never get bored

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play

Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid

(And all that glitters is gold)

Only shooting stars break the mold

(Go for the moon)

(Go for the moon)

(Go for the moon)

(G-Go for the moon)

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play

Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid

(And all that glitters is gold)

Only shooting stars–

Somebody once asked, "could you spare some change for gas

I need to get myself away from this place"

I said yep what a concept

I could use a little fuel myself

And we could all use a little change.

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see

So what's wrong with taking the back streets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play

Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid

(And all that glitters is gold)

Only shooting stars break the mold

(And all that glitters is gold)

Only shooting stars break the mold

That's it everyone! Sesshomaru broke Miroku's triangle so it will be a while before we can do this again! Have a great March Break, don't forget to **R&R **and be sure to check out my website at **www . officialcws . piczo . com** _(just remove spaces)_

Don't forget to **VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE CHAPTER!**

**R&R!**


	21. Lucky's Story: A Bridge Too Far

**Chapter Twenty-One: Lucky's Story; A Bridge Too Far**

Y-ello, everyone good? That's good. Guess what? I have the best news! I'm not dead! The X-Rays came back positive... or was that negative? Anyway, everything's cool and now that the charges have been dropped, I can continue writing without a care in the world... except for the anxiety I get when I worry about a chapter not being funny. You guys like it, right? Right? You find it funny, don't ya?_ DON'T YA? _

Oh, also, check out the **OFFICIAL Crying, Whimpering and a Whole lot of Shit **website at: _www . officialcws . piczo . com _(just remove the spaces)!

THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING!

**Hearii-Sama:** We, the Writers of Crying, Whimpering and a Whole Lot of Shit, will not be held responsible for any deaths, near-deaths, death-like comas, or injuries caused by reading this story. So, sorry, but suing is out:D

**Musicswordgirl:** Bob says thank you and wants to know your phone number.

**Yugiboydragoon:** sayonara, eh? Adios! Auf Wiedersehen! Au revoir! Arrivederci! Vaarwel! Adeus! Hasta la vista, baby! Thank you, please come again! XD

**Sakursa:** My cat's breath smells like cat food. XD

_Disclaimer: I don't own it.

* * *

_

Sitting in a booth at a café Bob had brought them to, Lucky sat in the center of the table on the napkin dispenser. They had just arrived and had yet to order, but Lucky began his "long story" anyway, actually eager to tell it to whomever was interested... and who would understand him. The last point was the biggest factor.

"For 200 generations, my family has toiled in the conditions of the Shawshank Laboratory and–"

"200 generations?" Bob's eyes widened "how long is that?"

Lucky shrugged "about three years"

Just then, a blonde lady waitress approached in a skirt-and-shirt uniform of red and blue and looked at the small rodent sitting on the table before her. With a hint of superiority in her voice, she turned to the human man.

"You cannot bring your _rat_ in here, Bob"

He looked up to her "Oh, he's fine. He's my seeing-eye rat. They're a new study just coming out and I've volunteered to give it a try." He smirked "besides, it's not like he's been scurrying around in the sewers or has rabies or anything like that."

A sorrowful look came to her eye "I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were blind, Bob! Honest!"

"Eh, it's OK. A lot of people haven't figured it out" Bob shrugged to himself "so, can we have our menus?"

"Oh! Yes! Of course! Sorry!" she fumbled as she placed the menu before him.

Bob looked up to her "I'm blind, remember? Turn it to Lucky" he said as he motioned to the rat.

Curiously, the woman did just that as the small, white rat jumped off from the napkin dispenser. Walking over to the menu, he rubbed his chin as he read over the list. Picking out a choice, he tapped on the wording with his finger before showing two fingers to the waitress and tapping on the order once more.

"Smart little thing, ain't he?" The woman smiled as she wrote it down, "coming right up" then she walked off.

As soon as she was gone, Bob turned to Lucky "what did you order?"

"Two Personal-Pan All-Dressed Pizzas and cokes"

Bob wrinkled his nose slightly "I don't like anything but Pepperoni on mine"

"Then just pick off everything you don't want"

"Great!" Bob sat back in his booth "so, where were we?"

"Right here" Lucky looked up to him "_are_ you blind?"

"No, in your story"

"Oh, well..."

* * *

For 200 generations, my family has toiled in the conditions of the Shawshank Laboratory. Locked away from the rest of the world, we were bred and tested upon until we were able to accumulate a high sense of intelligence.

The cell doors slammed shut in front me as I stood in the center of my small room. A pile of twigs and straw made up the bed to my right and shavings were scattered over the rest of the floor under my pink feet. Concrete sidings surrounded me on three of the walls of my quarters while bars faced out to the ally between my side and the one where another collection of cells began. It was a big enough separation to give each of us a good look around, and to allow the Humans in White Coats to come up and down with ease. Many upon many cages exactly identical to my own were set side-by-side and top-to-bottom in rows and columns of precise organization. They started right at the floor, and rose to the ceiling above me; resulting in thousands of cells in a single room, each holding a single rat. There were rumors of others rooms like this one in the large building, but it was hard to believe any more rats could possibly exist than what could be seen here. My holding is against the wall of one table, so I was lucky to only have three neighbors instead of four.

On each and every door, was set a number. This count (set as five digits) was different for each rat and was how the humans identified us. However, (this is where it gets confusing at times) when a rat dies, another new rat takes its number. This is why we came up with the naming system... less headaches this way. So, amongst each other, we have names that we had chosen for ourselves the moment we were able to understand what a name was. I am number 1037...2... but I chose Lucky as my name; mainly because I have always felt different from the other members of my very, very, very, very large family.

Resting my elbows on the wire bars that made up the door, I gazed out to the other prisoners around me. Many of whom were family. For example, straight across from me on the table opposing my own is the holding where my Uncle stays... at least I think it is my uncle... it could be my nephew... or perhaps my sister... all I can see is an ear so, really, it is difficult to tell.

A loud buzzer rang overhead, causing an uproar to sound all around me. The noise told of new inmates that were on their way in. A chant began to rise above the noise of small fists rattling their cage bars as three Humans entered carrying nine little rats.

"FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH!"

A small voice came from one of the small creatures "we are not fish! And if you are all so dumb to not realize so, then you are indeed failure experiments!"

Suddenly, the chant changed "FRESH MEAT! FRESH MEAT! FRESH MEAT!"

I rubbed my throbbing temples, then shouted out in pure frustration "_MUST WE DO THIS EVERY TIME? NEW RATS COME IN EVERY DAY!_"

The chant died, to which the New Ones were thankful, but a rat called from across the room "you're just jealous because we didn't do it when you can in!"

"That is not the issue here!" I returned as I pointed a small finger towards the voice "my jealousy goes far deeper than that!"

"Ah, shove off, Lucky"

"You shove off, Steve!" I spat, suddenly locking eyes with the other

Another rat called down in a voice soft and content, like that of a poet or olden-times being "I see your brows are full of discontent. Your hearts of sorrow, and your eyes of tears" there was a slight pause "by the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes"

Giving one another a look, both Steve and I glared up at the rat who's cage was way up in a column on Steve's side of the ally. In union, we both let out a low growl.

"Ack, Shut up, Shakespeare!"

* * *

"A rat that quotes and named himself Shakespeare? Well... that's not original at all!" the human stated with rolled eyes

Lucky shrugged "ya, but he was a good rat"

But Bob wasn't listening anymore, he was turned around in his seat and glaring across the way to another table where a single man sat. "Hey! What the hell are you looking at?" the guide snapped at him "haven't ya ever seen a blind guy having a conversation with his seeing-eye rat?"

Lucky looked up and over to where the dumbfounded man sat, then redirected his stare back to Bob "are you listening, or should I stop?"

"Nah, go ahead" the guide sighed "that damn waitress is as slow as Hell with our orders anyway"

* * *

A loud buzzer sounded from a speaker in the ceiling, only this one was different from the first as it was followed by the bared door on my - and every other - cell slid open with a clang. Like a pack of mindless slaves, we each stepped out from our respective cells and stood tall in front of them as the humans went up and down the rows to count us. Not many rats had escaped from this place (actually, to my knowledge, not a single one has), but this process is played out nevertheless every single day.

A second buzzer (this one not as loud) sounded about us, thereby ordering me to turn to my right to follow behind the rats in front of me. Hundreds of us marched from our sleeping quarters in straight, single-order lines as we walked from our different levels, down narrow staircases and onto the floor without so much as a squeak to one another. I caught the bored glances of some of my friends, but I knew that, if I had stopped, I would be punished for stepping out of line. And that is something I don't do - that wise rats don't do.

As the several separate lines of white rats joined into one long line, we still held discipline and not a single shove was administered or curse word uttered. We were dignified and intelligent, at least, before those white-robed fools above us.

Thankfully, today I had a stroke of luck and landed up closer to the Server of the Food than usual, resulting in my getting a table much quicker and easier. Grabbing one nearby, I glanced back to see some of my friends right behind me and already seating themselves with their trays; Red, however, I could see was still waiting in line, leaning on his tray with one arm as a rest.

Several minutes later, I looked up from nibbling on one of my three pellets that were given for breakfast, occasionally taking a sip out of a rat-sized mug filled with coffee. Moving through the crowd towards my already crowded table, I saw a familiar face approaching.

"Good morning, Red!" I called to him with a wave

Said rat, his brow set low, stomped up to the table and slumped down in the seat across from me. Letting the tray he held drop in front of him with a small bang, he leaned an elbow on the table as he looked at me.

"Good morning? GOOD MORNING? What's so good about it? We wake up, greet new additions to our miserable lives, forget those that died the previous day and then get paraded into this damn cafeteria like a swarm of freaks in some kind of freak show! We get served the same damned three pellets at every meal PLUS a cup of terrible coffee! Then we-"

"-You have no right to complain!" called a voice from down the table that belonged to a rat named Haywood "You think your coffee is bad? I got the bottom part of the coffee pot today! JUST LOOK AT THIS!" the rat held out his cup in front of him before turning it upside down. Unlike a normal liquid, the mixture slowly slid out from its container and fell to the table with a PLOP, still holding its rounded shape as it bobbled around like a piece of Jello.

"That's... interesting" I commented

"You should try eating it!" was the reply I got as I watched Haywood pick up a knife and fork to start hacking through it... it was surprisingly hard.

Turning around, I looked to Red, only to find him eyeing a New Fish gnawing hungrily on an end of his first pellet. With a groan, the rat glared angrily down at the piece of food he held in his small paws.

"My pellet is stale!" he complained as he slammed down said object back on his tray "and I think I chipped a tooth!"

Red looked to him, waving around one of his own pellets as he did so "It's a rat pellet." he stated as he tapped his piece on the table with a small bang, bang "They're all stale!"

I frowned "how can a dried rat pellet be stale?"

Shakespeare, who sat one or two seats down from me, sighed "why, my cheese, my digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table, so many meals?"

Silence followed for a moment, then I scoffed "screw just cheese! I'd kill for a whole lasagna!"

To that, the nodding of all heads went around our relatively long table.

Suddenly, an uproar sounded in the direction of the food-line up where a good 100 rats were still waiting to be served with their trays. When I looked over, I found it to be Joseph and a new rat I didn't recognize that were fighting like mad not far off from there... what I didn't know was why.

Catching the eye of one very attractive, female rat named Kim, I nodded towards the noisy conflict "what's going on?"

She stopped for a moment, gave an elegant glance back to the fight and then smiled slightly as she turned back to me "two rats with the same number, I'm afraid. Honestly, if we get in arguments over such small things... I would hate to think what will happen when we confront larger problems in society."

"You call this society?" Red glared at the female "I've seen _cats _with more finesse!"

Haywood frowned and made a loose hand gesture towards us with the knife he had been using to cut his coffee "what's a 'cat'?"

With a roll of her black-outlined eyes, she moved off to where the other females ate in their half of the café. I watched her go and seat herself down... but I was forced to look away at the sight of the Sisters (a small group of homosexual rats) making their way towards me. I turned in my seat and hunched over the three pellets in front of me, determined that if I stayed this way they wouldn't notice me. With a stroke of luck they didn't and walked on by, but I could still smell the chocking perfume even after they had disappeared from my sight. It was a commonly known fact that they liked me... but I wasn't into guy rats... especially the kind that giggled and flaunted themselves like they did.

The fight had moved against the far wall of the cafeteria with both rats still going fierce. However, in a quick turn of events, the older rat had grabbed hold of a nearby 'stale pellet' and had began clubbing the other one with it mercilessly. He probably would have killed the young rat, had his friends not pulled him away kicking and squeaking random threats.

((For all of our intelligence,)) I shook my head slightly as I watched ((most have yet to acquire a clam state of mind to allow us to use our vast knowledge.))

"What a fearful night this is!" Shakespeare exclaimed "there's two or three of us have seen strange sights!"

"Why don't you just shut the hell up, Mexican-Boy?" Haywood glared "and give all this up before you run outta quotes!"

I glared over to the less-then-intelligent rat before me "Shakespeare was - is - not Mexican"

The poetic rat's eyes seemed to take on a determined set "I see my reputation is at stake, my fame is shrewdly gored"

Red's eyes suddenly shot up "who has gourds?"

With a slight roll of my eyes, I scanned the crowd of male and female faces, only to frown as I found one face to be missing.

"Where's Brooks?" I asked, slightly worried for the elder rat

Red shook his head slightly "ah, the idiot was eaten by that damn crow of his"

"Jeeze, Jake ate him?"

"Yeah... Jake" the rat frowned "what kinda name is that for a bird anyway?"

"Well, he was named after Jake"

"Why that rat? He was too annoying"

"Well... Jake, the crow, ate Jake, the rat"

Red's eyebrows went up "Jake ate Jake and therefore became Jake"

I sighed "and then Brooks gets eaten by Jake, who he raised. I told him not to keep it!"

Haywood looked about "does that mean we have to rename the crow? Maybe combine the two names together? Ya know, Brooks, Jake... how about Brakes?"

"His life was gentle," began a certain rat "and the elements so mixed in him that nature might stand up and say to all the world, 'This was a man'"

I smirked to Shakespeare "that's deep... except Brooks was a rat"

* * *

"You guys had little knives too? Aww!" Bob smiled as he took a bite of his newly-delivered pizza slice (after, of course, he had picked off everything he didn't like).

Lucky looked up slightly as he attempted to cut a small piece of his slice off using a knife propped up on his shoulder. "Yes," he panted, slightly out of breath from using such a heavy tool "it was so much easier"

Bob swallowed and pointed to the piece on Lucky's plate "are you going to eat that?"

"I'M TRYING!"

* * *

Even this early in the day, I could tell that today was unlike any other I had survived through in the past. My thoughts were confirmed to be true, when one of the head of staff at the Laboratory came forward to us after breakfast. Apparently, it had been decided that a draw of numbers would take place to pick who would be allowed to do a special test in the wood-shop. Over 4000 rats signed up for the opportunity, and, wouldn't you know it, the names of myself and a bunch of guys I knew had been picked out. I knew a good rat who has access to the ballots practically at all times, it only cost us three pellets a rat.

The shop was huge, just like any other room in the building was. About 10 large tables with steel sides (most with drawers built in the sides of them where the hand tools were kept) and wooden tops were rowed in the front of the room, while the back had all the necessary power tools to make any kind of object desired. Band saws, table saws, compound miter saws, spindle sanders, routers, jointers, plainers... every one imaginable.

The only flaw to this incredible room... was that everything was in human-size. Therefore, more rats were killed in this one place alone that in all the other parts of the labs put together. However, this didn't seem to hinder anybody from showing up... either for a specific assignment or just as a hobby, for the room always had at least 32 rats at work.

Forty rats in total were assigned to the testing area this time and it was left up to us to divide the two teams. After that, the two lots of us separated and began climbing up onto the two tables which were being used by the use of stairs... really long stairs. Yes, that is correct... the humans could make rats super-intelligent... but they had yet to realize the convenience of an elevator. So, needless to say, every single one of us was practically exhausted by the time we got to the top of these human-sized work tables. We were also quite annoyed as well, seeing as how Shakespeare, being on my team, kept muttering the same sentence over and over to himself as he climbed "In following him, I follow but myself. In following him, I follow but myself." It can get really annoying... really... really... _really_ fast!

Wiping the sweat off my brow, I wandered across our table (about a meter square) and stared across to the table where the other rats had gathered. There was a fairly good gap between us, so we couldn't possibly be working with one another... could we?

Not really knowing what we were to do, we spent the first couple minutes yelling back and forth between the two tables. Most of the conversations being pointless (and sometimes disturbing) threats. Such proclamations were:

"You there! Your mother was a whore and your father was a toad!"

To which the reply was "I'm your brother, you moron!"

Squinting, the rat frowned "Grace?"

"No! Henry!"

"Oh! Right! Wow! What are the odds? You shaved your beard!"

"I never had a beard! What was Joe!"

"Oh, where's he?"

"Dangling off the edge of the desk!"

"What's he doing there?"

"He fell!"

"Obviously!"

"He said something about bungie-jumping!"

"He always had a thing with death!"

As the beginnings of a headache began to show itself in the center of my forehead, two men in white lab coats walked forward to our two tables. In each's hand was a box of miscellaneous junk and a piece of paper. Without so much as a word, they dumped the contents of the box on each of our tables and placed the papers on the desks before us before walking away.

A shrill scream rang across the shop from a rat who had been working on the plainer, causing everyone of us to look up and yell a harsh "SHUT UP!" before turning back to the task at hand. Placing myself beside the center of the rolled-up piece of paper, I began to call rats forward to help me unravel it. Noticing the other table doing the same, I read the words written as soon as they appeared to me and began to assemble different ideas within my brain.

Apparently, the two teams were to work together to build a bridge to link ways between the tables using the stuff provided. There was no time-limit, but the bridge had to be able to support our own weight.

It seemed simply enough, so, as the plainer was being cleaned, we began to dig through the rubble provided. After a moment, I looked around at the sounds of a muffled voice... it sounded familiar, but I couldn't make it out. Then I noticed someone to be missing from our group.

"Haywood?" I called "Haywood? Where are you?"

The muffled voice spoke again, and this time it was clear where the source was. "Under here" it called... from beneath the junk.

After deciding he was no great loss and that we would uncover him eventually as we dug for supplies, we began our task of building the bridge. The first thing we figured we had to do, was to somehow secure a cable between us; this is where our military training came into play. Slowly, each table began to build different designs of the same tool: a ballista. The differences in the contraption were small and hard to notice, so this sparked a certain sense of anger and jealousy amongst the two groups; with each side accusing the other of plagiarism.

It took about 15 minutes, but, once completed, I stepped back to admire our handy work of rubber-bands, toothpicks and nail-files; and it was quickly yelled across to the other table that we had finished first; to which the reply was that we had cheated. How do you cheat in building a ballista out of miscellaneous junk, I have no idea.

"That is so cool!" one rat, by the name of Randy, yelled... then frowned "...what is it?"

"Oh, shut up" I snapped "you're not even a member of our group! Your supposed to be over there!"

The rat shrugged "I went up the wrong stairs"

Rubbing my sore temples, I turned to Shakespeare "would you mind grabbing me that pencil over there?"

Said rat smiled in return "bear with me, good boy, I am much forgetful" then he walked off

Red scowled "we can't use a pencil, Lucky! It isn't arrow-dynamic enough!"

"It's pointed! How the hell can you get more arrow-dynamic than that!"

A young rat who's name has yet to be announced stepped forward "how about we shoot this marble over!" He offered as he held up the giant blue ball in his arms

"A marble won't stick into a wall!"

"I know! I just wanna see how far it will go!"

Red smirked as he leaned against the ballista behind him, his arms crossed over his chest casually "how about we use Shakespeare? Ya know, to test it out and everything... after all, we don't wanna use anything of value to us"

Said rat, who had just returned with the average-sized pencil in his arms, smiled at Red "my noble friend," he began "chew upon this!" And then, with a giant swing, he smashed the pencil across his challenger's head (plus that of two other innocent bystanders) and sent him tumbling to the ground. Then, with a scowl of his own, Shakespeare brought the pencil back and pointed its led tip in Red's confused, scrunched face, "I wish you all the joy of the worm" he said with a stern nod of his head.

I rolled my eyes and snatched the pencil away "give me that before you hurt somebody!"

Slamming down the pointed object into our make-shift ballista, I didn't even look at where it was pointed before letting loose the trigger and sending the missile onto its course.

"We didn't aim it yet!" cried a rat named Bill

His twin, Mill, jumped forward "screw aiming! We didn't tie on the sting yet!"

"I told you we should have used a marble!" the young rat cried, holding up his object again

I glared at Bill "It's a damned ballista! You don't aim! You just load, fire and hope for the best!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

All heads turned to the somewhat gory sight on the table across from them. Apparently, while they had been arguing, the projectile had flown across the gap and had speared a single rat from the other team. In fact, he was speared with such speed, that the pencil pulled him from the table and back into the wall behind them... and that is where he hung... motionless.

"That was my brother!" a voice shouted from behind me

"No!" called another from the other side of the table "I'm over here!"

"Oh! You shaved your beard!"

"Would you all shut up!" I yelled in frustration

"Just great!" Mill shouted as he glared at me "now were probably going to have to stay late to clean that mess up! Nice going, Lucky!"

"Oh, shut up! I'd like to see you do better!"

To that, Mill stomped over, loaded a toothpick into the contraption, shoved the machine's head downward a bit, and fired the wooden spear to the other side. It flew honest and true to where it had been aimed, the only bad part was that it was too highly aimed to hit the table and too low to hit a rat in the stomach or chest... but just right to make Henry lose his ratlyness.

"THAT WAS MY BROTHER!"

Cries of anger (and agony) rang across the gap to my side of the table and in an instant we had return fire with all sorts of objects flying over to us. Toothpicks, thumbtacks, erasers, balled up wire, pieces of cloth, a chess pawn, Sam's glass eye... it was like raining cats and dogs only with objects instead of animals! With a gasp, I ducked as a large, green ball bolted towards me, only to witness it strike the rat behind me and knocking him out cold.

The young rat turned his pleading eyes to me as he once again rose up the ball in his hands "they got to use a marble!" Then he was plowed down by a red one.

I shouted for return fire, to which Shakespeare was incredibly handy and quick to fetch more ammo. All the while he shouted quotes in a voice so deep and harsh it almost sent shivers down my spine. He yelled "cry 'havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war!" or even "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears! The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers!"

We fired back with equal randomness as they did, and the casualties were just as equal on their side as in our own. In fact, by the time the scientists came in to break up the fight (one which left with a pencil lodged in his palm), we were down to about six rats on each team. There was me, Shakespeare, Red (who was still light-headed), Haywood (who had recently become unearthed) and Ditto and Logan (both of which had yet to awaken from the poetic-one's blow). On the opposite side, from what I could see, there was Sam (who was now missing one eye), Peter, Shaggy, Hector, Tutankhamun and Yo.

Tut, a rat who had bent a piece of wire into a circle and wore it on his head as a crown, stepped forward to his team's contraption "denounce this machine, I say! Too many lives have been slain by its foul functions!"

"Oh, shut up!" Haywood yelled "you think your so high and mighty with that piece of wire on your head, but ya know what? You're nothing but a snobby bastard!"

The Egyptian-Loving rat admired his nails "point being?"

"Point being: you don't deserve to have a name no one came pronounce!"

"How dare you!" Tut turned to Shaggy "Will you just stand there?" he exclaimed "kill him!"

"I don't kill, brother" Shaggy smiled through his long, white bangs "peace out forever"

Yo smirked as he kicked the catapult with his foot "'his ting is wack. What we need is a ting that will shoot that this there straight over to that place over there and stick into their tingy"

Tut said nothing, but merely studied the rat while rubbing his chin.

Peter and Hector, identical twins that did everything together, spoke at the same time "mind (mind) repeating (repeating) that (that)?"

Realizing my team was the one left with the brains, I took it upon myself to find a new pointed-object to spear into the wall. I did call for help, but the others were occupied with an argument over what they would have for lunch. So, I worked amongst the rubble alone... until I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning, my eyes doubled to find it to be one-eyed Sam, who wasn't one-eyed anymore cause he had found his glass eye.

The rat smirked "hey, Luck, I got bored of the other side and came over to see what's up. They are all idiot's over there"

A yell sounded across the gap "YOU FOOL! I SAID DESTROY HIM!"

"Peace out, dude"

"WHAZUP!"

"Whatzup (Whatzup)!"

I nodded to Sam "I agree. But how did you get over here so fast?"

Sam shrugged "eh, I found a meter stick and put it over the gap. It fit cause the gap is only two feet and nine inches wide... figures, huh?"

I blinked repeatedly, glancing over to the simple yet efficient bridge that now held the weight of my entire team who were watching Haywood attempt bungee-jumping. "Well, what the hell is the point in that? We didn't get a meter stick on our side!"

Sam looked at the pile of junk beside us "maybe they thought my team would need more help then yours"

"What? That's ridiculous! Both teams are as good as even!"

"WHAZUP!"

"Whazup (whazup)!"

"SHUT UP, YOU LOWLY FOOLS! MAGGOTS WOULD GLARE DOWN UPON YOU IN DISGUST!"

"You're totally stressed-out, dude... why can't you just let things be groovy?"

* * *

That's it folks! Part Two of Lucky's Story will is already up so go right ahead. This is why it took so long to write... cause both have to written at the same time!

Don't forget to **R&R**!


	22. Lucky's Story: Lethal Weapon

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Lucky's Story; Lethal Weapon**

Hey everyone, here's the second part, enjoy.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!

**Possessed-Gummy-Bear-Inferno:** Get the Hell out of my shed! Well, actually, it's more of an outhouse... ;D

**Rinma:** CHAPTER ONE? WOW! That was SO, like, twenty one chapters ago! ;D

_Disclaimer: I see nothin', I hear nothin', I own nothin'!

* * *

_

"So, basically," Bob began as he swallowed a mouthful of pizza "you're a kinda highly-intelligent, chemically-enhanced, super rat that can figure out an complicated thingy you're faced with?"

"Chemically-enhanced?" Lucky shrugged "ok... sure. Basically, ya"

"Oh good!" the guide smiled "I thought I zoned out there for a while."

Nothing was said for many minutes as they both sat gnawing on their own slices of pizza. To Lucky, the air was think with tension... but to Bob, all he could sense in the air was the smell of fresh-baked pie.

"Do you think we should get pie before we go? I want pie. Do you want pie? I'll get you some pie. Waiter? Can we get pie here? Not the stuff on the counter, though. The fresh stuff from the kitchen!" Bob looked to Lucky, a huge smile on his lips "fresh pie is always better than old pie"

Lucky, already feeling a bit green from eating too much, looked to the guide than to his lunch that had barely an inch chewed into it. "I don't think I'll have room..."

"Aw! You have to make room! This place has awesome pie!"

Lucky sighed and slumped down on the table, allowing his back to rest against the napkin dispenser behind him as he settled into a comfortable position "Bob?"

"Yeah? What is it? Want another slice of pizza?"

The rat looked over his bulging stomach "no, I'm good" then his soft, brown eyes lifted to the human "but... isn't there anything you want to ask me? I mean, it isn't everyday you can understand the language of rat and everything..."

Bob smirked "ya, I know. Isn't life grand? For some reason the whole ordeal rings a bell for me though... maybe it's the name '_Shawshank_'? And this _Redemption_ of yours sounds quite familiar too... eh, who knows? If ya spend too much time wondering, ya get left behind in what's happening right in front of you, that's what I always say."

"Really? This is the first time I heard you say it"

Bob shrugged "I never said it before... I just thought that it fits the situation at the moment."

"Oh..."

"But, hey, if ya want, I'd like to know how ya managed to escape this prison or laboratory or whatever the Hell it is of yours. I'm sure whatever you did was finely-detailed to the last moment... like exchanging your old, worn-out clothes for the warden's dressy suits and then walking into a bank and claim to be a guy that had only existed on paper for a sum of years." Bob shook his head slightly "It all seems so familiar to me... was there a magazine article on this at some point?"

* * *

"Lucky!"

Pausing in my game of 'toss the pellet' with the guys in the courtyard, I turned to find one of the newer rats approaching me from out of a mass of other rats. His build was tall and scrawny, and he had a way in his walk that just wasn't natural around the Lab. He sorta strolled, like he didn't have a care in the world. However, first-impressions can be misleading at times...

"Hello,Iheardthatyou'retheguythatcangetthings,eh?"

I frowned, and tossed the pellet to Red who stood across from me "No, that's Izzy."

"Really? WherecanIfindhim?"

"Six inches under" I smirked "he's dead... one of his clients flipped on him."

"ButIneedtofindhimnow! Idon'tknowwhatelsetodo!"

"Ever thought of rehab?"

"What? HowdidyouknowIwasusing?"

I shrugged and caught the pellet that Bern threw "I have my ways... so, what is it? White out? Permanent marker?"

"Freshpaint"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot they were going to re-paint the washroom. Awesome stuff, isn't it?"

"Oh,youbet"

"Dries too fast though"

"You'retellingme"

I threw the pellet to Haywood who missed and got it in the face "Anyway, if your looking for a pot of your own, I'd suggest talking to Fitzy. I heard he's got some good stuff."

"Really? Awesome,thankyou! You'realifesaver!"

"Just doing my job."

As I watched him leave and pretended not to hear Haywood's shouts of anger at me, I smirked and turned just in time to catch the pellet again. This time I threw it long to Steve who caught it in a dive... but I barely noticed. My thoughts were elsewhere, thinking of how fortunate I was to have been able to get my merchandise before Izzy's demise. In fact, everything was just about ready... I could probably pull it off tonight.

* * *

"You come most carefully upon your hour"

I glared at Shakespeare as I whipped a bead of sweat off my brow, "It's not intensional! I mean, how the Hell am I supposed to disable a BOMB for crying out loud? The bomb expert was Henry and he got de-balled and killed in that bridge experiment! If Mill hadn't been killed by a cork I would SO kill him here and now!"

The poetic rat shook his head slightly "though in trade of war I have slain men–"

"–Rats,–"

"– Yet do I hold it very stuff o' the conscience to do no contrived murder. I lack iniquity sometimes to do me service."

Everyone, about twenty in all (give or take a few), in the tiny rat-sized room fell quiet as we stared at the large, ticking contraption before us. On a tiny screen amongst a beehive of colored wires beamed red numbers of the countdown to zero... 30:05... 30:04... 30:03... 30:02... 30:01...

"Thirty minutes 'til ka-boom!" Red smirked "I wonder if we'll feel anything?" he turned to the rat that I had 'helped out' in the courtyard, nudging his arm as he spoke "I bet ya twenty bucks Lucky's gonna screw up and we'll all die"

The young rat look at him blankly "...we're... going... to... die...?" A pang of green came to his cheeks as the rat flew behind the bomb and vomited loudly.

I rubbed my temples "oh... come on!"

Meanwhile, Red tapped on the shoulder of Yo "Thirty bucks says we're all going to die"

"This is wack," Yo shrugged loosely "but I got ya number, playa... 'n I'll raise ya to forty! 'hat Luck is de man... he won't fool with dat bang-baby! Y-all out some dollars, bro"

I glared at him "yes, that is correct... this thing here is wack... if these numbers reach zero, it will wack you out of this life and into your next"

"Yo, that is so wack, dog"

I frowned "I'm a dog now?"

"You dig, dog?"

"Not really, no" I shook my head slightly and turned back to the bomb "Okay, so, I figure to cut the red wire... because that's the one that they always cut in the movies..."

"What movie was that in?" a young rat by the name of George asked

"You know... the one there? With the bomb? And the guy? Uh... shut up! He cut the red wire alright! That's what is important!"

Red's eyes darkened "damn racist pricks. Always blaming the red ones... why not the blue wire? Or the green wire? WHY DO THEY ALWAYS PICK ON THE RED WIRES?"

"I thought they always picked the green wire" Gary, another rat, said with a frown

"Oh, so red's not good enough for you, now?" Red eyes blazed, but then widened as he turned back to the bomb "Twenty-nine minutes 'til we meet our maker!" He smirked as he nudged Yo with his elbow "Ha! Almost missed that one, eh?"

The rat looked sideways at him "Yo"

"I don't wanna meet my maker!" Ditto yelled as he supported the swollen cheek caused by Shakespeare's pencil.

Logan frowned "we're going to meet mommy?"

With a heavy sigh, I brought the wire cutters to my chosen red wire. I was about to snap the pliers shut, when a voice at my shoulder caused me to jump out of my skin and drop the snippers into the mass of wire.

"Listen up," the rat began "I know what I'm doing. Now, if you mix black and white together you get gray, right? Gray is like mist and uncertainty, which is bad... so don't touch those."

"Grill, what are you doing?" I asked with a frown

"...Red is like fire and Hell and burning... so leave that one alone. Blue is calming and waves and the sky... but that's a trick so don't cut that one. Yellow is like electricity... and pee, sticky and painful... cut that one!"

Attempting to fish the pliers out of the wires without disturbing anything, I growled under my breath "how about I pick brown? Like shit... like your theories?"

"No way! Brown is like nature... all loving and peaceful... don't touch that one or we'll all die in an earthquake!"

"Twenty-Eight minutes and all is well!" yelled Red

I looked at him "'all is well'?"

Red smirked "so far"

"You know that really isn't helping me concentrate"

Red scowled "shut up! It's my job! The numbers go down and I count! It's written in my contract!"

"What are you going to say when it reaches zero?" Asked an elder rat named Mike

Red's eyes narrowed slightly "Boom."

I sighed "okay, does anybody even know anything about bombs?"

Red raised his hand "I know that we have twenty-eight minutes and fourteen seconds left before this room gets painted red!"

One-eyed Sam spoke up "I know they are really loud when it reaches zero"

"When a bomb goes off when you're around, do you hear it?" Red smirked with a nudge

Sam popped out his eye "Well, our family has a long history of being blown up... I came close once, and I believe my history will come around for round two eventually."

I sighed "Great... that's just the motivation I needed. I have a live bomb to defuse and now we have a jinx as well"

"TWENTY-SEVEN MINUTES AND WE'RE STILL ALIVE!"

"I am not a jinx!" Sam scowled as he replaced his eye "just because every member of my immediate family has been blown up on or around their tenth birthday does not mean that we're jinxed" he stopped and thought about it for a moment "hey! Today's my tenth birthday! Boo-ya! I'm ten! I'm ten! That's right! Who's your daddy? Who? Who? Who's your daddy?"

"OH MY GOD!" Joe yelled "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" And everyone scurried to the opposite side of the room.

Red frowned and looked at the faces around him "Is anyone here religious?"

One rat rose his hand "I'm Catholic and Buddhist"

"Excellent, two in one!" Red walked over "I'll going to stand by you from now until Lucky defuses the bomb"

"Okay!" I yelled over the noise "I decided which one to cut... everybody ready?"

"WAIT!" Red yelled, then grabbed hold of the Cathoboob's hand "Okay! Ready!"

I placed the cutters to the wire and everyone drew a breath. Then, just as Larry passed out cold, I clamped my eyes shut and snipped the wire. We stood frozen in place for what seemed like forever, then everyone's forms relaxed slightly as Red snarled.

"Well, that was a let-down!" He looked to the blinking numbers "Twenty-Six minutes and we'll all be dead... Twenty-Five minutes and then KA-POW!"

"Your faith in my skills are overwhelming" I muttered as I looked at the cut wire in my paws "I still think my history in fixing a toaster doesn't qualify me in doing the cutting"

"Hey," Red glared at me "those things are tricky contraptions to deal with. Fixing those things are skills enough to do this"

"Skilled, huh?" I picked out a random wire, drew the cutters to it and snipped...

BEEP

I frowned and looked to the mass of wire "What the...?"

BEEP

Red frowned "Why is (BEEP) it beeping?"

BEEP

I sighed "Great! (BEEP) Now the thing (BEEP) has a pulse!"

BEEP

"This is going (BEEP) to get annoying (BEEP) really fast" Sam nodded his head

BEEP

Yo kicked the contraption "Dude, 'his ting (BEEP) is off da hook!"

BEEP

"I think yo(BEEP)ur brain is off (BEEP) the hook!" I yelled back "And (BEEP) don't kick it!"

BEEP

"Lucky! Do some(BEEP)thing!" Red yelled over the noise "It's stealing my job!"

BEEP

With a sigh I twisted the two wires back together and crossed my fingers for luck...

BEEP

"DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!" I yelled "DAMNED PIECE (BEEP) OF JUNK!"

Beep

"Wait, Luck!" Sam paused (beep...) "It's stopping..."

...beep...

Silence filled the air again, then: "TWENTY-FOUR MINUTES AND THEN **BAM**!"

I let out a sigh of relief "oh, thank God..."

Larry, having suddenly regained consciousness, popped up amongst the crowd of rats "is this heaven?"

I looked to him, my eyes narrowed "far from it"

"To execution!" Shakespeare, his eyes narrowed, suddenly yelled while pointing a finger at me "and the hand of death!"

Larry frowned "well that doesn't sound good..."

"Hey!" I snapped back at the poetic-one "there are like fifty wires here! To cut one at random and just get an annoying beeping is pretty good!"

"I'd rather die and get blown into a million pieces than have that damn beeping come back!" Gary yelled "something annoying like that sounding in your ear all the time–!"

Red stepped forward "That's my job!"

"YEAH!"

"TWENTY-THREE MINUTES 'TIL LUCKY FAILS US ALL!"

I turned to Shakespeare "come on! Help me out here, would ya?"

"Mild as a dove" he spoke softly as he shook his head, then matched my stare "but neither true nor trusty"

"Neither true NOR trusty?" I glared daggers "THAT'S IT! I QUIT! I refuse to be the idiot to cut the wires any longer! Somebody else do it! After all, if I messed up and cut the wrong wire and blew us all to pieces then I would never hear the end of it! It would always be Lucky this and Lucky that and Lucky failed us all!" My eyes fell to my feet "it would be the toaster incident all over again!"

Red, the look of a concerned friend coming to his face, walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder "Lucky, you have to let that go. I mean, how were you to know that three rats were still inside the damned thing when you pushed down the lever? They shouldn't have been in there!"

"That's not what you said when it happened"

"Ya, but we didn't have a bomb ticking at that point" He smirked at me "forget it and move on, buddy"

"I know but..." I gave a small sniff "...it just smelt so damned BAD!"

"Execution - I mean - electrocution tends to do that" he looked to the counter "TWENTY-TWO MINUTES 'TIL BLAM-O!"

"Well, I don't care." I stated as I pointed the clippers at Red loosely "somebody else can do it and blow us all up"

Suddenly, like a magic act with no magician in sight, the clippers vanished from my paws. I looked to Red and Red looked to me, then we both began to check the ground around our feet.

"Dammit, Lucky!" Red snarled as he looked about "we have twenty-two, no wait, twenty-ONE minutes til we're all modern art the walls and you go and drop the snippers! Way to go, butterfingers"

"I did not drop them!" I snarled "There was no clang! Or clunk... or clingity-clang... or... IT DIDN'T HIT THE FLOOR!"

"Would pliers make a clang or a clunk?" a younger rat named Bobby-Jones asked "or would they make more of a PLOP?"

"Pliers wouldn't 'plop,' you idiot!" Red returned "That's like J-ello... or coffee"

Suddenly I turned at the noise of steel blades drawing open behind me only to find them in the hands of a scruffy-looking rat by the name of Zeek. It was a well-known fact around the lab by now that Zeek had thought that he was dating a female rat by the name of Alex (he thought, short for Alexandria); but as it turned out, it was short for Alexander and she was in fact a he. It goes without saying that at the realization of this Zeek went legally insane... bent on killing himself to get back at the he-she... or she-he.

"Oh my God! It's Zeek!" My eyes went round

Red stumbled slightly "where the Hell did he come from?"

Zeek gave a shaky, mischievous smile with eyes loaded down with heavy bags "hehehe, I hid in the bomb!" He opened the pliers and closed them again repeatedly "I'm gonna fix her! Or him! Or he-she... or they... or them... I'm gonna fix them good!"

"Hold on there, Zeek! You don't want to do this!" I told him slowly, my hands out in front of me as a shield. I looked behind me for support, only to find myself standing alone with Red and Shakespeare... everyone else was pressed against the far wall. With a frown, I turned back to the rat before me "look, so what if she was a he? It was an honest mistake! It doesn't mean anything at all! I mean, we all thought he was a she... right guys?"

"Pfft, an ugly one, sure" Red scoffed "dammit, missed my mark... nineteen minutes 'til we all become religious!"

Zeek shook his head hastily "no, no, no, no, no! It, it's not the fact she was a he... it, it, it, it's the th-thing that she... he... they dumped me!"

"Oh, fuck this!" Red snarled and stepped forward "alright, listen here, ya crazy bastard. Hand over the pliers NOW or I'll strangle you with your tail!"

I glared to him "that's not helping"

"To suffer with him!" Shakespeare suddenly spoke up with a smile "good love, call him back!"

The entire room fell silent as everyone looked dumbfoundedly at the poetic-one. The comment was strange, ill-timed and, really, quite disturbing... and Zeek did not take it lightly.

"Y-you took them! You, you, you t-t-took them from m-me! You took my precious!" his eyes burned like fire "I'll fix you too!"

Then, screaming like a mad-rat, Zeek began to pull, hack and snip the wipes apart in continuous, crazy motions with his body. Immediately, half the rats in the room ran up and piled on top of him attempting to pull the suicidal-one away from the live bomb. With Red yelling at everyone to "give me his tail!" it was a mad effort on everyone's part to stop Zeek before he killed us all.

"AHH!"

Suddenly, Shakespeare ran from the pileup to the opposite side of the room... holding the top bit of his tail in one hand... and the rest in the other. Cursing at everyone high, low and in between, he glared at Zeek and then his severed tail muttering unrecognizable words under his breath.

One rat that had decided he didn't care which way this battle ended up nudged another who was just a stoner who didn't have a clue what was going on "I don't think that is a Shakespeare quote" he said while jabbing his thumb towards the poetic-one.

"Ya never know," the rat smirked weakly as he swayed back and forth "The dude probably said it at one point or another..."

Zeek's cries broke all conversation: "I want death! Bomb blow us all to bits! Boom, boom, boom! Let me go! We will all fly like Brakes! Flap your wings and FLY into the SKY so HIGH then LIE and have some PIE! Oh me, oh my! BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!"

"Calm down, dammit!" I cried as I grabbed hold of the hand which held the still-cutting pliers "suicidal prick! Give me those!"

"Never!" was the reply "I'm going t-to teach them GOOD! They won't ever – OWW!"

Releasing the grip of my teeth on his wrist, I yanked the pliers from his grasp and jumped back "HA!" I smirked cheerfully "Try blowing us all up without these!"

Zeek smirked "okay" then he began to bite, ripe and claw his way through the mess of wires.

Though we out numbered this crazy-rat 17-1, we still could not manage to pry his paws away from the ticking bomb. Then, off in his own little corner, Shakespeare's face took on a determined set as his eyes lifted from his severed tail to the one who severed it. With one last swear word (possibly "Bastard") the timid rat who had recently become not-so-timid took four quick steps to the mess of rats, reached down into the pile, grabbed Zeek by the scruff of his neck, pulled him out and then began to beat him senseless with his tail piece; all the while screaming random quotes.

"The way to dusty death, OUT, OUT brief candle!" he yelled "wounds upon him! On pain of torture, from those bloody hands! Revenge, about, seek, burn, fire, SLAY!"

Suddenly, a rat that went by the name of Romeo stepped forward "Our doctors say this is no month to bleed!"

Shakespeare stopped in mid-swing as he towered above the unconscious form of Zeek on the floor beneath him "King Richard the Second: Act one, Scene one"

Blinking, the rat shook his head slightly "what? Oh, no, actually, I just opened my fortune cookie... see? 'Our doctors say this is no month to bleed.'"

I stepped forward and snatched the piece of tail from out of Shakespeare's grasp "give me the before you hurt somebody important! You almost killed Zeek - even though he probably deserves death - and you would have gone all the way had Romeo not stepped in"

The poetic-one's eyes took on a saddened set as he looked to the rat still holding onto his fortune cookie paper "Well then, if ever I thank any man, I'll thank you"

Red glared at the younger rat "what kinda name is 'Romeo' anyway, boy? You think it will make the girls like ya more or something?"

The rat shrugged "I have eight girlfriends"

"That's it! I'm changing my name! How about... Hamlet? Or... Cobalt? Or... that's all I know." Red looked to the bomb "well, I'll be a rat's uncle–"

"–You are a rat's uncle" I reminded him

"Shut up and looked at the bomb... still ticking! After all that the moron didn't set it off! Fifteen minutes and counting!"

Suddenly, a frown beset my features as the bomb seemed to quiver and make a noise similar to that of a chipmunk getting roasted by a car engine, catching on fire, high-tailing outside and up a tree, jumping onto a bird and setting the bird on fire which, in turn, burns down a Fire Station. Anyway, everyone turned at the strange noise as the counter reached fourteen minutes and eight seconds... then stopped. Nothing happened for a moment of two and everyone held their breath with Red confessing his sins to the Cathoboob, then all Hell broke loose as the counter went into high-gear and plummeted downward. Red kept up at first, but with minutes going by like seconds... it gets to you..

"...Fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven...!"

I dug through the mess that Zeek had created frantically to find what was left... only to find two wires remaining. Sweat poured down into my eyes as I tried to decided which one to cut...

"Which one?" I cried "which one should I cut?"

"...Nine..."

"Not nine! I only have two!"

George, a younger rat but at least one with a brain on his shoulders, smiled "how about we flip a coin?"

Shakespeare fell down to his knees, his arms raised to the ceiling "O, I am fortune's fool!"

"Six, five... we gotta pick one or find a quarter" Red's eyes narrowed "four, three seconds 'til KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

I closed my eyes, lifted the snipers to a wire and—

* * *

"PIE!"

My chest heaved in and out of the shock of being taken out of my past and to my present. I looked up to the human guide who had just had a big slice of Lemon-Marang Pie placed in front of him.

"THIS PLACE MAKES THE BEST PIE EVER!" he smiled with delight as he picked up his fork

I frowned "well, that kinda killed the climax"

"Eh, you're here, aren't ya?" Bob shrugged "besides, I wasn't really listening anyway"

"B-but, this was my life!"

"It WAS your life" he took a bite of his pie "Mmmmmmmm... I love pie. Besides, I asked a simple question: how did you escape... and I've yet to have that answered"

I shrugged "I just wanted to show you the depth of my resume"

"Why?" Bob frowned while he chewed "in case we ever need to disable a bomb or build a bridge between two tables?"

"Exactly!" I smiled "like, if you wanted the short, undetailed, boring version of my escape then I'll tell you... but if you want the intense, step-by-step walkthrough of my earlier challenges then I would be MORE than happy to..." I stopped at the look of guide's blank face, then sighed "I won a baseball card in a burping contest and used it as a cover for my hole that I dug in the side of my cell with a sharpened pellet. I went through the wall, fell out of my hole and into the toilet just as our big, fat janitor-guy was sitting down - it wasn't pretty - and after he did his business he flushed me with his... waste. I went down the pipes and into the sewer where I had exactly seven seconds of freedom before Naraku scooped me up. I bit him, he threw me into a wall and then I got captured once more. Now, here I am."

Bob looked at me even more blankly "you mean, all this time I've been sitting here half-listening and you could have summed it all up in a few paragraphs?"

"Ya, but I wanted to give you a detailed story of my life's–"

"–Ya, ya, ya... 'life's challenges.' I get it, alight? Ya know, a lot of other rats have had it a lot worse than you, so be thankful! And next time, just sum it up, alright?" he took another bite of pie, then glanced to my barely-eaten pizza slice "you going to eat that?"

I sighed deeply and leaned against the napkin dispenser "no, go ahead"

"Awesome." Picking up the slice, he took a bite out of it, then out of his pie... then he pushed his soda in front of him with his elbow and drank out of that while he ate. I simply watched in awe until everything was gone.

I frowned as I handed the human a napkin "how was that taste combination?"

Bob shrugged as he whipped his mouth with the napkin given "not bad. I wouldn't do it again but... hey, it's food"

* * *

Ok! There! Done! Fin! YAY! Sorry for the hold up but I had to submit both chapters at once in case how we were writing it didn't work out. Sorry for the hold up, hope you aren't too pissed off with us! I'm sorry if it wasn't funny, but we HAD to explain why Lucky is so smart... there were no two ways about it!

Don't forget to **R&R**! Tell us which Part you liked the best and why!


	23. Just Pie

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Just Pie**

BOO! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm not dead! Despite what the police report might say and the official death certificate that I have framed in my bedroom, I'M NOT DEAD! Wait, I'll just check for ya... yep, YEP! I'm alive! Or at least mostly. :D

I know it's been forever, but, to those of you who survived your heartattack when you recieved an update alert, I hope you enjoy this chapter! It was the hardest chapter yet to write. And, yes, I know we say that a lot, but this is the first chapter that took ALMOST A YEAR TO UPDATE! I can't believe that! And we worked on it the whole time! We last updated July 24th, 2006... and, since today is July 2nd, 2007... I'm almost tempted to hold onto this chapter for 22 more days and call it an anniversary gift!

PS - I think I was abducted by aliens... THEY ANAL PROBED BUDGIE! ...He hasn't been the same since... he just lays there on the floor of his cage... not moving... not eating or drinking... I don't understand... :'(

THANK YOU TO MY REVIEWERS!

**Winniepoo13:** Oh, yeah? Prove it. :) I'd like to see physical evidence, DNA, witnesses (drunk, living, or otherwise), and all medical reports supporting your hypophysis before I can say "alrighty then." :D

**Buloy:** ...You're going to steal some? O.O

**Darkfairykara:** Well, I "Iiked" you too. :D

**LordoftheWest: **Sesshomaru told me to tell you that he'll see you in court. :) He said something about "There can be only one Lord of the West" and then something about the toilet being blocked up. He hired Lucky as his attorney:D

**My-Kokoro:** Although you made Sesshomaru's day with your comment, he's still mad (see above comment) and refuses to come out of the washroom. We've tried everything... stupid peanut butter... any ideas? ;D

**Elricsgurl11989:** Woah... thanks for all the reviews, I think... Sesshomaru says he'll see you in court, Naraku is now demanding more pay since his accident-prone days have been brought to his attention, Bob is wondering if you have any pie and if he can sell some morons to you, Inuyasha has bust a gut laughing at your comment about Sessy and now he will see you in court, and Miroku is crying in the corner for being left out. Lucky, on the other hand, is on vacation with another one of his supper models and refuses to comment. So... ya... thanks. ;)

* * *

Meanwhile, while Bob was enjoying his lunch and semi-listening to Lucky blabber on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about something to do with pie and a bomb, the others were trying to cope at Bob's house.

"DAMMIT, I LOST AGAIN!"

Inuyasha smirked, delighted with the small victory that made him feel that much more superior, "So, what's the plan of action?"

"Well..." With a heavy sigh, Miroku glanced around... only to pick up a black ball that fit into the palm of his hand with a weird infinity sign on top of it, "...I'm going to throw this at him!"

Inuyasha quirked a brow "random... okay, but, knock yourself out!" He flipped his eyes to his fuming brother, then to where Naraku sat safely in front of the TV. "Well, nice knowing you." Then he walked over to the Dark One to carry out his part of the tasks.

The monk narrowed his eyes at the Lord that stood not too far away from him at the door, as though concentrating on that certain area would make the strange object in his hand so there. Sesshomaru's back was turned, so Miroku figured he had a pretty good shot. Winding his arm back ready for the pitch, he put every bit of his strength into his arm and threw as hard as he could, nearly losing his balance as a result.

"YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL!" Was Inuyasha's input as he pulled on one of the ends of the rope around Naraku, cursing, as he did, about "Stupid knots."

Nevermind how pathetic the throw appeared, it did go true to its destination towards the Western Lord. However, in a blur of movement barely seen by the others, Sesshomaru snatched the object out of midair and drew his arm back to return the assault... but, before he could, a small message within the ball caught his eye.

Inside the small window-like surface at the bottom of the eightball, a small blue triangle proclaimed these words: "Outlook not so good."

Sesshomaru froze, to the relief of Miroku who was screaming like a little girl, and turned all his attention to the magical item in his grasp. The Western Lord's attention distracted from the reason of his rage in the first place, his bloodbeast began to calm within his veins and his appearance returned to the coldness of his normal self.

He muttered the ball's words under his breath, then, gesturing with his hand slightly, he sent the monk a cold glare, "...What could that mean?" He asked himself out-loud.

To his own astonishment, the words faded, then more appeared: "Better not tell you now."

He growled at the object in his hand, shaking it roughly in his own anger, "But I want to know!" When he stopped his angered movements, another message came through.

"Concentrate and ask again."

Sesshomaru heaved a heavy sigh and closed his eyes to collect himself for a few seconds. Then, with eyes flashing open again coldly, he shook the eightball roughly again as he proclaimed loudly, "BUT I WANT TO KNOW!"

Inuyasha and Miroku exchanged worried glances to one another as they watched the High Lord yell at the ball. At the monk's questioning glance, Inuyasha merely shrugged his shoulders loosely.

In the background, Naraku's quiet voice could be heard, "...Ladle."

Miroku, not happy with the response from Inuyasha, glared at the half-breed, "He's your brother!"

Inuyasha glared right back, "Not by choice!"

"SHUT UP!" Sesshomaru snapped to both of the others coldly, waving the ball around wildly, "THE BALL IS DECIDING YOUR FATE!" Then, turning back his attention to the ball, Sesshomaru read the message, "...'Yes.'" He frowned, "'Yes'? 'YES'? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? YES TO WHAT?"

The message changed slowly, "Ask again later."

Sesshomaru blinked repeatedly at the object, completely confused, "My question was what? What am I to ask again later? WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?"

With a now-stiff arm holding the object, the massage didn't even move. A somewhat worried look mingled with his confused brain and hungry stomach (although he would not admit it) cast upon his features... the result being a twisted expression no one had even seen before. Nothing in the world had ever confused him this much, and, he only inwardly admitted, he was somewhat... frightened.

Moving from his spot at the door, he slowly walked past the monk (who had plastered himself against the wall in an attempt to be invisible) and moved up to the table. Carefully, he set the all-knowing object on the table in front of him before quietly taking a seat himself. His fingers idly tapping against the wooden surface, he stared off into space looking quite worried, trying to figure out what question to ask and wondering how much later he was supposed to ask it.

Inuyasha, having untied the Dark One, moved to Miroku's side who was still plastered against the wall with wide eyes. Curiously, the hanyou poked his companion to get his attention.

The monk's only response was a quick question, "Am I dead yet?"

* * *

After they had left the diner with a freshly-baked cherry pie in hand, Bob and Lucky made their way back up the street towards the guide's house. Countless times, they were forced into evasive action in order to steer clear of Bob's relentless neighbors... Montaro especially. They crept and snuck, whispered and mocked, but Bob was lucky enough to be able to sneak his way around until he came to the foot of his driveway.

The wide smile on the human's face beamed with content happiness before he let out a long sigh to go with his smile, "ah! Home sweet House!" The guide frowned for a second, "or, House sweet Home... or... how does that go again?" But with a stern shake of his head, he threw away his thoughts and regained his previous expression "eh, who cares? All I care about is returning to my mansion and relaxing in my Lazy-Boy for the rest of the day!"

The rat, who had sat on his shoulder with a bulging stomach for the entire trip home, looked to the human oddly before casting a single glance to the house... just as a stiff wind came up and blew over his antenna.

"God dammit!" Bob cursed "I just got that damned thing back up there! Stupid ducktape! Holds anything, my ass!" The guide sighed and gave a shrug, "okay, I admit it, my mansion does need some repairs..."

Lucky pointed and laughed at the fallen, steel rod, "You do realize that there is a difference between 'mansion' and 'delapidate shack'?"

"Hey! Don't dis my dilapidated shack - I mean - mansion!" Bob said with a finger pointed at the small rodent, "I keep my residence in tip-top shape! Look! I even have a lawnmower to prove it!"

Both sets of eyes fell upon a rusted-up hunk of metal sitting amongst a tangle of weeds that reached almost to the waist. All four tires had flats and it was covered in bird shit and unknown fungus. Lucky scratched his head at the machine, but Bob put his hands on his hips proudly.

"See? Look at that thing of beauty! It even runs if I could find the key!"

"Uh," The rat looked to the human, "I think they're in the ignition"

"Fine! So, I know where the keys are!" Bob rolled his eyes, "You couldn't have just played along now, could you?" Crossing his arms over his chest, Bob put on a small pout, "...bloody rats."

Lucky's frown deepened, "so... why don't you cut your lawn?"

The guide sighed then obviously did a one-eighty as a smile came to his lips, "well, the first reason is that I love the natural look... it's like living in the past time only with coffee and take-out! Secondly, if I cut it, where would Roger go?"

"Roger?" the rat frowned, "you mean that hobo in your backyard?"

"He is not a hobo! He's just a guy down on his luck... one who likes to bite people as they walk up my driveway!" Bob smiled, "He's better then a guard-dog! Scares all the annoying people off... sales-men... repo-men... girl scouts..." the human shrugged, "but thirdly and most important of all: I like to annoy my neighbors."

"Which ones?"

"Uh..." A frown creased over his brow, "...I forget."

Suddenly, a voice boomed from Montaro's house, "BBBOOOBBB!"

"Oh yeah," The named man smirked, "him."

Then, with Lucky barely able to hang on to his shirt, Bob bolted for his door and was able to slam it behind him just as the fat man began to wobble his way across the road.

* * *

In a flash of blue, Bob rushed into the house only to slam the door shut behind him. For most, the barrier now present between the two neighbors would be enough, but not for Bob. Pushing his back against the closed door, he was too paranoid of being seen to look out the peep-hole for himself, so he made Lucky stand on his shoulder and do it.

"Lucky! Where is he now?" He asked in a whisper.

The rat looked to the guide, then out the small hole before him, "He's just standing there in your driveway... I think he's catching his breath... oh! Oh, wait...! No... nope, he's not moving."

"Bastard!"

"OK, I think he's leaving now... oh, wait... wait... he's stopped now. He's... he's fishing for something in his pocket... he's... he's... he's measuring your grass with a ruler - oh, no, wait - it's a fold-up meter stick."

"Bastard!"

"He's turning... and he's coming to the house..."

"Bastard!"

"Oh, oh... wait... wait... he's being attacked by something..." Lucky smirked, "Nevermind, Roger got him."

"HA!" Bob cheered, "Better than a guard dog!"

"He's running now... in a wobbly kinda way... he's reached the end of your driveway..." Lucky smirked again, "He collapsed and is now on his back on the sidewalk"

"Not my problem, now, is it?"

Finally turning to the inside of his home, Bob came face to face with not what he was expecting... a sane-looking group of people! ...Somewhat. Naraku was bustling around in the kitchen emptying out all the cupboards so he could make three piles of stuff on the counter top: Pots, Knives and other Sharp Stuff, and Unknown. He didn't even notice Bob and Lucky come in but the rat immediately jumped from Bob's shoulder to the floor where he scurried over to the kitchen. Obviously, Lucky was curious as to what was going on.

The other three were all seated around the table, completely intrigued with something sitting in its center. They all looked content enough and all three looked up at the human's return. Miroku smiled and waved, Inuyasha remained unchanged in his facial expression, and Sesshomaru turned in his seat to glare at the guide.

The Lord's eyes narrowed onto the human's blue orbs, then he suddenly snatched a black item from the center of the table into his grasp and shook it roughly, having already figured out the shaking part after a while of using it. After a second, the shaking stopped and Sesshomaru read the message that revealed, only to curse loudly.

"DAMMIT!"

Sesshomaru that proceeded to replace the item on the table before crossing his arms firmly over his chest with an angry look to his eye.

Bob shrugged off the comment then added his own with a smile, "I brought pie!"

Once again, Sesshomaru growled darkly, his foot bobbing in annoyance, "I don't EAT human food!"

"Fine, more for me." Walking up to the table, Bob placed down the box that held his prized Cherry pie and smiled contently at it. However, he soon came to notice the annoyed yet concerned expression on Sesshomaru's face as he stared at the Eight-Ball in the center of the table. Not being able to resist, Bob smirked, "You know, if you stare at that thing long enough, it'll grow wings and fly away!"

Miroku nodded, "That happened to me once before."

Bob gave the monk a slightly concerned/ bewildered look, but before he could say anything Inuyasha spoke up from across the table. "This is all so fascinating. Can I have the pie now?"

"Well, you can have a slice."

"Only one? Why not more?"

"There's only one slice left." Bob smiled proudly as he handed the hanyou the box, "I ate the rest on the way home! It was–!"

RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"–Ring!" He paused, his thoughts interrupted by the phone before he dismissed the conversation and got to his feet. Following the sound of the phone, Bob shuffled through the scattered coffee cups and mail in his home until he found the source, clicked it on and placed it to his ear, "This is the residence of Bob McCoy, I am unwilling to be bothered to take your message. Please leave your complaint at the tone." He was silent for a moment, "tone, I mean, beep" He chuckled to himself, "beep, tone, tone, beep. Hehe... "

Everyone else was watching as their guide listened to a voice that only Inuyasha and Sesshomaru could hear. Bob was quiet for the first few seconds, then a frown came to his features, "You're who what from the what now? Hey, if it's still alive it isn't my fault!"

"_I thought you said you weren't there!'_"

"Ya? Well..." He paused in thinking, then pouted, "Shut up! Who are you?"

"_Repo-men, it's about that car you rented–"_

"Car? I don't have a car." He listened as the voice prompted his memory, "Oh, right, THAT car! That was a bad night for me. But I already told you where it is, all you have to do is fish it out. Although you might wanna examine it carefully before re-renting it, I think there's water in the carburetor!" He covered the phone with his hand and snickered lightly, then he uncovered the mouth piece again, "I think the seats might be wet!" He chuckled for a second, then stopped dead "I didn't have an accident! Well, I did have an accident, but not that kinda accident. The monk had the other kind of accident, I had the accident where... you can't drive anymore? You know...? SHUT UP!"

"_You must pay for the damages caused by driving it into the lake! I'll send you a bi–"_

"No more bills! I shouldn't even HAVE bills! I don't own anything! All I own is bills! Besides, I didn't DRIVE it into the lake, it FELL in!"

"_Sir, it doesn't ma–"_

"–I'm sorry," Bob picked up a robot-like voice, "Your message is too long, please never call here again... fuck-o!" Then the guide clicked off the phone with a chuckle, "Stupid idiot!" Noticing a nearby coffee cup, Bob dug down into his jean's pockets and, pulling out some change, dumped it into the cup before turning his attention to Naraku in the kitchen, "So, you guys actually get paid as actors to where those dorky outfits, huh? Do you really have to wear them all the time? Or do you have other–?"

"–Sometimes, when I'm alone, I don't wear anything at all!" Naraku smiled happily, then got some disgusted looks from the whole group.

"Whoa!" Bob cringed, "Too much info!"

"BUT LUCKY DOES IT IN PUBLIC!"

Said rat just blushed slightly.

Suddenly the sound of the Darth Vadar song erupted from Bob's coat pocket, "DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN, D-D-DUN, DUN, D-D-DUN! DUN, DUN, DUN, D-D-DUN, D-D-DUN!"

Bob sighed and fished his cell phone from his jacket's pocket, clicked it on, and answer in a very girly-girl voice with a British accent, "I'm sorry, deary, you've got the wrong number. Cherry-o! Hah-hah-hah!" Then he clicked it off... just for it to ring again. He clicked it on but before he could say anything, another voice came through.

"_BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBB!"_

Said man immediately paled and nearly dropped his cell multiple times in failed attempts to get it to his ear. Eventually it did hit the floor with a BANG before Bob scooped it up and held it against his head, "Boss! Sir! Hi! How are you? How's the wife? You didn't call me! This is the first call I got, all day! I swear! I didn't answer it before, when you got the wrong number, there? I mean, I'm guessing you got the wrong number cause this is the first call I got! Except for the repo-men, but they're robots, sir! Honestly! You can't trust them! I didn't–"

"_Bob. Shut up."_

"No promises." He pulled the phone from his ear at the raised voice, "I'll try, sir!" He put it back to his head, "How can I help you, sir? Sir, who, might I add, I only talked to once today." He paused and listened, trying to cut his boss off in spots but failing, "What? No... he ducked! ...Well... how could I...? ...HE DUCKED! ...But... I only had two bullets... Yeah, I shot, but... come on... I SWEAR HE DUCKED!"

Suddenly, a burst of flames shot through the kitchen from where Naraku had been fiddling with the stove. The Dark Lord did manage to duck in time, but the flames put five coffee cups on fire before they went out.

Bob sweat-dropped, "Uh... house is on fire! Gotta go!" He turned off the phone, and smile at Inuyasha, "'House is on fire'? I gotta remember that one!"

The coffee cup fire was officially dead with a mere line of smoke rising to the ceiling and Naraku was dusting himself off, when the phone rang again. Bob answered it, but held it away from him at arm's length, "Oh, the horror! The monstrosity! Oh, the pain! The pain of it all!" He glanced around, "The rat is on fire! The monk is wearing a lampshade!"

Miroku pouted, "No, I'm not! Well... not anymore... I'd like to be..."

"The newspapers are toppled! The TV is stuck on the woman's channel! Savage fire, will you be my end? The smoke! Can't... breathe! Cough! Cough! Choke! Gag! No, life... must hang on! Everyone out! Cough! Inuyasha, Lucky, Naraku! Cough, gag, dying! Leave the monk, he's highly religious! Leave Moe, he's not worth it! Come on, boys! Gag, gag! We can make it! Must. Get. Out.! ARGH!" Then he clicked off the phone and laughed wickedly, "I should be in theater! What do you guys thick? Could me a gig?"

Everyone merely blinked at him, with Sesshomaru muttering the word "gig" under his breath, then Naraku kicked the stove, "Blasted demon! Attack me, will you? I will conquer you and these 'cooking' mysteries!" He turned, then said in a whinny voice, "Bbbbbbooooooobbbbbb! Can we go get food? You're preparation chamber is lacking eatable contents! ...Food... food, mood... mood, mad... mad, glad..." He smiled at Sesshomaru warmly, "I'm so glad you're not mad anymore, comrade!" His smile grew, "Now we can be friends again!"

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed into slits, "I'd never lower myself to such a level. Even though I can't kill you and risk my hair, I consider you NOTHING MORE THAN THE DIRT UNDER MY FEET!" He then promptly got up and went to walk into another room... only to come back and grab the Magic Eight Ball before walking off again. As he disappeared through a doorway, his voice could be heard, "...'Ask again later'? ...BUT HOW MUCH LATER AND WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?" Since followed, then, "...'Ask again later.'"

Inuyasha also stood, paused to think of something equally as dramatic then simply said, "...What he said." Then he walked off too. Miroku was in close persuade of the hanyou because he had taken the pie.

Lucky looked to Bob, "I'm going to see if your neighbor is dead!" The he scurried off too.

After everyone had vacated, Bob tapped his fingers a little on the table then smacked his lips, "Well... I'm gonna order some pie."

Naraku lite up happily, "PIE! I CAN MAKE PIE!" Then he rushed off and started shifting through the stuff in the kitchen... then a whinny voice came again. "Bbbbbbooooooobbbbbb! Can we go get food? You're preparation chamber is lacking eatable contents! ...Food... food, mood... mood, mad... mad, glad..."

* * *

Okay! That's it for now! Hope you like it! Don't forget to R&R!

Keep your fingers crossed than I don't get abducted again! ...I don't think my budgie could handle it... :(


	24. Kids

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Kids.**

Okay, next chapter up and ready... and it didn't take us a year! Are we good or what:D So, this chapter is long, but we're going to have to start making them longer anyway to start getting somewhere with these. We didn't even get to where we wanted to in this chapter because the group had to figure out what an escalator was. -.-U ANYWAY, onward to the abyss!\

THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING FOR REVIEWING!

**My-Kokoro:** PERFECT! SUBJECTS! Just what I always wanted! ;D Thanks for the review!

**Hearii-Sama:** I'm as surprised as you are:D

**LordOfTheWest:** I read your review to your Lord and he said, after much blinking: "...The human did what to my toilet?"

**MangaGirl7980:** Wow... you said a lot. Thanks for all your reviews... you're very... talkative. Lucky said he liked the smile-face one before proclaiming "Only one shall get Lucky! ...I mean, there can only be one 'Lucky'!"

**Ayralnn:** Gravity's a bitch, isn't it:D

**Kasei:** It's not the fact that we hate him... it's just that he's so easy to poke fun at! The feared, powerful and snobby are always fun to bring back to reality:D

Disclaimer: ...uh... um... uh... Line?

* * *

"Now, there will be no nonsense, you hear? You will all behave in the strict, well-behaved manner of civilized man. Look with your eyes, not your hands, and no staring at the freaks. Any swords, staffs... or other sharp things on yourself WILL BE KEPT on yourself and there will be no threatening the public with violence! No running, especially with scissors, no screaming, and no reckless destruction! Remember: INDOOR voices! If someone asks you for directions, give it to them... even if you don't know the way. Remember, you break it you bought it and if you make me buy anything we don't need I'll break a chair over your head. Look both ways before crossing the road, don't accept candy from strangers, and stay with the group. If you find yourself lost, wander around aimlessly until someone finds you. Chew with your mouth closed and cops are not to be trusted." Bob crossed his arms over his chest as he scanned over the group in front of him, "Any questions?"

Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Naraku, and Miroku stood before the guide, most of which looking rather dumbfounded. They had been getting ready to leave to go to the food market, but, before they could even open the door, Bob had... well... started a lecture.

The Western Lord frowned slightly, "...'Cops'?"

"No questions? Good. Let's go then. I want to get back from the... the..." A blank look flooded over the man's face as he looked to Lucky who sat on his shoulder, "...Where are we going?"

Naraku beamed with happiness, "THE FOOD MARKET!" His tone dropped dramatically as his hand came to his chin in thought, "Market... market, casket... casket, corpse... corpse, dead... dead, chicken..." Naraku rose his hand to get Bob's attention, "WE HAVE TO GET CHICKEN! And beef too... and lamb... and lobsters..."

"What the hell is a 'lobster'?" Inuyasha inquired with a growl and hands buried in his sleeves.

Miroku cringed slightly, "It sounds painful..."

"No, no, no." Naraku corrected, "They're red, they snap, and they go like this!" And he made a wiggly motion with his hand in front of him, "They're like big bugs but they're not!" He frowned, "Not... not, got... got, pot... pot, hot..." He snapped his fingers, "We have to get chill-ee pep-ers."

Everyone blinked repeatedly, but Bob was able to find his words, "Maybe we should go later and you could make a list? So, you don't forget...?"

"Oh, I have a list!" Naraku then pulled a stack of about 500 papers from under his robes... after doing which his posture straightened considerably (everyone was wondering why he was leaning to the left but had said nothing.). "I made it after watching that show with the women and the food and that man that sounds like a woman!"

Bob's face went even more blank then before, his eyes wide with awe. He pointed at the stack of papers loosely, "...Most of those are blank right?" He asked hopefully.

"Of course not... I ran out of paper though so I had to use both sides."

"AND YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY FOR ALL THIS?"

Pausing while flipping through his papers, Naraku's eyes gaining a complete clueless expression, "...'Pay'?"

"Okay! That's it! Enough Mr. Nice Bob! I'm not going and you can't make me! I'm not going anywhere and you're not coming with me!" Then he threw open the door, only to come face to face with... the mailman.

The middle-aged man dressed in a blue-suit blinked repeatedly when he was confronted with the angered property-owner, for he had just begun to slip the mail into the slot.

"Good afternoon," The man smiled warmly as he straighten, "You must be Bob McCoy."

Bob glared at the new arrival, "YOU'RE NOT COMING EITHER!"

"Um... yes, the weather is nice..." The mailman replied, obviously not paying attention, as he rummaged around the bag on his shoulder to get the rest of Bob's mail, "Ah! Here we are!" He handed Bob a large stack of fat, yellow envelopes, along with a couple normal-looking ones, before reaching for his clipboard. "That hail was strange a few days ago, hm? For this time of year?"

Bob frowned, then his eyes went wide as he pointed his finger towards the man accusingly, "YOU'RE WHERE ALL THE BILLS COME FROM!"

The mailman just chuckled, "Sign here, please."

"There better not be anymore bills in here!" The guide growled before harshly scribbling his signature on the paper, "Or I'm getting a dog!"

That just made the man chuckle again, "Have a good day, sir." Then he turned and walked off.

Bob glanced down to the first thing on top of the pile of envelopes, "...Bill. I'M GONNA GET A REALLY BIG DOG! A MANEATER! A CHIHUAHUA OR SOMETHING!"

Lucky squeaked from Bob's shoulder, "You realize a Chihuahua is the size of me, right?"

"Really? I thought they were the ones that fought bears?" Bob shrugged it off as he threw three more bills and a third jury duty on the floor before turning his attention to the yellow envelopes. There were four in all, each of them bearing the name of one of the members of the group. Attached to the first envelope was a handwritten note addressing Bob McCoy, thanking him for choosing to use End of the Line Auction Services to sell his group's coins. Working his way down the stack, Bob handed each of the packages off as he came to it, "...Inuyasha... Naraku... Miroku..." He stopped at the last envelope, "...That Guy."

As everyone tore open their packages and gathered their money within, each had their own comment.

Inuyasha frowned, "What the Hell are these? Spell wards?"

"DAMN YOU, HUMAN!" Sesshomaru snarled darkly, "Why did you trade good money for PAPER? What kind of fool are you?"

Naraku smiled, "Can we go to the food market now?"

The monk, though pleased with the money he did get, cursed at a familiar pile of tokens at the bottom of his envelope, "Blast, my wooden-nickels didn't sell! What am I going to do with these? I have two more bags of them at home!"

* * *

After two hours, Bob successfully lead the group to the store that was a grande total of one block from his house. The store was quite... decent in size as the name suggested.

Bob read the name out-loud from where they stood in the parking-lot as a group, "The GREAT, BIG, HUGE, MEGA-SUPER-COMBO, ENORMOUS, COLOSSAL, GIGANTIC, IMMENSE, MAMMOTH, TREMENDOUS, AMPLE, SIZABLE, LARGE ALL-IN-ONE MART."

Sesshomaru sneered, "That's a stupid name."

"I donno." Inuyasha smirked, "It's kinda catchy. Try saying it three times fast."

Bob shrugged, "Everyone calls it the GBHMSCECGIMTASL All-In-One Mart for short."

"That's short?"

"Get Blueberry Humps Medical Spray, Casey's Exotic Camel Gas, Iguana Monkey Tits, And Slug Laxatives."

"WHAT?"

"That's how I remember it."

Naraku frowned and looked down to the papers in his hand, "I don't have any of that on my list!" He looked around, "Who has a brush and some ink?"

Bob blinked, "...I have a pen."

"Why would I want a pen? I don't care if the animals get out!"

Smacking his own forehead, Bob groaned, "This is going to be a long day..."

Walking forward, the human guide, with Lucky perched on his shoulder, stepped through the automatic doors like any normal person would... but the remaining four were left in awe. Inuyasha said nothing though his ears were twitching like mad, Naraku was torn between fear for himself and fear of losing Lucky, Sesshomaru seemed uncertain yet plotting, and Miroku... well, let's just say he was a bit unnerved.

"DEMON BEGONE!" A sutra went flying and hit against the glass doors... making them slide open... and thus making the monk retreat to a safer distance.

Wide-eyed, Inuyasha pointed at it, "THE DOOR...!"

Naraku rose his hand and strained his fingers in a bizarre sense of wickedness, "...IT LIVES!"

"It's... moving." Was Sesshomaru's only comment as the doors slid closed, then he growled darkly, "...This place is cursed."

"It ATE Bob!" Inuyasha yelled, then growled in annoyance, "That prick! He took the easy way out! What are we going to do now?"

"WHY?" Naraku suddenly yelled in horror, "Lucky, why? Why did you have to leave me? Why you? Why not one of these other idiots?"

In a flash of movement barely seen, Sesshomaru's clawed hand gripped the front of Naraku's shirt and hurled the dark half-breed at the cursed doors with enough speed to make the Dark One nothing but a purple blur to onlookers. Luckily for Naraku, a woman happened to be stepping forward into the store seconds before the Dark One had become airborne, resulting in the doors being open to allow Naraku to pass through unharmed. That is, if you don't count the face-plant he did on the other side as he skidded across the floor into a stacked pile of canned spam with a CRASH!

The Lord jumped to his feet and padded himself down, though to some, it might have looked like he was feeling himself up, "I'M ALIVE!"

Bob, now sipping on a brand-new cup of coffee, quirked a brow at the Dark One, "Ya know, most people put out their hands to save themselves after a fall..." He took another sip, "...So, you know, you don't have to land on your face and such?"

Naraku's orbs flew to the human, "BOB? You're alive! Lucky! You're alive! I'm alive! We're all alive! ...I like being alive."

Bob looked down at himself with a frown, "Last time I checked."

Outside, the woman had been caught completely off guard by all this and stumbled backwards in surprise, losing her balance on her high-heels as she began to fall, only to become caught in the safe arms of a certain monk.

The woman blushed slightly, "Thank you."

"Never fret, my fair maiden, for I will always watch your back... your lovely, lovely backside... will you bare my...?"

SLAP!

Inside the store, Bob was carefully analyzing a store map he had bought, his coffee now chugged and in the trash since he had to use both hands to hold the map.

The store itself, as the name suggested, was rather big. Where the doors were there were rows of benches, a stretch of indoor garden-beds, trash cans, and one very tall, very big clock at the end of a long pole. The ceiling was quite high up because the first three floors were open to one another in the center where the rows of escalators went up, and it was painfully obviously this was the original portion of the store. The rest was simple addition after addition as the remaining five floors of stores were only reachable by elevators and were closed off as their own floors instead of being open. The building reached out in all directions from this spot at the store entrance, making it look like a maze, as both big and small stores competed for the customers business. The closest of all the business was a small coffee-shop/snack-bar place where Bob had decided made good coffee. However, it would be WAY to easy to get lost in a store this humongous, not just for kids but for adults too... which is why Bob spent that whole five bucks to get a map.

"Okay, we're here at the door." He said while gesturing to the bottom of the map, "And we want food and stuff so we need to go..." He unfolded it... and unfolded it... and unfolded it... and unfolded it... then he turned to Naraku, "Hold this." And he handed one side of the map off before unfolding it again, "Ah, here we are. Frannie's Foods is way up in the corner here and... the Kitchen Appliances are..." He unfolded the map again, frowned, swapped ends with Naraku, only to unfold the map once more, "Right here... on the opposite side of the store..." He scoffed, "Well, that's brilliant." He growled, "That's it, I'm spending that fifty bucks and getting a GPS thingy!" He then stomped off and when he came back he was carrying a small black box and muttering to himself about blood-sucking salesmen.

Naraku frowned, "GPS?" Then smiled wildly, "Go Please Sit... Great Panda Shit... Go Pound Sesshomaru... Glory Perhaps Sedated... Gloomy Peasant Soulstealer... Gorilla Pelt Scary..."

Bob frowned as he looked over at the Dark One, only for a lightbulb to go on, "God Plays Soccer."

Lucky added his own, "Grandpa's Perverted Sister."

The guide tapped on his chin in thought, "Galaxy Protection Service."

Lucky smiled, "Good Porn Selection."

"REALLY?" Bob smiled widely, then cut himself off, "Wait, let's stop this now before it gets disturbing..."

"Oh..." Lucky sighed, "Just one more?"

"Fine, what've ya got?"

Lucky smirked, "Grandma Pees Steadily."

Bob cringed, "ARG!"

Suddenly, Bob's hair flew forward in a rush and, when he turned, the others were all clustered behind him looking either scared, determined or pleased with themselves. With some, it was a bizarre mixture of all three.

"'Bout time." Bob glared at the three, "Don't make me buy a rope to string you morons together, we don't need to be drawing anymore attention to ourselves!" His eyes falling to the monk, he snapped his fingers and turned to Lucky on his shoulder, "Great Pervert Society!"

The rat nodded, "That's a good one."

Inuyasha scratched his head, "I think we missed something here." The others behind him nodded in their own confusement.

About to say something, Naraku took a confident step forward and stepped onto one of the many, many, MANY toppled cans... only for his foot to roll forward and result in him thumping down on his back HARD. The Dark Lord's only response to this was an agonizing groan as one can became lodged into his back.

Just then, a small boy that was following his mother out of the store, stopped dead with a beaming grin on his face minus a few teeth. Pointing at Sesshomaru, he yelled as loud as he could, "LOOK, MOMMY! CLOWN! CLOWN FUNNY!"

The mother glanced over to the group, then turned back to her kid with a soft voice reserved only for children, "Yes, he is dressed funny, isn't he?"

Sesshomaru, while stroking his fur, barely had the time to let out a low growl in annoyance... before a swarm of young children - sticky, loud, and screaming - descended upon the group like a sticky plague of unyielding doom. Sesshomaru was attacked first as the children started clawing at his robes, pulling on his obi, latching onto his armor and fur, and _drooling_... positively _drooling _on him.

As the tall-other's lip began to twitch into a snarl, Bob decided to stop anything before it begun, "Hey! Be nice! They're only kids, ya prick!" Then he seemed to think about it, "And no colourful language!"

"That is easy for you to say, human Bob!" Was Sesshomaru's abrupt retort as a small being latching around his leg and wouldn't let go. "I don't DO WELL with pups!"

Bob only quirked a brow with arms folded over his chest casually, "'Pups'?"

But Sesshomaru wasn't listening, he was removing a child who was swinging on his spiked armor that stuck out over his left arm. The brat had a pretty good grip on it too. "Get your paws off that! You'll infect it with some human disease!"

Bob's other brow rose, "Infect armor?"

"This fatter one stinks!"

Just a little further away, Naraku had not moved from his spot on the floor amongst the many cans. He didn't even seem to admit to the children's existence as they crawled and ran over top of him. Though he did groan every now and again when a small shoe stepped upon some unspeakably sensitive area. He remained completely still, but not because he had cleverly thought of a plan to become invisible, but simply because of the can that had made itself one with his spinal cord.

Miroku had a kid on his back, arms clutched around his throat so tight he could barely breath... but not by the monk's own choosing. Many others were pulling on his robes and asking him to do clown stuff, but his attention was rather diverted as he was currently fighting with a bunch of kids who were trying to steal his jingling staff.

"JINGLY STAFF!" The kids screeched as they pulled on the bent staff that was missing a few of its hoops - with thanks to Sesshomaru. "JINGLY STAFF! JINGLY STAFF! JINGLY STAFF!"

"NO!" Miroku pulled for ownership, "It's my Jingly Staff!"

Inuyasha was fairing quite well, pretty-much ignoring all the kids that were pulling on his clothes. He just plastered that famous "I'm pissed off with the world" look on his face and shoved his hands into his sleeves, doing his very best to ignore the fact that he was surrounded. He was trying even harder to ignore the fact that there was a particularly-annoying kid who INSISTED on using his hair as a swing in a tarzan-like style. Mind you, he did have a theory to his Ignore the Brat attitude... surprisingly. He had at first copied Bob who wasn't being bothered at all in hopes to end up with the same result, but that was hoping for too much with his red outfit and all. However, though the half-demon was surrounded, he did note that less were bugging him and Naraku - who weren't doing anything - than Sesshomaru and Miroku - who were making a fuss. Thus, his thesis appeared: Stay still, stay less-sticky and less... childreny.

Speaking of our nonchalant guide, Bob just surveyed everyone with an amused smirk on his face that broke into laughter more than once, Lucky still perched contently on his shoulder.

Back to Sesshomaru, he was having - shall we say - difficulty with those that insisted on making his existence a living hell. No matter now many he removed, made cry, and yelled at, they just wouldn't leave him alone!

A mother approached Sesshomaru, but she appeared to be talking to one of the things which clung to the Lord, "Dear, you stay here with the funny clown, I'll be back in two hours." Then she turned and swept away.

Holding one kid aloft by its petite leg - though the kid seemed to be enjoying itself - he gestured after the woman roughly, "Take care of your own off-spring, wench!" But to Sesshomaru's own displeasure, the woman didn't even glance back.

Suddenly, a screechy voice that hurt his ears erupted from his right leg, "CLOWN! CLOWN! CLOWN!"

Sesshomaru growled - though he was silently relieved that there was a human-shaped reason for this noise and it wasn't him losing his mind - and he turned a glare to the child latched onto his leg, "I'm am not a clown! I am Sesshomaru, Lord of the West!" His snarl darkened as the kid started laughing even harder.

"CLOWN! CLOWN! CLOWN!"

"Sesshomaru -!"

"CLOWN!"

"- Lord of the West!"

"CLOWN!"

"Sesshomaru -!"

"CLOWN!"

"- LORD OF THE WEST!"

"CLOWN!"

"SESSHO -!"

"CLOWN!"

"-MARO!" Suddenly, the Lord frowned, his face twisting with disgust, "Sesshoclownmaro?" His eyes darkened, "GET OFF MY LEG!"

"CLOWN!"

This chanting by this single child was like that butterfly-effect thing with a beat of wings from a single butterfly creating a hurricane on the other side of the globe because soon ALL the children were chanting the same word at the same time in one deafening roar.

"**CLOWN! CLOWN! CLOWN!**"

He pointed savagely at the monk who was having his own problems, "THAT is a clown! Go bug him!" However, in this gesture, his eyes accidently found the face of a small boy that was smiling sweetly up at him, just standing there... doing nothing... it made the Lord suspicious. Baring his teeth, he snarled, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

The child merely pointed, "PRETTY CLOWN!"

Sesshomaru seemed taken a back slightly as he twisted and turned this idea in his head, before he pointed at the child with a growl, "NOT A CLOWN!"

The child just clapped his hands together and began chanting, though his chanting was different than the rest, "PRETTY! PRETTY! PRETTY! PRETTY!"

The Western Lord knew not how to handle the annoying brat before him, though he did prefer its chanting over the 'clown' chant, but he still found the child's screechy voice gnawing at a headache. "FOR THE LOVE OF THE WESTERN LANDS, SHUT UP! AND GO BUG THE MONK!"

"CLOWN! CLOWN! CLOWN!"

From across the way, Miroku responded, though his voice sounded desperate, "I have enough, thank you!"

At his location, the monk was currently in a battle of wills to remain the proud owner of his twisted and bent staff. Though it had seen better days and was now sticky with small fingers that were probably much less than sanitary, it was still HIS STAFF.

"CLOWN! CLOWN! CLOWN!" The children screeched as they pulled on the staff.

But Miroku was doing screeching of his own as he pulled back, "MONK! MONK! MONK!"

Inuyasha was grounding his teeth while his fingers necrotically tapped his own arms within his sleeves and his eyes were clamped shut... all in an attempt to try to control his rising temper. It wasn't really that he didn't like kids, he just didn't want to deal with them NOW in this WAY. The kid on his hair kept falling off and bursting into tears before resuming swinging and the half-breed's only comment to the wails had been "Good." However, Inuyasha, pushed to the edge by his point, did the one thing he never should have done: he twitched his ears.

At first it went unnoticed, but a big pair of gleaming eyes foretold doom. Eyes nearly bulging from their sockets, the child pointed and screamed, "**DOGGIE EARS**!"

Inuyasha paled as his eyes shot wide in horror as the roar from the horde of children hushed, then they all turned... and LAUNCHED themselves at the poor hanyou. Inuyasha only had a split second to spare himself being swarmed over, and he used it wisely. Springing upwards as high as he could, Inuyasha took seat on top of the tall, nearby clock with the most annoyed of looks to his face as he ignored those who gawked at him.

Bob's eyes flew wide and he spit out his mouthful of coffee - which he had recently gotten, his second in less than ten minutes - onto Sesshomaru's turned back. "How the Hell he do that?"

The Western Lord whirled around, his eyes on the verge of going red again, "THAT'S NOT HELPING!"

Bob shrugged and took another sip, "My bad."

"WELL?"

"Well... nice weather, ain't it?" Bob finished his coffee, "Be back in a bit." Then he turned and left.

Sesshomaru snarled and, turning to those that were crowded around him and had latched themselves onto him, he pointed at Bob as he spoke. "SEE HERE! That useless one has things pathetic human offspring would like!" ...Surprise, surprise, this got no result.

Just then, one kid swiped Sesshomaru's fur from his shoulder and took off running with it wrapped around his neck. The Lord turned, "HEY, YOU–!" At this point, another kid swiped Tensaiga from its sheath and took off running in the exact opposite direction, making Sesshomaru turn again, "GET BACK!" A snarl on his lips, he turned one way to see his fur disappearing into the crowd and another way to see his sword doing the same across the room.

One poor kid jumped up and down excitedly in front of the Lord, having really done nothing wrong except join in with the chanting, "CLOWN! CLOWN! CLOWN!"

"SHUT UP!" Sesshomaru snarled... before wacking the boy over the head, sending him to the floor in wails, before turning to Bob's retreating back, "DO SOMETHING USELESS HUMAN!" Then he sprinted off after his fur... though the child kept dodging in and out of the mob, keeping easily out of the Lord's reach.

Bob turned to see a sword hovering towards him... then he looked down to realize there was a child attached to that sword, waving the weapon around above his head wildly. As the kid ran past Bob, the guide merely put out his hand and caught the sword as it went by, easily removing it from the now-crying child's possession. Looking at the sword, he smiled and he began tossing it from one hand to the other, trying to do tricks that he saw in the movies.

Lucky watched this from the guide's shoulder, only to frown, "Can I try?"

"Sorry, buddy, this takes skill and... and..." He glanced to the rat, "Long... arms!"

Bob tossed it high and went to catch it again, only to stumble over a kid and miss, sending the sword clanging to the floor before Bob was able to tenderly picked it up again... just in time to watch a small chip fall from the otherwise unmarked blade.

"Oh... shit."

Miroku struggled over towards Bob with kids crawling all over him to the point of where you weren't sure what was monk and what was a kid. He was bent over with the weight as the whole group continued to try to pull him down... all in an attempt to get to the monk's staff which he had raised way above his head and out of their reach... for now. One kid had a firm grasp around his neck, neatly cutting off Miroku's air.

"HELP ME!" He wailed in an overly-dramatic way, "I'M DYING! I... I..." His voice was being choked out as his face began to turn the colour of his robes, "I... I can't breathe...!" He collapsed to the floor and immediately was engulfed by the swarm of kids, his last request barely reaching Bob's ears, "KILL ME!"

Bob rolled his eyes and smacked his own forehead, "Oh, for the love of..."

"CLOWN!"

"SESS-!"

"CLOWN!"

"-HO-!"

"CLOWN!"

"-MARU!"

Not being able to take this ordeal much more, the human guide cupped his hands around his mouth and drew a deep breath, "FREE CHOCOLATE AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORE!"

And, in a wave like the children were one big organicism instead of many small ones, the horde went off running and screaming "CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!" at the top of their lungs.

As janitors seemed to appear out of this air to clean up the mess left behind, the others were trying to regain some sense of dignity. Naraku was prying himself up off the floor while holding onto his back painfully, using his arm to extend behind him and yank the can from his spine.

His glare darkened at the can of spam in his grasp, "DAMN THE SPAM!" Then he turned and threw in as hard as he could across the store... only to smash Inuyasha in the head as he was jumping down from the clock.

A startled yelp escaped Inuyasha's throat as he successfully twisted around, unbalanced, and did a face-plant with a SMACK... a child still attached to his hair.

Peeling himself up with a groan, now holding HIS sore back, Inuyasha growled at the Dark Lord and the monk, "WHOEVER THREW THAT IS GOING TO KNOW THE TASTE OF THEIR OWN FACE!"

Naraku paled and pointed at Miroku, "He did it! I saw him!"

The hanyou turned fully to the monk, only to come face to face with a grown man nearly in tears over his staff which, not only was far more sticky than before, but also had one less loop.

This was when Bob meandered over with yet another cup of coffee in one hand, having finished his second and now on his third, and waving around Tensaiga in the other, "Now, that was fun wasn't it?"

Lucky was still chuckling to himself on the guide's shoulder about Inuyasha's comment.

"FUN?" Miroku echoed, then - very uncharacteristically - he growled as he rung his staff in his hands, "Whoever wants children is an idiot!"

All members of their group turned to the monk, an astonish look upon all their faces.

Miroku caught every glance with a frown... only to then think back onto his comment and have his face fall, "Oh... right." Then he brightened again, pointing a finger in the air in a matter-of-fact kinda way, "But MY children will be properly behaved!"

Naraku, still dusting himself off, rose his brows to the monk, "Yes, I suppose that would be from the shock of being born with a hole in their hand?"

Bob frowned, "...A hole in their what?"

But, once again, Naraku wasn't listening, "...Hand... hand, help... help, hired-help... hired-help, servants... servants, dead servants... dead servants, resurrected servants... DAMMIT! How could the Band of Seven actually fail? They were so... neat to look at! Impressive, even!" He glared at Inuyasha, "But, no! Did you and your brother care about that? NOT THE SLIGHTEST! You killed them all!" Naraku paused, "Well, except when Guy with the Guns killed Guy that Looked Like a Girl and had a Crush on Inuyasha. That was an unexpected pain in the neck."

Said hanyou twitched an ear, "...I really wanted to be the one to kill that one."

"Then, after Leader found out about Guy with the Guns killing Guy that Looked Like a Girl and had a Crush on Inuyasha, Leader killed Guy with the Guns to avenge Guy that Looked Like a Girl and had a Crush on Inuyasha. Then Leader had to fight Inuyasha... and lost. HOW COULD HE LOSE?"

Inuyasha stopped and looked around, "Speaking about losing to me, where the Hell is Sesshomaru?"

Bob, obviously having his thoughts elsewhere this whole time, snapped his fingers and looked to Lucky, "Goldfish Planning Suicide!"

Lucky frowned, "How'd you come up with that one?"

Bob just smirked as he pointed to a little girl walking out of the store with a goldfish in a plastic bag, "Beat that!"

Lucky merely smiled confidently, his arms crossed over his chest, "Getting Probed Slowly."

Bob laughed for a moment, "Ha... Getting Probed Slowly... that's good."

The others all turned to their guide with uncertain expression, except for Naraku who had heard everything else and knew, somewhat, what was going on.

It was Inuyasha who spoke, "Uh... what are you doing?"

Bob smiled happily, "It's a game."

"A game...?" Inuyasha's face became slightly distorted, "GETTING PROBED SLOWLY IS A GAME?"

* * *

OKAY! THAT'S IT FOR NOW! Don't forget to** R&R**!

_**ATTENTION EVERYONE!**_** Do you like our GPS game so far? Have an idea of your own? Submit it in your review! If we like, we'll use it in up and coming chapters! Good luck and think hard before giving up! You can enter as many as you want!**


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